Day 1 (Tuesday)
There is not much that I can really remember of the first day. What I do remember is Tim saying that he was going home to get some sleep and that he would be back in the afternoon, but then he turns up after breakfast and a shower. Then next thing I remember is seeing Tim just cuddling JJ. I was naturally dozing throughout the whole morning and afternoon.
We did have a number of visitors that day and I was grateful for all the gifts we received, what I was really grateful for was my husband with me the whole day.
The catheter was removed that night and I was able to get up and move around, I know only 12 hours after surgery I was up and moving with a lot of pain but I did it.
That night JJ stayed with me and we had a few goes on the breast and a few nappy changes, but I don’t remember too much of that night.
Day 2 (Wednesday)
First shower on my own….boy there is nothing like having a shower to make you feel more normal. This was the first day where I distinctly remember falling in love with my new little man. It was after a feed and he was all dopey eyed looking at my face…it was the first time I clearly saw his beautiful blue eyes.
I could not believe that he was mine and that we had created him. It was also the day that the drain tube was removed, I hated carrying that thing around with me.
The breast feeding thing was not going too well, but slowly we were both learning how to deal with each other. Thank God for the night time midwifes at one stage A checked up on me (A was the lady who hosted the breastfeeding class and I felt that I already ‘knew’ her), and asked how I was going. I remember telling her that I was sick of breast feeding, as at that point JJ was on my left breast for almost an hour without settling. She convinced me to offer JJ my finger for him to suck on and pat his bum in the rhythm of a heart beat.
After half an hour, nothing too much had changed and she then convinced me to trust her with my baby and leave him with her whilst I slept. God bless A for this as I was able to sleep for 4 hours straight and my baby was very well looked after.
Day 3 (Thursday)
This was the first day I wore ‘normal’ clothes and received a room mate for the morning. In the afternoon I was moved to a private room with a double bed, the room was more like hotel room than a hospital room.
It was a day that I was a little worried about, the third day blues and my breast milk coming in…or as it was supposed to. But it was a walk in the park no baby blues and no milk. At this point I was a little worried and my JJ was very yellow…a slight case of jaundice.
It was a day full of stress though, a visit from my in laws saw me telling my MIL to back off and leave my milk supply (or lack there of) alone. JJ at this point had decided to crack it big time and I was struggling to attach him with my MIL and FIL (yes breast hanging out and my FIL is in the room with my boy screaming his head off) in the room.
A visit from the Pediatric Doctor to confirm that JJ did have a slight case of jaundice and that my milk supply may not be helping him. It was prescribed that I breast feed him 15 minutes on each breast then ‘top him up’ with 20ml’s of formula then I was to go onto the breast pump to express. I was to do this every three hours.
It was torture, it was horrendous and it was down right devastating doing this every three hours. I was not able to express more than a tea spoon from both breasts combined….yes that’s right a tea spoon.
That night JJ was again taken away from me to the nursery where in between a feed he was given an extra 30ml’s of formula because he was screaming.
Day 4 (Friday)
With more sleep I woke in the morning full of confidence that all my efforts would help me breast feed and bring on my milk supply. All the midwives were convinced that it would come in. I did get used to all the strange women poking my breasts to feel if they were harder…but no nothing different.
Feeding every three hours did take it’s toll on me and I was so grateful for Tim being there in the afternoon to help…the pump kept on getting worse and the ‘top up’s’ kept on getting larger in volume.
The jaundice test result showed that JJ was not getting better and this was the third day where his poor little heel was pricked for the blood test. A complication with my private health insurance determined that JJ was not covered and to have JJ put under the UV light he would need to be admitted into the hospital as a patient….and I would possibly out of pocket…the Pediatrician determined not to admit him due to the insurance complication.
I was a mess that day, blubbering on the phone to the insurance company begging them to try to fix the problem….in the end it was resolved but it was too late to have JJ put under the UV light.
This was the day I felt like a failure as a mother, my milk was not in and I really wanted to give up on the whole breast feeding thing. But the midwives convinced me to preserver….so I did and finally worked out a position where the attachment didn’t hurt.
Day 5 (Saturday)
A whole day with Tim there to support me with looking after JJ. Tim was worked Wednesday to Friday, so I only really had his help in the evenings, this was the situation as Tim had only just started working with the company.
Not much really happened this day that is of note…although I was stressing about the whole feeding situation and I hated waking JJ up every three hours to feed, it wore on both of us.
I can’t remember which day it was but I did feel and over whelming feeling of guilt. Yes guilt, I could not get over the fact that I was a little disappointed that JJ was a boy…I don’t think that I can bring myself to forgive that disappointment…here was this precious little boy that was so tiny and small and Tim and I had created…how could I have been anyway disappointed.
That night I was caught sobbing over my child whilst ‘topping him up’ the midwife A was on again and she caught me having a mushy moment…The over whelming love I felt for this child blew me away…it continues to do so…
Most afternoon’s you can catch me sitting next to him whilst he is sleeping and I will be sobbing….just because I love this child so much.
Day 6 (Sunday)
I was woken but a Midwife that took a while to get to know…she said something that got me thinking…she mentioned that my hormone levels would change in the next few days and that my milk would most likely come in then. First thing that I thought was “Since when does my body ever deal with hormones properly”.
A very long discussion started and I mentioned my medical history of PCOS and fertility treatment to conceive JJ. The room became very quiet and you heard they giant penny drop. Midwife (M) jumps up and screams hallelujah. …well not really but with PCOS there is a potential of difficulties with breast feeding and by this stage JJ was being topped up with 50ml’s of formula after being on the both breast for half an hour.
The relief was instantaneous…there was a medical reason why I could not sustain my son. I was not a ‘failure’ as a mother, I was encouraged to continue with breast feeding and topping him up, but I secretly stopped putting JJ on my breasts that day.
It was the first day where I enjoyed feeding my baby and it was also the first day that I had a ‘happy’ baby who slept properly and we loved being together. It was also my last full day in the hospital.
Day 7 (Monday)
Home day and relief day…I was looking forward to starting my life at home with my new little family. It took us longer to leave the hospital than we wanted to but in the end we arrived home.
All in all I suppose I’m painting my hospital stay as a bit grim but honestly it was not as bad as I’ve made out. The whole breast feeding thing now over shadows my stay and I do not feel at all disappointed with giving up the breast. It was not getting us anywhere, JJ and I were both unhappy with the situation. I also know that I gave it my best shot and till this day I have not been able to express more than a tea spoon, before or after a feed.
The midwives at this hospital are a very special bunch and I’m grateful for all the support and help that was provided, after being away and home now for 6 days, I should’ve taken advantage of their support more, but I hated not having JJ with me.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Photo's of JJ
He is 2 days old here and we are in the hospital...
First day at home and we are 7 days old...
This is the most recent photo, taken yesterday just after a feed....we heard a new sound and look at the surprise on JJ's face!!
First day at home and we are 7 days old...
This is the most recent photo, taken yesterday just after a feed....we heard a new sound and look at the surprise on JJ's face!!
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
The Birth Story
The Birth story
You’ll have to forgive me if it is all over the place as I’m going by memory here. After I posted on Monday I went back to my bedroom and Tim suggested that I call the hospital with my condition. The midwife suggested that I last out until my OB appointment and then let him make the decision on when to come in, it was too early in the ‘labour’ part to go into the hospital.
My appointment was schedule for 10:30am, I mentioned to the receptionist that I was in the midst of having contractions, but there were 2 women before me, so I had to sit in the waiting room, dealing with the pain. Then of course as usually happens Dr OB was called away to deliver a baby. When I did finally get to see the midwife I was told, not to go home but go straight to the hospital for an assessment from the OB.
We didn’t even have our bags with us, I was not prepared for going straight to the hospital, I had assumed that I would go home and deal with the pain until it really started getting regular…but oh no…that was not the case.
Assessment done, 1 cm dilated and he decided to break my waters ‘to get this labour going properly’. Throughout the rest of the time I was in there I was constantly told by this guy that “I was not in proper labour”. Waters broke…no pain but boy was it a weird feeling, like a gush of hot water that you have no control over.
I remember him commenting that he didn’t like the colour of the water…at this point I was staring into Tim’s eyes telling him not to look down there in Hungarian….over and over…don’t look….don’t look….don’t look. Bobim had done a poo in my uterus…so I was put on a monitor. Not the way I wanted to deal with labour pains as I wanted to be able to walk around.
Waters broke at 12pm…contractions started that morning at 2:49am. I was then informed by Dr OB that he would not be available to deliver this baby between 5pm and 11pm as he had a prior commitment but his partner was on call. I was also informed that he would be back at 4pm.
Tim and I settled into a dizziness of pain, panting and TV watching. I was also not allowed to eat anything. 4pm comes and no real change, contractions very irregular, but stronger. He takes one look at that monitor and says baby is doing fine and you still are not in labour. I will be back at 11pm.
Again the hours seem to blur into dealing with the pain and TV watching, at some point I convinced the midwife to allow me to stand instead of sit and move around a bit. At one point I was put to bed to try to relax and get some sleep, the contractions died away to 20 minutes apart. Standing was the best position but it was also very tiring.
11pm comes and by this time I’ve dealt with 3 different midwifes, they got nicer as the time went on. We get a phone call from Dr OB telling us that he would not be able to come in for some hours as he was called away to another hospital for an emergency caesarean. At this point I lost it…I started crying and telling the midwife how disappointed I was in him and felt like I was not that important. By this stage, even if he thought that I was not in proper labour I was dealing with pain constantly and I wanted this baby out.
Sleeping tablet and panadol were prescribed to me at this point…I was not given anything stronger as I’m allergic to codeine. I was never offered Gas, pathadine or an epidural I guess because everyone felt that I was still in the early first stage of labour. Tim was also sent home at this point to get some sleep.
Dr OB would be back at 5am. I was able to sleep in between the contractions but woke everytime I had one, at this stage I’m in bed and I didn’t care for breathing quietly, I moaned like I was a cow, I wanted the whole hospital to know that I was in real fucking pain, even though the ‘professionals’ didn’t think so.
2:40am I hear Dr OB voice out side the room, he sticks his head in and tells me that he has another delivery next door, but wanted to check on my progress. An internal was done and I was 3cm dilated, this gutted me. After 24 hours of dealing with this pain I was only 3cm gone….7cm left.
His plan was to then let me go until 7am when they would give me a drip to help progress the labour along. An IV needle was put into my wrist. I was in disbelief that he wanted me to just continue along for god knew how long.
Then he was called away as the lady next door was delivering her baby…I heard everything…her moans, screams and worse of all the baby’s first cries. I then sobbed and sobbed, here I was over 12 hours in that room working through the pain the best way I knew how, whilst strapped to a machine and this lady waltz’s in and has her baby before I do…to me life was not fair.
The midwife came in and took one look at me, comforted me and then went and spoke to Dr OB. Time was then 3:00am, when he came back in and spoke to me about surgery, I asked him if there was any chance of surgery and he said sure there was a chance but he would not be available until 1pm that afternoon.
In shock I sat there and half listened to his ramblings about scheduled surgeries…where I didn’t give a fuck about anyone else, I was struggling and I couldn’t make it through to the end, I was tired and frantic to have Bobim out. Then next thing I remember him saying was that he wouldn’t get any sleep as it was that night and that he could call everyone and get them in for the surgery now….I think that I started begging him….please now….right this minute.
I called Tim back into the hospital and within 45 minutes everyone was in the hospital and I was being wheeled into theater. Honestly I was never more happier to know that I was not going to suffer another 5 to 7 hours longer.
Hearing our son cry was just amazing, hearing him cough and spew was frightening. After the event it became apparent that I would’ve never been able to deliver my son naturally as he was stuck on my pelvic bone and they had to use forceps to remove him.
I look at him now and do not regret the decision I made to beg for surgery. The pain of recovery is nothing to the thought of having to deal with the pain of labour longer. I have surprised myself and Tim about how I’ve dealt with the pain of recovery.
You’ll have to forgive me if it is all over the place as I’m going by memory here. After I posted on Monday I went back to my bedroom and Tim suggested that I call the hospital with my condition. The midwife suggested that I last out until my OB appointment and then let him make the decision on when to come in, it was too early in the ‘labour’ part to go into the hospital.
My appointment was schedule for 10:30am, I mentioned to the receptionist that I was in the midst of having contractions, but there were 2 women before me, so I had to sit in the waiting room, dealing with the pain. Then of course as usually happens Dr OB was called away to deliver a baby. When I did finally get to see the midwife I was told, not to go home but go straight to the hospital for an assessment from the OB.
We didn’t even have our bags with us, I was not prepared for going straight to the hospital, I had assumed that I would go home and deal with the pain until it really started getting regular…but oh no…that was not the case.
Assessment done, 1 cm dilated and he decided to break my waters ‘to get this labour going properly’. Throughout the rest of the time I was in there I was constantly told by this guy that “I was not in proper labour”. Waters broke…no pain but boy was it a weird feeling, like a gush of hot water that you have no control over.
I remember him commenting that he didn’t like the colour of the water…at this point I was staring into Tim’s eyes telling him not to look down there in Hungarian….over and over…don’t look….don’t look….don’t look. Bobim had done a poo in my uterus…so I was put on a monitor. Not the way I wanted to deal with labour pains as I wanted to be able to walk around.
Waters broke at 12pm…contractions started that morning at 2:49am. I was then informed by Dr OB that he would not be available to deliver this baby between 5pm and 11pm as he had a prior commitment but his partner was on call. I was also informed that he would be back at 4pm.
Tim and I settled into a dizziness of pain, panting and TV watching. I was also not allowed to eat anything. 4pm comes and no real change, contractions very irregular, but stronger. He takes one look at that monitor and says baby is doing fine and you still are not in labour. I will be back at 11pm.
Again the hours seem to blur into dealing with the pain and TV watching, at some point I convinced the midwife to allow me to stand instead of sit and move around a bit. At one point I was put to bed to try to relax and get some sleep, the contractions died away to 20 minutes apart. Standing was the best position but it was also very tiring.
11pm comes and by this time I’ve dealt with 3 different midwifes, they got nicer as the time went on. We get a phone call from Dr OB telling us that he would not be able to come in for some hours as he was called away to another hospital for an emergency caesarean. At this point I lost it…I started crying and telling the midwife how disappointed I was in him and felt like I was not that important. By this stage, even if he thought that I was not in proper labour I was dealing with pain constantly and I wanted this baby out.
Sleeping tablet and panadol were prescribed to me at this point…I was not given anything stronger as I’m allergic to codeine. I was never offered Gas, pathadine or an epidural I guess because everyone felt that I was still in the early first stage of labour. Tim was also sent home at this point to get some sleep.
Dr OB would be back at 5am. I was able to sleep in between the contractions but woke everytime I had one, at this stage I’m in bed and I didn’t care for breathing quietly, I moaned like I was a cow, I wanted the whole hospital to know that I was in real fucking pain, even though the ‘professionals’ didn’t think so.
2:40am I hear Dr OB voice out side the room, he sticks his head in and tells me that he has another delivery next door, but wanted to check on my progress. An internal was done and I was 3cm dilated, this gutted me. After 24 hours of dealing with this pain I was only 3cm gone….7cm left.
His plan was to then let me go until 7am when they would give me a drip to help progress the labour along. An IV needle was put into my wrist. I was in disbelief that he wanted me to just continue along for god knew how long.
Then he was called away as the lady next door was delivering her baby…I heard everything…her moans, screams and worse of all the baby’s first cries. I then sobbed and sobbed, here I was over 12 hours in that room working through the pain the best way I knew how, whilst strapped to a machine and this lady waltz’s in and has her baby before I do…to me life was not fair.
The midwife came in and took one look at me, comforted me and then went and spoke to Dr OB. Time was then 3:00am, when he came back in and spoke to me about surgery, I asked him if there was any chance of surgery and he said sure there was a chance but he would not be available until 1pm that afternoon.
