Sunday, March 29, 2009
What I have to realise is that there is nothing to “figure out” and nothing to “fix” as there is nothing “wrong” with these kids, other than the refulx of course but we just have to wait until the Zantac kicks in. Some of the feeds are improving and are nice and calm but others are full of arching backed screaming babies.
Instead I would like to share their statistics:
Rylie at last weeks visit to the Maternal and Child Health nurse:
Weight = 4.175 kg
Length = 52 cm
Weight = 3.115kg
Length = 49.5 cm
So no matter what kind of day, evening or night we have, it seems that we are doing something very right as they are gaining weight, which in the end is the most important thing at present. Especially our chubby cheeked little boy, he has surpassed Jordy at this age (3.68kg) although Jordy was 1cm longer.
Clothes wise Rylie has left behind the size 5 and 4 zero’s, there are still a few 4 zero items that can wear comfortably but not for too long! As for Lilly she no longer fits into the premie or 6 zero clothes and some of the 5 zeros clothes are getting too small. When she is in the 4 zero’s though most of them are so very big on her poor little girl.
I’m glad that I have babies in different sizes as it means that the unisex colours will be put to great use as they will be used on both kids.
I’ve started a number of boxes for their clothes, one to return to kind friends that lent me stuff. One for my SIL who is expecting a little girl in June and one for my friend who is due in September and then one for charity.
Finally asleep whilst his little sister is screaming in the cot right next to him.
Continues to sleep whilst I'm feeding Lilly, not bad considering it did take us 2 hours to get him in this state!
Then there are feeds where Rylie is still awake and I put him down to quickly get a top up bottle ready and put Jordy down for his nap and when I return all of 2 minutes later I find this:
Tummy time for a still screaming Lilly, after a big burp then it is yet another top up:
Result of a top up, time it took to settle Lilly this round 2.5 hours.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
It is nearly and I’m terrified as to what the night will entail. The past few nights have been hell, but I suppose it could’ve been a lot worse.
To start with on Sunday night it took us almost 3 hours to settle Rylie to sleep. Non stop crying and constant snacking, then it was Lilly’s turn. We decided to leave them in their own room as we thought that the movement from their bedroom to ours could be causing them to be unsettled (hey were are grasping at anything we can think of).
After they were finally asleep the first feed was ok and worked well, first Rylie and then Lilly but both fell straight back to sleep with out much fuss. Then the feed, where Rylie started crying as he was drinking his bottle, he would take a few gulps and then scream the house down. Tim was feeding Rylie at this stage, as I was feeding Lilly.
It took us another 3 hours of rocking, patting, feeding, and controlled crying, burping for Rylie to finally fall asleep. Tim took today off from work and Jordy went to my In laws for the day so that we could try to sleep (notice the word TRY). But 1:30pm we were both so stressed that I decided to go with my gut and see our GP, as this constant snacking, screaming, crying and arching of his back could not be “NORMAL” baby behavior.
Reflux is what she diagnosed and now Rylie is taking Infant Gavascon and I’m going back on Friday for another check up. To this point Rylie has been the most unsettled, hours on end with the crying. Lilly started now and it has just taken us 4 hours to settle her, poor little girl has worked herself up so much that her eyes are puffy.
So now I’m in bed and instead of going to sleep I’m sitting here blogging as I’m totally terrified as to how the night will go. I don’t want to go to sleep as I don’t see the point, if it is going to take me hours on end to settle these kids to sleep then I may as well just stay up and wait for them to wake up.
The above was written last night and again now I’m sitting in bed with both babies sleeping next to me, Jordy is in child care and I don’t think that I will be venturing too far from this room today.
How was our night well as I expected, at one stage it took Rylie 2 hours (from the start of a feed to when he finally fell asleep) to settle and he ended up sleep on me and it then took Lilly the same time to settle and she ended up sleeping next to me in the bed, as I was patting her to sleep and trying to comfort her.
Picture this: it is 2am Rylie is fast asleep in the cot and Lilly is being burped by Tim and is screaming at the top of her lungs and we are discussing how we are feeling and trying to work out what to do and what could possibly be causing them to be upset. We initially think that Lilly is also suffering from Refulx and I was about to put Gavascon into her bottle when I look over at the counter and see the Formula tin. We are using
So I go out to the Bin to retrieve the other Tin which has the old packaging and sure enough the contents are slightly different and there are new ingredients included.
