Wednesday, January 28, 2009

What is the point of all this practice?

I think that I would welcome these Braxton hicks contractions more if I knew that I would be having these babies naturally. Since my first OB appointment a vaginal delivery has never been an option for me and I’m ok with that.

After my post yesterday I did crawl back into bed to knuckle down to some solid hours of reading when the regular waves started coming. They were not too bad at first but started getting stronger.

My first thought was that I had missed taking the pain relief medication on time, but remembered that I took them at breakfast and still had another hour before I could take more.

My second thought was “Oh not again…I really don’t want to cry wolf”. So I called Tim and he was able to come home and off we went to see the OB.

I was livid and angry, furious actually as I KNEW that it was false labour again and I just didn’t want to make any fuss. I was able to handle the pain talk, walk and even cook through it all with no troubles. There were stronger ones now and then but they were not regular.

I think that you could tell by my facial expression that I was not impressed with my body nor this pain, as the OB was more attentive yesterday.

Another internal exam to confirm that cervix is still closed and not dilating. I had my eyes closed during the exam and Tim told me afterwards that the OB face was one of great relief when he announced his observations.

Apparently there is nothing extra that I can do that I’m not already doing, rest, rest and more rest.

I decided that I would stop taking the Panadol as if it is not helping, I don’t see the point. I consider myself very lucky that I’ve made it this far and I now know that he will be delivering these babies. I just pray with all my heart that I make it another week, so that I can have these babies at my hospital of choice and also so that my Mum is home.

I had an Osteopath appointment this morning for my pelvis and was totally blown away that he told me that our little girl which is on my right hand side is head down almost ready to engage. All throughout this pregnancy our little boy has been the closets to the cervix.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

34 Weeks

The books say that the average size from head to bum at this stage is 30 cm (times that by 2) and the average weight is 2.1kg (again times that by 2). I think that I mentioned this earlier but I have not been weighed during this pregnancy when I visit the OB, but just out of curiosity I’ve been keeping an eye on my own weight and I was totally shocked yesterday when I jumped on the scales to see that I had gained 5 kg in 2 weeks.

Tim just laughed at me and said that with 4.3kg of baby, plus amniotic fluid and placenta what more do I expect? He also said that I was all baby.

I had a inkling that the Panadol regime would not last me that long and the pain relief is no longer lasting 4 hours, as I’ve been getting niggles throughout the 4 hour period.

My MIL wanted to understand why is it that I’m having these contractions, what is it that is going on, is it because I’m stressed, doing too much, lifting Jordan, bending over.

The twin book (that is permanently beside my bed) mentioned that the size of my uterus is not the relative size of a single pregnancy, how can it be where there are two? So consider for a minute that when I was pregnant with Jordy I had Braxton hicks contractions at week 35 and had him at 37 weeks.

The OB mentioned that my uterus is measuring at 37 week gestation last week, so I’m not at all surprised that my body is saying…it is enough now.

I’ve mentioned that I’m reluctant to drive long distances and the longest that I have driven is about 15km away when I picked Ellie up for a visit. But I am itching to get back out there and visiting places and people. Part of me would love to go into the city (about 45-50 km) away for a lunch with my friends from work, but the nesting part of me screams out NO!!!

I’m not nesting like I did with Jordan, no meals have been cooked and stored away, the only thing that I’ve really been concentrating on is having their room ready. The car seats are all in now, yes both cars have 3 cars seats in each. Jordy is getting used to the fact that Rylie and Lilly will be sitting next to him and as he has the New Car seat he seems ok with the concept.

I have retreated into my own world a little and being a bit anti social with Tim. As soon as Jordy goes down for his nap, I’m in bed reading the latest novel from Stephanie Meyer. I’ve already read Twilight and New Moon (it took me this weekend to read New Moon) and now I’m up the third book.

With Jordy I was playing computer games and with these babies, I’m reading about vampires and werewolves…go figure. It is this overwhelming feeling of escaping the ‘real’ world that has me convinced that the end of the pregnancy is near.