In shock I sat there and half listened to his ramblings about scheduled surgeries…where I didn’t give a fuck about anyone else, I was struggling and I couldn’t make it through to the end, I was tired and frantic to have Bobim out. Then next thing I remember him saying was that he wouldn’t get any sleep as it was that night and that he could call everyone and get them in for the surgery now….I think that I started begging him….please now….right this minute.
I called Tim back into the hospital and within 45 minutes everyone was in the hospital and I was being wheeled into theater. Honestly I was never more happier to know that I was not going to suffer another 5 to 7 hours longer.
Hearing our son cry was just amazing, hearing him cough and spew was frightening. After the event it became apparent that I would’ve never been able to deliver my son naturally as he was stuck on my pelvic bone and they had to use forceps to remove him.
I look at him now and do not regret the decision I made to beg for surgery. The pain of recovery is nothing to the thought of having to deal with the pain of labour longer. I have surprised myself and Tim about how I’ve dealt with the pain of recovery.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
It was the start
Monday morning a week ago was the start of a very long and tiring journey.
I'm happy to announce the birth of Jordan Jared Sebestyen, who was born on the 15th August at 4:50 am weighing in at 2.72kg (5.99 pounds) length of 51cm, delivery through an emergency c-section.
We are home now as you can guess...
How am I? Well I don't think that anything could have prepared me for the emotions of the last week. At times I feel as though I have things under control but mostly I'm over whelmed with the inadequateness of my skills as a Mother.
Tim and I are in awe of him, we can't believe that we made something so precious and whom we love so much....
Birth story to follow...
Here are some photo's:
****Updated*****
Sorry about no photo's but am having a lot of problems with uploading photo's to this blog...if any of you have any suggestions please let me know..
Oh and thank you for all your warm wishes...
I'm happy to announce the birth of Jordan Jared Sebestyen, who was born on the 15th August at 4:50 am weighing in at 2.72kg (5.99 pounds) length of 51cm, delivery through an emergency c-section.
We are home now as you can guess...
How am I? Well I don't think that anything could have prepared me for the emotions of the last week. At times I feel as though I have things under control but mostly I'm over whelmed with the inadequateness of my skills as a Mother.
Tim and I are in awe of him, we can't believe that we made something so precious and whom we love so much....
Birth story to follow...
Here are some photo's:
****Updated*****
Sorry about no photo's but am having a lot of problems with uploading photo's to this blog...if any of you have any suggestions please let me know..
Oh and thank you for all your warm wishes...
Monday, August 14, 2006
I wonder
Is this the actual time??? I’ve been up since about 2:49am with contractions, but they seem irregular…oh hang on here comes one now…...ok first one that I’ve timed lasted about 30 seconds…now I just have to figure out how to time the contractions and the duration between them.
I’ve come to the back of the house to try to give my husband a break and let him sleep. Why?? Well I’m not convinced that this is the real thing and Tim is staying home to take me to the OB appointment this morning, and if it isn’t the real deal he will be going off to work….so I don’t want him too tired.
I don’t think that this is the real deal as I’ve had no sign of any ‘show’ at all…well that is not…..(oh hang on another one….again 30 seconds, now timing in between them….I’m so glad that my mobile has a stop watch on it)..where was I? Oh yes I had a little blood yesterday when I went to the toilet….like a tiny membrane that was bright red colour…and now whilst wiping….red smudges, so I don’t know what to think.
As I’ve no hope of sleeping I decided to have a shower and wash my hair and then put a pad on and blog about what I’m going through…ok 4 minutes apart….I just checked my chart and was timing them incorrectly…I’ve got to start timing from the start of a contraction to the start of the next one…
My cats are wondering what I’m doing walking around this house at this hour, I think that they expect to get fed…Mitzu is right here rubbing in between my legs to get my attention….She has to realize that I’m kind of busy having contractions and trying to time them…
I’ve got to wonder….is today your Birthday Bobim?
I’ve come to the back of the house to try to give my husband a break and let him sleep. Why?? Well I’m not convinced that this is the real thing and Tim is staying home to take me to the OB appointment this morning, and if it isn’t the real deal he will be going off to work….so I don’t want him too tired.
I don’t think that this is the real deal as I’ve had no sign of any ‘show’ at all…well that is not…..(oh hang on another one….again 30 seconds, now timing in between them….I’m so glad that my mobile has a stop watch on it)..where was I? Oh yes I had a little blood yesterday when I went to the toilet….like a tiny membrane that was bright red colour…and now whilst wiping….red smudges, so I don’t know what to think.
As I’ve no hope of sleeping I decided to have a shower and wash my hair and then put a pad on and blog about what I’m going through…ok 4 minutes apart….I just checked my chart and was timing them incorrectly…I’ve got to start timing from the start of a contraction to the start of the next one…
My cats are wondering what I’m doing walking around this house at this hour, I think that they expect to get fed…Mitzu is right here rubbing in between my legs to get my attention….She has to realize that I’m kind of busy having contractions and trying to time them…
I’ve got to wonder….is today your Birthday Bobim?
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Confession time again
For some reason I find the need to confess some things that I would normally keep to myself. But not only do I feel compelled to confess to my husband but I also feel the need to confess here.
Number 1)
The sharps bin is still here and I have every intention of getting rid of it on Tuesday.
Number 2)
I’m loving day time TV, I have my TV watching all scheduled from about 11am in the morning till Tim comes home from work.
Number 3)
Most recently I have spent the majority of the day in my PJ’s and I’m loving it. I’m sitting here now in them and if I could I would stay like this all day. Nothing too bad about this confession so far, but what I’m neglecting to mention is that when I know Tim is coming home from work that is the time that I get changed. Part of me feels ashamed that I’m still in my PJ’s.
Number 4)
I’m a bit scared about driving around now, the other day I went for a little shopping trip and I think that I ran a red light. I scared myself so much that I had to pull over for a few minutes to calm myself down. How did it happen? Well I was day dreaming about nothing that I can remember, and I feel so lucky that I wasn’t involved in a car accident. I’m now waiting for the fine to come through. I confessed this to Tim who is now very worried about me driving anywhere.
Number 5)
I’ve started screening the phone calls at home, letting them go to the answering machine when I’m more than capable to answer the phone. I’m avoiding my in-laws and my sister. I have the same conversation with my sister everytime she calls and the pressure of these few simple words are just too much to handle “I was wondering if I could POP in”. FUCK….how I hate those words.
I can’t think of anymore….and reading back over them I feel a bit silly that they are playing on my mind but I do feel better now that they are out of my system.
Number 1)
The sharps bin is still here and I have every intention of getting rid of it on Tuesday.
Number 2)
I’m loving day time TV, I have my TV watching all scheduled from about 11am in the morning till Tim comes home from work.
Number 3)
Most recently I have spent the majority of the day in my PJ’s and I’m loving it. I’m sitting here now in them and if I could I would stay like this all day. Nothing too bad about this confession so far, but what I’m neglecting to mention is that when I know Tim is coming home from work that is the time that I get changed. Part of me feels ashamed that I’m still in my PJ’s.
Number 4)
I’m a bit scared about driving around now, the other day I went for a little shopping trip and I think that I ran a red light. I scared myself so much that I had to pull over for a few minutes to calm myself down. How did it happen? Well I was day dreaming about nothing that I can remember, and I feel so lucky that I wasn’t involved in a car accident. I’m now waiting for the fine to come through. I confessed this to Tim who is now very worried about me driving anywhere.
Number 5)
I’ve started screening the phone calls at home, letting them go to the answering machine when I’m more than capable to answer the phone. I’m avoiding my in-laws and my sister. I have the same conversation with my sister everytime she calls and the pressure of these few simple words are just too much to handle “I was wondering if I could POP in”. FUCK….how I hate those words.
I can’t think of anymore….and reading back over them I feel a bit silly that they are playing on my mind but I do feel better now that they are out of my system.
38 weeks
WOW I can’t believe that I’ve made it this far, I’m getting really excited now. The OB appointments are now weekly and this week the OB was a little worried about my blood pressure, being higher than it has been throughout the pregnancy.
Normally my blood pressure has been 140/75 but on Monday it was 150/100. It took him 5 goes to get the reading he wanted, but he didn’t seem too concerned as my urine sample was fine and I have NO fluid retention. Plus I see him again this coming Monday.
I’m now putting weight that I’ve lost back on at an alarming rate. In the last week alone I put on 2 kg. Altogether I had lost 12kg throughout this pregnancy and if I continue to put some of it back on then by the birth (that is, if I make it to 40 weeks) I will have only lost 5kg.
Tim seems to think that the weight I’m putting on now is baby and amniotic fluid and not my weight. But all I know is that at time when getting out of bed it feels as though my uterus is going to rip open…that is how heavy I feel.
Sleeping continues to be an issue in this house for all three of us. We all go to bed wondering what the night will entail, some nights I sleep ok, still waking every hour to two hours for a toilet break but I’m able to fall asleep straight away. Other nights Tim sleeps in the spare room as I’m snoring too much. Then there are nights like last night where I’m up walking around with Braxton hick contractions for 2 and a half hours.
I’ve even started needing to have a midnight snack, my tummy starts rumbling so loud that Tim wakes up and gets me something to eat. Perhaps this is why I’m putting weight back on.
I’m very proud of what my mother and I have achieved here in the last few weeks. The house is almost all organised, I find something new to do all the time. We’ve frozen the following meals, each container holds two servings:
- Spaghetti Bolognese x 2
- Hungarian Chicken stew x 3
- Hungarian tomato meat balls x 1
- Beef stroganoff Hungarian style x 2
- Hungarian Goulash x 3
- Chicken soup x 3
Next week we plan of cooking and freezing vegetable soup and I may make some more tomato meat balls. There are some new recipes that I’ve learnt to make from Anyu being here, but mostly we take advantage of cooking up big portions so that there is enough to freeze and eat that day and the next.
I’m sure that once Bobim is here I will be even more grateful that we took the time to prepare all this food.
Normally my blood pressure has been 140/75 but on Monday it was 150/100. It took him 5 goes to get the reading he wanted, but he didn’t seem too concerned as my urine sample was fine and I have NO fluid retention. Plus I see him again this coming Monday.
I’m now putting weight that I’ve lost back on at an alarming rate. In the last week alone I put on 2 kg. Altogether I had lost 12kg throughout this pregnancy and if I continue to put some of it back on then by the birth (that is, if I make it to 40 weeks) I will have only lost 5kg.
Tim seems to think that the weight I’m putting on now is baby and amniotic fluid and not my weight. But all I know is that at time when getting out of bed it feels as though my uterus is going to rip open…that is how heavy I feel.
Sleeping continues to be an issue in this house for all three of us. We all go to bed wondering what the night will entail, some nights I sleep ok, still waking every hour to two hours for a toilet break but I’m able to fall asleep straight away. Other nights Tim sleeps in the spare room as I’m snoring too much. Then there are nights like last night where I’m up walking around with Braxton hick contractions for 2 and a half hours.
I’ve even started needing to have a midnight snack, my tummy starts rumbling so loud that Tim wakes up and gets me something to eat. Perhaps this is why I’m putting weight back on.
I’m very proud of what my mother and I have achieved here in the last few weeks. The house is almost all organised, I find something new to do all the time. We’ve frozen the following meals, each container holds two servings:
- Spaghetti Bolognese x 2
- Hungarian Chicken stew x 3
- Hungarian tomato meat balls x 1
- Beef stroganoff Hungarian style x 2
- Hungarian Goulash x 3
- Chicken soup x 3
Next week we plan of cooking and freezing vegetable soup and I may make some more tomato meat balls. There are some new recipes that I’ve learnt to make from Anyu being here, but mostly we take advantage of cooking up big portions so that there is enough to freeze and eat that day and the next.
I’m sure that once Bobim is here I will be even more grateful that we took the time to prepare all this food.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Confessions from an Infertile
I’ve been putting this off, I didn’t want to do it, but now I think that it is time to face facts and not put it off any longer. I have to do it, there is no reason to keep it around any longer. It is just taking up space and gathering dust.
What is it…you may ask….it is the sharps bin. The bin that I once used to regularly discard empty vials of drugs, syringes and needles to help conceive this child that I’m carrying.
For a long time the bin was kept in the exact same place on the counter in our ensuite bathroom. I moved it to the cupboard when I was about 14 weeks pregnant, perhaps I should’ve taken care of the bin then, but for some reason I kept onto it.
When I cleaned that part of the house, I calmly took the bin and box out, threw away the empty wrappers away and then neatly packed the needles, labels, alcohol wipes and mixing syringe back into the box and put it all away along with the bin. I even wiped the bin down of dust, instead of closing it off and taking it to the pharmacy to be disposed off properly.
I don’t know why I’m hanging onto this bin, it is not like I can use it again when and if we start trying for another child. It is full, there is a red line that you should not go above.
“It’s time to go sharps bin”, but why is it so hard to let go of something that I should be happy about?
What is it…you may ask….it is the sharps bin. The bin that I once used to regularly discard empty vials of drugs, syringes and needles to help conceive this child that I’m carrying.
For a long time the bin was kept in the exact same place on the counter in our ensuite bathroom. I moved it to the cupboard when I was about 14 weeks pregnant, perhaps I should’ve taken care of the bin then, but for some reason I kept onto it.
When I cleaned that part of the house, I calmly took the bin and box out, threw away the empty wrappers away and then neatly packed the needles, labels, alcohol wipes and mixing syringe back into the box and put it all away along with the bin. I even wiped the bin down of dust, instead of closing it off and taking it to the pharmacy to be disposed off properly.
I don’t know why I’m hanging onto this bin, it is not like I can use it again when and if we start trying for another child. It is full, there is a red line that you should not go above.
“It’s time to go sharps bin”, but why is it so hard to let go of something that I should be happy about?
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
So far this week
This will be the first week since leaving work that I have done exactly what I wanted to do….which is absolutely nothing….sleep in, read in bed, stay in my PJ’s all day, watch day time TV, watch DVD’s, surf the net…shop on line.
But the main thing that I’m so happy to be doing is playing house wife. I may not clean all day actually the house could do with a bit of a clean, but the laundry is done and ironed and put away and I cook dinner every night. This is what I wanted to be doing…getting back to basics.
I haven’t left the house since Sunday…unless to take the garbage out…and I don’t plan on leaving the house to go anywhere until tomorrow and even then I may change my mind.
I love my parents dearly and my mother had helped me so much since they have been back that I do feel a little guilty about the recent post. I don’t feel guilty for having this week to myself. Friday will mark 5 weeks that I’ve been off work and not everday was taken up by activities but it sure felt like I was in a rush to get everything done.
Emails from work have people asking me if I’m bored yet…tired of this pregnancy…you know the sorts of questions. How can I be bored yet when I haven’t had the time to be bored?
As for being tired of this pregnancy…what I am struggling with is the pain….pain when sleeping on either side for too long, the pain of trying to get up. The pain when my bladder is a little full and now the pain in my lower back. Staying active helps, getting up and moving around relieves the pain, at night instead of the 5 steps to the ensuite I now walk down to the other end of the house to go to the toilet to at least get some movement.
But things could be worse, on Monday I had another OB appointment where I saw a lady from the prenatal classes and she can not wear any shoes, her feet, hands and face are swollen and she is only a few days ahead of me. I met another lady at the Breastfeeding class I had on Friday and she has constant back pain and can only sleep sitting up.
So I guess that I’m quite lucky that all I have to deal with is a bit of pain when trying to sleep.
But the main thing that I’m so happy to be doing is playing house wife. I may not clean all day actually the house could do with a bit of a clean, but the laundry is done and ironed and put away and I cook dinner every night. This is what I wanted to be doing…getting back to basics.
I haven’t left the house since Sunday…unless to take the garbage out…and I don’t plan on leaving the house to go anywhere until tomorrow and even then I may change my mind.
