Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Bubbles and Popcorn

Being a self confessed Geek; I can’t help but LOVE technology. I love the fact that I can send someone a text (SMS) message and they instantly get it not matter where they are in the world. LOVE IT!!! I love receiving texts as well as it means that the person was thinking about you right at that point and in the instant you know that you were on their mind.

I especially love it because it is the cheapest way I can keep in touch with my relatives in Hungary. All of them have mobiles, but most don’t have access to email so a simple text is the best thing ever invented I think anyway.

The other morning I received a Text from my cousin who has an 8-month-old daughter, generally asking how I was and how the pregnancy was going. She also went on to explain that if I have a feeling of bubbles or popcorn in my belly then it is already the baby.

I automatically assumed that she was getting ahead in time and it would be way to early to feel Bobim…surely.

I must’ve had an odd look on my face last night as Tim ran over and asked me what was so amusing and why was my smile getting bigger and bigger. To my utter surprise I had a big popcorn production in my belly last night and on the way to work this morning.

But I wonder if it is just I WANTING to feel something, or can you actually start feeling something this early, tomorrow being 11 weeks?

Right now I choose to believe that I can feel my Bobim popping corn in my belly.

“Pop away little one, Mummy can feel that you are there and she is loving it!!”

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Filled with questions

I woke this morning filled with all sorts of questions surrounding Bobim and I hope that I’ve remembered them all:

* When do I start cleaning up Bobim’s room?

* When should I start buying baby furniture?

* What kinds of things do I need for the baby, bassinet, cot, change table…what else?

* Cloth versus disposable nappies? When I first started TTC every few months or so I would order 2 cloth fitted nappies, but now there are so many different varieties and such that I don’t know what to do. MIL and my Mum suggest that I go with disposables; part of me doesn’t like that idea as a full time thing.

* When should we paint Bobim’s room?

* Am I even allowed to pain? MIL and Mum say that I can’t lift things does the same thing apply to paint fumes?

Shit I’m just over 10 weeks and already stressing about the room and there not being enough time. It has been an awful summer here the last couple of weeks, dry heat I can handle but the humid sticky as all fuck heat is not wanted here. 2 weeks, yes that’s right 2 weeks of blistering bullshit heat with no relief in sight and it virtually means that you can’t do anything.

Running around to baby stores is out of the question; well it is not out of the question but who can be bothered leaving the relatively cool house to go drive all over town. I for one have barely ventured out of the house on the weekends as I’m just trying to keep cool.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

More mutterings

I have started doing more exercise, my MIL translated from Hungarian says to Tim “Make sure Mari walks more as it will help her with child birth”. I have tole my MIL that I had planned on swimming her response was “Good, good, swimming will help too”.

So Tim and I went for an hour walk and our little Ruppy dog whom loved it, and as the weather has been hot I haven’t had the energy to bear the heat and walk again, hopefully if it cools down a little it will be a daily thing. I’ve also started swimming again, all in the attempts to try to lose weight whilst pregnant.

Speaking of the weight thing I went to see the Dietician on Monday and she wasn’t there so have had to reschedule the meeting for next Monday. I’m a bit sceptical about what she will be able to tell me that I haven’t heard before. Eat healthy blah blah blah, no fried foods, blah, low fat everything blah blah. I might even say to her, “Been there done that, what else do you have up your sleeve?”

Am I allowed to complain?

I haven’t posted in a while, why? Well I’m scared as I don’t want to be hated by other readers of this blog and I don’t want to come across as ungrateful that I’m finally 10 weeks pregnant. The gratefulness that I feel down to my toes is hard to explain, I can’t believe how much I love my little Bobim who is only 3cm or so in length.

I just wish that I wasn’t having such a hard time of it all, the morning sickness comes back with a vengeance if I don’t take Maxalon and even though it is a pregnant friendly drug, I really don’t want to rely on them.

Tiredness is an understatement of the year, I have felt tired in my life before but up until now I may not have really grasped the meaning. I find myself having naps on the weekends and part of me is already planing on a nap tomorrow (Australia Day). I normally can’t sleep during the day but this has all changed, I can sleep in the midst of a 40-degree (Celsius) day with the curtains open.

I’m no longer able to read on the train, I attempt to but every day it is the same thing and that is I end up closing my eyes because I can’t keep them open.

I feel awful complaining about it all, but I also feel very fucking cheated that not only was I lumped with PCOS and fertility issues but also when I did fall pregnant it is not a breeze. Why the fuck did I assume that it would be a breeze? I don’t know but part of me did.

My only consolation is that the worse I feel the more I know Bobim is sticking around and hanging in there, even though I can’t feel anything.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Odds are

Yesterday was my first appointment with the OB/GYN and I’m so very thankful for having been recommended such a caring doctor. I didn’t have to ask for another u/s as he stated within the first 5 minutes of being there that I could ask all my questions and then pop next door to do the scan.

