Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Dear Bobim

It has been a while since I’ve written you a letter, but this does not mean that you are not thought of. You kick and move enough for me to never forget that you are with us.

I can’t believe that in less than 3 months I will be able to hold, cuddle and kiss you. Plus see what you look like. When I do picture you now I see you with light brown hair and nose like mine and baby blues eyes and Daddy’s build. No matter what ever you look like you are much dearly loved and already cherished.

I’m having lots of fun trying to pick your name, not a night goes by with out Mummy or Daddy suggesting a name and then doing the 3 name test…test 1 being the nick name, test 2 being the full name and test 3 the most important test being the screaming name. So far all the names we have suggested have passed the 3 tests. Agi neni was kind enough to give me a Hungarian baby name book.

Daddy and I have started painting your room, for something that we never thought that we would do it is a very special time and we are deliberately taking our time in painting to make sure that it is just right and to savour the moments spent there, a lot of love is being put into your room already.

We have ordered your little bed and bought a car seat for Mummy’s car, we are still debating on whether or not to buy another car seat for Daddy’s. If I get my way (which we both know will happen) Daddy’s car too will soon have a seat for you as well.

This past Sunday we went shopping with Aunty Sis and Ellie, we arrived home with our arms full of packages all for you little one. Aunty Sis went a bit crazy and you can bet that Ellie had a hand in what she bought. It was the first time that Aunty Sis got excited about you, which was so nice. Daddy was shocked with the amount of gifts and things that she bought and has promised to buy in the near future. He thinks that you are already spoilt and even suggested that we should hold off on buying you too much.

But secretly little Bobim, I don’t care if you are spoilt and I will continue to buy as much as I can before you arrive. You are also already receiving gifts from family that live in Hungary as Mamma and Pappa are there right now. When ever I call the first thing that is asked is how you are. What a lucky little baby you are to have family that already love you here and family that already love you on the other side of the world.

This is what you have already brought to our lives, much love, joy and happiness. I can honestly say that I’ve never been happier than I am now and knowing that I will be meeting you soon makes me very excited.

Keep moving, keep somersaulting and keep growing little one for it is not long now.

Your loving Mummy


Not meshing

I didn’t believe in the whole ‘jinx’ thing, when I was TTC it would be a weekly ritual that I would buy something small for the baby. I would buy a pair of socks or a singlet or a jumpsuit, just something small to put away in my chest of dreams. It was my way of coping, shaking my fist at fate whilst screaming on the top of my lungs “You will not beat me”.

That was until Friday where I said to my cousins wife “Oh I’ve been lucky that I haven’t caught this autumn / winters cold”. I spoke way too soon as I woke on Saturday to a blocked nose and the start of something nasty.

It has only gotten worse, I’m religiously checking for a fever which thank-god there has been no sign off. But the runny nose has now turned into a deep chesty cough, blocked sinus and head ache. I saw the GP last night and there is nothing that I can take, can’t even pop a cold ‘n flu pill which has always helped in the past.

And….I miss my Mummy as she would’ve been the first one over with Chicken soup. Tim did the next best thing and asked my MIL to make a big batch for me. I could make it myself but Tim put his foot down and told me that it goes against the rules; the person who is sick is not allowed to make the soup.

Lesson for this week is that Pregnancy and bad colds do not mesh well.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Pregnancy Update

On the way to work this morning it dawned on me that I hadn’t really posted about the physical experience of this pregnancy for a while. I want to record how I’m feeling so that next time I can look back and not forget and then panic again.

My mind

Since I fell pregnant with Bobim my memory and mental capacity has really dropped, I’ve noticed that if I have a lunch break or a meeting in the afternoon, I’ve lost my concentration that there is no power on this earth that can help me concentrate again. So to avoid being too tired in the afternoons I don’t have a break from work, I keep going and I keep my mind working until it is time to go home.