I love my parents dearly and my mother had helped me so much since they have been back that I do feel a little guilty about the recent post. I don’t feel guilty for having this week to myself. Friday will mark 5 weeks that I’ve been off work and not everday was taken up by activities but it sure felt like I was in a rush to get everything done.
Emails from work have people asking me if I’m bored yet…tired of this pregnancy…you know the sorts of questions. How can I be bored yet when I haven’t had the time to be bored?
As for being tired of this pregnancy…what I am struggling with is the pain….pain when sleeping on either side for too long, the pain of trying to get up. The pain when my bladder is a little full and now the pain in my lower back. Staying active helps, getting up and moving around relieves the pain, at night instead of the 5 steps to the ensuite I now walk down to the other end of the house to go to the toilet to at least get some movement.
But things could be worse, on Monday I had another OB appointment where I saw a lady from the prenatal classes and she can not wear any shoes, her feet, hands and face are swollen and she is only a few days ahead of me. I met another lady at the Breastfeeding class I had on Friday and she has constant back pain and can only sleep sitting up.
So I guess that I’m quite lucky that all I have to deal with is a bit of pain when trying to sleep.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Dear Bobim
Today marks the first day of the month of August 2006, it also marks the month that we will hopefully finally meet you and our lives will no longer be the same.
I’m getting really excited to meet you, my dreams of you are getting more vivid and I think about you all the time. I’ve also taken to announcing your movements out aloud at night as Daddy wants to know.
You are still very active and not an hour goes by with out me feeling some type of movement. You have also moved into the middle of my tummy and my baby belly is lower than it was last week.
Ellie was feeling my tummy the other day and she commented on how my tummy feels like I’ve been working out as it is so tight. We all can now definitely feel where you bum and legs are.
Mamma loves to rub my tummy and she also has started kissing her hand before she rubs, to try to convey how much she already loves you through the skin.
I have now packed our bags and your bed is ready. Your cars seats are being installed on Saturday…yes you have two car seats one for my car and the other for Daddies car. You now have two prams, one for walking with Ruppy around at home and the other for when we go shopping.
You also have a portable bed that Mamma wants to have permanently fixed at her house…but we will see. There are still a few little things that we want to buy for you but they can wait, but knowing me I’m sure that they will be bought before you are born, that is if we have time.
I was blown away by all the little presents that you received for our relatives in Hungary. They are also getting excited about hearing our news.
I must admit that part of me is a little scared about your birth; Daddy is aware of how scared I am and constantly says that I will be ok. But having had someone say this to you and then believing it, is a different thing altogether.
Even though I may write about how scared I am about your birth the excitement of meeting you being able to give you a kiss a cuddle and generally learning all your features over rides any real fear that I have.
Daddy and I have discussed the names that we may give you and we have finally decided to wait to see what you look like before announcing your name to the world.
Looking forward to meeting you this month.
Lots of love your very pregnant Mummy!!
I’m getting really excited to meet you, my dreams of you are getting more vivid and I think about you all the time. I’ve also taken to announcing your movements out aloud at night as Daddy wants to know.
You are still very active and not an hour goes by with out me feeling some type of movement. You have also moved into the middle of my tummy and my baby belly is lower than it was last week.
Ellie was feeling my tummy the other day and she commented on how my tummy feels like I’ve been working out as it is so tight. We all can now definitely feel where you bum and legs are.
Mamma loves to rub my tummy and she also has started kissing her hand before she rubs, to try to convey how much she already loves you through the skin.
I have now packed our bags and your bed is ready. Your cars seats are being installed on Saturday…yes you have two car seats one for my car and the other for Daddies car. You now have two prams, one for walking with Ruppy around at home and the other for when we go shopping.
You also have a portable bed that Mamma wants to have permanently fixed at her house…but we will see. There are still a few little things that we want to buy for you but they can wait, but knowing me I’m sure that they will be bought before you are born, that is if we have time.
I was blown away by all the little presents that you received for our relatives in Hungary. They are also getting excited about hearing our news.
I must admit that part of me is a little scared about your birth; Daddy is aware of how scared I am and constantly says that I will be ok. But having had someone say this to you and then believing it, is a different thing altogether.
Even though I may write about how scared I am about your birth the excitement of meeting you being able to give you a kiss a cuddle and generally learning all your features over rides any real fear that I have.
Daddy and I have discussed the names that we may give you and we have finally decided to wait to see what you look like before announcing your name to the world.
Looking forward to meeting you this month.
Lots of love your very pregnant Mummy!!
Monday, July 31, 2006
It was the start or so I thought...
Last night was the start of the end of this pregnancy…or so I thought. At about 12:30 I started getting period like pains that extended towards my lower back. Up I got walked around a bit and went to the toilet. Bladder relieved I thought nothing more of it until about 5-7 minutes I got a shock of the same pain.
I was able to work through the pain for about half an hour in bed before need to get up and walk around and breathing. I almost wrote this post last night, I was certain that it was labour and not Braxton hicks and I was getting excited that it may have meant Bobims Birth-day.
After about another half an hour I went back to bed and tossed and turned every time the pain struck or got up and walked around. At one stage here I am at the end of the bed moving my hips side to side and Tim gets up for a visit to the toilet. I turn to him in relief that the pain had subsided:
“Mimi, I love you”
grunt…
“I think that it is time”
“For what?”
“I’m having regular pains”
“You can’t be it is too early”
Right at that moment I felt very cheated, almost as though I was making this pain up! Perhaps I wanted him to just touch me and reassure me that he was in it with me but I did feel very alone.
In the end I fell asleep at 4am and the pains / cramps disappeared and it was a false alarm. But one that I’m grateful to have felt as now I know what I maybe in for. I just hope when the time is really here my husband won’t react the way he did last night.
I was able to work through the pain for about half an hour in bed before need to get up and walk around and breathing. I almost wrote this post last night, I was certain that it was labour and not Braxton hicks and I was getting excited that it may have meant Bobims Birth-day.
After about another half an hour I went back to bed and tossed and turned every time the pain struck or got up and walked around. At one stage here I am at the end of the bed moving my hips side to side and Tim gets up for a visit to the toilet. I turn to him in relief that the pain had subsided:
“Mimi, I love you”
grunt…
“I think that it is time”
“For what?”
“I’m having regular pains”
“You can’t be it is too early”
Right at that moment I felt very cheated, almost as though I was making this pain up! Perhaps I wanted him to just touch me and reassure me that he was in it with me but I did feel very alone.
In the end I fell asleep at 4am and the pains / cramps disappeared and it was a false alarm. But one that I’m grateful to have felt as now I know what I maybe in for. I just hope when the time is really here my husband won’t react the way he did last night.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Family and caves
So much has happened since I last wrote and not all of it is good. I received a few emails stating: “I hope that you are relaxing and not stressing and enjoying your time at home”.
HUH….now that is funny, I don’t think my family understands the meaning of the words relaxation and stress-free!! Here is a snapshot of my life with my family:
*) Dad in hospital with a suspect Angina attack…yet again
*) Dad out of hospital with a bad virus
*) Mum not being able to cope with Dad’s aggressiveness and who does she turn to??
*) Sister calling nearly every day wanting to ‘Pop’ in for a visit…read pop in for a snoop and gossip about parents
*) Sister and Ellie visit where sister demands I choose between her and my parents when inviting people for the christening of my child (who may I remind you is YET TO BE BORN)
*) BIL cracking it that I’ve asked Ellie to be the God Mother
*) Sister lies and says that I’ve thrown out all the ‘gifts’ (read bribes) from the babies room.
I could go on but I won’t has this it is not helping, I’m just getting more upset thinking about all the things that have been said and done during the last week and a bit.
I’ve not needed my cave of silence, blackness for a long time. I’ve been happy to be apart of the world, living life and dare I say looking forward to the future. But I feel the call of my cave more than ever. Locking myself away from the world or family and not having to deal with other peoples shit.
Perhaps I’ve had too high expectations on what this child would mean to my family….Happiness, joy and love... Was I wrong to expect this?
After so many years of trying, failing, miscarrying, crying, drugs, procedures, doctors and money, I only have 26 days left till this baby pops out and I would’ve thought that my family would be a little happy. But instead it is almost a daily event where me and mine are put on the back burner and I’m being forced to deal with other peoples shit. Whether it be jealousy, anger, disappointments or extreme expectations.
When is it my time to relax, enjoy the last few days of this pregnancy, and prepare for our life change and generally getting over the fear of the impending birth?
I deliberately left work early to enjoy this time at home and maybe it is my own expectations that were far out of reach. I had so much planned, wanted to do so much to prepare but I feel that my family thinks that they are entitled to my time now that there is more of it!
It has not been all that bad and I have achieved a few things off my list…right now though I feel very used and abused by my family. Even a bit hurt that my needs have been pushed aside for their crap, almost like their feelings are more important than mine.
HUH….now that is funny, I don’t think my family understands the meaning of the words relaxation and stress-free!! Here is a snapshot of my life with my family:
*) Dad in hospital with a suspect Angina attack…yet again
*) Dad out of hospital with a bad virus
*) Mum not being able to cope with Dad’s aggressiveness and who does she turn to??
*) Sister calling nearly every day wanting to ‘Pop’ in for a visit…read pop in for a snoop and gossip about parents
*) Sister and Ellie visit where sister demands I choose between her and my parents when inviting people for the christening of my child (who may I remind you is YET TO BE BORN)
*) BIL cracking it that I’ve asked Ellie to be the God Mother
*) Sister lies and says that I’ve thrown out all the ‘gifts’ (read bribes) from the babies room.
I could go on but I won’t has this it is not helping, I’m just getting more upset thinking about all the things that have been said and done during the last week and a bit.
I’ve not needed my cave of silence, blackness for a long time. I’ve been happy to be apart of the world, living life and dare I say looking forward to the future. But I feel the call of my cave more than ever. Locking myself away from the world or family and not having to deal with other peoples shit.
Perhaps I’ve had too high expectations on what this child would mean to my family….Happiness, joy and love... Was I wrong to expect this?
After so many years of trying, failing, miscarrying, crying, drugs, procedures, doctors and money, I only have 26 days left till this baby pops out and I would’ve thought that my family would be a little happy. But instead it is almost a daily event where me and mine are put on the back burner and I’m being forced to deal with other peoples shit. Whether it be jealousy, anger, disappointments or extreme expectations.
When is it my time to relax, enjoy the last few days of this pregnancy, and prepare for our life change and generally getting over the fear of the impending birth?
I deliberately left work early to enjoy this time at home and maybe it is my own expectations that were far out of reach. I had so much planned, wanted to do so much to prepare but I feel that my family thinks that they are entitled to my time now that there is more of it!
It has not been all that bad and I have achieved a few things off my list…right now though I feel very used and abused by my family. Even a bit hurt that my needs have been pushed aside for their crap, almost like their feelings are more important than mine.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Our bags
I had an OB appointment yesterday and all again is normal. I’m beginning to hate that word…NORMAL…it is a label that just doesn’t really sit well with me. My child should not be normal…he should be considered exceptional, above average, special even. But normal sounds to ordinary and part of me feels so guilty that I’m complaining about my child…this pregnancy being labeled as ‘normal’.
It is likely that Bobim will weight about 3-3.5 kg at birth, which the midwife announced is a ‘decent sized’ baby. Yet the baby books I read say that at 40 weeks Bobim should weigh that much.
I was advised to pack my bags, or at least start packing them. During the classes that we attended way back when…which atm feels like a long time ago. It was suggested that we should have our bags packed by 34 weeks. Tomorrow I will be 35 weeks and all I’ve done is pulled the bag out of the closet.
I’m reluctant to pack this bag….because….becasue it must mean that not only am I really going to have this baby…but ….but I will be bringing him home and….and …..and it means the ultimate long live dream is finally coming true……a baby….in this house….soon…..shit….and …and I’m going to be his Mummy.
I’ve put aside today to finally start packing and start a list of things that I still need to buy….but it is 1pm and I still haven’t started. I have the list from the hospital and a list that I’ve printed off EB. Am I tempting fate? Am I really this blessed? We want Bobim to bake for at least another six weeks should I really be packing now?
OK so I’ve packed his bag and I called my Mum in tears as I felt like such a fraud….is it normal to feel like this or is this a hang up from being infertile??
It is likely that Bobim will weight about 3-3.5 kg at birth, which the midwife announced is a ‘decent sized’ baby. Yet the baby books I read say that at 40 weeks Bobim should weigh that much.
I was advised to pack my bags, or at least start packing them. During the classes that we attended way back when…which atm feels like a long time ago. It was suggested that we should have our bags packed by 34 weeks. Tomorrow I will be 35 weeks and all I’ve done is pulled the bag out of the closet.
I’m reluctant to pack this bag….because….becasue it must mean that not only am I really going to have this baby…but ….but I will be bringing him home and….and …..and it means the ultimate long live dream is finally coming true……a baby….in this house….soon…..shit….and …and I’m going to be his Mummy.
I’ve put aside today to finally start packing and start a list of things that I still need to buy….but it is 1pm and I still haven’t started. I have the list from the hospital and a list that I’ve printed off EB. Am I tempting fate? Am I really this blessed? We want Bobim to bake for at least another six weeks should I really be packing now?
OK so I’ve packed his bag and I called my Mum in tears as I felt like such a fraud….is it normal to feel like this or is this a hang up from being infertile??
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Bobim's Room
Here is what the room looked like before we started:
Walking past the room this morning on the way to the study to check up on Manuela’s impending beta results, I couldn’t believe how much we have done and completed. Here is what the room looks like now:
I often sneak in there during the day and just sit on the toy chest and look around in wonder. I feel I need to sneak in as part of me still feels that I have no right to have the furniture, toys, and baby clothes.
We decided that the walls would be a pale light green in colour and the door, window frames and the wardrobe would be a shade darker. The furniture colours are not all the same but we didn’t care. Some of the pieces we’ve had for over 10 years and some new.
The last thing that needs to be done is the curtains and it is doing my head in, the prices for professionally made and hung curtains are unbelievable. I’ve been quoted anywhere from a $600 to $1000. Yes just for curtains in a babies room. My mother has come to the rescue and has offered to make them for us.
My favourite part of the room is the book shelf, mainly because most of the items you see there were either mine or Tim’s when we were little. The ‘new’ things like the Potatoes heads were Tim’s doing. My husband went a little crazy a bought all these cute little toys…that our child will not be able to play with for a long time but Tim insisted that we have them.
I know when Tim goes into the room as you will hear a faint…tootoo sound coming from ‘Thomas’. We found a wooden train set in IKEA that was similar to the one Tim had when growing up and we could not leave the store without that in our hot little hands. The next day we went to at least 4 different toy stores looking for a small Thomas. My Mimi just loves trains and hopes that our child will love them too.
The light went up yesterday, when we saw it in the store we both squealed like children. Well ok I squealed he laughed, throughout this pregnancy I’ve loved anything and everything to do with BUGS, and to find a Bug riding an aeroplane was perfect for us.
So what do you think?
Walking past the room this morning on the way to the study to check up on Manuela’s impending beta results, I couldn’t believe how much we have done and completed. Here is what the room looks like now:
I often sneak in there during the day and just sit on the toy chest and look around in wonder. I feel I need to sneak in as part of me still feels that I have no right to have the furniture, toys, and baby clothes.
We decided that the walls would be a pale light green in colour and the door, window frames and the wardrobe would be a shade darker. The furniture colours are not all the same but we didn’t care. Some of the pieces we’ve had for over 10 years and some new.
The last thing that needs to be done is the curtains and it is doing my head in, the prices for professionally made and hung curtains are unbelievable. I’ve been quoted anywhere from a $600 to $1000. Yes just for curtains in a babies room. My mother has come to the rescue and has offered to make them for us.