The Baby books also suggested that I have gifts ready for when the babies arrive. This has now also been done, Jordy bought both Lilly and Rylie their first Teddy Bears. Jordy will be receiving an Electronic Giggling Troublesome Trucks which has two trucks in the pack (for his Thomas collection) he loves the Troublesome trucks, season 6 of the DVD set which we can play in the hospital and a colouring book.

The urge to finish this post and get back to Bella, Edward and Jacob is just getting too much. So here is Mari, signing off from 34 weeks +1 day pregnant to retreat into her own world.

But just one last thing before I do go, thank you to those people that have sent emails and left comments here. I really appreciate all the kind words and thoughts, especially when I’m so conscious of trying not to “complain” so much about this pregnancy when there are infertiles out there that would love to be in my position, even in pain and discomfort.

I knew that this twin pregnancy would be hard, but I never really understood, how uncomfortable and pain filled the days would be. Part of the reason for this blog is for me to remember all this in the future and perhaps even pass it onto my children when they are older. But it is also a space where I can try to keep myself from going insane.

I have been crying most days, when it has seemed all too much and once the emotions have been released I’m back ok. I was not like this with Jordy and I suppose that I didn’t get a chance to be like this as I worked longer and was not as idle has I have been. Knowing that there are people out there reading this blog and that you have felt the same way, makes it easier to know that it is not just me being ungrateful.

So again thankyou!

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Thank god for midwives

Tim, Jordy and I went back to the hospital yesterday for the additional injection. But instead of just a quick jab the Midwife put me back onto the monitor for about 20 minutes.

All the while Jordy was happily playing in the Birthing suit, we felt that it was important for him to get used to the hospital and try to understand that it is not a scary place at all. I’m proud of the way he handled himself, especially considering it was way past his nap time.

Elaine was the midwife that looked after me yesterday and she was fantastic. Talking to me about how I was feeling (as my feelings of stupidity were still present) she was able to help alleviate this by letting me know that even though what I’ve been feeling is considered “false labor” it is still serious in itself.

Especially as neither of the babies have engaged and if by the off chance that my waters break then the umbilical cord could potential slip down ahead of the baby which can be dangerous. This was the first time I had heard this and was grateful that she explained that it was ok for me to come in 100 times if needs be.

Complete contrast to the day before where the Midwife was confused as to why I went to the hospital instead of the OB rooms.

But I’m happy to report that there have been slight contractions but no more than perhaps 2 an hour and the Panadol seems to be working really well. Elaine asked me when I was booked in for the C-section and when I told her 39 weeks she just looked at me and asked “Do you think that you will make it that far?”

I asked her then “Do you?”, she just shock her head and said “To be honest, I don’t think so”. As my next OB appointment is 2 weeks away Elaine suggested that I come in again on Tuesday to be monitored for another 20 minutes to make sure that there is no more contractions.

I used to count down the weeks in the pregnancy but now it seems that I’m just happy to get through an extra day with these babies still baking away. The pain that I was slowly going insane about has moved onto Heartburn, which is not that bad and I feel almost human again with the exception of a huge baby belly.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

The pregnant woman that cried wolf.

I mentioned to the OB on Thursday that I have an unstable Pelvis and was causing me a lot of pain and that I was not coping very well. The Midwife was very comforting as she could see me fighting back the tears. The OB agreed to take this pregnancy week by week and see how I was coping.

Then yesterday I thought that it was our time, I really did. The contractions were 5 minutes apart and lasted for a minute, plus I couldn’t talk through the pain and needed to concentrate on breathing.

They started on Thursday night around 6 pm, I took some Panadol at 8pm and was able to sleep until 11pm then from 11 to 4am I was walking around the house, dealing with the pain every 5 minutes.

I again took Panadol at 12am and then again at 4am and was able to sleep until Tim left for work at 6am. By 10am I called the midwife at the OB surgery telling her my symptoms. Again I was told to go to hospital to be monitored.

Whilst the contractions were registering as pretty strong after an internal exam it became apparent that they were Braxton Hicks again. As my cervix did not show any softness and was tightly closed. On way what a relief but on the other hand, how stupid did I feel and still feel.

I’ve been told to take Panadol 4 hourly no matter what as this is the only way to try to help relax my uterus. I was also given a injection for the babies lungs and going back again this afternoon for another shot.

