A quick update

It is hard to find the time to write blog posts anymore, as I’m enjoying being a Mum to my kids. There are days when it feels like I’m just treading water but then there are other days when it is like a nice walk in the park.

Rylan and Lillian are on the move now, rolling around everywhere. The really only started to move last week and there have been many bumped heads, arms stuck and screaming when they can’t roll back.

They are so cute to watch and it is amazing how quickly they can move off the rug / blanket that I’ve put down.

What I really want to remember are the times when I could be in the kitchen and I hear Rylan screaming shouting and I rush over to see Lilly with a huge grin on her face has she is happily pulling Rylies ears or hair!

Then when it is Lilly’s turn to scream Rylan has rolled on over and is kicking her head or body. People have asked me why I don’t separate them. The funny thing is that they start of at separate ends of the rug and eventually they rollover to each other.

Also love seeing the tug-of-war on toys and sees who wins. There are no tears….yet, but it is still so cute on how they interact with each other.

I know that I’m lucky with how well these two sleep and they really sleep anywhere (even on the beach in a pram whilst on holidays). They are down to two sleeps during the day (sometimes three if they haven’t slept much) and are now both eating very well on solids.

Rylan was a late starter the solids, refused to have anything until just after 6 months old. I started Lilly on solids at 4 months as she started waking through the night for a feed.

My little girl is still small but I like have a petite little one. Some of her clothes are still 000 but she now wears more 00. Last weighing (at six months) she was 6kg and 62cm.

We love love love having a chubby little Buddha (as we call him), you can love him hard, squish him and play a little rough. At 6 months he weighed in at 7.6kg and 68cm, he is now wearing size 0 clothes.

After a little jealousy Jordan really enjoys them, especially Rylie and especially in the car. Most times Lilly is fast asleep and I have two both giggling and laughing at each other. At least it is laughter and not fighting….yet!

We have also finally been able to move Jordy out of nappies and into underwear, except during the sleep time. But nap time and most mornings the nappy is dry. There have been many accidents but mostly it has been a very quick transition.

To be honest though it took a little bit of what I like to call ‘tough love’. Jordan and I had been discussing (read arguing) him wearing undies but he refused to even think about it. I even let him pick out the potty, underwear, read books on potty training…everything that I was told to do. Catch him when he is doing a poo…all that with no success.

Just before bath time every night we would ask if he needed to go to the potty and he happily went with no fuss, so we knew that he could do it. I think that he just had the power and said no…and we gave in…who knows?

There was one morning when I had convinced him to wear his Spiderman underwear and he wore it for half the day, we had 4 accidents. I made no fuss at all, quickly cleaned him up and put on another pair. But after nap time we went out and he refused to change out of the nappy.

I left it for a week, the next Monday I calmly put the nappies away and told him that they were for sleep time and that he was now a big boy and to wear undies…oh the screaming, crying and tantrum, he was crying for the nappy. I stood my ground and gave him two options (this is the tough love part) either undies or naked, I was firm about it as I felt that I needed to be. He didn’t like either, but eventually put on a pair of undies and was distracted by the twins. This who episode of crying took about 30 minutes until he forgot about it all and was laughing at Lilly.

We had more success than accidents and by Thursday that week there were no more accidents. I’m not used to having a toddler in underwear and forget that I need to ask him often if he needs to go to the toilet. Most of the accidents are simply because I forget that he still needs to be reminded.

Most of the time now he simply runs to the potty does his business, empties into the toilet, washes his hands and tells me that he is good boy as he did “Pisi (wee’s) in the potty”.

I had honestly tried every technique that was suggested in the books, magazines and on line. I even went to a potty training seminar run by my local council and was told to be calm and encouraging. It didn’t work for us, I needed to be a little tough and firm with him, perhaps I could be classed as a bad mother or a tough bitch, I don’t know.

Worth it all

If there is anyone that still reads this blog and is going through any type of fertility treatment, either for their first child or additional children. It is worth all the pain, waiting, treatments, Dr appointments, ultrasounds, disappointments, joy and hope.

To see my Jordy playing with Rylan and making him laugh makes my heart almost burst out of my chest with love and fulfillment.

IT is worth it all.