Lately I’m having trouble determining the difference between fantasy and reality. I have a dream at night and I wake in the morning convinced that it was real. Most recent episode saw me looking in the wool box for a severed head, yes I was convinced that not only was I capable of killing someone but that I kept the persons head.

My mind is literally mush in the afternoons, waiting on the train platform I stare at the destination sign on the approaching train, I know that it is the right one there are people that I recognise who also disembark at the same train station. Yet I have a slight panic attack through the whole trip wondering if I’m on the right train…..how bizarre I know!

Ok enough about my mental problems cause it is making me feel very uncomfortable and I’m starting to wonder how I do actually function.

Bobim and kicking

From baby websites that I lurk around there are women that count the number of kicks they receive during the day, I haven’t bothered with counting. I wake up he is kicking; I have breakfast and afterwards a lot of kicking / movement; on the train a lot of kicking / movement. Walking, sitting, running, sleeping, relaxing movement, movement, movement. He never seems to stop which is ok if only he gave my bladder a bit of a rest now and then.

The kicking / movement can be painful when my bladder has a hint of urine present. The weirdest feeling in the world is when I have a foot kicked against my cervix….oooch. I feel Bobim mostly from my waist and below, I haven’t had any kicks in the ribs and I doubt that my baby belly will be moving up. I wonder if the ‘old wives’ tales are true that if you carry low then it is a boy. Well I’m having a boy and he is low.


Oh I’m sleeping a lot averaging about 10-11 hours a night even more on the weekends. Although I do have 2-3 hourly trips to the toilet. I’m still able to sleep on my stomach…I know go figure…I’ve started using a ‘squishy’ pillow between my legs to stop me from rolling my back at night.

I’ve gotta stop talking about sleeping as it just reminds me of my bed and how much I crave for it right this minute….


None what so ever, I don’t crave anything different from my normal diet.

Back pain

No back pain, I guess that the ‘relaxin’ hormone has helped alleviate my back pain issues, but that does not stop me from having monthly massages.

Breast / clothes.

My breasts are no bigger I have not had to buy any maternity bra’s, or maternity clothes everything that I have still fits. There are a few pants that I can’t wear to work as they are a little tight…but only just felt that way last week.

The only difference is the colour of my nipples they are a bit darker. Leaking has almost stoped although I will not stop wearing nursing pads as I can just see myself in a meeting and I get this wet patch in the middle of it…better safe than sorry.

Well that was a bit bigger update than I thought…so I will stop now…as I do have work to do…

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Prenatal Class #4

With reluctance we went along last night, the previous weeks class did not leave a good taste of what to expect. I’m glad that we did go along. We had a presentation from a ‘mobile car seat fitting’ company that comes out to your home and fits the seat into your car for a small fee. There was a discussion about the different types of seats and different brands available.

What we didn’t know before last night is that not all child car seats will fit every car, even with a 4WD there is no guarantee that you have enough room in the back seat to fit the one your purchase. We also didn’t know how difficult it is to fit a seat, surely there are just a few bolts to do and ‘she’ll be right?’ apparently not. The best most expensive brand that we have in Australia is the Safe ‘n Sound, which is currently the only company that do their own testing. Child restraint seats are not crash tested in cars….but on boards and other devices.

Without having to have a lengthy discussion on whether or not we would use this companies services, Tim picked up a brochure for the presenter. $60AU (approximately) is a small amount to pay to ensure that the seat if properly fitted to our car. The company also ‘teaches’ first time parents on how to put your baby into and out of the seat. Apparently the Midwives do not and will not help you when you leave the hospital. Small price to pay I think.

Last night was ‘the video night’, we watched a live birth and it wasn’t too bad, gory yes but hey that is what is waiting for me around the corner. I didn’t like looking at the placenta, that bit groused me out, especially with the thought that some people eat it…..yuck.

The human biology amazed us both, learning that the baby’s skull is specifically divided into 4 parts to allow the head to be squashed through the pelvic region left us stunned. What I didn’t know before last night is the reason for the scream after birth is to close the whole in the heart and artery and make the blood flow both ways instead on one way. I also didn’t know that through out this pregnancy I have most likely been having contractions and never really knowing it!

