Party Photos!

My Mum made the cake, and I decorated it, you can tell by the Icing letters as they are a little bent. The theme for Jordy's party was colourful, I could've easily done a Thomas the Tank theme or Bob theme, but I know that right now Jordan loves colour anything colourful attracts his eyes and sweet little hands...and eventually his mouth!

This in my little Family!

This is the after shot, it is 9:30pm and Jordy is still going strong...what a party animal!

To my Birthday boy!

Happy 1st Birthday my precious little man!

This morning I woke to the sound of your talking, you were happily talking away to your beloved red doggie teddy Rolfy. I lay there listening to your talking remembering the mornings when I would be awaken by your hungry cries for food or demanding that I pay attention to your nappy.

When I walked into your room you greeted me by standing in your cot Rolfy in one hand happily smiling, and when I walked over you started jumping up and down with excitement and giggling. What a way to start the day with a greeting like that!

This past year has been full of firsts, your first cry when you were born. Your first cuddle when you were placed in my arms. Your first bath, where you happily floated in the sink full of warm water.
Your first smile,
Your first giggle
Your first laugh
The first time you rolled over
The first time you sat by yourself
Your first commando crawl
The first time your pulled yourself up to stand
Your first Christmas
Your first Easter
Your first Fathers Day
Your first Mothers Day

So many new things were again discovered through your eyes. I love it how you are so fascinated with bright lights. Your eyes shine and twinkle when you are being so cheeky.

The happiness and love that you have brought to our lives is the reason why I never gave up in trying to conceive you. I miss your baby smell and your baby antics but I cherish the little boy I see before me now.

I was scared and terrified that you would not love me as much as I love you but all I have to do is look into your eyes to see the unconditional love you have for us. You will look for me in the room and smile, it is our secret cheeky I saw my Mummy smile that just fills my heart to the brim.

My precious little man Happy first Birthday, with all my heart and soul.
Your Mummy.

Next Week

Next Wednesday marks a very special occasion, Jordan will be a year old and while I’m busy preparing for his big Birthday bash. All of us are sick with the flu and I’m sick of being sick.

We have all been suffering off and on for 6 weeks now and I’ve taken so much time off work because Jordan has been so unwell, poor little man.
The amazing thing is that he is such a trooper, even while having his nose blocked and a bad cough he still happily crawls around on the floor playing. Nothing will stand in the way of Jordan playing!

I had a real fright during these 6 weeks as at one stage Jordan had a really high temperature and Panadol wouldn’t take it down even though we were administering it every 4 hours. A Tepid bath helped but we resorted to using Baby Nurofen which worked within 15 minutes.

I look back over the year and what a year it has been! I’ve never been more happier and yet at the same time never felt more inadequate, anxious and guilty. Yes guilty, almost everything that I do I can easily find a way to make myself feel guilty.

Having someone baby sit Jordan so that we could go to the Movies (only rarely done) – brings on thoughts like “Why did you have a child just to leave him with someone else?” Or going back to work – oh boy the guilt there is unbelievable, it is made especially worse that Jordan is in a Child Care centre 2 days a week and he cries so much when I leave him. It breaks my heart every single time.

I just hope that we all get over this bout of flu/cold whatever before Jordan’s big special day!

11 Months

Catch up

Hi there, glad you stopped by, take a seat and lets catch up. I know its been a while but that does not mean I haven’t thought about you. Would you like a coffee, tea or a tim tam?

Let me catch you up on our news:

Queensland

We are NOT moving…yay!!! The contract has still not come through and at this point I don’t think that it ever will. But in the mean time Tim was getting really frustrated with his job and decided to look for similar opportunities here in Melbourne.

I’m proud and happy to announce that our little company is up and running and as I type this Tim is working his first day as his own boss. As most things happen in our life, there was a whirl wind of activity and we got it set up in such a rush that we really didn’t have time to stress.

The whole business feels so right, it is a step in the direction we want in our life. We are not ruling out moving interstate at this point in time, and when the time comes we will still seriously consider it. But between you and me, I don’t think that we will go.

Work

I never thought that I would like being a support person but I do. It surprises me that I feel so fulfilled with the role. I guess that it really has to do with the people I work with.

After 3 months though I still don’t think that I’m making an impact. I try and try to help and alleviate work of others, there is just something that is holding it up.

Jordan

My little man was very sick the last week and a half, with high fevers and blocked nose and now a very bad chest cold. Bronchiolitis is not fun when you have an almost 11 month old.

Most recently there were at least 3 days where his fever was between 38-40◦C. Even though I administered Paracetamol every 4 hours it would not bring down his temperature, so we took to bathing him after the Paracetamol which sort of worked. Nuerofen (sp?) seemed to help much more, within half an hour of giving it to him his temperature had dropped.

10 Months

Jordan at 10 Months

9 months

8 months

7 Months

No title

This post has been long time in coming.

These days I feel as though I really don't have much to say or write. Life being busy is an understatement, I don't get much time to blog or really do anything.

I would like to get back into writting has it has been so useful.

But here is a quick snap shot of where we are with things:

Jordan
Camando crawling, sitting, clapping, waving, walking when holding his hands and standing. Only two teeth so far. Bath times are real fun, we basically put him in the baby bath into the big bath and stand near the door otherwise we are soaked through.

He is not shy and will happily bestow a smile to anyone that gives him some attention. A happy little boy.

Work
Who ever thought that I would LOVE being a support person rather than being in development. Perhaps the powers that be did, as I do love my job and everything that goes along with it. Very rewarding and the team is just...well like a little family.