Some Gadgets

There have been two items that we have bought since the twins were born that have made a big impact in our lives.

The first is TIVO, we love our Tivo…sure it is connected to the TV and is just a means to record TV (a DVR) but for us it is a lot more. We have programmed TiVo to record Jordy’s favourite program, so while he is away / sleeping / playing or at child care Tivo will record Bob, Thomas and other shows that he likes.

How has this helped? Well when you are trying to feed two babies at once it is very difficult to keep your toddler at bay. We had a lot trouble with Jordy literally crawling all over me when I was feeding and it didn’t matter who I was feeding. He just chose at that point to want a cuddle. Now we just simply pop on Chugginton, Bob, Finley anything that TiVo has taped for him to watch while we are feeding.

Plus the added bonus is that if we are watching something and one for the kids cry then we can pause live TV, for up to half an hour and the and fast forward the adds.

The second is a small device called an “itzbeen”. There are four buttons on it, one with a picture of a nappy another of a bottle and the third with “zzzz’s” for sleeping. The last button is a spare is it can be used for medication. You simply press any of the buttons and it starts the timer ticking, so it tells you how long it has been since a nappy change, feed or how long they have been asleep or awake.

We have one for Rylan and one for Lilly and it has helped us work out their natural routine. I was forever trying to remember how long it had been between feeds and sleeping and awake times were just too hard to work out and remember. Writing things down became a chore and at one point I even stuck paper to the fridge. Dealing with one baby is hard enough trying to remember all this stuff but when you have two, it is a lot harder and you are forever second guessing and trying to remember all the different times.

With the “itzbeen” you simply have to remember to click a button and the work is done. As soon as we got this gadget we worked out that Lilly could only last 45 minutes awake (she now last up to 2 hours) and we are now is a great routine, both are feeding at the same time and sleeping together as well.

Any friends IRL that are expecting will be receiving this has a gift from us. It was not expensive but the value it has given to us is immeasurable.

Timeline

In this photo I’m 11 years old (1987) and I’ve ventured to Europe by myself for a holiday with my family in Hungary. If I were to pin point where the perception of myself started to change it was after this trip. You see up until this time my nickname from my sister was “Skinny”…and after this trip my mother weighed me and I had put on 6kg…which I think is natural when you are travelling to another country.

I was no longer “skinny”…as I had put on soooo much weight. I distinctly remember being approached in the school yard by some younger kids and directly being asked if it was true that I had put on “that” much weight.

This next photo is taken shortly after this trip and it is a photo of my confirmation.

What do you see?

I see a little girl just starting to grow up, who looks healthy.

In the photo above I’m the one on the far right. I’m between 11 & 13 years old and it is taken at a Hungarian Scout camp. Throughout this time in my life I was constantly being compared to the two girls on my left, who were (as I was told) much skinnier than me.

Looking at this photo now I can’t see anything wrong with my size, but even at this age I was being told that I needed to loose weight and my personal truth was being rewritten.

I’ve cut out all the other girls from this next photo, but at this stage I’m about 14-15 years old and about a size 10 or 12 and in my mind I see myself as being fat.

I’m about 15-16 years old and performing Hungarian Folk dancing, by this age I had learnt how to put on a front and “perform”. I was happy for the camera’s and on the stage, but what my parents really don’t know is that I hated being on the stage. I felt so exposed, especially as I wasn't as thin as some of the other girls on our group.

This next photo is of my Debutant and I’m 16 years old, to prepare for this event my mother made me attend a gym everyday after school and would only feed me salada biscuits as I needed to loose weight. In this photo I think that I’m fat.

Fast forward to my Engagement party I’m 19 years old. Now if I didn’t cope being told that I needed to loose weight from my parents I was now getting it from my soon to be in-laws. I remember showing my mother in-law what I was planning on wearing to the party and she told me that I should not wear the vest or skirt as it made me look fat.

Can you see what she was saying? I sure can’t…

My wedding day (1996)…oh how I hated having photo’s taken off me. Can you believe that my wedding dress is a size 12? Yes that’s right as size 12…I see a young girl who has a little extra weight on her.

Fast froward 7 years to 2003 and I’m 26 years old and Tim and I are in Hungary on a 3 month vacation. After my wedding I really don’t have a lot of photo’s of myself as I think subconsciously I had made other peoples perception of my a reality and I had become the “fat” person.