I honestly couldn’t be 100% sure if I had some “show” as I’m bleeding from the Haemorrhoid (not nice). But I’ve been told that if the pain persist even with the 4 hourly dose of Paracetamol then I’m to go back for more monitoring as it is better to be safe than sorry.

The one good thing about all of this is that my back and Haemorrhoid pain have gone, it seems that the babies have moved off the Sciatic nerve and what a relief!!!

There has been talk of hospitalisation and monitoring but as I’m very close to the hospital and have a decent amount of support my OB was reluctant to have me stay as long as I called at the first sign of anything different.

When I got home from the hospital I turned to my MIL and said "One day it will the real thing", and I had to wonder if the hospital and my OB will see me as the woman that constantly cried wolf...or in my instance "It is time!"

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Deck of Cards

I’m laying the cards on the table and I need to be 100% honest about how I’m feeling and these past 3 days have been bad, the worst in this whole pregnancy. Last Wednesday when I was in hospital was a walk in the park compared to how I’m coping now.

The pain in my back and leg is not easing up at all and I’ve also got hemorrhoids to add to the mix.

Part of me is glad that Jordy is in Child Care as I don’t want him to see me sobbing away because of the pain. The lack of sleep is also not helping I’m up every 2 hours now.

Ok so I’m going to lay the trump card on the table now. I am over this pregnancy and I want these babies out…soon. I would not do anything to jeopardise the health of these babies but I just don’t know how long I’m going to last, mentally and emotionally.

I did speak to the OB about the date for the scheduled Cesarean, I have deliberately not told family the date as I really don’t want to wait until 39 weeks. Just the thought of another 6 weeks of this pain causes tears to well in my eyes.

Yesterday I was that desperate that Tim kindly massaged my lower back which really helped and alleviated the pain until I walked to the toilet. My darling little boy also climbed up onto the bed and rubbed his hands on my back all the while saying Mummy back sore.

Part of me is almost willing these babies to come soon as I just don’t think that I can really cope for much longer. I’m seeing the OB again tomorrow morning and perhaps it is a good thing that I’m this emotional.

Monday, January 19, 2009

33 Weeks

WOW I’m relieved that I’ve made it this far and the only thing that I can really complain about is the Sciatica and not being able to bend over to pick things up and of course I’m dropping everything.

I don’t handle pain very well, I would like to meet the people that do, but the Sciatica is starting to do my head in. After seeing the Osteopath who worked miracles on my back, I simply leant over to put drops in Jordy’s eyes and bang the twinge started.

Right this minute whilst Jordy is asleep I’m literally sitting on a heat pack on the laptop which is balanced on pillows. I’ve learnt with this pain that there are chairs in this house that just not help the Sciatica. Luckily our couch is a good one, but the dinning table chairs and the ones in the study are painful. Also the car seats are not nice either, but I haven’t told Tim this as we would not go anywhere.

The abdominal cramps are getting more intense, which has meant that I simply do not go anywhere. I’m reluctant to driver further than our local Shopping centre. Anywhere further than that I simply what for the weekend.

My excitement of the arrival of Rylie and Lilly is growing day by day. I received a lovely surprise on Friday. A box full of second hand girls and boys clothes and I’m so grateful that my friend gave these to me.

I never received anything second hand for Jordy and there was no one that I could borrow things off. This time around both Lilly and Rylie’s wardrobe is made of new and hand me downs.

I feel that our family of 3 will very soon move onto a family of 5, I feel the need to just stay home and not do anything. I felt this way with Jordan as well, I’ve had a little show and since last Wednesday, I feel that I’m simply just waiting.

My Mum has left now for Hungary and even though I saw her yesterday I’m already missing her.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Hick up's and Surprises


I wake to a sharp cramp on my left side near my ovary. I rub and try to massage the pain away to realise that I’m holding my breath. I let go of the breath I was holding and try to relax, it takes a good minute for the pain to ease, but it move to my lower back.

I thought it was strange at the time but try to go back to sleep. 5 minutes later another cramp, this time it moves quickly too my lower back.

This continues for the next hour, every 5 minutes a contraction. It is worse when I get up and move.