My favourite part of the room is the book shelf, mainly because most of the items you see there were either mine or Tim’s when we were little. The ‘new’ things like the Potatoes heads were Tim’s doing. My husband went a little crazy a bought all these cute little toys…that our child will not be able to play with for a long time but Tim insisted that we have them.
I know when Tim goes into the room as you will hear a faint…tootoo sound coming from ‘Thomas’. We found a wooden train set in IKEA that was similar to the one Tim had when growing up and we could not leave the store without that in our hot little hands. The next day we went to at least 4 different toy stores looking for a small Thomas. My Mimi just loves trains and hopes that our child will love them too.
The light went up yesterday, when we saw it in the store we both squealed like children. Well ok I squealed he laughed, throughout this pregnancy I’ve loved anything and everything to do with BUGS, and to find a Bug riding an aeroplane was perfect for us.
So what do you think?
Nesting Mari style??
I don’t know if what I’m doing can be considered as ‘Nesting’ but there is an overwhelming compulsion to do the things that I’ve been up to.
Cooking
I’ve always loved to cook but felt that it was a chore. That doesn’t sound right, loving to do something but it is a chore….but you get my drift…hopefully! During the working week I was too tired and just plain lazy to cook proper meals. Or what I’ve been brought up to consider a ‘proper’ meal.
On the weekends I was lucky if I cleaned the house let alone cook for the week ahead. But now with all the time in the world, I’ve started cooking the meals that I grew up eating. I must admit that I am amazed that my mother was able to work a full time job and yet was able to cook the meals we had when we were growing up.
I wonder if this will continue once Bobim is here…most likely not but am hoping that by some slim chance that they may.
Cleaning
This is the part of my life that I feel an overwhelming feeling of compulsion to do and I was putting all this off until I was at home. My desire right now is to go through each room of my house and clean everything. From floors, walls, windows, furniture to cleaning out draws, cupboards and shelves.
Today I’ve planned to start with my bedroom and ensuite. My approach will be to tackle on room at a time, so I don’t over do it. The Salvos are going to receive a big bag of clothes that we don’t use anymore, I have to make sure that I deliver these clothes today otherwise my mother will screech and try to inherit them.
Cooking
I’ve always loved to cook but felt that it was a chore. That doesn’t sound right, loving to do something but it is a chore….but you get my drift…hopefully! During the working week I was too tired and just plain lazy to cook proper meals. Or what I’ve been brought up to consider a ‘proper’ meal.
On the weekends I was lucky if I cleaned the house let alone cook for the week ahead. But now with all the time in the world, I’ve started cooking the meals that I grew up eating. I must admit that I am amazed that my mother was able to work a full time job and yet was able to cook the meals we had when we were growing up.
I wonder if this will continue once Bobim is here…most likely not but am hoping that by some slim chance that they may.
Cleaning
This is the part of my life that I feel an overwhelming feeling of compulsion to do and I was putting all this off until I was at home. My desire right now is to go through each room of my house and clean everything. From floors, walls, windows, furniture to cleaning out draws, cupboards and shelves.
Today I’ve planned to start with my bedroom and ensuite. My approach will be to tackle on room at a time, so I don’t over do it. The Salvos are going to receive a big bag of clothes that we don’t use anymore, I have to make sure that I deliver these clothes today otherwise my mother will screech and try to inherit them.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Mixed bag
Work
I’m done, I’ve finished up. The last week of work I only ended up working 3.5 days. I’ve spoken about the fever and the sickness so won’t go there again. On the Thursday there was a nice lunch at one of the restaurants close to work. 30 people from my department went, I felt uncomfortable. I didn’t want the fuss as I just wanted to leave without being noticed. It was nice and quick.
On the Friday the Project Manager that I had been working with for the last 2 years gave a nice speech, although I was totally unprepared for the reference to all the IF treatments and heart aches we went through to conceive and keep Bobim. I didn’t cry but it was very hard. My words back to the department were rushed and mumble. I think that I said something along the lines of “I’m looking forward to my new job of sleepless nights, crying baby and dirty nappies and see you all in a year”.
This is what we received from my colleagues:
Me
Friday night saw me have the worst night sleep ever….ever really? Yes ever! I couldn’t sleep lying down because of the wheezing and choking. Coughing had me throwing up most of the night. Tried to sleep sitting up but seemed to only manage maybe 3 hours total. At one point I was preparing to wake Tim to take me to the hospital. But decided to wait it out until the morning and see the GP again.
Diagnosis = Sever Bronchitis and if I had left it longer…possible pneumonia. So an on antibiotics and a puffer thing to help me cough up the shit in my lungs. I’m happy to report that I’m well on the way to recovery..not there yet but much better than I was.
Parents
My parents arrived home in the early hours of Wednesday morning…read midnight on Tuesday. I was woken yesterday morning to a phone call my mum to come over and take her to the Dr. She had a migraine from the anxiety and the trip. What a way to greet my parents…my mother throwing up and delirious. My Father with his arm so bruised it looks like something out of a horror movie. He had suffered a bad fall whilst overseas and didn’t want to tell me….cause I’m pregnant.
First week of freedom
From work? Freedom you have got to be kidding!!! I had Ellie and Tina with me from Sunday night till Tuesday and whilst I love them to death both of them here when I’m not feeling 100% was just a bit too much. But I didn’t feel that I could say no, plus part of me wanted them to be here.
Today is the first day that I’ve had to myself and just the simple task of doing the laundry this morning has given me a great deal of joy…go figure I know. But it is something that I’ve been wanting to do. This afternoon I plan on going to curtain places to organise quotes for Bobims room.
Speaking about Bobim’s room, I have a whole post with photo’s in the works to show you all what we have done.
I’m done, I’ve finished up. The last week of work I only ended up working 3.5 days. I’ve spoken about the fever and the sickness so won’t go there again. On the Thursday there was a nice lunch at one of the restaurants close to work. 30 people from my department went, I felt uncomfortable. I didn’t want the fuss as I just wanted to leave without being noticed. It was nice and quick.
On the Friday the Project Manager that I had been working with for the last 2 years gave a nice speech, although I was totally unprepared for the reference to all the IF treatments and heart aches we went through to conceive and keep Bobim. I didn’t cry but it was very hard. My words back to the department were rushed and mumble. I think that I said something along the lines of “I’m looking forward to my new job of sleepless nights, crying baby and dirty nappies and see you all in a year”.
This is what we received from my colleagues:
Me
Friday night saw me have the worst night sleep ever….ever really? Yes ever! I couldn’t sleep lying down because of the wheezing and choking. Coughing had me throwing up most of the night. Tried to sleep sitting up but seemed to only manage maybe 3 hours total. At one point I was preparing to wake Tim to take me to the hospital. But decided to wait it out until the morning and see the GP again.
Diagnosis = Sever Bronchitis and if I had left it longer…possible pneumonia. So an on antibiotics and a puffer thing to help me cough up the shit in my lungs. I’m happy to report that I’m well on the way to recovery..not there yet but much better than I was.
Parents
My parents arrived home in the early hours of Wednesday morning…read midnight on Tuesday. I was woken yesterday morning to a phone call my mum to come over and take her to the Dr. She had a migraine from the anxiety and the trip. What a way to greet my parents…my mother throwing up and delirious. My Father with his arm so bruised it looks like something out of a horror movie. He had suffered a bad fall whilst overseas and didn’t want to tell me….cause I’m pregnant.
First week of freedom
From work? Freedom you have got to be kidding!!! I had Ellie and Tina with me from Sunday night till Tuesday and whilst I love them to death both of them here when I’m not feeling 100% was just a bit too much. But I didn’t feel that I could say no, plus part of me wanted them to be here.
Today is the first day that I’ve had to myself and just the simple task of doing the laundry this morning has given me a great deal of joy…go figure I know. But it is something that I’ve been wanting to do. This afternoon I plan on going to curtain places to organise quotes for Bobims room.
Speaking about Bobim’s room, I have a whole post with photo’s in the works to show you all what we have done.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Small Scare
We had a small scare on Monday, being my last week at work I was looking forward to packing up my desk, cleaning up my files, handing over my work and walking away for this place to start my new job filled with sleepless nights, crying baby and dirty nappies.
Things did not go to plan, I was feeling crap and on the way to work I almost got off the train to turn around and go home. I didn’t I came in and then lasted 2 hours. To keep me conscious on the way home I took to counting how many rail/road crossing we had from the City to the Station where I park my car. But I think that I did blank out at some points. I vaguely remember driving home and seeing Tim sprawled out on the couch as well.
In the morning my Temperature was 36.7°C, when I arrived home it was 37.5°C (at 12:30pm), next time Tim took it at (approximately) 1pm it had jumped to 38.5°C, after 20 minutes went to 38.8°C. This is where we started to panic as I had taken 2 panadol tablets at 12:30pm, I couldn’t take anymore.
Off to the GP, where all they could do is look at you sympathetically or should I say pathetically and offer no real help. I was to continue as I was going, panadol every 4 hours and twice the amount of fluids. My blood pressure was below 100!
I’m so grateful that I have an active baby, even while trying to sleep in the afternoon when piles and piles of blanket on me to get warm, my little Bobim was moving around without a care in the world. If this was not the case and Bobim had not moved in the time when my temp had spiked I would’ve been sent to hospital.
Tim and I stayed home yesterday and did not move off the couch and I feel much better today, if only my hacking cough would subside and I could breath out my nose I would be much happier. What away to mark my last week at work…sick!
To all the pregnant ladies out there, infertile and fertile, please take care and KEEP AWAY from anyone who has even a small sniffle.
Things did not go to plan, I was feeling crap and on the way to work I almost got off the train to turn around and go home. I didn’t I came in and then lasted 2 hours. To keep me conscious on the way home I took to counting how many rail/road crossing we had from the City to the Station where I park my car. But I think that I did blank out at some points. I vaguely remember driving home and seeing Tim sprawled out on the couch as well.
In the morning my Temperature was 36.7°C, when I arrived home it was 37.5°C (at 12:30pm), next time Tim took it at (approximately) 1pm it had jumped to 38.5°C, after 20 minutes went to 38.8°C. This is where we started to panic as I had taken 2 panadol tablets at 12:30pm, I couldn’t take anymore.
Off to the GP, where all they could do is look at you sympathetically or should I say pathetically and offer no real help. I was to continue as I was going, panadol every 4 hours and twice the amount of fluids. My blood pressure was below 100!
I’m so grateful that I have an active baby, even while trying to sleep in the afternoon when piles and piles of blanket on me to get warm, my little Bobim was moving around without a care in the world. If this was not the case and Bobim had not moved in the time when my temp had spiked I would’ve been sent to hospital.
Tim and I stayed home yesterday and did not move off the couch and I feel much better today, if only my hacking cough would subside and I could breath out my nose I would be much happier. What away to mark my last week at work…sick!
To all the pregnant ladies out there, infertile and fertile, please take care and KEEP AWAY from anyone who has even a small sniffle.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
31 weeks today
At time it feels like this pregnancy is progressing really slowly, other times I stop in awe at how far I have progressed. This morning is one such morning, getting into work I flipped my desk calendar to reveal that I was 31 weeks. SHIT 31 weeks, already huh…well that is amazing.
I continued blogging through out this pregnancy as I didn’t want to forget this experience, at times I have been riddled with guilt at complaining how I was feeling. Today I’m not going allow myself to feel guilty as ‘growing a baby’ for me is not a walk in the park, part of me knew…just knew that it would not be 100% easy. Far from it…I knew instinctively that I would struggle at points.
Walking – I have now slowed right down to a snails pace, I’m still happy to walk anywhere just as long as I take my time. I have also developed the pregnancy waddle, it was not intentional it just seemed to have happened. I think that it is my bodies natural way of dealing with the pain associated with walking….oh yes it is painful my uterus is stretching and Bobims head is low so the movement can and does cause pain. It is hard to describe how it feels, perhaps maybe like a groin injury….hmmm not sure as I’ve never had one of those but hopefully you get my drift.
Stairs – I can climb down but and up them if I need to but I prefer not to climb up as it too is getting really painful.
Sleeping – I’m sleeping much better now as I have found a routine, from the time I go to bed which is about 8:30pm to midnight I sleep with a big pillow that is shaped like the letter ‘C’ with another small pillow making the whole arrangement look like a giant donut. In between this time I will have had at least 2 toilet calls. At midnight the giant ‘C’ pillow is removed and I’m left with the small one for when I sleep on my right side sometimes accompanied with a squishy pillow for between my legs. For some reason I don’t need a pillow under my belly when I sleep on my left side.
Movement - Bobim continues to move all the time and my favourite time of the day is when I’m sitting in front of the TV with my shirt / top lifted up and I watch fascinated with the belly movement. I haven’t felt comfortable ‘talking / reading / singing’ to Bobim. There are times where I hug my belly and saying small things to him, just feels weird to me to be talking to my belly.
Boobs – Colostrum still leaking every now and then, but my size has not increased at all. Which has me a little concerned but I guess that something is working right. I did try and buy some maternity bras the other day; you would think that it would be easy to by a…one maternity bra in this day and age. But nope nothing in my size, which is about an 18B….yes I may be a big lady but my cup size has either been a B or a C. Lucky I am finishing work early at least it gives me 2 months to find a place where I can buy a maternity bra that will fit me.
I continued blogging through out this pregnancy as I didn’t want to forget this experience, at times I have been riddled with guilt at complaining how I was feeling. Today I’m not going allow myself to feel guilty as ‘growing a baby’ for me is not a walk in the park, part of me knew…just knew that it would not be 100% easy. Far from it…I knew instinctively that I would struggle at points.
Walking – I have now slowed right down to a snails pace, I’m still happy to walk anywhere just as long as I take my time. I have also developed the pregnancy waddle, it was not intentional it just seemed to have happened. I think that it is my bodies natural way of dealing with the pain associated with walking….oh yes it is painful my uterus is stretching and Bobims head is low so the movement can and does cause pain. It is hard to describe how it feels, perhaps maybe like a groin injury….hmmm not sure as I’ve never had one of those but hopefully you get my drift.
Stairs – I can climb down but and up them if I need to but I prefer not to climb up as it too is getting really painful.
Sleeping – I’m sleeping much better now as I have found a routine, from the time I go to bed which is about 8:30pm to midnight I sleep with a big pillow that is shaped like the letter ‘C’ with another small pillow making the whole arrangement look like a giant donut. In between this time I will have had at least 2 toilet calls. At midnight the giant ‘C’ pillow is removed and I’m left with the small one for when I sleep on my right side sometimes accompanied with a squishy pillow for between my legs. For some reason I don’t need a pillow under my belly when I sleep on my left side.
Movement - Bobim continues to move all the time and my favourite time of the day is when I’m sitting in front of the TV with my shirt / top lifted up and I watch fascinated with the belly movement. I haven’t felt comfortable ‘talking / reading / singing’ to Bobim. There are times where I hug my belly and saying small things to him, just feels weird to me to be talking to my belly.
Boobs – Colostrum still leaking every now and then, but my size has not increased at all. Which has me a little concerned but I guess that something is working right. I did try and buy some maternity bras the other day; you would think that it would be easy to by a…one maternity bra in this day and age. But nope nothing in my size, which is about an 18B….yes I may be a big lady but my cup size has either been a B or a C. Lucky I am finishing work early at least it gives me 2 months to find a place where I can buy a maternity bra that will fit me.
Monday, June 19, 2006
OB Appointment
Today I had another check up, this time with the midwife as the OB has gone on holidays.
My blood pressure was fine 130/75, this has been a constant level for throughout the pregnancy.
My weight down another kilo the midwife was very happy with this progress, so now a total of 12kg. But realistically I have been monitoring my weight and I’m currently fluctuating 0.5kg to 1 kg.
Urine analysis fine; Bobims heartbeat today was 142 again fine. My tummy was measuring roughly at a 31week pregnancy, this got me a bit worried as I’ve heard for others that I’m having a ‘big’ baby. The midwife told me that because I’m 30 weeks and 5 days that this is still ok and no indication of a big baby.