All the birth discussions last night were centred on a ‘normal’ birth. Next week we will be covering ‘unexpected’ births and more pain relief and most importantly when to come to the hospital.

After last weeks disappointment this week was much better and I’m glad that I still preserved to go along.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Prenatal Class #3

Last nights class was made up of a smaller group of couples from the Physio Class and all couples that we had met before. It was the first one with the Midwife, the Agenda was meant to be the following:
- Introduction & Expectations
- Car Restraints
- When to come to Hospital
- Why Prepare for Birth

We didn’t keep to the Agenda as the Car Restraint guy couldn’t make it last night and we didn’t talk about when to come to hospital. There was a very dated (read 80’s cheesy) video on proper nutrition through different stages of pregnancy and important exercises to do, but nothing really new. We did have a small game of matching meanings or acronyms to words often used through pregnancy and birth. Which was OK, and then the Husbands / Partners were asked to right a list of responsibilities during labour, basically what is expected of them or what they think their role is during labour.

I must admit the Men / partners did really well, for me they had the 3 key things on their collective list:
1. Massage
2. Keep mouth shut
3. Support

Obviously the women had much more on our list, for me it showed that the husbands / partners ‘got’ what their role is meant to be.

All in all last nights class was a bit of a let down and not as productive as the previous two classes were. I did ask if Tim participated in coming up with the list and felt very relieved with his answer and a bit more comfortable, as my husband too ‘gets’ what his role will be.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

OB appointment

Yesterday was another standard OB appointment, our report:
- Weight = Same as last time,
- Urine = Fine
- Blood pressure = 135/70 also good
- Babies heartbeat = 150 also good.

Tummy checked and right size for the gestational period. We spoke about my weight again and he was happy that I had not gained anything yet Bobim was growing nicely. We agreed that it was unlikely that I would loose an extra 10kg before the birth but he was happy if I continued to remained at my current weight. I must remember to kiss my child a little extra when I meet him, in Thanks for helping me loose weight!

We spoke about the Colostrum and I was reassured that it was normal and a very good thing.

In the next 3 weeks I have to go and do the Glucose blood test and my next OB appointment is for the 19th June, where I will only be seeing the Midwife as my OB will be on holidays, I suppose that he has to have a life too. Just as long as he will be here for the birth is all I care about.

My first Mothers Day

I didn’t want to make a big deal but I did want it to be acknowledged that I am a mother, or one in the making. I didn’t want a big fancy gift from Mimi marking the occasion, what I did ‘need’ was a nightie to wear when in the hospital.

Most of the day was celebrated at my MIL house where SIL was also present. Our little nephew has grown so much and I got to have a little cuddle which I’m always grateful for. The day for me was just right, SIL and I had a really good discussion about many topics, but mainly about pregnancy, babies and family expectations. It was a good afternoon, it would’ve been better if my mother was in the country. I missed my Mummy that day.

Springing a leak

Saturday night I was busy cooking in the kitchen when all of a sudden I feel my nipples harden, didn’t really think much of it, until I felt ‘something’ cold against my left breast. I checked my top, nothing and then I checked my singlet and sure enough there was a wet patch.

I freaked out, well a mini freak out…how can I have milk now when it is way too early for it to come. I frantically reach for the two Bibles, no answers there. I can’t call my Mother as she is not in the country so I do the next best thing and call my MIL. Apparently it is quite normal to have leakage while pregnant, even this early?

Off to the Supermarket where I had to buy Breast pads. My SIL told me on Sunday that it was Colostrum and sure enough when I checked the Pregnancy books again it did state that some women have a little Colostrum leakage starting in the 5th month.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Being able to breath

This blog sometimes gets bombarded with my work issues, I try to refrain from blogging about work as this online diary is meant to be about falling and staying pregnant and my journey to become a mother.