This is another 2 years later and I think that this is where I’m the heaviest that I’ve ever been.

The last two photo’s are of me in 2006 and just April this year.

I recently had a candid discussion with a dear friend about my weight, you know the saying “Truth hurts”…well some truth was being said to me at the time that I didn’t want to hear. After I got married I piled on the weight and it was no one else fault but my own.

Sure I can easily blame my PCOS condition and the fact that my mother, father, sister and family all through out my childhood told me I was fat, of that I needed to loose some weight. Sure I can easily direct the blame elsewhere and keep my head in the sand, but I don’t want to do that anymore.

My brother and I saw Dr Phil live on Wednesday and there were some messages that really got to me. He spoke about a lot of things and I haven’t even begun to digest all the topics. The one thing though that really made me want to right this post was about Personal Truth.

If from a young age I was being told that I was fat and I was constantly put onto diets to loose weight, then I think that I became the person that I was told I was. I became that fat person, it didn’t matter if I was nice, kind, care, giving, honest and loving. I was TOLD from 11 years old that I was fat, which I didn’t believe.

So as I say I can blame others for that way I look now, but I won’t, sure my personal truth was rewritten by many different people. But I need to take responsibility for the way I look now (and dear friend you were right). I don’t know what this means for me now because I’ve been labelled as the fat girl for so much of my life.

What I want is to be known for the real person I am and not what I look like.

Lilly's Neck - update

Lilly is doing much better now with her neck. It used to be a weekly event where she would be in pain, now it only occurs occasionally and when it does, I no longer rush off to the Osteopath as Tim and I are able to massage it out for her.

She holds her head up really well now, but still does not like a lot of tummy time.

Lilly's Neck

This post has been boiling in me for a while now and I’ve finally have some time (even just a few moments) to put my thoughts down.

Early on we noticed that Lilly tended to flop her head to the side, either left of right and we just thought that it would get better as she grows. As you know we have been seeing an Osteopath quite regularly since the babies have been born and was advised not to give Lilly tummy time due to her neck.

Well it doesn’t seem to be getting any stronger and it breaks my heart when you see the photo’s below.

There are times when Lilly has woken up with her neck so stiff that she can’t move it at all and is in excruciating pain. We can tell that she is in pain by the screaming and howling.

One of these times was at 2am and my Mum happened to be sleeping over, her neck was that bad that I decided to take her to the hospital. The royal children’s to be exact, we figured that there was a paediatrician on call at the hospital and who better to help us with a baby?

I’m still hurt and disappointed by what happened in the ER and it has made me less willing to seek medical advice.

Picture this:(oh how I wish that I had taken a photo of her). Lilly’s right ear was literally stuck on her right shoulder and her right arm was bent up and her hand was under her chin. Every time she tried to mover her head both of her arms would jerk and then she would let out a scream of pain.

I even tried to gently move her head and it was so hard and stiff that it would move but we would have a scream child on our hands. She could not drink as every gulp brought on more pain.

So here we are explaining to the ER Dr that Lilly could not move her head and this was not normal. It was also not normal for her to wake in the middle of the night in screaming pain. All the while Lilly is screaming her head off and there is nothing we could do to settle her.

I was hoping that an X-ray would be done or something to help her, but in the end I was made to feel like an absolute idiot for taking my child to the ER. As at one stage I started crying as her screaming was just too much for my heart to handle. The Dr the started to scrutinize my reaction and started asking me “Why are you crying?”.

In the end another ER Dr was brought in who basically told us “I’m not convinced that there is anything wrong with her”. He examined her and stretched her head and arms, which must of helped as we were able to settle her to sleep after this.

The first ER Dr wrote a letter to my GP basically saying “Parents presented an irritable child, who had a slight head tilt and eventually settled”.

I was so angry and still am very angry of my treatment, it felt as though I was making all this up and because I started to cry it meant that it was possible that I was over reacting.

My mother begs me constantly to take her to a Dr or a specialist and get her checked out. But I’m reluctant to take Lilly to anyone other than an Osteopath. The last time this happened I did take her to the Osteopath, (who is the only professional that agrees that she has issues with her neck) and he said that she had pinched a nerve.