Must stop listening to MIL and other people.
The best part of the visit was learning my little babies position. His head is facing down low (not engaged) but still down, his bum is near my belly button and his back was curved along my right side. Legs and arms were facing to the left. I was told that it is unlikely that he will turn but it may happen.
OOOOHHH and now I’ve gone to fortnightly visits!!! I’ve got all my appointments booked in now…things are really moving along now.
Part of me feels really guilty that I’ve had such a wonderful day filled with such happy news and my darling friend Bugsy is having such a horrific time, right now.
Bugsy – you are in my thoughts and I wish more than anything that you were not going through this hell.
My blood pressure was fine 130/75, this has been a constant level for throughout the pregnancy.
My weight down another kilo the midwife was very happy with this progress, so now a total of 12kg. But realistically I have been monitoring my weight and I’m currently fluctuating 0.5kg to 1 kg.
Urine analysis fine; Bobims heartbeat today was 142 again fine. My tummy was measuring roughly at a 31week pregnancy, this got me a bit worried as I’ve heard for others that I’m having a ‘big’ baby. The midwife told me that because I’m 30 weeks and 5 days that this is still ok and no indication of a big baby.
Must stop listening to MIL and other people.
The best part of the visit was learning my little babies position. His head is facing down low (not engaged) but still down, his bum is near my belly button and his back was curved along my right side. Legs and arms were facing to the left. I was told that it is unlikely that he will turn but it may happen.
OOOOHHH and now I’ve gone to fortnightly visits!!! I’ve got all my appointments booked in now…things are really moving along now.
Part of me feels really guilty that I’ve had such a wonderful day filled with such happy news and my darling friend Bugsy is having such a horrific time, right now.
Bugsy – you are in my thoughts and I wish more than anything that you were not going through this hell.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Miracle email
I don't normally post these emails, but this one really pulled at my heart strings, I hope that you enjoy this cute little story....I don't know if it is made up or real but it is cute all the same:
How much does a miracle cost
A little girl went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet.
She poured the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three times, even. The total had to be exactly perfect. No chance here for mistakes! .
Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall's Drug Store with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door.
She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention but he was too busy at this moment. Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing. She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good. Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did it!
"And what do you want?" the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice. I'm talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven't seen in ages," he said without waiting for a reply to his question.
"Well, I want to talk to you about my brother," Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone.
"He's really, really sick... and I want to buy a miracle."
" I beg your pardon?" said the pharmacist.
" His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now. So how much does a miracle cost?"
"We don't sell miracles here, little girl I'm sorry but I can't help you," the pharmacist said, softening a little.
"Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn't enough, I will get the rest. Just tell me how much it costs." !
The pharmacist's brother was a well dressed man. He stooped down and asked the little girl, "What kind of a miracle does your brother need?"
" I don't know," Tess replied with her eyes welling up. I just know he's really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But my Daddy can't pay for it, so I want to use my money."
" How much do you have?" asked the man from Chicago.
"One dollar and eleven cents," Tess answered barely audibly.
"And it's all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to."
"Well, what a coincidence," smiled the man. "A dollar and eleven cents---the exact price of a miracle for little brothers "
He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said "Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let's see if I have the miracle you need."
That well dressed man was a doctor, a surgeon, specializing in neuro-surgery. The operation was completed free of charge and it wasn't long until Andrew was home again and doing well.
Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place.
"That surgery," her Mom whispered. "was a real miracle. I wonder how much it would have cost?"
Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle cost...one dollar and eleven cents ... plus the faith of a little child
How much does a miracle cost
A little girl went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet.
She poured the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three times, even. The total had to be exactly perfect. No chance here for mistakes! .
Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall's Drug Store with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door.
She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention but he was too busy at this moment. Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing. She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good. Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did it!
"And what do you want?" the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice. I'm talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven't seen in ages," he said without waiting for a reply to his question.
"Well, I want to talk to you about my brother," Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone.
"He's really, really sick... and I want to buy a miracle."
" I beg your pardon?" said the pharmacist.
" His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now. So how much does a miracle cost?"
"We don't sell miracles here, little girl I'm sorry but I can't help you," the pharmacist said, softening a little.
"Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn't enough, I will get the rest. Just tell me how much it costs." !
The pharmacist's brother was a well dressed man. He stooped down and asked the little girl, "What kind of a miracle does your brother need?"
" I don't know," Tess replied with her eyes welling up. I just know he's really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But my Daddy can't pay for it, so I want to use my money."
" How much do you have?" asked the man from Chicago.
"One dollar and eleven cents," Tess answered barely audibly.
"And it's all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to."
"Well, what a coincidence," smiled the man. "A dollar and eleven cents---the exact price of a miracle for little brothers "
He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said "Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let's see if I have the miracle you need."
That well dressed man was a doctor, a surgeon, specializing in neuro-surgery. The operation was completed free of charge and it wasn't long until Andrew was home again and doing well.
Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place.
"That surgery," her Mom whispered. "was a real miracle. I wonder how much it would have cost?"
Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle cost...one dollar and eleven cents ... plus the faith of a little child
Prenatal Class #7
I was tempted not to go last night as I was falling asleep on the couch when I got home. But I was worried that I would miss something important. It was not that bad but I could’ve missed it and part of me is glad that we went.
We went over everything that we had learnt in previous sessions and some settling techniques for when you get home with the new baby. We had a lot of discussion about Hospital visitors and visitors when you arrive home. Tim and I had already discussed this and we both know that there is nothing on this earth that will keep my parents away from the hospital. Plus my Dad already warned me that no force would keep him away.
Again we went overtime as there was too much discussion from the annoying ones. I do feel much better after being asked to give feedback. Doing the work that I do, I’m very used to giving and receiving constructive feedback and I’m glad that I was given the opportunity to express my disappointment in managing ‘interruptive’ ‘outspoken’ people. There have been times where I have felt that I couldn’t ask my questions, as the poor midwife was already being bombarded with stories and opinions from other sources.
But I preserved and made sure that I knew the answers to these questions:
* When should I pack my bags – the Midwife suggested that we have our bags packed from 34 weeks onwards. Previously I had received conflicting advice, so I’m going to go with her suggestion.
* The hospital pamphlet mentioned that they delivery babies after 35 weeks gestation, my question was where do I go if my waters break before that – We were told to call the hospital and most likely we would be called in for an assessment and then possibly be sent to a larger hospital. This was good to know and I’m glad that I screamed out the question over the top of the annoying ones.
* My last question was who would call the OB – The midwives will call the OB when it is confirmed that I will be going into the hospital.
Being our last ‘couple’ class you could just feel the excitement in the room.
We went over everything that we had learnt in previous sessions and some settling techniques for when you get home with the new baby. We had a lot of discussion about Hospital visitors and visitors when you arrive home. Tim and I had already discussed this and we both know that there is nothing on this earth that will keep my parents away from the hospital. Plus my Dad already warned me that no force would keep him away.
Again we went overtime as there was too much discussion from the annoying ones. I do feel much better after being asked to give feedback. Doing the work that I do, I’m very used to giving and receiving constructive feedback and I’m glad that I was given the opportunity to express my disappointment in managing ‘interruptive’ ‘outspoken’ people. There have been times where I have felt that I couldn’t ask my questions, as the poor midwife was already being bombarded with stories and opinions from other sources.
But I preserved and made sure that I knew the answers to these questions:
* When should I pack my bags – the Midwife suggested that we have our bags packed from 34 weeks onwards. Previously I had received conflicting advice, so I’m going to go with her suggestion.
* The hospital pamphlet mentioned that they delivery babies after 35 weeks gestation, my question was where do I go if my waters break before that – We were told to call the hospital and most likely we would be called in for an assessment and then possibly be sent to a larger hospital. This was good to know and I’m glad that I screamed out the question over the top of the annoying ones.
* My last question was who would call the OB – The midwives will call the OB when it is confirmed that I will be going into the hospital.
Being our last ‘couple’ class you could just feel the excitement in the room.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Being scared
I was asked a question this morning “Are you still scared” about the pregnancy and / or baby. My response was Fuck YES I’m scared….sometimes I’m down right terrified. Any women pregnant and blogs, reads other blogs or visits baby websites would’ve heard all sorts of stories that would terrify anyone. We live in an information age where we ‘know’ way too much about a lot of things. Going back 50 years or so pregnant women were ignorant about a lot of things, and sometimes I too wish I was ignorant…but I’m digressing.
The questions posed to me got me really thinking about how my fear has progressed throughout this pregnancy ride. In the beginning I was worried about rising beta numbers, was it an empty sack, would we see a heart beat? Should I still wear a pad and check for blood every pee break?.
The fear / questions then progressed to will I have a Down Syndrome baby? Is the Placenta in the right place? Am I eating enough? Why am I still cramping from time to time?
Now the fear I have is surrounded around the Birth, will I be able to cope with the pain? Will I be able to last the duration? Will I tear? Will I be able to breastfeed? Have I got enough nappies, clothes, blankets, love? Will I be able to cope?
These are all the questions that go through my mind but…most times this pregnancy STILL DOES NOT SEEM REAL. I feel my baby kick, shit I SEE the baby kicking and logically I know that Bobim is in my tummy, yet it does not seem real. We’ve been going to the prenatal classes, we’ve painted and set up the room yet does not seem real.
We’ve put all the furniture in the room, unpacked the “chest of dreams” and put all the clothes away, bought some rattles and toys and decorated the room and yet is still does not seem real. It was shock to see it all done up and I stood there and cried and cried, because to me it still did not seem real. Seeing Bobim’s room helped but and sometimes when I walk past I’m shocked to see the cot, change table, tall boy and baby stuff around.
There are still times when I look at my husband and ask him “Am I really pregnant?”, “Are we really going to have a baby”. I wouldn’t be surprised if I ask “Is this really our baby” in the delivery room.
I’m 30 weeks pregnant today, Bobim is moving, kicking, somersaulting, dancing right this minute but it is still does not seem real and I have to wonder, will it ever?
The questions posed to me got me really thinking about how my fear has progressed throughout this pregnancy ride. In the beginning I was worried about rising beta numbers, was it an empty sack, would we see a heart beat? Should I still wear a pad and check for blood every pee break?.
The fear / questions then progressed to will I have a Down Syndrome baby? Is the Placenta in the right place? Am I eating enough? Why am I still cramping from time to time?
Now the fear I have is surrounded around the Birth, will I be able to cope with the pain? Will I be able to last the duration? Will I tear? Will I be able to breastfeed? Have I got enough nappies, clothes, blankets, love? Will I be able to cope?
These are all the questions that go through my mind but…most times this pregnancy STILL DOES NOT SEEM REAL. I feel my baby kick, shit I SEE the baby kicking and logically I know that Bobim is in my tummy, yet it does not seem real. We’ve been going to the prenatal classes, we’ve painted and set up the room yet does not seem real.
We’ve put all the furniture in the room, unpacked the “chest of dreams” and put all the clothes away, bought some rattles and toys and decorated the room and yet is still does not seem real. It was shock to see it all done up and I stood there and cried and cried, because to me it still did not seem real. Seeing Bobim’s room helped but and sometimes when I walk past I’m shocked to see the cot, change table, tall boy and baby stuff around.
There are still times when I look at my husband and ask him “Am I really pregnant?”, “Are we really going to have a baby”. I wouldn’t be surprised if I ask “Is this really our baby” in the delivery room.
I’m 30 weeks pregnant today, Bobim is moving, kicking, somersaulting, dancing right this minute but it is still does not seem real and I have to wonder, will it ever?
Friday, June 09, 2006
Numbers
I’ve meaning to write this post about the significance of numbers in my life:
1) I only have one more Prenatal Class left (except the Breastfeeding workshop which will happen later). Or at this minute the number of hours left till I can go home.
2) Is the number of days until my weekly telephone call to my parents. Being limited to one call a week has been quite hard, whilst I may not have seen my parents often about once every 2 weeks or so, I spoke to them just about every second day.
3) Is number of working weeks left. It is also the number of days off I have after I post this blog entry, gotta love public holidays!
13) Is the number of working days I have left, this one happily decreases every working day.
26) Is the number of days left until my parents arrive back home.
29 +2) Today I’m 29weeks and 2 days pregnant, I never thought that I would make it this far and I can’t believe that I’m nearly 30 weeks.
75) This is the number of days I have left before Bobim ‘should’ pop out!
I’m sure that there are more significant numbers I could think of but am just too tired to even concentrate….the number I see right now is 4:12pm which means I can go home now…and also signifies the time it has taken me to write this post.
1) I only have one more Prenatal Class left (except the Breastfeeding workshop which will happen later). Or at this minute the number of hours left till I can go home.
2) Is the number of days until my weekly telephone call to my parents. Being limited to one call a week has been quite hard, whilst I may not have seen my parents often about once every 2 weeks or so, I spoke to them just about every second day.
3) Is number of working weeks left. It is also the number of days off I have after I post this blog entry, gotta love public holidays!
13) Is the number of working days I have left, this one happily decreases every working day.
26) Is the number of days left until my parents arrive back home.
29 +2) Today I’m 29weeks and 2 days pregnant, I never thought that I would make it this far and I can’t believe that I’m nearly 30 weeks.
75) This is the number of days I have left before Bobim ‘should’ pop out!
I’m sure that there are more significant numbers I could think of but am just too tired to even concentrate….the number I see right now is 4:12pm which means I can go home now…and also signifies the time it has taken me to write this post.
Sleep
Last night may go down in history as the worst night ever as far as sleep is concerned. One of the pregnancy books says that by going to the toilet more often you body is ‘preparing’ you for sleepless nights. Ok I get that…and I’ve been handling going to the toilet just fine. For me the trips are about every 2-3 hours but can be hourly. Not a problem I can fall back to sleep just fine.
What I don’t get is the need to go through the pain that I had last night, sleep deprived nights due to feeding and a baby crying is GOOD reasons in my book. But not being able to sleep because it feels like the basket ball in your tummy is pulling all your muscles should never be classed as ‘preparation’. No amount of pillows different sleeping positions seemed to help and when I did fall asleep without any pillow support, I woke up in pain and could hardly get out of bed.
Tim tried to help by rubbing my tummy, which only woke Bobim up and got him kicking. When I was able to find a good position to sleep in heart burn set in and even taking Mylanta did nothing to help.
I’m now grumpy as all hell and just want to crawl into a good position and have a snooze, preferably without the heart burn.
What I don’t get is the need to go through the pain that I had last night, sleep deprived nights due to feeding and a baby crying is GOOD reasons in my book. But not being able to sleep because it feels like the basket ball in your tummy is pulling all your muscles should never be classed as ‘preparation’. No amount of pillows different sleeping positions seemed to help and when I did fall asleep without any pillow support, I woke up in pain and could hardly get out of bed.
Tim tried to help by rubbing my tummy, which only woke Bobim up and got him kicking. When I was able to find a good position to sleep in heart burn set in and even taking Mylanta did nothing to help.
I’m now grumpy as all hell and just want to crawl into a good position and have a snooze, preferably without the heart burn.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Results
Until I was prompted by Bugsy I didn’t even remember that I had a Blood test last Friday. The standard Gestational and Iron tests. My results are normal, I don’t know what the numbers mean but the glucose came back as 6.7 and the one of the iron numbers was 83. Honestly all I heard was ‘normal’, ‘normal’ all is good and don’t stress.
I didn’t realise how relieved I would be when I heard the results. All the weight that I’ve lost has done me some good. I’m still at the same weight and have not gained a gram in the last 3 months, my baby belly is getting bigger and the weekly guide to pregnancy book I read says that Bobim should weigh roughly 1.15kg.