But….I need to vent and I think that I need some help. My parents departure although hard was not as bad as I had expected and I had hoped that I would have a great night sleep. That stress was over, they are gone and being extremely well looked after by the Airline they are flying with.

At 2:30am I woke for my usual toilet break and then proceeded to toss and turn, I was thinking about today and what was to be in store for me when I arrived this morning. I worked myself up to such as state that I only managed a half hours sleep after that. All my meditation and other efforts did not work.

On the way to work I felt as though I couldn’t breath, even though I was almost panting. Reading a book helped take my mind off work for a while but as soon as I arrived at the Train station I started to feel dizzy and anxious about what was waiting for me.

Waiting for the Tram my worst nightmare came true, here was a phone call from work, urging me to hurry up and get into work. This set me shaking and seeing black spots in my vision. I get into the building and head straight to the ladies where I sat for a while balling my eyes out, shaking and panting like I had run a marathon.

I have continued to feel faint all day and have tried to give the fucken bastard clear messages to back off and leave me alone. If I wasn’t convinced to leave work earlier, last night and this morning have put my mind at ease. I can’t wait to be out of here!!!!

Thursday, May 11, 2006

The Big OS Trip

This morning I woke up very early to be driven to the Train station as this afternoon I’m meeting Tim at my parent’s house, where we will be taking them to the airport for their big trip. I did not sleep well last night at all, probably only managed about 5 hours in total.

Part of me feels like a selfish little child as I don’t want my Mummy and Daddy to go overseas. I have a bad feeling about this trip and am really worried how things will go for them over there. My Dad is not a well man, after 2 strokes he has limited movement on his right side, he can walk short distances but is mainly reliant on a wheel chair and since the ‘Family issue’ most recently his memory and temper have gotten a lot worse.

The reason for the trip? Well my Grandmother is very ill, mind you she has been ill for over 15 years. Ever 2-4 years my mother has the urge to go and see her “Because she may die soon”. This has been her excuse for many a trip. I may sound harsh but my mother loves my grandmother unconditionally even though she is treated like crap. It seems that the urge to visit her mother is also an urge to be emotionally abused. There has never been anything that I can say to waver my mother once this ‘urge’ is upon her.

I had hoped being pregnant would sway her to stay, but all I got back was that their trip was only for 7 weeks and they would be back for the birth…and…“Oh just think how many beautiful Hungarian Baby stuff I can bring back”… I would rather them stay here, all the stuff I need I can get here in Australia.

Re-reading this post I do come across selfish and perhaps even a bit jealous, I just don’t understand the need to go when my parents have children here who desperately need them. When the whole ‘family episode’ happened, an inkling of hope stepped in…perhaps they will not go now that Brother needed them….but no my mother was and still is adamant to go.

I just hope and pray that the next 7 weeks fly by and my parents have a good time. My father has very high expectations of his ability to catch public transport and feels that his sisters will be capable to meet his special needs, when ever this is mentioned; I refrain from snorting as his expectations are ridiculous. He can hardly get on a Bus, Train or Tram here in Melbourne let alone doing the same thing in very old City as Budapest, or the old Hungarian small towns.

A lot of friends and family say that there is no need to worry, “Mari you and Bobim are the most important things in your life, concentrate on Bobim and not your Parents trip”, or “There is nothing you can do from Melbourne to help when they are in Hungary don’t stress”. At these comments and other like it I simply nod my head and refrain from speaking my mind.

There is nothing anyone can do or say to stop me from worrying about my parents. I know my parents very well and know that my mother has the tendency to expect great gestures from people and when they don’t happen she cracks it. I also know that my father will not be able to make the trip to visit my grandmother as she lives in a remote hovel of a small (read miniscule) country town where there is no wheelchair friendly transport near by, and he will be left with one of his sisters. Who will look after him?