Even my Maternal and Child health nurse did not believe that there was anything to be concerned about. Yet she saw how Rylie can lift his but Lilly just slumps to the side and can barely lift it at all.

At this stage we are at a loss at what to do.

Still here

I know that it has been a while since I last posted, I have been trying to get into some sort of routine. I'm the type of person that likes a bit of structure but I'm also flexible, the routine that I've been trying to establish is a way to help balance our house hold.

The twins are thriving and doing really well, they don't really have a routine but that is not my main concern. My concern was more centered around the other stuff in my life, like house work, paying bills, laundry, cooking and getting out and about.

It felt like all I was doing every day was bottles, feeding, changing nappies and laundry. The house was getting messier and bills were being put off and the Business accounts was last on the list. So I decided to set a day for each task, so that I'm not just putting loads of laundry on and folding laundry up every single day.

Generally Mondays are a relaxing day, where nothing is happening and I just spend as much one on one time with Jordy and the twins. I also try to cook two meals so that I have Monday's and Tuesdays dinners cooked.

Tuesdays are the days that I work, it is the day that I've set aside to work on the Business accounts and pay bills. I'm also starting to reseach an idea that I have for my own little business at home.

Wednesday is that day that I either go to my Mum's house for a visit or she comes here, also I try to organise appointments for this day. Thursday is my cleaning day where I clean the house. Fridays we either go to Mum's group, playgroup of the twins group.

Saturday is my laundry day, so I'm trying to only do laundry once a week.

Sunday Jordy and I go to swimming lessons in the morning and then we go grocery shopping.

What I really like about this routine is that it is flexible as I can change what I do each day and it kind of gives me a purpose. I don't have to clean every Thursday and it doesn't matter if one week it is missed. Same goes for the laundry, that can be done anyday and I can always do it on Mondays if our weekends are busy with visitors or we are visiting others.

Lilly 2 Months

Where did March go? And it is nearly the end of April!!!. Here is Lilly’s 2 month check:

Growth check:

At birth Lilly’s statistics were:

Weight = 2.1kg

Length = 45cm

At her 8 week check, the statistics were:

Weight = 3.5kg

Length = 50cm

Tummy-time: We have tried Tummy time with Lilly and does not like it one bit, plus our Osteopath recommended that we not place her on her tummy until her neck is stronger. She still favours one side but is not in any more pain, she will move her head easily so I’m not that concerned. My Mum constantly stresses about her neck but there is nothing more that we can do.

Eyes: Lilly is looking to have the same eye colour as Jordy, at the moment that are still a dark blue and at times almost looks purple in colour.

Focus: Lilly has really great focus on us and will constantly stare at us when feeding, plus I’ve noticed that she will look at me when I’m dealing with Rylie in the other cot (yes we have separated them now as Rylie was waking Lilly up as he was moving around the cot). I was told that she probably heard my voice but my gut feeling is that she can see better than it is expected.

Hearing: Similar to Rylie, Lilly will turn her head to peoples voices.

Smiles: It is hard to get a smile out of Lilly as she prefers to talk, but she has this cute little special smile that she does whilst talking and it involves her scrunching up her nose and squinting her eyes, very cute. It takes tickling her cheek or chin for her to smile.

Speech: When I get the chance after a feed and Lilly is not sleepy then I will often put her on our bed and lie down next to her and she will babble away. I truly love this time with her, she likes to be with people and not left on her own to play on the floor.

Feeding: Lilly still continues to go long stretches at night and the other night she went 12 hours between feeds, but will go anywhere from 8-10 hours. During the day Lilly will go 2-4 hours between feeds and she is such a dream to feed, she sucks the bottle down and will push it away for a burp and is very easy to burp up don’t even need to pat her back, by simply sitting her up gives you the desired result. She is drinking on average 130ml's per feed.

Sleeping: Whilst Lilly is easy to feed she is very hard to settle and needs to be swaddled and put on her side and loud bassy music needs to be playing. A Hungarian band Bon Bon seems to be doing the trick, once she is asleep we turn the music down. Loud bassy music worked for Jordy and for him it was Justin Timberlake that worked.

Crying: Lilly has different cries and you can easily work out what she is wanting.