I didn’t realise how relieved I would be when I heard the results. All the weight that I’ve lost has done me some good. I’m still at the same weight and have not gained a gram in the last 3 months, my baby belly is getting bigger and the weekly guide to pregnancy book I read says that Bobim should weigh roughly 1.15kg.
Prenatal Class #6
First part of the Class consisted of going through a caesarean procedure step by step, the class was again held up by someone (read fucking annoying bitch) asking specific questions about the recovery time frame difference from having had a general versus an epidural. It turns out there is an hours difference….OK that was really important to know.
Then we got shown how to bath your baby. This was a good thing to see and again Tim got to have a go at undressing the doll. One good suggestion was made during this time, which was to ensure that your nappies, wipes, creams and change table were already set up before you left to go to the hospital. Lucky for me as I’ve already got that all set up.
We were visited by someone from the Australian Breastfeeding Association, who gave a very rushed presentation about what the association is about and trying to get people to subscribe to the association. We got a show bag with more reading material. Honestly I wasn’t very impressed with the presentation, for me it was too rushed and she was a bit too pushy about joining the association. But I will check out the website and have a sticky beak of the forum that they have.
We also had a video on the prevention of SIDS, which was good to see and we learnt that having a baby sleep on another’s bed (like a big double bed) surrounded by pillows is not a good thing. This was something that we previously didn’t know.
At one point the Midwife mentioned that the hospital was against dummies, and I tried to ask why, but as usual my question was lost or disregarded to the someone (again ready fucking annoying bitch, plus sister). It was quiet obvious that these people were not just annoying Tim and I but also some other couples. At one point I distinctly heard being murmured “We don’t care about your girlfriends babies…” I had to chuckle.
I did make it a point to get to the class early last night so that I could ask the midwife some questions one on one. Throughout the whole Prenatal experience I haven’t felt nervous about ‘handling’ the pain factor. I’ve been more worried about the fact that I may not be able to have the stamina to handle the duration of the birth process and that I will easily get tired. I wanted to ask if I could demand a caesarean if I felt that I wouldn’t be able to go the hard long yard. Her response was to talk to my OB, but did state that I may just surprise myself with what I can handle.
I asked about a Birth plan and she frowned and then said that in her experience most women rock up with a birth plan in their hands and due to something or another, the birth plan was thrown out the window.
Sassy – Your last comment though gave me some things to talk to Tim about, like cutting the cord and whether or not he wanted to witness the birth. During all the Prenatal Classes these things were not really discussed and it was interesting hearing my husband’s response. But like me we have both decided to keep an open mind about the whole birth and try not to pre-empt any decisions or situations that we may face ourselves in.
Then we got shown how to bath your baby. This was a good thing to see and again Tim got to have a go at undressing the doll. One good suggestion was made during this time, which was to ensure that your nappies, wipes, creams and change table were already set up before you left to go to the hospital. Lucky for me as I’ve already got that all set up.
We were visited by someone from the Australian Breastfeeding Association, who gave a very rushed presentation about what the association is about and trying to get people to subscribe to the association. We got a show bag with more reading material. Honestly I wasn’t very impressed with the presentation, for me it was too rushed and she was a bit too pushy about joining the association. But I will check out the website and have a sticky beak of the forum that they have.
We also had a video on the prevention of SIDS, which was good to see and we learnt that having a baby sleep on another’s bed (like a big double bed) surrounded by pillows is not a good thing. This was something that we previously didn’t know.
At one point the Midwife mentioned that the hospital was against dummies, and I tried to ask why, but as usual my question was lost or disregarded to the someone (again ready fucking annoying bitch, plus sister). It was quiet obvious that these people were not just annoying Tim and I but also some other couples. At one point I distinctly heard being murmured “We don’t care about your girlfriends babies…” I had to chuckle.
I did make it a point to get to the class early last night so that I could ask the midwife some questions one on one. Throughout the whole Prenatal experience I haven’t felt nervous about ‘handling’ the pain factor. I’ve been more worried about the fact that I may not be able to have the stamina to handle the duration of the birth process and that I will easily get tired. I wanted to ask if I could demand a caesarean if I felt that I wouldn’t be able to go the hard long yard. Her response was to talk to my OB, but did state that I may just surprise myself with what I can handle.
I asked about a Birth plan and she frowned and then said that in her experience most women rock up with a birth plan in their hands and due to something or another, the birth plan was thrown out the window.
Sassy – Your last comment though gave me some things to talk to Tim about, like cutting the cord and whether or not he wanted to witness the birth. During all the Prenatal Classes these things were not really discussed and it was interesting hearing my husband’s response. But like me we have both decided to keep an open mind about the whole birth and try not to pre-empt any decisions or situations that we may face ourselves in.
Monday, June 05, 2006
Prenatal Class #5
I know, I know I’ve been a bit slack with reporting back on this class, but give me a break I haven’t been too well.
It was a good but long class and you know whenever a group of people get together there is always one that is out spoken and has the “whole world revolves around me syndrome”…you know the ones. This group is no different what is worse is that there is not just one but two of these people present.
Within this group I have not mentioned my infertility woes, to me it is not important to share with them my experiences. I don’t feel the need to ‘justify’ why my pregnancy is more special. My family here in Australia and in Hungary know how special this pregnancy is, I don’t feel the need for strangers to give me additional sympathy. Plus I don’t know their stories either and it is not the point of these classes.
One particular ‘support partner’, who is a female helping her sister, felt the need to share with us that she is already a mother to twins conceived through IVF. Great, good on her yes IVF can work for some. However having to hear explicit details on her birth is again not the point of these classes, it is obvious that she feels the need to contribute and perhaps even scare some of us. One brave soul spoke up and told her that we didn’t need to hear about her catheter incidences during her birth. We were there to learn about different types of pain relief available.
The IVF mother of twins sister asked all sort of graphical questions relating to tearing. At one stage it got just too much and I ended up saying that after glimpsing some of the other ladies cringing at the idea of 2nd and 3rd degree tears “that some of us would like to be ignorant of these things and not have to know everything about it all”. The midwife did step in and suggested that she would be more than happy to discuss all her questions after the class.
To be honest I’m not looking forward to the next two sessions, as these two ladies have ruined the experience for me. It starts off great but ends up being a 2 women show, and we never seem to cover what the midwife has planned and we go over time.
Ok, there were some things that I did learn that I never knew before…pethidine is used as a pain relief. I only previously knew of the gas and epidural. What Tim and I were surprised to learn about is that if you have pethidine then your baby must be given an additional injection ‘like they do drug addicts’ to counter the effects.
I also didn’t know that when you have an epidural you must also have a catheter inserted (hence the whole catheter incident discussion). The thought of a catheter put me off the whole epidural suggestion as I’ve seen them being put in before…not nice at all.
There were pro’s and con’s for each pain relief intervention and now for me it is just a matter of thinking what I would like to have during the birth. I’m not keen on writing a birth plan as to me birth is so unknown how can you plan for it? But I will be discussing with Tim my preferred approach to the birth and pain relief.
Today right now I’m not keen on the pethidine the con’s out way the pro’s for me.
It was a good but long class and you know whenever a group of people get together there is always one that is out spoken and has the “whole world revolves around me syndrome”…you know the ones. This group is no different what is worse is that there is not just one but two of these people present.
Within this group I have not mentioned my infertility woes, to me it is not important to share with them my experiences. I don’t feel the need to ‘justify’ why my pregnancy is more special. My family here in Australia and in Hungary know how special this pregnancy is, I don’t feel the need for strangers to give me additional sympathy. Plus I don’t know their stories either and it is not the point of these classes.
One particular ‘support partner’, who is a female helping her sister, felt the need to share with us that she is already a mother to twins conceived through IVF. Great, good on her yes IVF can work for some. However having to hear explicit details on her birth is again not the point of these classes, it is obvious that she feels the need to contribute and perhaps even scare some of us. One brave soul spoke up and told her that we didn’t need to hear about her catheter incidences during her birth. We were there to learn about different types of pain relief available.
The IVF mother of twins sister asked all sort of graphical questions relating to tearing. At one stage it got just too much and I ended up saying that after glimpsing some of the other ladies cringing at the idea of 2nd and 3rd degree tears “that some of us would like to be ignorant of these things and not have to know everything about it all”. The midwife did step in and suggested that she would be more than happy to discuss all her questions after the class.
To be honest I’m not looking forward to the next two sessions, as these two ladies have ruined the experience for me. It starts off great but ends up being a 2 women show, and we never seem to cover what the midwife has planned and we go over time.
Ok, there were some things that I did learn that I never knew before…pethidine is used as a pain relief. I only previously knew of the gas and epidural. What Tim and I were surprised to learn about is that if you have pethidine then your baby must be given an additional injection ‘like they do drug addicts’ to counter the effects.
I also didn’t know that when you have an epidural you must also have a catheter inserted (hence the whole catheter incident discussion). The thought of a catheter put me off the whole epidural suggestion as I’ve seen them being put in before…not nice at all.
There were pro’s and con’s for each pain relief intervention and now for me it is just a matter of thinking what I would like to have during the birth. I’m not keen on writing a birth plan as to me birth is so unknown how can you plan for it? But I will be discussing with Tim my preferred approach to the birth and pain relief.
Today right now I’m not keen on the pethidine the con’s out way the pro’s for me.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Dear Bobim
It has been a while since I’ve written you a letter, but this does not mean that you are not thought of. You kick and move enough for me to never forget that you are with us.
I can’t believe that in less than 3 months I will be able to hold, cuddle and kiss you. Plus see what you look like. When I do picture you now I see you with light brown hair and nose like mine and baby blues eyes and Daddy’s build. No matter what ever you look like you are much dearly loved and already cherished.
I’m having lots of fun trying to pick your name, not a night goes by with out Mummy or Daddy suggesting a name and then doing the 3 name test…test 1 being the nick name, test 2 being the full name and test 3 the most important test being the screaming name. So far all the names we have suggested have passed the 3 tests. Agi neni was kind enough to give me a Hungarian baby name book.
Daddy and I have started painting your room, for something that we never thought that we would do it is a very special time and we are deliberately taking our time in painting to make sure that it is just right and to savour the moments spent there, a lot of love is being put into your room already.
We have ordered your little bed and bought a car seat for Mummy’s car, we are still debating on whether or not to buy another car seat for Daddy’s. If I get my way (which we both know will happen) Daddy’s car too will soon have a seat for you as well.
This past Sunday we went shopping with Aunty Sis and Ellie, we arrived home with our arms full of packages all for you little one. Aunty Sis went a bit crazy and you can bet that Ellie had a hand in what she bought. It was the first time that Aunty Sis got excited about you, which was so nice. Daddy was shocked with the amount of gifts and things that she bought and has promised to buy in the near future. He thinks that you are already spoilt and even suggested that we should hold off on buying you too much.
But secretly little Bobim, I don’t care if you are spoilt and I will continue to buy as much as I can before you arrive. You are also already receiving gifts from family that live in Hungary as Mamma and Pappa are there right now. When ever I call the first thing that is asked is how you are. What a lucky little baby you are to have family that already love you here and family that already love you on the other side of the world.
This is what you have already brought to our lives, much love, joy and happiness. I can honestly say that I’ve never been happier than I am now and knowing that I will be meeting you soon makes me very excited.
Keep moving, keep somersaulting and keep growing little one for it is not long now.
Your loving Mummy
Mari
Not meshing
I didn’t believe in the whole ‘jinx’ thing, when I was TTC it would be a weekly ritual that I would buy something small for the baby. I would buy a pair of socks or a singlet or a jumpsuit, just something small to put away in my chest of dreams. It was my way of coping, shaking my fist at fate whilst screaming on the top of my lungs “You will not beat me”.
That was until Friday where I said to my cousins wife “Oh I’ve been lucky that I haven’t caught this autumn / winters cold”. I spoke way too soon as I woke on Saturday to a blocked nose and the start of something nasty.
It has only gotten worse, I’m religiously checking for a fever which thank-god there has been no sign off. But the runny nose has now turned into a deep chesty cough, blocked sinus and head ache. I saw the GP last night and there is nothing that I can take, can’t even pop a cold ‘n flu pill which has always helped in the past.
And….I miss my Mummy as she would’ve been the first one over with Chicken soup. Tim did the next best thing and asked my MIL to make a big batch for me. I could make it myself but Tim put his foot down and told me that it goes against the rules; the person who is sick is not allowed to make the soup.
Lesson for this week is that Pregnancy and bad colds do not mesh well.
That was until Friday where I said to my cousins wife “Oh I’ve been lucky that I haven’t caught this autumn / winters cold”. I spoke way too soon as I woke on Saturday to a blocked nose and the start of something nasty.
It has only gotten worse, I’m religiously checking for a fever which thank-god there has been no sign off. But the runny nose has now turned into a deep chesty cough, blocked sinus and head ache. I saw the GP last night and there is nothing that I can take, can’t even pop a cold ‘n flu pill which has always helped in the past.
And….I miss my Mummy as she would’ve been the first one over with Chicken soup. Tim did the next best thing and asked my MIL to make a big batch for me. I could make it myself but Tim put his foot down and told me that it goes against the rules; the person who is sick is not allowed to make the soup.
Lesson for this week is that Pregnancy and bad colds do not mesh well.
Friday, May 26, 2006
Pregnancy Update
On the way to work this morning it dawned on me that I hadn’t really posted about the physical experience of this pregnancy for a while. I want to record how I’m feeling so that next time I can look back and not forget and then panic again.
My mind
Since I fell pregnant with Bobim my memory and mental capacity has really dropped, I’ve noticed that if I have a lunch break or a meeting in the afternoon, I’ve lost my concentration that there is no power on this earth that can help me concentrate again. So to avoid being too tired in the afternoons I don’t have a break from work, I keep going and I keep my mind working until it is time to go home.
Lately I’m having trouble determining the difference between fantasy and reality. I have a dream at night and I wake in the morning convinced that it was real. Most recent episode saw me looking in the wool box for a severed head, yes I was convinced that not only was I capable of killing someone but that I kept the persons head.
My mind is literally mush in the afternoons, waiting on the train platform I stare at the destination sign on the approaching train, I know that it is the right one there are people that I recognise who also disembark at the same train station. Yet I have a slight panic attack through the whole trip wondering if I’m on the right train…..how bizarre I know!
Ok enough about my mental problems cause it is making me feel very uncomfortable and I’m starting to wonder how I do actually function.
Bobim and kicking
From baby websites that I lurk around there are women that count the number of kicks they receive during the day, I haven’t bothered with counting. I wake up he is kicking; I have breakfast and afterwards a lot of kicking / movement; on the train a lot of kicking / movement. Walking, sitting, running, sleeping, relaxing movement, movement, movement. He never seems to stop which is ok if only he gave my bladder a bit of a rest now and then.
The kicking / movement can be painful when my bladder has a hint of urine present. The weirdest feeling in the world is when I have a foot kicked against my cervix….oooch. I feel Bobim mostly from my waist and below, I haven’t had any kicks in the ribs and I doubt that my baby belly will be moving up. I wonder if the ‘old wives’ tales are true that if you carry low then it is a boy. Well I’m having a boy and he is low.
Sleeping
Oh I’m sleeping a lot averaging about 10-11 hours a night even more on the weekends. Although I do have 2-3 hourly trips to the toilet. I’m still able to sleep on my stomach…I know go figure…I’ve started using a ‘squishy’ pillow between my legs to stop me from rolling my back at night.
I’ve gotta stop talking about sleeping as it just reminds me of my bed and how much I crave for it right this minute….
Cravings
None what so ever, I don’t crave anything different from my normal diet.
Back pain
No back pain, I guess that the ‘relaxin’ hormone has helped alleviate my back pain issues, but that does not stop me from having monthly massages.
Breast / clothes.
My breasts are no bigger I have not had to buy any maternity bra’s, or maternity clothes everything that I have still fits. There are a few pants that I can’t wear to work as they are a little tight…but only just felt that way last week.