I also know my Aunties, and whilst they are my family and I love them dearly they have their own lives and it does not stop because Mr and Mrs Mari’s parent from the great land of OZ have arrived. My father has great expectations and it is the let down of those that will hurt him dearly and I have tried to reason and reiterate that it will not be as he expects but he is adamant that I am wrong and his sister will do what he expects. I know this Aunty way too well.

I could go on and on about this all day and it does nothing to alleviate my worry over this God damn pointless trip. Bring on this afternoon so that I can git the farewells over and done with and have my parents come back safely home.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Prenatal Class 2

Last night we went through different breathing techniques to help deal with pain. Which simply involved to Breathing in (1, 2, 3) and breathing out (1, 2, 3, 4, 5). Husbands where encouraged to place there hands on their wives rib cage to feel them breathing in deeply. I couldn’t look at Tim properly as I just burst out laughing and honestly I wasn’t comfortable in that position. He was also then encouraged to hold my rib cage from behind.

The massage part was really nice and it was good to have the wives first do the massage on the Husbands, Tim is already quite used to rubbing my back we were just shown some new techniques. Last nights lesson helped prepare me more on some ideas on how to cope. The main message that I got from the class was that my body will instinctively act / go into positions to help deal with pain.

Tim and I had a great discussion afterwards on the management of pain and I believe that we already have a general plan to deal through the pain. I sometimes suffer from bad headache and where I know that this has nothing to do with Labour pain, the pain management that Tim and I have I believe will help. He simply puts pressure on my head to alleviate the pain, or strokes (almost like tickles) my neck and back.

There have been times where I have suffered really bad back pain and the stroking and hand pressure being applied to ‘the’ areas has always helped me through the worst of it.

The new thing that I learnt last night was where to expect the Labour pain, I had never thought of this before. I had heard that labour starts off like Period Pain but obviously gets 20 to 100 times worse. We were told some women suffer labour pains up near their tummies, or below the belly button. Others just have bad back pain, which shocked me as I would never associate Labour pain only being felt in the back. We were also told that others feel it in their legs towards the groin area. All very interesting to me, and it is hard to predict where anyone will feel it.

The Physio did ask if we were expecting pain, I had no illusions of this, I’m expecting so much pain that it sometimes scares me. Tim noticed a frightened, terrified doe eye look and asked me afterwards if I was scared. I’m not scared of the pain, as I’m confident that we together can manage it, I’m scared that I will not be able to cope with a long labour. That I will be hysterically crying for a Caesarean anything to get my baby out, the lack of control and how I may react is what scares me more than anything.
It still amazes me how some first time mums have not attended any type of classes, I can not fathom how they coped or how they prepared. Both of us feel lucky that we are attending these sessions even if it is just to help alleviate panic or build up confidences.

Monday, May 08, 2006

When to leave work?

That has been the question that has been plaguing me since Friday afternoon. I had to leave work early on Friday as I was falling asleep at my desk. I may not suffer from much back pain, cramps, nose bleeds, too bad constipation (thankfully that problem is well in hand now), or bladder problems. What I do suffer from is an overdose of tiredness; I wake up refreshed and happily go about eating breakfast and getting ready for work. Just when I’m about to leave the house I have an overwhelming NEED to crawl back into bed and sleep for the next 5 hours straight!

But I don’t I trudge down to the Train station and once on the train I can happily read my journey away. I can handle the hour train ride to the city, the books I read provide my mind with the escapism of the real world.
Once at work I achieve about an hours solid work, answering emails, working on documentation or Testing. Then about NOW I hit a wall where I feel the NEED to sleep again, perhaps it is now that people are finally arriving to work and the general discussion about weekends and evenings is discussed and I’m distracted.

