Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Third OB appointment

I have totally forgotten to mention how my OB appointment went on the 18th. This time Tim came with me, which I was glad for as he too needs to meet the Dr.

Weight again a loss, urine sample normal, blood pressure normal and heart beat of Bobim just right. Dr felt around on my tummy and was very satisfied all in all a very uneventful visit, perhaps this is why I’ve forgotten to mention it.

This time I did go with a list of questions, which were mainly around some of the topics that I’ve seen on EB. I mentioned to him that I read in a book that you shouldn’t really sleep on your back and only on a particular side. His response was to stop reading books and went onto explain that during labour they sometimes roll women onto their sides to alleviate the back pain and he believes that it was then assumed by some authors as a crucial need during pregnancy. I was advised to sleep how I wanted to.

Then I went onto mention my weight loss and how I’m not even trying to loose weight it just seems to be coming off me. It is not like I’m exercising or even starving myself.

His response was BONUS! I was told if manageable for me to even loose another 10kg before the birth or stay at my current weight with the baby growing but me loosing weight. He was more worried if I were to gain too much weight, due to recovery times and the potential for a difficult pregnancy and difficult birth.

Since I fell pregnant I have lost roughly 11.5 kilo’s an amazing amount of weight considering there is something inside me that should be making me gain weight.

I must admit that I was concerned that Bobim was not getting everything he needed from me and that I was doing the wrong thing. But with the OB’s reassurance I feel much better. I feel the need to stress that I have not been dieting, shit I’m a bad pregnant infertile as I admit that I eat crap! I don’t exercise, shit I catch the tram instead of walking to the train station, which is 2 blocks away from my work and it is down hill!

Next appointment was 4 weeks from then and it is the 15th May.

Monday, April 24, 2006


I can’t think of a better title post, but I have a great need to dump this crap out of my system.

Today is just not a good day to be around me. I don’t want to be here at work, I would rather be at home and I hate the prospect of potentially needing to work tomorrow when it is a Public Holiday.

A work colleague of mine often sees me surfing others blogs during my lunch breaks and asked me why I would even think of broadcasting my feelings thoughts on the net. It got me thinking, why is that I blog?

I met another IF yesterday afternoon, I had ‘known of’ her for a while but we had not meet before. Without going into too much detail of her experience, she is further down the AC road than I was, and unfortunately would’ve been due at the same time as me, if she had not miscarried her twins. So unfair, and I admitted to her that I was nervous about meeting her and being pregnant as it was such an in your face reminder.

We probably spent the whole afternoon talking IF and everything to do with it; it was nice to meet another that just ‘got it’. Which is how fucked up the IF / AC road really is.

I spoke of my blog and the need to read others in the same situation, during our conversation I was shocked that she also felt so overwhelmed with the knowledge of how common IF really is. This brought out the main reason for this blog, I started surfing the net and getting hooked into Baby TTC websites purely because I NEEDED to know that I was not alone.

I even went onto say that the main reason I blog about everything to do with this journey is so that 1) I don’t ever forget this crap (not that it is likely) 2) Even if someone is reading my rubbish and who is also having a bad day and realises that the IF world is not that big and they are not alone then I’ve achieved far more than what I set out do.

But why blog now that I’m pregnant? I think it is because I’m not there yet, I have not reach my destination and once Bobim is here, I know that I will still feel Infertile. Plus Tim and I are already planning on waiting a year to try again, why? Well if Bobim #2 is going to take another fucking 3 years then we feel that we better start soon.

Our biggest regret in our marriage to date for both of us is that we did wait so long to start….

My Bobim update is simply that the Bumps and tickles have now progress to some kind of weird gassy feeling that feels like more of a smallish ball being dropped and kicked and punched….Moving on from Bumps ‘n tickles to Kicks and Punches.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Easter 2006 in Review

It has been a little while since I updated. Not once did I think about logging onto a PC over the Easter break.

Tim and I had planned on building a Gate at the side of our house, it has been on our list of things to do for a long time. It is a great sense of achievement when I pull up into the drive and see the Gate there. It means that we can get moving onto some other tasks that are on our list of things to do.

My parents spent most of the break with us, it was nice to have others in the house. The only thing that I found quite difficult to deal with was the way Anyu was treating me like an invalid. I was not allowed to reach for anything and was not allowed to lift anything, it just got very annoying.

Saturday night we had dinner at my sisters place and for once this year she did not drink at all. I would like to know how she went on Easter Day but I was more than relieved that she didn’t do it with just us there.

Easter Sunday we had lunch at my in law’s and it was nice to see my SIL, BIL and little nephew. What a cute little boy and so very well behaved, he likes to be held during the day whilst asleep and I love my SIL for allowing me to holding for a long time. At one point I had Nephew kicking me on the outside and Bobim kicking me on the inside. It was a beautiful feeling.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Bits and peices

There are so many small things that I’ve been wanting to blog about recently that I thought that I would put them all into one post.


It is the root / vegtable of all evil in my book. I do not cook with it and in my culture that is unheard off, “you must have garlic tis the essence of life right?..WRONG” I don’t mind the smell of it when it is cooking, I just can’t handle the smell of what is does to ones breath and body odour.

Before I was pregnant I could tolerate the smell, you know the next morning, 2 hour after you’ve eaten it smell. But now I’m dry retching at the hint of it. In my books it is deemed evil and should NOT be allowed in my presences. There was a weekend not too long ago where my darling Mimi ate, some garlic pizza and pasta that was swimming in the evil stuff. I could not sleep in the same room as him that night. It was awful, it almost got that bad that I needed to leave the house, as the smell was wafting down the corridor to the room I was attempting to sleep in.