But at 2am I’m able to fall asleep again until 7, when I get up to take Jordy to Child Care.


I decide to call the hospital as I’ve had contractions off and on most of the day. No matter what I’m doing, lying in bed watching TV. Sitting, walking, standing, nothing seems to help stop the pain.

I felt so stupid calling the hospital as the pain was not bad, I was NOT doubled over, I did not need to breath through the wave. But I was having more than 4 in an hour and they were lasting for a minute.

My MIL takes me in to the hospital and I’m hooked up an monitored for about an hour and then sent home. Braxton hicks are not fun and the day scared the shit out of me. I’m not ready to have these babies yet.

I was given Panadol in the hospital and was told to take them when I needed to, which I did and since Wednesday I’ve not had any more Braxton hicks.


I had my 32 week ultrasound yesterday and was relieved that both again are doing just great. Rylie has slowed down a little and is weighing in at 1.88kg and Lilly has finally caught up and is weighing in at 1.83kg.

My mother came with me this time, has she is leaving for Europe on Sunday. I thought that it might be a nice treat for her to “see” her new grandchildren just in case they are born whilst she is away.

She was a little disappointed that we couldn’t see their faces. But the news that Lilly had almost doubled her weight in 4 weeks was a relief. There is still a good amount of fluid around each baby and all looks really good.

Monday, January 12, 2009

32 Weeks

3-4 weeks to go I hope. I just want to get to 35 or 36 weeks so that I can go to the local hospital.

My OB appointment last week went well, we are all doing just great. My belly is measuring a nice 36 weeks (even though I was 31.3 weeks). Blood pressure good and no swelling.

The only thing I had to complain about was the lower back pain, which started last week and the midwife mentioned that this was called Sciatica, as soon as I got home I called for an Osteopath appointment. Talk about instant relief with the pain, I still need to use a heat pack daily to alleviate the pain but it is not as bad as it was.

My bags are still not packed and the midwife did indicate that it would be a good idea. So I will do it this week, the babies bag is packed which is typical that I put others before myself. But I enjoyed packing their bag.

My Mum and I brought some of the baby stuff home from storage and I went through the mammoth task of looking at all the boxes of Jordy’s clothes and sorting them out. The Babies draws are now ready and the change table has been moved into the room, Jordy is surprisingly happy to go into their room and climb up onto the change table.

I’ve put a small bed side table into Jordy’s room where he helped me pack the draws, so very cute.

I feel more comfortable now that the cot linen is home and packed away and that their clothes are ready. Nappies, change table and wipes are all ready. The curtains are also up. My Mum continues to offer mountains of support even though she is leaving for Hungary on Sunday.

We even had the concreting worked completed last week, it was not a priority but at least it is finally done and now we can buy a garden shed to bring back all the stuff that is in storage.


I secretly knew when I was last pregnant that Jordan would be the name we give to him when he was born. I had a list ready though, but deep down I knew that he would be Jordan.

When we found out that we were having a Boy and a Girl we started talking about names. Ronan was a name that we got from Star Gate Atlantis, but the only problem that I had with it was no real nick name. Tim was flicking through the baby name book and came up with Rylie Jacob but I’ve just convinced him now that it would be good to our new son Rylan Jacob and have Rylie as his nickname. Just like his older brother is Jordan Jared but he is called Jordy.

Now Tim does not like any girls name that I’ve come up with but I figure that he picked the boys I get to pick the girls. So our daughter will be called Lillian Rose but Lilly for her nick name.

So our children will be Jordy, Rylie and Lilly. Which I absolutely love!

We have been talking about the babies with Jordy from day dot, but now I’ve started saying that they are Jordy’s brother and sister and calling them by their names. Jordy is fascinated with having his name written, Jordy Bestyen (he can’t say our surname correctly). This morning I wrote Jordy Bestyen, Mummy Bestyen, Daddy Bestyen, Rylie and Lilly Bestyen with no reaction.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Here is the bucket....

Jordan has been ill with gastro a number of times, actually I’ve lost count but this is what you get from Child Care. We have an old ice cream container that we use to help in this instance and we call it the bucket. We ask Jordy if he is sick and “do you need the bucket”, he has now associated that bucket with vomiting.

