Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Our bags

I had an OB appointment yesterday and all again is normal. I’m beginning to hate that word…NORMAL…it is a label that just doesn’t really sit well with me. My child should not be normal…he should be considered exceptional, above average, special even. But normal sounds to ordinary and part of me feels so guilty that I’m complaining about my child…this pregnancy being labeled as ‘normal’.

It is likely that Bobim will weight about 3-3.5 kg at birth, which the midwife announced is a ‘decent sized’ baby. Yet the baby books I read say that at 40 weeks Bobim should weigh that much.

I was advised to pack my bags, or at least start packing them. During the classes that we attended way back when…which atm feels like a long time ago. It was suggested that we should have our bags packed by 34 weeks. Tomorrow I will be 35 weeks and all I’ve done is pulled the bag out of the closet.

I’m reluctant to pack this bag….because….becasue it must mean that not only am I really going to have this baby…but ….but I will be bringing him home and….and …..and it means the ultimate long live dream is finally coming true……a baby….in this house….soon…..shit….and …and I’m going to be his Mummy.

I’ve put aside today to finally start packing and start a list of things that I still need to buy….but it is 1pm and I still haven’t started. I have the list from the hospital and a list that I’ve printed off EB. Am I tempting fate? Am I really this blessed? We want Bobim to bake for at least another six weeks should I really be packing now?

OK so I’ve packed his bag and I called my Mum in tears as I felt like such a fraud….is it normal to feel like this or is this a hang up from being infertile??


Em said...

I felt really weird packing my bag and shopping for things like nighties and breast pads and maternity towels (pads). But you do need that bag packed! It was even weirder when I was getting my baby's bag ready. Your feelings seem entirely expected. It's hard to shae the IF stuff, if ever.

Andrew said...

With all the changes going on in your life, biological and otherwise, you should give yourself permission to feel however you want! Congratulations!

Sassy said...

You're going to be a Mum! I think it would be pefectly normal to feel a bit freaked out about it. Hang in there. I'm sure these next few weeks are going to fly by!