I called Nestle this morning and they have confirmed that the ingredients are slightly different, the protein is different and has been processed more to mimic breast milk and some of the ingredients are now sourced from another supplier. Also the new packaged version has Omega 3 and 6 included and other things. I complained to the lady over the phone saying that there should’ve been some warning on the tin to say that it has changed, but I was informed that because the change was slightly different they were not legally obligated to mention the difference.
Can you imagine how pissed off I am, I’m now on a mission to inform as many as I can that there is a difference, because I don’t want anyone to go through what I’ve just had to endure. Worst of all I feel so guilty and upset that these poor babies.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Our tiny little girl is very quiet, content and petit, when she is hungry or has a soiled nappy you will hear all about it. Lilly is much easier to burp and settle, she only really cries for a feed and a nappy change. Wind was an issue but (knock on wood) I think that we have that under control.
At her 2 weeks assessment which was done when she was 3.5 weeks old, Lilly has grown 2cm and is now 47cm in length. She gained 330g (0.72lb) in a week and is now weighing in at 2.650kg (5.84lb). I was so very relieved and happy about her weight as it means that no matter how stressful things have been we are at least doing something right.
The maternal child health nurse mentioned that Lilly is very alert and is progressing along well. She is drinking about 110ml’s per bottle is will go anywhere from 3 to 5 hours between feeds.
Lillys head still needs to be supported and she gets a little tummy time each day but doesn’t really last that long. She is still doing the Sleep, wake, nappy change, eat, burp and back to sleep routine, not really awake after a feed as much as Rylie (unless she is concentrating on her bowel movements).
Vocally Lilly makes lots of whimpering noises and content baby noises. When she is getting hungry she sounds like a little piglet when she is sucking on her hand, Very cute!
Our little sensitive boy has really bulked right up, his cheeks are nice and round and there are rolls appearing on his legs. In a week Rylie put on 660g (1.45lb) and is now weighing in at 3.38kg (7.45lb), he has also had a really nice growth spurt and is measuring 50.5 cm in length.
He is a demanding baby that requires more attention, but what I’ve noticed is that if it is time for Lillys feed and she is fussing he will settle much quicker with a dummy to allow me to attend to her.
The maternal child health nurse mentioned that Rylie was acting more like a 6 week old baby than a 3.5 weeks old baby. He was more alert and was smiling happily at her, we have about an hour and a half wake time each day after a feed, in which he will happily sit in the bouncy chair and let Jordy show him all his toys.
Rylie has really great head control and loves tummy time which I try to encourage a few times during the day when I can.
Our little boy grunts a lot it sounds like he is straining to do a poo, when really I think that he sounds like a content little man with a full belly. I’m surprised that Lilly can sleep through all that noise, at the moment all I can hear coming from their room is Rylie grunting away, very funny. Tim is surprised that I can sleep through all his noise, I think that I’ve mentally programmed myself to only wake when either one of them cries . Grunting and making baby noises does not require my attention. Although during the day I will check up to see if they are asleep.
When he is eating will makes a lot of content baby noises. Rylie has also cooed at me and started mimicking facial expressions.
Tonight Jordy and I are starting swimming lessons, which I’m really looking forward to. Tim and I have made extra effort to take Jordy with us when we go out of the house to buy things or run errands. I’ve tried to make it clear to him that only Mummy and Jordy are going swimming not Rylie Lilly, but have no clue if he gets it.
Not as many tantrums as I expected but Jordy is still trying to push the boundaries. The other day we were in the babies room and he pulled down all their books and was happily reading to himself on the floor whilst I was feeding Lilly. When Lilly had finished and I was settling her to sleep I asked Jordy to pick up the books, he started to but as soon as my back was turned he ran away to the other end of the house. After putting Lilly in the cot I raced after him and dragged him back and made him pick up the books.
There are some signs of jealousy which is too be expected, he especially acts up when I’m feeding of the babies. But I’ve noticed that if I allow him to cuddle them before the feed then Jordy is ok with me holding them and feeding them.
Jordy has shown that he can be very protective of his brother and sister. My Mum and I finally took that babies to Child Care to show them off and I let one of his carers hold Lilly (she is also a Lilly). Jordy was totally shocked that someone else was holding Lilly, he went straight up to the carer and told her “Give back to Mummy, that’s mine”. When my Mum was showing off Rylie she was surrounded by Jordy’s friends, who were asking Mum all these questions. Jordy was very anxious trying to get to Mum and protect his brother but could not get through the crowd.