Vics under the nose and eucalyptus oil on the bed did nothing to help over power the God damn smell and I threw up my breakfast because I happened to walk in the bedroom…nice huh. I have since nicely convinced my Mimi that garlic is off limits, until after….way after Bobim is born.

Weight and Train rides

I’ve already mentioned that I’m overweight, but I have not really talked about how it affects my self esteem. You name the diet and I have tried it, the only one that worked was the Sure Slim one. I have mentioned before that since I’ve fallen pregnant with Bobim that I have been loosing weight, it is not like I’m trying. The kg’s just seem to be dropping.

I can feel my baby bump, but to the public and even my family you would not be able to tell that I’m 5 months pregnant, my belly is just too large. But I’m ok with this, as long as I feel my little one moving around then it is all the reassurance I need.

The public transport here is not that bad in my opinion, I travel 2 hours a day to and from work. The line that I catch is always full of people and I also go out of my way to get to a Train station to ensure that I get a seat. There is not a lot of leg room and the seats a quite squashed together, and my largeness doesn’t help with it all. But it has never been a problem until last night.

As is the norm the train was packed and when this lady sat down next to me, I attempted to move across but was already squashed against the wall the train, she asked kindly for me to move, but there was just no room. The lady in front of me already had her legs in between mine. All through the train trip, the lady (read skinny arsed bitch) was huffing and puffing, rattling her newspaper. Every time she turned her page I got an elbow in my hip and eventually when she got off the train, before getting up I received another nice big elbow for good measure.

Normally this kind of situation would not bother me, I’ve made peace with how I look and really don’t care what other think. I just hated how she made me feel, I was embarrassed and ashamed, about the fact that my right leg was over on her side of the chair. I hated the power she took and used to make me feel small.

I wanted to talk about this as it bother me last night and I didn’t want to give this “skinny arsed bitch” anymore power over me and hindsight is a bad thing…as I would’ve love to have said as she was getting off the train “Excuse me but you seem to have left your elbow in my hip…” or “I hope that you enjoyed poking and abusing a pregnant women”. But I didn’t, I sat there blushing as I willingly gave her to power to make me feel like dirt.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

The 18-20 scan

All went well and it was nice to see our little one again, I can’t get enough of seeing Bobim. I don’t blame Tom Cruise for buying an ultrasound machine, as I would love to see Bobim as many times as possible.

Bobim’s report is that we are ahead of schedule by 2 days and going by this my EDD has now changed to the 21st Aug 2006, I have not been able to update the ticker above as I don’t have access at work.

You know the saying (I bet you have all heard it before) “We don’t care what the gender is just as long as it is healthy”, for me I never ‘got’ this particular saying at all…it was more important to ‘know’ if Bobim was a boy or a girl. But when we were told, is paled into insignificance…right at that moment I got more reassurance knowing that Bobim’s head and weight were exactly in the ‘normal’ range.

After the scan in the car, we sat there stunned for a few minutes both just blinking away not saying much to each other, Mimi finally turns to me and admitted to me the thoughts that were going through both our minds, which was that we were both a little disappointed knowing that we were having a boy.

Then next thing that came out of my mouth was “Do you show the same amount of affection and love to a boy as you do a girl?”…The look of utter disgust on Mimi’s face gave me the answer…I was being stupid…of course you do.

I didn’t sleep well last night as I was stressing over my reaction…Will I love this child as much even if it is a boy?….Why did I want a little girl so much? I realised at 3am this morning that the main reason why I wanted a little girl was because I knew everything there was to know about looking after a girl baby. I was 14 when Ellie was born and spent most of my teenage years helping my sister look after both her girls. I had know idea where to start with a boy….I felt like I had been thrown out of my comfort zone…a boy…shit…..a boy….will I smother and love him too much that he will turn out to a be a pansy?….shit….

I came to realise that I don’t care if my first child is a boy, one day I may get my little girl. But then again it did….doesn’t matter because Bobim’s first report was that he is all ‘normal’…isn’t that amazing?

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

UTI or not?

Thankyou for all your comments…I don’t think that I really did my post justice by describing how I felt that night….

I thought that it was resolved on Friday afternoon, but went along to my GP to check the results of the urine sample that was sent on Wednesday. It wasn’t UTI at all the Hospital Dr had got it wrong, what was the pain and discomfort? I don’t know and neither does the GP, but the good thing is that it hasn’t come back. I was told to stop the antibiotics that were given to me.

Tomorrow is the big day where I have my next ultrasound and find out if Bobim is a boy or a girl. Tim and I are both very excited about seeing Bobim again….mental blank…I’ve forgotten how many times I’ve seen our little one, but for Tim it will only be the second time….the first was the confirmation of the heart beat scan at 6weeks.

This week marks 20 weeks for me (give or take a day), which means that I’m half way through this pregnancy. The week has not started off too good. I’m really struggling with being drained and exhausted like I have run a marathon, but all I did this weekend was knit and not do too much.

Last week as an example even after going to the hospital and getting home late I was still able to drag myself out of bed and get to work…all be it late…but I was ok. This week I can’t seem to keep my eyes open at all and feel myself falling asleep at my desk. It is only Tuesday and I feel this way…how am I going to last the week? I’ve no idea!