My questions in the end seemed irrelevant but I’m glad that he humoured me with listening to them and answering them. I’ve been referred to a dietician to help try to loose weight whilst pregnant. I’ve never been to see one and really don’t know how much she will be able to help.

My mother came with me yesterday, as Tim had to stay home for the Fridge repairman, my mother was so very excited about seeing the little one, I had both an internal and external u/s. The heart rate this time around was 171, which is normal for 9 weeks; length was 2.5cm, which again is very normal. The amniotic fluid was normal and he could see that the placenta had started growing the yoke was still present.

After the scan these words were issued out of his mouth “You have a 1:100th chance of this pregnancy ending in a miscarriage”. Part of me was relieved to hear the odds but I’ve never really been one to believe in odds that are spewed from people’s mouths.

The worse part was left to the end of the visit, here in Australia pregnant women have the choice of going through a Public Hospital as a Public patient where the Government (Medicare) pays for everything, the down side to this is you really have no choice about which Dr you see. Or you could be a Private Patient in the public system, which means that if your Dr delivers there then you are ok. The Last option is going to a Private Hospital as a Private patient, which means that you may be out of pocket, depending on the insurance cover you posses.

Well for me I have no choice out of the 4 Hospitals closets to my home, 2 being Private and 2 public I am only able to go to St John of God Private hospital, the reason I have no choice? No it is not because the OB doesn’t deliver at all hospitals it is simply because my BMI (body mass index) is too high. 3 Hospitals have a BMI policy of 35 or less and I’m over that, way over that. I did not know about this and felt really dirty and huge. Dr Germany was kind enough to call and check with the hospital to ensure that it was ok for me to go there, whilst I was in the room. Otherwise my last choice would’ve been going to a Public Hospital, which is about 30km away and have someone else deliver this baby and I would possibly be “out of pocket” $2500.00AU!!!!

The last piece of bad news was that I have a higher risk of gestational diabetes due me weight and PCOS, part of me sort of new this but didn’t really understand what it means. Will have to do search on how to best look after myself. But I bet, that reduced stress levels is what is called for and my work situation has not changed, I have now sent a four email to this bastard, asking if the matter of me being taken off the supervisory role is closer to a resolution, I will keep you all posted.

Here is a list of new dates (I’m sure that I have forgotten a few):
- 27th January 2006 – Blood Tests
- 6th February 2006 = 12 weeks
- 14th February 2006 = Next Scan
- 25th February 2006 = Tour of the Hospital

- 6th March 2006 = Next OB/GYN appointment

Monday, January 16, 2006

What I’ve learnt

1) Before washing your gorgeous little cat because you think that she stinks of cat piss or something else, check around the house for the actual smell and don’t automatically assume that it is the little thing lying on top of you.

Yes I washed my cat instead of checking where the bad smell was coming from and about 3 hours later almost washed my other cat because I smelt it again. When in fact it was then Chux washcloth that had gone off. Poor cat, well at least she is clean!

2) If too hot to sleep at night, walk around the house a number of times whilst eating water crackers (to take the edge off the hunger), and drinking cold lemon cordial. If sleep still evades you, then sleep with only a quilt sheet cover on the bottom half of body whilst top half is covered with the actual quilt.

3) Write everything down that you intend on doing for that day (hour even) and follow the list as though your life depends on it. If you find yourself distracted easily, refer back to the list. Actually it is preferable that you hang this list around you neck as otherwise you will be making breakfast 3 times before you get to eat warm toast. Start on task and complete it before moving on. Your abilities to multitask may have diminished.

4) If whilst you are chewing and you can’t finish off the mouth full as you have the urged to vomit every where, take this as a sign that you are now finished with the meal. Do not attempt to finish the meal off as you will be physically unable to and you may require the use of a toilet.

5) If your nausea is causing you much discomfort and you are now unable to withstand the smells associated with Public transport travelling, carry with you a small size tub of Vicks vapour-rub, and dab a small amount under your nose and even in the nostril.

6) The necessity to relieve ones bowels may not be a daily occurrence, this is not a cause for panic that requires a doctor’s visit.

Thursday, January 12, 2006


Is there such a thing as glowing when pregnant? I’ve never really seen it, but then again like other infertiles, I used to keep right away from Pregnant women.

I let someone know yesterday at work that I was pregnant and here is the conversation:

Me: “Just so you know, I’m pregnant”

B: “Yeah I already knew”

Me: “What who told you?, How did you find out? Did H let you know?”

B: “No I knew awhile ago, you’ve been glowing, I noticed just before Christmas, I don’t know but for some reason pregnant women seem to glow and I knew that S was pregnant before she even did a test because she too was glowing.”

In my head: “Glowing me…hmmmpphhh that’s bullshit”

But is it really that….bullshit….do women glow when they are pregnant

Work Vent

I’m having some difficulty with my job, without going into too much detail my Manager seems to be in denial about the fact that YES I AM PREGNANT. I have requested next Tuesday off as Annual Leave and for my Wedding Anniversary in Feb I have asked for 3 days. I have more than enough Leave owing to me. But for some reason he won’t approve the leave, being too worried about the work ahead.