Jordy gives both babies lots of kisses and hugs, he has not shown any aggression towards the babies, other than stating what is his. “That’s Jordys drink, not Rylie Lillys”; and “That’s Jordys spot, not Rylie Lillys.”
He has been doing the early morning feeds if they are after 3:30am, which he seems to be handling much better, even though is he working on top of all that.
Tim came home from work yesterday much like his old self even though he helped and fed the babies in the early morning. But Tim has mentioned that he really can’t sleep from all of Rylies grunting noises, which don’t seem to bother me.
Am I still worried about leaving the kids? No I’m not, I do trust my husband and I can tell by the way he speaks to me if he has had enough sleep to be the ‘normal’ Tim.
Monday, March 16, 2009
I need to write about this weekend and there are some confronting things that I will be talking about and all I ask is that people who know us in real life to respect this post as a means of me being able to let things go. I most likely can not talk about what has happened with you as Tim would be devastated that I’m talking about something so painful and personal.
Finally…finally Tim admitted that he has issues with Rylie he even admitted that he hates his child. I knew that this was how he was feeling and I could also see that he was being very aggressive with him.
It took me sitting down with him and literally nagging him to finally admit that he has violent thoughts about harming Rylie. I don’t know why it is only Rylie that he has an issue with because Lilly acts the same way, the only difference is that Rylie screams louder.
As his wife I knew that he was feeling like this as I could see his over reaction to Rylie, but I also knew that in order for us to move on he needed to admit out aloud how he was feeling.
It was confront for both of us to hear how he was feeling and I needed Tim to know that when he is like this I’m scared to leave any of the kids in his care, because he just over reacts, even with
After lots of screaming, arguing, nagging and crying, I finally decided that Tim is not to help me with the night feeds at all. Even though he feels guilty and feels the need to help as “It is unfair on me”. I don’t care how unfair it is as I need my husband back and not this feral man who is sleep deprived and can’t deal with anything.
The only condition was that Tim needs to allow me to sleep in on the weekends and keep Jordy away from the bedroom.
So Saturday night Tim slept in the study while I did all the night feeds and I was up about 5 times altogether. For me it was a great night, I was more relaxed and I got to deal with the kids they way I wanted to. I slept in until about and woke up to a screaming household, but surprisingly Tim was handling this really well.
Sunday was a really nice day, it was relaxed and the babies were more settled, I think it has something to do with the Braur Colic Relief and also because we were both relaxed. I asked Tim Sunday morning how he was feeling towards Rylie and he said that he didn’t hate him anymore and felt more relaxed.
My mother and father, Tim’s parents and sister have all told me that he just needs to get over how he is feeling and support me and help with the feeds. But for our household and our marriage the support I need from my husband is for him NOT to be sleep deprived and for him to be himself, happy and relaxed.
When Tim is relaxed and has had enough sleep then the babies respond to him much better. He can settle Rylie much quicker than I can and he will not snap at Jordy as much.
I just need to be very strong and not allow my husband back into our marital bed until the babies are sleeping better through the night.
Surprisingly last night they only had one night time 1 am and and Rylie went four hours and Lilly went five hours between feeds.
Tim will admit to people that he hates the new born period (I mean who really likes it?) but it is very difficult for him to admit his violent thoughts towards he own child and he refuses to seek help from professionals and will not go to a group. He wants to deal with things on his own.
How am I coping?
Sleep deprivation is tough but there is a reason and the crying really doesn’t faze me. I know that they cry for a reason, trying to find out what that reason is can be tricky but I also know that things will get better and I can already see both babies attempting to go longer between feeds.
Plus it also helps to know that 3 days out of the week Jordy is in child care and I can sleep when they do if I need to.
I really don’t think that the babies are bad or that unsettled, sure they have wind, but once they have been burped or feed then they can go to sleep on their own. Sure you may need to resettle and put a dummy in and pat them or cuddle but they do settle quit quickly when you’ve worked out what is causing the distress. I know that it could be ten times worse, they both could be screaming for hours on end and I could not have any time to myself or any relief.
But here I am blogging with all three kids sound asleep and I know that Jordy will be sleeping for another hour and the babies have been sleeping soundly since .
We knew that our relationship would be tested newborns just do that, but I never thought that I would contemplate leaving my husband and being worried to leave our kids in his care. He didn’t handle the newborn period with Jordy very well and he was not this bad.
I truly believe that THIS TIME WILL PASS and we will be much better for getting through this time.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
After bathing Rylie at 7pm last night and giving him his bottle, he was wide awake so I put him in the swing chair for a little while, perhaps too long , who knows, because it took me 2 hours to get him to go to sleep. Screaming off and on since 7pm till 9:30pm is not nice.