The only difference is the colour of my nipples they are a bit darker. Leaking has almost stoped although I will not stop wearing nursing pads as I can just see myself in a meeting and I get this wet patch in the middle of it…better safe than sorry.
Well that was a bit bigger update than I thought…so I will stop now…as I do have work to do…
My mind
Since I fell pregnant with Bobim my memory and mental capacity has really dropped, I’ve noticed that if I have a lunch break or a meeting in the afternoon, I’ve lost my concentration that there is no power on this earth that can help me concentrate again. So to avoid being too tired in the afternoons I don’t have a break from work, I keep going and I keep my mind working until it is time to go home.
Lately I’m having trouble determining the difference between fantasy and reality. I have a dream at night and I wake in the morning convinced that it was real. Most recent episode saw me looking in the wool box for a severed head, yes I was convinced that not only was I capable of killing someone but that I kept the persons head.
My mind is literally mush in the afternoons, waiting on the train platform I stare at the destination sign on the approaching train, I know that it is the right one there are people that I recognise who also disembark at the same train station. Yet I have a slight panic attack through the whole trip wondering if I’m on the right train…..how bizarre I know!
Ok enough about my mental problems cause it is making me feel very uncomfortable and I’m starting to wonder how I do actually function.
Bobim and kicking
From baby websites that I lurk around there are women that count the number of kicks they receive during the day, I haven’t bothered with counting. I wake up he is kicking; I have breakfast and afterwards a lot of kicking / movement; on the train a lot of kicking / movement. Walking, sitting, running, sleeping, relaxing movement, movement, movement. He never seems to stop which is ok if only he gave my bladder a bit of a rest now and then.
The kicking / movement can be painful when my bladder has a hint of urine present. The weirdest feeling in the world is when I have a foot kicked against my cervix….oooch. I feel Bobim mostly from my waist and below, I haven’t had any kicks in the ribs and I doubt that my baby belly will be moving up. I wonder if the ‘old wives’ tales are true that if you carry low then it is a boy. Well I’m having a boy and he is low.
Sleeping
Oh I’m sleeping a lot averaging about 10-11 hours a night even more on the weekends. Although I do have 2-3 hourly trips to the toilet. I’m still able to sleep on my stomach…I know go figure…I’ve started using a ‘squishy’ pillow between my legs to stop me from rolling my back at night.
I’ve gotta stop talking about sleeping as it just reminds me of my bed and how much I crave for it right this minute….
Cravings
None what so ever, I don’t crave anything different from my normal diet.
Back pain
No back pain, I guess that the ‘relaxin’ hormone has helped alleviate my back pain issues, but that does not stop me from having monthly massages.
Breast / clothes.
My breasts are no bigger I have not had to buy any maternity bra’s, or maternity clothes everything that I have still fits. There are a few pants that I can’t wear to work as they are a little tight…but only just felt that way last week.
The only difference is the colour of my nipples they are a bit darker. Leaking has almost stoped although I will not stop wearing nursing pads as I can just see myself in a meeting and I get this wet patch in the middle of it…better safe than sorry.
Well that was a bit bigger update than I thought…so I will stop now…as I do have work to do…
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Prenatal Class #4
With reluctance we went along last night, the previous weeks class did not leave a good taste of what to expect. I’m glad that we did go along. We had a presentation from a ‘mobile car seat fitting’ company that comes out to your home and fits the seat into your car for a small fee. There was a discussion about the different types of seats and different brands available.
What we didn’t know before last night is that not all child car seats will fit every car, even with a 4WD there is no guarantee that you have enough room in the back seat to fit the one your purchase. We also didn’t know how difficult it is to fit a seat, surely there are just a few bolts to do and ‘she’ll be right?’ apparently not. The best most expensive brand that we have in Australia is the Safe ‘n Sound, which is currently the only company that do their own testing. Child restraint seats are not crash tested in cars….but on boards and other devices.
Without having to have a lengthy discussion on whether or not we would use this companies services, Tim picked up a brochure for the presenter. $60AU (approximately) is a small amount to pay to ensure that the seat if properly fitted to our car. The company also ‘teaches’ first time parents on how to put your baby into and out of the seat. Apparently the Midwives do not and will not help you when you leave the hospital. Small price to pay I think.
Last night was ‘the video night’, we watched a live birth and it wasn’t too bad, gory yes but hey that is what is waiting for me around the corner. I didn’t like looking at the placenta, that bit groused me out, especially with the thought that some people eat it…..yuck.
The human biology amazed us both, learning that the baby’s skull is specifically divided into 4 parts to allow the head to be squashed through the pelvic region left us stunned. What I didn’t know before last night is the reason for the scream after birth is to close the whole in the heart and artery and make the blood flow both ways instead on one way. I also didn’t know that through out this pregnancy I have most likely been having contractions and never really knowing it!
All the birth discussions last night were centred on a ‘normal’ birth. Next week we will be covering ‘unexpected’ births and more pain relief and most importantly when to come to the hospital.
After last weeks disappointment this week was much better and I’m glad that I still preserved to go along.
What we didn’t know before last night is that not all child car seats will fit every car, even with a 4WD there is no guarantee that you have enough room in the back seat to fit the one your purchase. We also didn’t know how difficult it is to fit a seat, surely there are just a few bolts to do and ‘she’ll be right?’ apparently not. The best most expensive brand that we have in Australia is the Safe ‘n Sound, which is currently the only company that do their own testing. Child restraint seats are not crash tested in cars….but on boards and other devices.
Without having to have a lengthy discussion on whether or not we would use this companies services, Tim picked up a brochure for the presenter. $60AU (approximately) is a small amount to pay to ensure that the seat if properly fitted to our car. The company also ‘teaches’ first time parents on how to put your baby into and out of the seat. Apparently the Midwives do not and will not help you when you leave the hospital. Small price to pay I think.
Last night was ‘the video night’, we watched a live birth and it wasn’t too bad, gory yes but hey that is what is waiting for me around the corner. I didn’t like looking at the placenta, that bit groused me out, especially with the thought that some people eat it…..yuck.
The human biology amazed us both, learning that the baby’s skull is specifically divided into 4 parts to allow the head to be squashed through the pelvic region left us stunned. What I didn’t know before last night is the reason for the scream after birth is to close the whole in the heart and artery and make the blood flow both ways instead on one way. I also didn’t know that through out this pregnancy I have most likely been having contractions and never really knowing it!
All the birth discussions last night were centred on a ‘normal’ birth. Next week we will be covering ‘unexpected’ births and more pain relief and most importantly when to come to the hospital.
After last weeks disappointment this week was much better and I’m glad that I still preserved to go along.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Prenatal Class #3
Last nights class was made up of a smaller group of couples from the Physio Class and all couples that we had met before. It was the first one with the Midwife, the Agenda was meant to be the following:
- Introduction & Expectations
- Car Restraints
- When to come to Hospital
- Why Prepare for Birth
We didn’t keep to the Agenda as the Car Restraint guy couldn’t make it last night and we didn’t talk about when to come to hospital. There was a very dated (read 80’s cheesy) video on proper nutrition through different stages of pregnancy and important exercises to do, but nothing really new. We did have a small game of matching meanings or acronyms to words often used through pregnancy and birth. Which was OK, and then the Husbands / Partners were asked to right a list of responsibilities during labour, basically what is expected of them or what they think their role is during labour.
I must admit the Men / partners did really well, for me they had the 3 key things on their collective list:
1. Massage
2. Keep mouth shut
3. Support
Obviously the women had much more on our list, for me it showed that the husbands / partners ‘got’ what their role is meant to be.
All in all last nights class was a bit of a let down and not as productive as the previous two classes were. I did ask if Tim participated in coming up with the list and felt very relieved with his answer and a bit more comfortable, as my husband too ‘gets’ what his role will be.
- Introduction & Expectations
- Car Restraints
- When to come to Hospital
- Why Prepare for Birth
We didn’t keep to the Agenda as the Car Restraint guy couldn’t make it last night and we didn’t talk about when to come to hospital. There was a very dated (read 80’s cheesy) video on proper nutrition through different stages of pregnancy and important exercises to do, but nothing really new. We did have a small game of matching meanings or acronyms to words often used through pregnancy and birth. Which was OK, and then the Husbands / Partners were asked to right a list of responsibilities during labour, basically what is expected of them or what they think their role is during labour.
I must admit the Men / partners did really well, for me they had the 3 key things on their collective list:
1. Massage
2. Keep mouth shut
3. Support
Obviously the women had much more on our list, for me it showed that the husbands / partners ‘got’ what their role is meant to be.
All in all last nights class was a bit of a let down and not as productive as the previous two classes were. I did ask if Tim participated in coming up with the list and felt very relieved with his answer and a bit more comfortable, as my husband too ‘gets’ what his role will be.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
OB appointment
Yesterday was another standard OB appointment, our report:
- Weight = Same as last time,
- Urine = Fine
- Blood pressure = 135/70 also good
- Babies heartbeat = 150 also good.
Tummy checked and right size for the gestational period. We spoke about my weight again and he was happy that I had not gained anything yet Bobim was growing nicely. We agreed that it was unlikely that I would loose an extra 10kg before the birth but he was happy if I continued to remained at my current weight. I must remember to kiss my child a little extra when I meet him, in Thanks for helping me loose weight!
We spoke about the Colostrum and I was reassured that it was normal and a very good thing.
In the next 3 weeks I have to go and do the Glucose blood test and my next OB appointment is for the 19th June, where I will only be seeing the Midwife as my OB will be on holidays, I suppose that he has to have a life too. Just as long as he will be here for the birth is all I care about.
- Weight = Same as last time,
- Urine = Fine
- Blood pressure = 135/70 also good
- Babies heartbeat = 150 also good.
Tummy checked and right size for the gestational period. We spoke about my weight again and he was happy that I had not gained anything yet Bobim was growing nicely. We agreed that it was unlikely that I would loose an extra 10kg before the birth but he was happy if I continued to remained at my current weight. I must remember to kiss my child a little extra when I meet him, in Thanks for helping me loose weight!
We spoke about the Colostrum and I was reassured that it was normal and a very good thing.
In the next 3 weeks I have to go and do the Glucose blood test and my next OB appointment is for the 19th June, where I will only be seeing the Midwife as my OB will be on holidays, I suppose that he has to have a life too. Just as long as he will be here for the birth is all I care about.
My first Mothers Day
I didn’t want to make a big deal but I did want it to be acknowledged that I am a mother, or one in the making. I didn’t want a big fancy gift from Mimi marking the occasion, what I did ‘need’ was a nightie to wear when in the hospital.
Most of the day was celebrated at my MIL house where SIL was also present. Our little nephew has grown so much and I got to have a little cuddle which I’m always grateful for. The day for me was just right, SIL and I had a really good discussion about many topics, but mainly about pregnancy, babies and family expectations. It was a good afternoon, it would’ve been better if my mother was in the country. I missed my Mummy that day.
Most of the day was celebrated at my MIL house where SIL was also present. Our little nephew has grown so much and I got to have a little cuddle which I’m always grateful for. The day for me was just right, SIL and I had a really good discussion about many topics, but mainly about pregnancy, babies and family expectations. It was a good afternoon, it would’ve been better if my mother was in the country. I missed my Mummy that day.
Springing a leak
Saturday night I was busy cooking in the kitchen when all of a sudden I feel my nipples harden, didn’t really think much of it, until I felt ‘something’ cold against my left breast. I checked my top, nothing and then I checked my singlet and sure enough there was a wet patch.
I freaked out, well a mini freak out…how can I have milk now when it is way too early for it to come. I frantically reach for the two Bibles, no answers there. I can’t call my Mother as she is not in the country so I do the next best thing and call my MIL. Apparently it is quite normal to have leakage while pregnant, even this early?
Off to the Supermarket where I had to buy Breast pads. My SIL told me on Sunday that it was Colostrum and sure enough when I checked the Pregnancy books again it did state that some women have a little Colostrum leakage starting in the 5th month.
I freaked out, well a mini freak out…how can I have milk now when it is way too early for it to come. I frantically reach for the two Bibles, no answers there. I can’t call my Mother as she is not in the country so I do the next best thing and call my MIL. Apparently it is quite normal to have leakage while pregnant, even this early?
Off to the Supermarket where I had to buy Breast pads. My SIL told me on Sunday that it was Colostrum and sure enough when I checked the Pregnancy books again it did state that some women have a little Colostrum leakage starting in the 5th month.
Friday, May 12, 2006
Being able to breath
This blog sometimes gets bombarded with my work issues, I try to refrain from blogging about work as this online diary is meant to be about falling and staying pregnant and my journey to become a mother.
But….I need to vent and I think that I need some help. My parents departure although hard was not as bad as I had expected and I had hoped that I would have a great night sleep. That stress was over, they are gone and being extremely well looked after by the Airline they are flying with.
At 2:30am I woke for my usual toilet break and then proceeded to toss and turn, I was thinking about today and what was to be in store for me when I arrived this morning. I worked myself up to such as state that I only managed a half hours sleep after that. All my meditation and other efforts did not work.
On the way to work I felt as though I couldn’t breath, even though I was almost panting. Reading a book helped take my mind off work for a while but as soon as I arrived at the Train station I started to feel dizzy and anxious about what was waiting for me.
Waiting for the Tram my worst nightmare came true, here was a phone call from work, urging me to hurry up and get into work. This set me shaking and seeing black spots in my vision. I get into the building and head straight to the ladies where I sat for a while balling my eyes out, shaking and panting like I had run a marathon.
I have continued to feel faint all day and have tried to give the fucken bastard clear messages to back off and leave me alone. If I wasn’t convinced to leave work earlier, last night and this morning have put my mind at ease. I can’t wait to be out of here!!!!
But….I need to vent and I think that I need some help. My parents departure although hard was not as bad as I had expected and I had hoped that I would have a great night sleep. That stress was over, they are gone and being extremely well looked after by the Airline they are flying with.
At 2:30am I woke for my usual toilet break and then proceeded to toss and turn, I was thinking about today and what was to be in store for me when I arrived this morning. I worked myself up to such as state that I only managed a half hours sleep after that. All my meditation and other efforts did not work.
On the way to work I felt as though I couldn’t breath, even though I was almost panting. Reading a book helped take my mind off work for a while but as soon as I arrived at the Train station I started to feel dizzy and anxious about what was waiting for me.
Waiting for the Tram my worst nightmare came true, here was a phone call from work, urging me to hurry up and get into work. This set me shaking and seeing black spots in my vision. I get into the building and head straight to the ladies where I sat for a while balling my eyes out, shaking and panting like I had run a marathon.
I have continued to feel faint all day and have tried to give the fucken bastard clear messages to back off and leave me alone. If I wasn’t convinced to leave work earlier, last night and this morning have put my mind at ease. I can’t wait to be out of here!!!!
Thursday, May 11, 2006
The Big OS Trip
This morning I woke up very early to be driven to the Train station as this afternoon I’m meeting Tim at my parent’s house, where we will be taking them to the airport for their big trip. I did not sleep well last night at all, probably only managed about 5 hours in total.
Part of me feels like a selfish little child as I don’t want my Mummy and Daddy to go overseas. I have a bad feeling about this trip and am really worried how things will go for them over there. My Dad is not a well man, after 2 strokes he has limited movement on his right side, he can walk short distances but is mainly reliant on a wheel chair and since the ‘Family issue’ most recently his memory and temper have gotten a lot worse.
The reason for the trip? Well my Grandmother is very ill, mind you she has been ill for over 15 years. Ever 2-4 years my mother has the urge to go and see her “Because she may die soon”. This has been her excuse for many a trip. I may sound harsh but my mother loves my grandmother unconditionally even though she is treated like crap. It seems that the urge to visit her mother is also an urge to be emotionally abused. There has never been anything that I can say to waver my mother once this ‘urge’ is upon her.