Side bar: this hasn’t started out as a nice post but stay with me as I want to explain what happened yesterday.

As mentioned in my post yesterday I was home alone with Jordy and I was really trying not to push myself, however half an hour before Tim came home I was in a lot of pain. Not Braxton hicks or contractions but a cramp on my right side just below my belly button. I knew that it wasn’t practice or real labour as the pain was constant and did not come and go in waves.

As soon as Tim arrived home I went to lie down in bed to try to relax. With a 2 year old, firstly you don’t get any privacy nor quiet time. So Jordy came into the room and asked in Mummy was sick.

I tried to explain that I was in pain and just needed to lie down, but it was easier to say “Yes Mummy is sick”. He climbed up onto the bed and leaned over and gave me a few little kisses on the cheek and then rushed off.

The next thing I hear is Tim say “Where are you taking that?” and the reply “Mummy sick need bucket”.

My little helpful man ran off to get the vomit bucket to give to me to use as I was sick and needed the bucket, and then proceeded to show me how to use it and insisted that I give the bucket a go!

How cute is that?

I’ve been reluctant to take too much Panadol for the pain, but really needed to yesterday as it was coming up to an hour of suffering from the ligament cramp. 15 minutes after taking Panadol the cramp went away and “Mummy was all better”.

Monday, January 05, 2009

31 Weeks

Saying 5-6 weeks to go, it doesn’t sound that close but when I say 4-5 weeks out loud my heart starts leaping. Shit not a lot of time left…then the anxiety starts again.

Will they be ok at 35 / 36 weeks, will I have to leave one or both in the hospital?

How will I cope, how will Jordy cope, shit there is still so much that needs to be done before I go off to have these babies and 4 weeks is not long.

The babies room has now been painted and the chest of draws are in place, Jordy’s old cot is set up. We did buy another cot but I think that it might be best to leave them in one cot to start with. But we change our minds constantly about this.

Most of Jordy’s baby things are in storage and we have yet to bring them home, which is stressing me a little.

The two car seats and pram are on layby but one car can easily be fitted at a moments notice.

I have yet to pack my bags and I think that I will be doing this after my OB appointment on Thursday. I want to discuss dates with the OB, this limbo land is stressing and I just want to know the date that I will be scheduled in for the C-section.

We have only ever discussed that I would be having a c-section but not when and I need to know the when, especially now that my mother will be in Hungary for 2 weeks (my 33rd and 34th week).

This past week has not been as hard on me, I’m sleeping and eating better, bending down should be out of the question but I have occasionally bathed Jordy. I even managed to do some painting not much but some.

I’m secretly glad that Jordy still has a decent nap during the day as I get to either blog, or just simply put my feet up watching TV. 1.5-2 hours is a decent break and then when he wakes up we are both refreshed and ready to tackle the afternoon.

Tim went back to work today and was / is worried about me being able to look after Jordy. As I’ve said to him it is only Mondays and Fridays when we are on our own and I just make sure that we have a small activity to do in the mornings before his nap time and then the afternoon can be spent at home, outside or drawing. This morning we went to the park where I sat for an hour watching him laughing at the ducks and chasing birds. Now tell me is that strenuous?

I don’t think so!

Happy 2009

I know I’m very late in writing this post but better late than never.

I really only get time to write posts when Jordy is either in Childcare or asleep, otherwise if my little man is awake he is demands to sit next to me on the desk and will constantly as “One game”.

There is a game that he enjoys me playing, and we both see the first signs of PC geek being developed. I don’t mind playing the occasional game and putting on the occasional DVD, but I’m keen to not allow Jordy to dictate his activities.

I don’t want him to be a PC geek glued to the screen 24/7 when the weather is so nice out side, and I don’t want him to be a couch potatoe either. So we only turn “puter” on when he is awake as a reward.

Our New Years eve was very low key, in fact I was in bed by 10pm didn’t fall asleep until 1am (due to all the fireworks happening in the neighbourhood). I didn’t make any new years resolutions as it really does not work for me.

We have started painting the babies room and my brother is over to help and to be honest I’ve been nagging Tim to do this for a while as I’m feeling that time is slipping away.