All this time Lilly is happily sleeping through the crying and screaming. Then she wakes at 10:30 for feed.
We have noticed that both have wind issues and we are using Infacol and Gripe water, which I think at times works...but then again who knows.
During times like last night it is very hard to doubt yourself and go utterly insane. At one point I was tempted to put both of them in the car and go for a drive to see it that would settle them, but I was frightened that I would fall asleep at the wheel.
I keep on saying to myself "This time will pass, it will get worse before it gets better". Over and over to keep myself from breaking down. They are 3.5 weeks old and I hope that at 3 months things will be better. I have to believe that it will be better.
This time will pass....I hope.
This morning we have been trying to settle them since 8:30, the only way I got Rylie to finally fall asleep was to put him on his tummy, which Tim is really against as he doesn't want them to get used to falling asleep on their tummies as he believes that we can never go anywhere as they will not sleep in the car.
But I reckon if it works them why not....
I'm now waiting for Jordy to go to sleep so that I can crash into bed as well.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Fast forward a week and so much has changed. After seeing a Kinesiologist and the Maternal Health Care nurse, we have a sort of routine.
Both are regularly feeding every 3 hours, I noticed a pattern the other night, 10pm, 1am, 4am then 7am. The 1am and 4am feeds are really tough and the 7am is tricky when I take Jordy to child care. But we are managing the past 3 nights like this.
What I have learnt?
I’ve learnt that I need to relax and not stress out when one or both cry and I’ve also learnt that I need to really listen to and trust my instincts.
The other day my Mum and I were having a disagreement about what the babies should wear. I figured that if I was hot and sweating that the babies did not need to be so covered up now that they can regulate the temperatures. I should’ve just changed my babies and gone with my gut as the afternoon was spent consoling two very hot little babies.
Saturday, March 07, 2009
We have noticed that Jordy is very sensitive to when the twins cry and he is constantly with me in their room. When either one of them cries he will pat them on the head (not as gentle as I would like) and say “It’s alright Rylie Lilly”.
I have tried not to be strict about him being in their room as I don’t want him to feel left out.
But in times of stress and being really busy Jordy brings more joy than I would’ve thought possible. When the twins are crying or unsettled and I’m totally stressed, Jordy will do something innocently that makes cracks me up. It is this small bit of laughter during these times that really helps and makes me focus on the fact that this period is short lived.
My special little man, really knows how to help his Mummy right at the perfect time.
Monday, March 02, 2009
There was one day where I realised it was 5pm and I hadn’t given Jordy any lunch, he hadn’t asked and it had just slipped my mind, as you can imagine the water works started.
It is amazing how much you forget what it is like to have newborns and the feelings of being totally baffled as to why your baby is crying when it has been fed, burped, changed and is warm.
Tim and I have both decided that we are going to allow our babies to dictate when they require a feed and not force them to wait the appropriate 3-4 hours as I’ve been advised to do. It is just too hard to have one or both of them hysterical for an hour or so. Also if our little ones decide to wait 5 hours between feeds we are not going to wake them up just because they have gone past the 4 hours.
We do believe strongly in a good routine but we feel that because these babies are so small they know what they want best and even though books, Dr’s, midwives and maternal child health nurses have all told us to try to keep to the 3 to 4 hours feeds, I don’t have the good consciences to leave either one of them screaming for an hour just because they fed 2 hours previously.
I think that a routine will eventuate later but for now we are just letting them dictate what they want.
They are in our room at night, as the second cot has been set up there, I made a change table in the ensuite out of towels and we have wipes, nappies and everything set up there. We find it easier having them in our room than right at the back of the house, plus this way Jordy is not disturbed. Once they are down to one night feed that will be spend the night in their room, like they are during the day.
We have also noticed that if they are not warm then both are very unsettled. We think that it is related to them being so small and perhaps not being able to regulate their own temperatures. The other day when it was 38 degrees (Celsius) I had the window open in their room and they both slept soundly for 4 hours straight. Yet if the house or their room goes below 20 degrees we have noticed that they are unsettled and will not feed as well.
As you can see by the photo below it looks as though we are in the middle of winter rather than near the end of summer with how they are covered.
So how are we coping? We are doing the best that we can and we are coping ok. The support that I have received from my Mum has made it much easier. Plus I thank my lucky stars and God for my husband as I honestly do not think that I would be sane without his help at night and during the day.