I had hoped being pregnant would sway her to stay, but all I got back was that their trip was only for 7 weeks and they would be back for the birth…and…“Oh just think how many beautiful Hungarian Baby stuff I can bring back”… I would rather them stay here, all the stuff I need I can get here in Australia.
Re-reading this post I do come across selfish and perhaps even a bit jealous, I just don’t understand the need to go when my parents have children here who desperately need them. When the whole ‘family episode’ happened, an inkling of hope stepped in…perhaps they will not go now that Brother needed them….but no my mother was and still is adamant to go.
I just hope and pray that the next 7 weeks fly by and my parents have a good time. My father has very high expectations of his ability to catch public transport and feels that his sisters will be capable to meet his special needs, when ever this is mentioned; I refrain from snorting as his expectations are ridiculous. He can hardly get on a Bus, Train or Tram here in Melbourne let alone doing the same thing in very old City as Budapest, or the old Hungarian small towns.
A lot of friends and family say that there is no need to worry, “Mari you and Bobim are the most important things in your life, concentrate on Bobim and not your Parents trip”, or “There is nothing you can do from Melbourne to help when they are in Hungary don’t stress”. At these comments and other like it I simply nod my head and refrain from speaking my mind.
There is nothing anyone can do or say to stop me from worrying about my parents. I know my parents very well and know that my mother has the tendency to expect great gestures from people and when they don’t happen she cracks it. I also know that my father will not be able to make the trip to visit my grandmother as she lives in a remote hovel of a small (read miniscule) country town where there is no wheelchair friendly transport near by, and he will be left with one of his sisters. Who will look after him?
I also know my Aunties, and whilst they are my family and I love them dearly they have their own lives and it does not stop because Mr and Mrs Mari’s parent from the great land of OZ have arrived. My father has great expectations and it is the let down of those that will hurt him dearly and I have tried to reason and reiterate that it will not be as he expects but he is adamant that I am wrong and his sister will do what he expects. I know this Aunty way too well.
I could go on and on about this all day and it does nothing to alleviate my worry over this God damn pointless trip. Bring on this afternoon so that I can git the farewells over and done with and have my parents come back safely home.
Part of me feels like a selfish little child as I don’t want my Mummy and Daddy to go overseas. I have a bad feeling about this trip and am really worried how things will go for them over there. My Dad is not a well man, after 2 strokes he has limited movement on his right side, he can walk short distances but is mainly reliant on a wheel chair and since the ‘Family issue’ most recently his memory and temper have gotten a lot worse.
The reason for the trip? Well my Grandmother is very ill, mind you she has been ill for over 15 years. Ever 2-4 years my mother has the urge to go and see her “Because she may die soon”. This has been her excuse for many a trip. I may sound harsh but my mother loves my grandmother unconditionally even though she is treated like crap. It seems that the urge to visit her mother is also an urge to be emotionally abused. There has never been anything that I can say to waver my mother once this ‘urge’ is upon her.
I had hoped being pregnant would sway her to stay, but all I got back was that their trip was only for 7 weeks and they would be back for the birth…and…“Oh just think how many beautiful Hungarian Baby stuff I can bring back”… I would rather them stay here, all the stuff I need I can get here in Australia.
Re-reading this post I do come across selfish and perhaps even a bit jealous, I just don’t understand the need to go when my parents have children here who desperately need them. When the whole ‘family episode’ happened, an inkling of hope stepped in…perhaps they will not go now that Brother needed them….but no my mother was and still is adamant to go.
I just hope and pray that the next 7 weeks fly by and my parents have a good time. My father has very high expectations of his ability to catch public transport and feels that his sisters will be capable to meet his special needs, when ever this is mentioned; I refrain from snorting as his expectations are ridiculous. He can hardly get on a Bus, Train or Tram here in Melbourne let alone doing the same thing in very old City as Budapest, or the old Hungarian small towns.
A lot of friends and family say that there is no need to worry, “Mari you and Bobim are the most important things in your life, concentrate on Bobim and not your Parents trip”, or “There is nothing you can do from Melbourne to help when they are in Hungary don’t stress”. At these comments and other like it I simply nod my head and refrain from speaking my mind.
There is nothing anyone can do or say to stop me from worrying about my parents. I know my parents very well and know that my mother has the tendency to expect great gestures from people and when they don’t happen she cracks it. I also know that my father will not be able to make the trip to visit my grandmother as she lives in a remote hovel of a small (read miniscule) country town where there is no wheelchair friendly transport near by, and he will be left with one of his sisters. Who will look after him?
I also know my Aunties, and whilst they are my family and I love them dearly they have their own lives and it does not stop because Mr and Mrs Mari’s parent from the great land of OZ have arrived. My father has great expectations and it is the let down of those that will hurt him dearly and I have tried to reason and reiterate that it will not be as he expects but he is adamant that I am wrong and his sister will do what he expects. I know this Aunty way too well.
I could go on and on about this all day and it does nothing to alleviate my worry over this God damn pointless trip. Bring on this afternoon so that I can git the farewells over and done with and have my parents come back safely home.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Prenatal Class 2
Last night we went through different breathing techniques to help deal with pain. Which simply involved to Breathing in (1, 2, 3) and breathing out (1, 2, 3, 4, 5). Husbands where encouraged to place there hands on their wives rib cage to feel them breathing in deeply. I couldn’t look at Tim properly as I just burst out laughing and honestly I wasn’t comfortable in that position. He was also then encouraged to hold my rib cage from behind.
The massage part was really nice and it was good to have the wives first do the massage on the Husbands, Tim is already quite used to rubbing my back we were just shown some new techniques. Last nights lesson helped prepare me more on some ideas on how to cope. The main message that I got from the class was that my body will instinctively act / go into positions to help deal with pain.
Tim and I had a great discussion afterwards on the management of pain and I believe that we already have a general plan to deal through the pain. I sometimes suffer from bad headache and where I know that this has nothing to do with Labour pain, the pain management that Tim and I have I believe will help. He simply puts pressure on my head to alleviate the pain, or strokes (almost like tickles) my neck and back.
There have been times where I have suffered really bad back pain and the stroking and hand pressure being applied to ‘the’ areas has always helped me through the worst of it.
The new thing that I learnt last night was where to expect the Labour pain, I had never thought of this before. I had heard that labour starts off like Period Pain but obviously gets 20 to 100 times worse. We were told some women suffer labour pains up near their tummies, or below the belly button. Others just have bad back pain, which shocked me as I would never associate Labour pain only being felt in the back. We were also told that others feel it in their legs towards the groin area. All very interesting to me, and it is hard to predict where anyone will feel it.
The Physio did ask if we were expecting pain, I had no illusions of this, I’m expecting so much pain that it sometimes scares me. Tim noticed a frightened, terrified doe eye look and asked me afterwards if I was scared. I’m not scared of the pain, as I’m confident that we together can manage it, I’m scared that I will not be able to cope with a long labour. That I will be hysterically crying for a Caesarean anything to get my baby out, the lack of control and how I may react is what scares me more than anything.
It still amazes me how some first time mums have not attended any type of classes, I can not fathom how they coped or how they prepared. Both of us feel lucky that we are attending these sessions even if it is just to help alleviate panic or build up confidences.
The massage part was really nice and it was good to have the wives first do the massage on the Husbands, Tim is already quite used to rubbing my back we were just shown some new techniques. Last nights lesson helped prepare me more on some ideas on how to cope. The main message that I got from the class was that my body will instinctively act / go into positions to help deal with pain.
Tim and I had a great discussion afterwards on the management of pain and I believe that we already have a general plan to deal through the pain. I sometimes suffer from bad headache and where I know that this has nothing to do with Labour pain, the pain management that Tim and I have I believe will help. He simply puts pressure on my head to alleviate the pain, or strokes (almost like tickles) my neck and back.
There have been times where I have suffered really bad back pain and the stroking and hand pressure being applied to ‘the’ areas has always helped me through the worst of it.
The new thing that I learnt last night was where to expect the Labour pain, I had never thought of this before. I had heard that labour starts off like Period Pain but obviously gets 20 to 100 times worse. We were told some women suffer labour pains up near their tummies, or below the belly button. Others just have bad back pain, which shocked me as I would never associate Labour pain only being felt in the back. We were also told that others feel it in their legs towards the groin area. All very interesting to me, and it is hard to predict where anyone will feel it.
The Physio did ask if we were expecting pain, I had no illusions of this, I’m expecting so much pain that it sometimes scares me. Tim noticed a frightened, terrified doe eye look and asked me afterwards if I was scared. I’m not scared of the pain, as I’m confident that we together can manage it, I’m scared that I will not be able to cope with a long labour. That I will be hysterically crying for a Caesarean anything to get my baby out, the lack of control and how I may react is what scares me more than anything.
It still amazes me how some first time mums have not attended any type of classes, I can not fathom how they coped or how they prepared. Both of us feel lucky that we are attending these sessions even if it is just to help alleviate panic or build up confidences.
Monday, May 08, 2006
When to leave work?
That has been the question that has been plaguing me since Friday afternoon. I had to leave work early on Friday as I was falling asleep at my desk. I may not suffer from much back pain, cramps, nose bleeds, too bad constipation (thankfully that problem is well in hand now), or bladder problems. What I do suffer from is an overdose of tiredness; I wake up refreshed and happily go about eating breakfast and getting ready for work. Just when I’m about to leave the house I have an overwhelming NEED to crawl back into bed and sleep for the next 5 hours straight!
But I don’t I trudge down to the Train station and once on the train I can happily read my journey away. I can handle the hour train ride to the city, the books I read provide my mind with the escapism of the real world.
Once at work I achieve about an hours solid work, answering emails, working on documentation or Testing. Then about NOW I hit a wall where I feel the NEED to sleep again, perhaps it is now that people are finally arriving to work and the general discussion about weekends and evenings is discussed and I’m distracted.
To fight the feeling I eat a muesli bar that Bobim appreciates, and have a happily kicking baby for the next hour or so. I’m lucky that we have ‘flexible’ working hours here, which for me is a brilliant invention. Since returning to work in January I have not had a ‘proper’ lunch break, I eat my lunch whilst I continue working. It allows me the flexibility to arrive later but still leave around 4:30pm each afternoon. I still manage my required working hours, if there is a meeting in the afternoon, or I do have a lunch break then my afternoon is shot and I can’t work at all, or if I spend too much time in blog land or surfing. I hit a brick wall, there have been times most recently where I have nodded off for a few minutes typing in mid sentence.
It is not like I’m not getting enough sleep, most nights I’m in bed by 8pm sometimes earlier and sleep a good 8-12 hours depending if it is weekday or weekend. Even with the interruptions to the nightly toilet visits I still manage a good 2-3 hours at a time.
The more I progress through this pregnancy the more I know that this ‘tiredness’ will not get better. I had initially indicated to Management that I would leave work mid July, but since Friday I have been considering leaving at the End of June. I feel better about this decision, part of me can deal with the fact that I will be here May and June. July and August I will be at home nesting, doing nothing…whatever. Now all I have to do is tell my Boss.
But I don’t I trudge down to the Train station and once on the train I can happily read my journey away. I can handle the hour train ride to the city, the books I read provide my mind with the escapism of the real world.
Once at work I achieve about an hours solid work, answering emails, working on documentation or Testing. Then about NOW I hit a wall where I feel the NEED to sleep again, perhaps it is now that people are finally arriving to work and the general discussion about weekends and evenings is discussed and I’m distracted.
To fight the feeling I eat a muesli bar that Bobim appreciates, and have a happily kicking baby for the next hour or so. I’m lucky that we have ‘flexible’ working hours here, which for me is a brilliant invention. Since returning to work in January I have not had a ‘proper’ lunch break, I eat my lunch whilst I continue working. It allows me the flexibility to arrive later but still leave around 4:30pm each afternoon. I still manage my required working hours, if there is a meeting in the afternoon, or I do have a lunch break then my afternoon is shot and I can’t work at all, or if I spend too much time in blog land or surfing. I hit a brick wall, there have been times most recently where I have nodded off for a few minutes typing in mid sentence.
It is not like I’m not getting enough sleep, most nights I’m in bed by 8pm sometimes earlier and sleep a good 8-12 hours depending if it is weekday or weekend. Even with the interruptions to the nightly toilet visits I still manage a good 2-3 hours at a time.
The more I progress through this pregnancy the more I know that this ‘tiredness’ will not get better. I had initially indicated to Management that I would leave work mid July, but since Friday I have been considering leaving at the End of June. I feel better about this decision, part of me can deal with the fact that I will be here May and June. July and August I will be at home nesting, doing nothing…whatever. Now all I have to do is tell my Boss.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Baby movement
I think that I may have jinxed myself in the previous post, saying how nice it was to feel Bobim kick. Whilst I'm very glad that I have a Baby that moves a lot is can be quite difficult to sit in one place and work when he is playing footy with my bladder and the kicks are getting quite sore.
Most of the day has seen me walking around the department when Bobim's kicks get too much to try and get him to sleep. Does anyone else out there have any suggestions on how to make this one sleep a little so that I can get some work done.
Looks like I'm off for another walk!
Most of the day has seen me walking around the department when Bobim's kicks get too much to try and get him to sleep. Does anyone else out there have any suggestions on how to make this one sleep a little so that I can get some work done.
Looks like I'm off for another walk!
Class 1)
Last night was our first of seven ‘Birth and Parenting Classes’, here is the program for each class:
1 Pre Natal Exercises
* Relaxation Technique for use in Labour
2. First & Second Stage of Labour
* Breathing Techniques
* Managing Backache Labour
* Giving Birth
3. Ante Natal Care & Preparation
* Introductions & Expectations
* Car Restraints
* When to come to Hospital
* Why prepare for Birth
4. Normal Labour and Tour
* Anatomy & Physiology of Pregnancy & Labour
* Stages of Labour
* Coping Mechanisms – Self Help & Medical Assistance
* Birth Video
* Pain Relief
5. Variations in Labour
* Unexpected outcomes
* Epidural Video
* Tour of Labour Ward
* Interventions in Labour
6. Newborn
* Breast Feeding
* Baby Bathing
* Baby Care
7. Going home
* Parenting & Coping Mechanisms
* Vaccination & Vitamin K
* Community support
* SIDS
* Circumcision
* Revision of Labour
There were 14 couples present last night all for their first child; it was nice to see so many big baby bellies in one room. There were ladies further along the pregnancy path and others that were roughly around the same time frame as me. Tim and I did notice that I had the smallest baby bellies, I was not the smallest women there nor the largest, but my Baby bump in comparison was and is quite small.
I’m sure that by the end of the Classes I will have had an information overload and perhaps even have the same things reiterated over and over. But last night I learnt that there were 3 stages of labour, the first is expected to last an average of 8 to 12 hours, the second to average 1 to 2 hours and the third about 20 minutes. The first is where your cervix dilates, the second is the actual birth and the third is the placenta.
We learnt some great exercises that will help prepare for labour and afterwards, things like the Pelvic Floor exercise, pelvic tilting exercise and abdominal tensing exercises. There were some relaxation techniques taught and we were encouraged to try them during the day whilst at work.
I had no real expectations of the class and got a lot out of it, even if it was hearing the complaints for other women with sore backs, legs, arms, feet and so on. I looked to Tim and was just amazed at how well I was going in comparison.
I did feel very lucky, honoured, privileged that I had made it far enough in this pregnancy to be able to attend these classes. This morning Bobim just felt so much more real and not a fantasy dream.
Monday, May 01, 2006
MIA
Some may have noticed my absence from the posting world, I don't really want to go into too much detail, other than my Family needed me.
After a little scare with my blood pressure which dropped to 100 over 50, Bobim and I are ok.
I'm looking forward to the start of my Physio / Midwife Classes tomorrow night.
After a little scare with my blood pressure which dropped to 100 over 50, Bobim and I are ok.
I'm looking forward to the start of my Physio / Midwife Classes tomorrow night.
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