Monday, February 27, 2006


I had been looking forward to the Hospital tour for a while and finally booking into the hospital that Bobim will be delivered in (if all goes according to plan). Altogether there were 4 couples, including Tim and I.

I must admit that I was a bit envious with the other ladies as you could definitely tell that they were pregnant, the baby bumps were visible. Unfortunately as I’m already over weight I don’t even know if you will ever be able to tell that I’m pregnant. But I’m ok with that and have accepted that this maybe the case.

We walked into the birthing suit and it was huge, your eyes are struck but the big double bed in the middle of the room, with a big TV on the wall and chairs scattered around the place, a baby bassinette thingy that is used when it is born. Then we took a look at the bathroom and which was also big, actually bigger than the one I have at home. It looked like we had entered a 5 Star Hotel suit rather than a Birthing room.

This particular hospital has 3 birth rooms with the same set up, the one we were ushered into was the biggest, and we were told that the other 2 were smaller. Tim looks at me and says smaller, this one is bigger than our bedroom at home. The rooms that you stay in after the birth were equally as big and impressive.

The hardest part of the visit was seeing the nursery; there was this tiny little girl just near the window under the UV light as she had a small bout of jaundice. It was also good to see a Midwife helping a new mum bath her baby. My grip on Tim’s hand tightens and he looked at me (in Hungarian) I told him that this room was the hardest to see, because I want one (a baby) so much that I felt like sobbing …fucking hormones!

The last part of our tour was sitting down one on one with the Midwife where we discussed all sorts of things, from the birth to the pre-preparation classes to taking my Medical History. I felt so comfortable in her presence and felt reassured that we would be very well looked after. The hospital is a small private one and averages 30 babies a month, so at any given time the average number of mothers there are about 5 per week and there are more than enough Midwifes to give you the care you need. When we visited there were 13 new mums there, which was apparently a very rare occurrence.

I’ve booked into 8 pre-preparation classes, two with a Physio that I have to pay for and the rest with the Midwives from the hospital. I also received a bag of goodies, brochures, sample products and magazines, I spent a good deal of time yesterday devouring all the information. I felt like a kid in a lolly shop.

The whole hospital tour experience has left me with a great sense of awe that sometime in August I will be meeting my very own baby and more than anything I felt blessed that I’ve been granted this little miracle.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

The Room

The other weekend Ellie was staying here to help me. Well actually it was that I was helping her and she was helping me. I had a mini reunion with some High School friends and Tim had gone Water skiing. Plus I didn’t like the thought of being left pregnant and on my own, weird I know but that is how I felt at the time.

About 2 months ago we saw a great deal on a wooden change table for $140.00, we had been looking around and had not seen one that cheap. We kept it in it’s box for a while, I think that we just couldn’t be bother putting it together.

I often go and sit in ‘The Room’ that will one day be converted into Bobim’s room and just day dream and wonder what it will all be like when she/he finally arrives.

Other than the ‘Chest of dreams’ filled with baby clothes ‘The Room’ felt bear and so Ellie and I decided that we would put the change table together. How hard could it be right?

Hmmmpph after about 2 hours we finally got it right and wheeled it into it’s designated place in ‘The Room’, and filled the shelves with all the nappies and baby towels that I had accumulated over the years. ‘The Room’ started feeling like we were waiting for a Baby to arrive.
There is still much to be done and much to buy but I thought that I would show you what ‘The Room’ looks like today.

We still need to:
* Clean the carpets,
* Remove the single bed
* Wash and paint the walls
* Move the chest of draws into ‘The Room’
* Buy and set up the cot
* Move the Ironing table and Christmas Tree
* Clean out the Closet.

Beep breaths Mari and small steps…you have plenty of time!

Holy shit there is so much to do.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Family stuff

Ellie has been spending a great deal of time with me recently, mostly because she is my personal slave. It is always good to have someone that worships the ground that I walk on. Hehe if she were to read this I would be smacked.

Ellie and Tina are not really getting along at the moment and because I have a fucked sister that cares more about her bullshit work and fucking carrer than she does about her kids, Ellie turns to me.

My house has become her haven, which suits me just fine, I have an extra spare of hands and she doesn’t mind being dragged to baby shops, not like Tim who is a bit bored by them now. “Why look when we are not ready to buy” is his motto, obviously he doesn’t get the whole shopping thing.

My sister while continues to promise her girls “As God is my witness I will never drink again”. Cannot keep away from her good old friend Al (alcohol). My BIL is of no help what so ever, if people come over for a dinner party it is apparently a tradition to offer spirits to the guests when they arrive.

