Friday, May 12, 2006

Being able to breath

This blog sometimes gets bombarded with my work issues, I try to refrain from blogging about work as this online diary is meant to be about falling and staying pregnant and my journey to become a mother.

But….I need to vent and I think that I need some help. My parents departure although hard was not as bad as I had expected and I had hoped that I would have a great night sleep. That stress was over, they are gone and being extremely well looked after by the Airline they are flying with.

At 2:30am I woke for my usual toilet break and then proceeded to toss and turn, I was thinking about today and what was to be in store for me when I arrived this morning. I worked myself up to such as state that I only managed a half hours sleep after that. All my meditation and other efforts did not work.

On the way to work I felt as though I couldn’t breath, even though I was almost panting. Reading a book helped take my mind off work for a while but as soon as I arrived at the Train station I started to feel dizzy and anxious about what was waiting for me.

Waiting for the Tram my worst nightmare came true, here was a phone call from work, urging me to hurry up and get into work. This set me shaking and seeing black spots in my vision. I get into the building and head straight to the ladies where I sat for a while balling my eyes out, shaking and panting like I had run a marathon.

I have continued to feel faint all day and have tried to give the fucken bastard clear messages to back off and leave me alone. If I wasn’t convinced to leave work earlier, last night and this morning have put my mind at ease. I can’t wait to be out of here!!!!

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