Tomorrow will be my first day at home on my own with just the twins and on Friday will be my first day at home with all three kids. The only thing that I’m stressing about tomorrow is how to get Jordy to Child Care with the twins. I really don’t want to disturb them in the morning just for a 15 minute trip, but I guess this is what happens when you are the second and third born, you don’t get the luxury to being left undisturbed like the first born.
Anyway as I was washing the bottles I had to take a photo of how funny it looked to have all the bottles, washed, sterilised and ready for the boiled water. Even we have decided to demand feed our little ones, they are feeding every 3 to 4 hours, but sometimes will feed after 2 if they have done a poo.
Making 10 bottles will not last us 24 hours but I refuse to buy anymore as I know that their feeding patterns will eventually change and at some stage 5 bottles each will be enough. So we are making formula every 12 hours or so just to keep up with the demand.
Tim laughed at me when I was pregnant that I came home from Office Works all excited that I bought permanent markers. But I’ve marked the bottom of each bottle with a blue or red dot, to differentiate between the two. We have recently noticed that Rylie has increased his feeds so it is easy to work out which bottle is which but the coloured dot. In any case I’ve now had the last laugh because it seems that this dot system works well for us.
We all settled to go to bed and as per usual I read a little before falling asleep. At 9:30pm I attempted to relieve my bladder after struggling to get out of bed, there was no such luck and I was in a lot of pain.
I prepared myself mentally for a pain riddled night and moving between the bed and the sofa chair. Every half an hour I attempted to relieve my bladder, with no luck. By 10pm the pain was so bad, just above my ovaries the abdominal cramps were really bad that I thought that I would go crazy with the pain.
Lying on my bed at this point was not an option no position was comfortable and the funniest thing that I can remember is during this whole time I had not had on contraction, just the constant cramping pressure on both sides near my hip bone.
Third attempt at trying to relieve my bladder, this time I went to check up on Jordy and use the toilet across from his room. My little man was still tucked in and fast asleep. I noticed that our neighbour had his light on and by this stage I had become an expert in using all house hold facilities in the dark so I decided to close the door, so as not to wake Jordy.
As I leaned forward whilst on the toilet I heard and felt a big pop and a huge gush of warm water run into the toilet. My waters had broken, my first reaction was one of relief as soon as they had broken the pain that I had been feeling for the past 2 hours was gone in that instant. The second thought was how the hell am I going to get from the bathroom to our bedroom.
I decided to wait a little until the gush turned into a trickle and then bolt to the room. I didn’t make it to the bedroom but made it to the front entry way that is tiled and then told Tim to wake up and call his parents as my waters had broken.
Unfortunately his first reaction was to scream at me, my darling husband can’t handle being woke up abruptly in the middle of the night. So here I am standing in the door way to our bedroom leaking aminiotic fluid onto the tiles and can’t do anything about it all the while Tim is grumbling at me.
He throws a towel at me and I race to the shower and jump in. I hear Tim talking to his parent and whilst I’m still in the shower they arrive. Luckily my Mum had given me a Tena lady pad and I put that one and got dressed, finished putting the last minute things into my bag and called the hospital.
By this stage I had a few contraction a bit stronger than the Braxton hicks but nothing to really scream about. Arrived at the hospital and was put on the monitor where the contractions didn’t even register.
All the time we were looking at the clock willing time to go just a little bit faster in order to have these babies born on the 18th rather than the 17th so as not to share their Birthday with their cousin Tina.
18th Feb 2009
Dr K arrived at about 12:30pm and had a quick look and decided that 19 hours between surgeries was enough time for his fingers to start itching. He called everyone in to be ready for 1am.
At one stage we heard Dr K and the midwife discussing when they should put in the catheter. Dr K was saying that he usually does it in theatre but the Midwife was saying she could do it now. He just kept on saying, lets do it in Theatre and when asked my opinion I had to agree, do it when I’m totally numb.
Even though I knew that we coming this experience was different to the birth of Jordy. There were things that I had forgotten about and things that I never felt before. The spinal tap was just as I remembered but being nauseas from the atheistic was a new experience.
Rylie was the first out and gave a great big cry and our little Lilly cried non stop for about an hour or so until she was finally fed with a cup. All through out the surgery Dr K kept a great commentary on what was happening and how the birth was going.
After the Babies were born Tim was offered to cut the umbilical cords for each baby, which he wasn’t able to do for Jordy and I was able to see what the Paediatrician and midwife were doing to the babies.