So when you arrive, there on the coffee table are about 5 different spirit bottles present, from vodka to baileys, now I guess that for someone that can’t seem to control their drinking having a wide selection of alcohol readily available…at your finger tips doesn’t help.

It is also apparently a tradition to offer wine with your meal, so when BIL asks what everyone would like to drink, my SIS pipes up on the top of her voice “F am I allowed a glass of wine?”. Being a very private person my BIL doesn’t like people to know that they have problems in the house, so he hides it and gets her one. So she is back to square one. Instead of drinking one glass she goes onto finishing the bottle.

I don’t speak to my sister much when she has been drinking as I just can’t handle the same stupid fucking questions being asked and the verbal bullshit that comes out of her mouth. It is obvious to everyone that sits at these dinner parties that she has a problem and I know that there is nothing that can be done until it is admitted. But how many phones does it take saying “I can’t stop drinking, I’m not happy” (and there have been many) for my sister to realise that this is a big problem.

On Saturday it was Tina’s birthday and she was up to her old tricks and honestly I felt like I was conspiring to murder cause I didn’t say anything. Both Tina and Ellie have to say to their mother, “No more drinks, you have had too much”. Tina just turned 13, when this is said in front of people they are reprimanded after the event for spilling “Family issues infront of people”. The people that are present at these times are that Family, Tim and I and BIL parents, yet BIL continues to sweep things under a rug.

I personally don’t know what to do, I can’t fix things but I no longer want to be apart of the charade. Plus I feel that Ellie and Tina need me, do I continue to turn a blind eye? Do I ask before I go if alcohol is being served and if yes then refuse to go?

People in the PC, what would you do in my shoes?

A new addition

I can’t believe that I haven’t told you all about the new addition to our family. My SIL gave birth to a baby boy on the 10th of Feb. Yes it was that long ago and totally slipped my mind.

I suppose that this blog is more about my TTC and Pregnancy journey, rather than documenting details about my life and family. I wonder if this is so bad a thing?

Baby Damoan was a little early but apparently a big boy, measuring 51cm and weighing 3.5kg. But holding him if felt and looked so very tiny and cute.

It broke my heart seeing Tim hold is new nephew as the look of awe on his face just cut deep and even though we know Bobim is with us, he/she still seems so far away. It was very obvious the he was uncomfortable and uncoordinated and never really held a new born before.

My SIL looked so very happy and relaxed when we saw her in the hospital, it was good to see her like that, I did feel outside my comfort zone and was so very nervous about meeting the little one. She was happy to see us and loved the small gift we bought her.

During the visit I finally found out that little Damoan was an accident and not planned at all, I didn’t have the heart to ask her before hand if they had been trying as the knowledge would’ve cut too deeply.

Saturday, February 18, 2006


At precisely this time, they hit. I had never really felt so out of control before. Up until now they never really worked for me, I needed drugs to help me ‘mimic’ what they should’ve been doing before my Bobim was conceived and stuck around.

What are they…….fucking hormones.

To those that work with me, here are a few hints and tips to survive this phase of my pregnancy:
1) When I come into work and am not the usual bright ‘Good morning’ person this is a sign to say hello and move on.
2) If I’m sitting at my desk and have ear phones in listening to music it is a sure sign that I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO ANYONE!
3) If I have warned you that I’m not feeling well, it is code to keep away.
4) Sarcastic comments are under no circumstances welcome.
5) If I’m grumpy, please understand that it is not personal and does not require you to be snooty with me.
6) Oh and if I run off balling my eyes out, it is not a sign to start gossiping about me.
7) Most important of all, do not try and ask me how I am, after an outburst because there is nothing that I can do to control what is happening and no way of knowing how I may react to that question. I could be Bitch queen, or you may have set off a free flowing river that will not stop. But mainly I will feel embarrassed and no one likes to be reminded of an embarrassing situation.

This week at work did not go so well, I’ve never been a sooky lah lah but on Thursday I was and more than anything I’m embarrassed that I balled my eyes out at work over something so not important. Maybe I should email my work mates with the rules above it will save me and them from the rathe that is known as Mari.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

My Valentines Day

On Valentines day 2006 was not filled with beautiful red roses, nor sweet delicious chocolate, nor did I receive a card filled with words of love from my husband or a little fluffy present showing how cherished I am.

But my Valentines day 2006 was the best I’ve ever had…..I saw my Bobim, she/he is one active little baby. It was the greatest wonder in the world see him/her waving its arms and moving around. My little Bobim was too shy to show me his/her face but I got a good look at her/his ear.