To fight the feeling I eat a muesli bar that Bobim appreciates, and have a happily kicking baby for the next hour or so. I’m lucky that we have ‘flexible’ working hours here, which for me is a brilliant invention. Since returning to work in January I have not had a ‘proper’ lunch break, I eat my lunch whilst I continue working. It allows me the flexibility to arrive later but still leave around 4:30pm each afternoon. I still manage my required working hours, if there is a meeting in the afternoon, or I do have a lunch break then my afternoon is shot and I can’t work at all, or if I spend too much time in blog land or surfing. I hit a brick wall, there have been times most recently where I have nodded off for a few minutes typing in mid sentence.

It is not like I’m not getting enough sleep, most nights I’m in bed by 8pm sometimes earlier and sleep a good 8-12 hours depending if it is weekday or weekend. Even with the interruptions to the nightly toilet visits I still manage a good 2-3 hours at a time.

The more I progress through this pregnancy the more I know that this ‘tiredness’ will not get better. I had initially indicated to Management that I would leave work mid July, but since Friday I have been considering leaving at the End of June. I feel better about this decision, part of me can deal with the fact that I will be here May and June. July and August I will be at home nesting, doing nothing…whatever. Now all I have to do is tell my Boss.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Baby movement

I think that I may have jinxed myself in the previous post, saying how nice it was to feel Bobim kick. Whilst I'm very glad that I have a Baby that moves a lot is can be quite difficult to sit in one place and work when he is playing footy with my bladder and the kicks are getting quite sore.

Most of the day has seen me walking around the department when Bobim's kicks get too much to try and get him to sleep. Does anyone else out there have any suggestions on how to make this one sleep a little so that I can get some work done.

Looks like I'm off for another walk!

Class 1)

Last night was our first of seven ‘Birth and Parenting Classes’, here is the program for each class:
1 Pre Natal Exercises
* Relaxation Technique for use in Labour

2. First & Second Stage of Labour
* Breathing Techniques
* Managing Backache Labour
* Giving Birth

3. Ante Natal Care & Preparation
* Introductions & Expectations
* Car Restraints
* When to come to Hospital
* Why prepare for Birth

4. Normal Labour and Tour
* Anatomy & Physiology of Pregnancy & Labour
* Stages of Labour
* Coping Mechanisms – Self Help & Medical Assistance
* Birth Video
* Pain Relief

5. Variations in Labour
* Unexpected outcomes
* Epidural Video
* Tour of Labour Ward
* Interventions in Labour

6. Newborn
* Breast Feeding
* Baby Bathing
* Baby Care

7. Going home
* Parenting & Coping Mechanisms
* Vaccination & Vitamin K
* Community support
* Circumcision
* Revision of Labour

There were 14 couples present last night all for their first child; it was nice to see so many big baby bellies in one room. There were ladies further along the pregnancy path and others that were roughly around the same time frame as me. Tim and I did notice that I had the smallest baby bellies, I was not the smallest women there nor the largest, but my Baby bump in comparison was and is quite small.

I’m sure that by the end of the Classes I will have had an information overload and perhaps even have the same things reiterated over and over. But last night I learnt that there were 3 stages of labour, the first is expected to last an average of 8 to 12 hours, the second to average 1 to 2 hours and the third about 20 minutes. The first is where your cervix dilates, the second is the actual birth and the third is the placenta.

We learnt some great exercises that will help prepare for labour and afterwards, things like the Pelvic Floor exercise, pelvic tilting exercise and abdominal tensing exercises. There were some relaxation techniques taught and we were encouraged to try them during the day whilst at work.

I had no real expectations of the class and got a lot out of it, even if it was hearing the complaints for other women with sore backs, legs, arms, feet and so on. I looked to Tim and was just amazed at how well I was going in comparison.

I did feel very lucky, honoured, privileged that I had made it far enough in this pregnancy to be able to attend these classes. This morning Bobim just felt so much more real and not a fantasy dream.

Monday, May 01, 2006


Some may have noticed my absence from the posting world, I don't really want to go into too much detail, other than my Family needed me.

After a little scare with my blood pressure which dropped to 100 over 50, Bobim and I are ok.

I'm looking forward to the start of my Physio / Midwife Classes tomorrow night.