This weekend I started suffering the great side of being pregnant, riding (or rather driving) the porcelain bus. Having my head down the toilet bowl so to speak, all the while smiling away. I travel about an hour to work each way and couldn’t predict when I would need to visit the bus again. So I didn’t go to work on Monday or Tuesday.

Maxalon is now my friend and I don’t leave home without it in my bag. So I have been coping well with the morning sickness, nausea I can handle vomiting anytime of the day is difficult to schedule in. Yesterday morning I approached my Manager to ask for a status update on my Annual Leave request and was taken into a meeting room where I was asked to provide an estimate of the work effort I will be committing to over my pregnancy. In other words I was asked to predict if I would be at work for a full 5 days or should he estimate me being here for only part of the week.

Needless to say I was very upset by all this conversation and expressed my outrage of how I was being treated. When I told my Manager about Bobim I did mention (now on a number of occasions) that I wanted to be removed from the Supervisor role, but continue working on the project. He doesn’t like that idea and refuses to discuss this topic.

Instead I’ve been asked to take on additional responsibilities rather than lighten my load and unfortunately even though I would love to quit, I can’t as Tim is still on working on a casual basis, and we need the money I earn.

I don’t need this in my life right now and I’m stressed and worried when I should be happy and excited, I just feel used and abused. The one bright light in all this was an email I received from my old department asking for people to go back and work there as they are under resourced for the year.

So my question to you is what would you do in my situation?
Would you apply for the new role even though you know you will not be there for the whole year?
Would you just stick it out?
Or, would you just contact the Human Resource department and get them involved?

There is another pregnant lady in this department and I asked this guy if the same questions on sick leave and annual leave were being asked of her….his response….”This has nothing to do with K”…I said yes it does, unless you are treating me the exact same way, it only illustrates how unfairly I’m being treated.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Just a little bit more real

This is our first picture of our Bobim, the scan went really well everthing is normal! It was so sureal seeing the little flickering of the heart beat and the rate was also normal.

I'm not as far along as I thought, actually all the EDD calculators on the net really just calculated from the first day of your last period which for me was the 8/11/2005, but I know I didn't ovulate until the 28/11/2005.

I have adjusted the ticker above and removed the post about being 8 weeks pregnant.

As the title of this post says, Bobim feels a little more real today than before the scan. Next milestone for me is the OB appointment on the 17th of Jan.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

My feet are extremely sore today.

While some infertile’s would be rejoicing with a sigh of relief after receiving positive beta’s and I’m not saying that Tim and I haven’t rejoiced at all. I can’t help feel somewhat extremely cautious.

It feels as though each morning I wake up and I’m on a new square of pavement and it is boiling hot from the sun and has glass, dirt and other sharp bits on it. I see myself looking at my toes and willing them to move a slow shuffling pace. By the end of that day I have only walked one pavement square but it feels like I’ve walked to the moon and back.

I tell myself “Today you are pregnant, be happy relax and enjoy all the attention”, but by mid afternoon all I want to do is go to a very cool and dark corner and just sit holding my tummy protectively, not that I think that this will really protect Bobim from anything but it is a comforting gesture. Actually it was quiet amusing waking up this morning to have both of my arms being wrapt around my tummy.

I can only look forward until Friday, for some reason Friday, for me is one big step along this lonely road. I feel as though once I reach Friday then maybe I can let a little sigh of relief out. Then the next moment I think about the 17th of Jan where I have my first OB appointment after that I will be more relaxed about this pregnancy.

Then I wonder is this what my pregnancy going to be like; living and not breathing until each small milestone is reached?

I don’t feel prepared of this part of the road; maybe I’m just outside my comfort zone, which makes me wonder how did I ever get comfortable on the TTC part of the road? I’m in shock that I’ve just realised that I got nice a comfy in the TTC road…. It had been my life for the past 3 years why wouldn’t you feel comfortable, but by just saying that make my mind reel with obscenities. IT IS NOT RIGHT! I should never have become comfortable there. But I did and now here I am (at work) craving some dark cool corner where I can rock back and forward (like some fucking lunatic) hugging my tummy until Friday is here.

Is it normal to feel like this?

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Happy New Year

We had a quiet night last night, I couldn’t stay up until midnight as I had crashed by 10:30pm. I’m glad that we didn’t do anything as I knew that I wouldn’t make it the whole night.

But boy was it bloody hot here! We’ve had the a/c going for the past 48 hours and I’m praying that today we get some relief with a cool change.

I’m looking forward to this year, Tim’s sister is having her baby in Feb, I’m possibly having mine in August, it is our 10 year wedding anniversary this year and I’m turning 30. Much to look forward to, feeling very positive and optimistic about the new year!

To all my cyber blog friends, I wish you all the happiness, love and peace for this New Year and to my infertile friends; I wish that this year be ‘the’ year for you!