After seeing Bobim I was on such a high, that I went straight out and bought something for ‘the’ room.

I also received the news that I was so nervous about. I was told that as I walked in the door for the Downs ultrasound I had a 1:600 chance of Bobim having Downs Syndrome, however the combination of my Blood / Urine tests our chance went to 1:6030.

When I got off the phone I sobbed, I was so very scared of the potential bridge that we may have had to cross.

The only negative was that I did feel quite alone before going off to the scan. Tim couldn’t (or wouldn’t) take time off from work, which honestly really pissed me off. That night I told him that I did feel quite alone and felt that his work (which is just a fucking casual job) felt more important than seeing Bobim. I have given him enough warning that next time there is no excuse he is to come with me. I also mentioned in a nice way that he has misplaced loyalties when it comes to that job, as tomorrow they may turn around and say “You’re the weakest link….Goodbye”.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006


Being 12 weeks today I'm silently screaming my head of in relief. Trying not to get too excited about Bobim but it is hard. A hurdle has been achieved today, how can I not be ecstatic?

I've slowly told people at work about Bobim, mainly those in my project team so that they understood what was happening with me. But I feel that maybe now I can tell the wider audience, but how do I go about doing this?

Let it spread naturally? By telling some big mouths?

I had a meeting this morning and almost blurted it out there at the end when a guy asked me what is news….maybe next time he asks I will tell him.

For me the words sound so strange coming from my mouth “I’m pregnant”. My mind reels and starts going into denial, “No your not, you just wish you were”.

Next milestone is seeing my Bobim in an ultrasound on the 14th Feb.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006


I had some movement....I never thought that I would be happy to have movement!!!

What a relief, well a little anyway!

Updated to say - I didn't mean Baby movement I meant another type of movement that requires a toilet...hehehe.

Low GI

I forgot to mention that I finally met with the Dietician the other week. I was referred to her to help maintain or even lose weight whilst pregnant and reduce the risk of gestational diabetes.

Whilst it was good listening to what she had to say about the Glycemic Index, it was so in your face obvious that she had no clue when it came to pregnancy. She recommended that I go on a Low GI diet, which just screamed FAD FAD FAD diet, but had some truth to it, low sugar levels means lower risk of the diabetes.

We discussed my problems with cooking dinner, cause I told her honestly that for me that is the most difficult meal of the day, by the time I get home from work, I’m 1) so hungry that take away is to much easier and 2) who wants to start cooking a lavish meal.

Some of the alternatives that she offered were very useful, like make Jacket potatoes, salads, kebabs and grilled meats. Then she went on to mention packet meals, you know the ones like Beef stroganoff where the sauce is in a powder form. I sat there staring at her wondering if she understood what preservatives meant…how can she be a professional dietician recommending 2-minute noodles as a meal alternative?

Needless to say I will not be seeing her again, I will simply go back on the Sure Slim diet that was Low GI and work on making sure that I eat fresh healthy food.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Holidays and regularity

Our holiday was perfect, the weather, the accommodation and the company were all perfect. The room had a gorgeous view of the lake photo’s to follow.

I have learnt that while other pregnant women can travel and holiday with the best of them…I can’t, well I can but it is not that nice. Being tired and grumpy in the afternoon’s are not a good thing.

I mentioned before that I wasn’t really enjoying this pregnancy and I don’t know why I thought that I would. Whilst the morning sickness has passed…yay!!! Another uncomfortable pregnancy symptom has surfaced, the question of regularity has been brought to light and while I may joke around with Tim, I’m now way comfortable. “I’m literally full of shit and not happy about it”.

I’ve never had this problem before, all my adult life I’ve had to deal with the other end of the spectrum not this one and for me to go by a day with out any type of movement is unheard of. But oh the joys of pregnancy it has now been 5 days….and counting…..I’m in so much pain it is getting hard to walk around and eat.

I spoke with the OB nurse and have got some good advice so I will give that ago now.

Did I mention that I’m not really enjoying this pregnancy?
I hate to complain about it…as I’m grateful for the possibility of meeting this Bobim that is growing inside me.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Off and away

Tim and I are off on a mini break to Yarrawonga which is north of Melbourne near the border of Victoria and New South Wales.

Friday marks our 10th Wedding Anniversary and we thought that it being a Big milestone that we take time off work and get away.

I'm busy packing and cleaning the house getting ready to hit the road, we are both so very excited and looking forward to the trip. Will post photo's and let you know all about it when we get back.