Queensland
Can you believe there is still no news, we found out about this opportunity in January and we still have not seen a contract or have heard of any date that it will come through. Tim and I are getting sick of waiting and if we were handed the contract today, I doubt that we would go as I love my job, the friends that I've made and we are settled here.
In the meantime we are trying to find a similar contract here in Melbourne so that we can stay...I really want to stay.
We just don't know and we both hate being in this limbo land of uncertainty.

Family & Friends
A new nephew was born on mother's day about 2 weeks early but so very beautiful. G and Zs are pregnant about 8 weeks, and perhaps the infertile in my has subsided a bit because I'm so very happy for them. Perhaps it was because they took a few months of trying and Zs finally was able to understand, she was given a glance into the dissappointments I suffered month after month.
My parents and in-law just love looking after Jordy while I'm at work and he loves being with them.

And here I thought that I had nothing to say...go figure.

Remember Blessings

This post may seem appropriate given the day and it has been rattling around in my head for a week or so. But before I get to this gist of this post..here is a quick update:

******Update******
WORK
Back at work, and whilst I felt so guilty about leaving him and hated where I was placed. I’ve worked through these issue and am happy, actually happy. The extra money helps and stress of finances has lifted and I get to have some me time during the day. I spend more time with Jordan than I do at work which suits me. The work part of it is great, new challenging, it was not something I wanted to do and even tried my hardest to get out, but it seems that I’ve been put there for a reason and who knew that I would enjoy it so much?

QUEENSLAND
No news yet, it is just a matter of waiting. In the meantime we are slowly getting the house ready.

JORDAN
He is now sitting, my little man with two teeth is sitting and he is such a happy baby. He may not crawl yet and he may not be as active on the floor but he is happy and I’m not going to push him.

/-----End Update------/

I have completed the PND group sessions and meet some wonderful caring people who get me and my situation. There is nothing like having someone who just gets you.

In the last session we were asked to choose a couple of cards that reflect what we had learnt. I choose “Being Thankful” and “Remember Blessings”.

I’m deeply thankful to the counsellor for not letting me go, after seeing the Phycologist I thought that I was fine, over the hurdle, passed the issues I was having. In reality I was deluding myself. I was not “depressed” perse it was hard not to control the negative thoughts, feelings of inadequacy and recognising when it was getting too much.

I’m thankful for opening my eyes to reality that I was most likely suffering from anxiety and depression during the pregnancy. I can remember hyperventilating on the tram to work one day as I just didn’t want to go there…that was a sign and sign to slow down and a sign that I missed because I didn’t know better.

Remember blessing is to simply remember that I have my baby, my wonderful boy that brings so much love and laughter to my life. I sometimes stress about meeting his needs and being the “perfect mother” when I just need to remember that I have been blessed with this gift and to just cherish it. Jordan won’t know that he does not have the latest Pumpkin patch outfit…but he will notice and miss the time we play together.

I also need to remember that I almost died and I need to remember that I was blessed with a second chance. I came so very close and ignoring what happened to me is being stupid. I won’t dwell on it but I need to remember that someone..be it God, the universe or mother earth would not let me go. I am here for a reason and it is not to be some negative thinking, doubting blubbering mess. I have more to give and more to learn…there is just more.

So after just a short 8 weeks I feel like a different person and for it to last like this I need to work at it.

Catch up

Bugsy asked the hard question the other day…How are YOU doing?...it took me a few days to get enough courage to write about things but the answer to that question is that I’m OK…if I take it day to day I’m ok.

I can now come clean with everything that will be happening as most of my family knows and those that have not been told do not read this blog.

Work

I’m going back to work…I don’t want to and it took me a good week and a great counselling session to work through all the anxiety. I am ok with it now and even looking forward to it.

Living from pay to pay is not easy, living on such a strict budget is also very tough. So the extra money will help for the moment. Initially I will be back 3 days a week and Jordan will be spoilt with the care of both his Grandparents. 2 days my mother will be looking after him and the other Tim’s mum will be looking after him.

I’m still trying to get an understanding for when I will start…work does not know this but it will only be for a short time….3-4 months and the reason for this…we are moving to Queensland.

Queensland.

Tim has been given an opportunity that we just can’t turn our backs on. He will be changing jobs and we will be starting our own Business. The earning potential is significant…very significant and if we play the financial game right this opportunity will set us up for life.

It will give us a chance for the life we have always dreamed off….I would be able to be a Stay at home Mum, I could work part time. The pressure will be off me to be the Bread earner…Tim will be taking on that role. But the down side is that we need to move to Queensland for minimum of 5 years.

My mother was snooping the other day and found the many lists I have going regarding this venture…I needed to start writing lists just to survive the anxiety. Whilst they are upset that we will be going…they recognise it is an opportunity that you just can’t give up.

The plan

When everything is ready to start, Tim will be heading up to Brisbane first whilst I work off the 3-4 months, in the meantime we are busy packing the house and getting it ready to rent out. The first few months of the venture will be really hard but I’m planning on moving in with my parents with Jordan after the furniture is sent up….at least that way I will not be too lonely and we will be taking it turns to visiting each other on the weekends.
Since the end of January we have known about this opportunity but I really couldn’t talk about it…as we were deciding “If” we would be doing it. Now it is just a matter of “When”.

PND

There are still some really tough days and as you can imagine with such a big huge life decision being made and a baby to look after…you can understand why at times it can be a bit too much (well I hope that you an understand).

The hardest part of having Post Natal Depression is that I’m also infertile…there is already guilt about having a healthy live baby…while still there are so many in the trenches struggling. Then there is the guilt of being Depressed with a healthy living baby…but I have learnt that it is ok to feel this way.

It is getting better, I’ve spent a lot of time talking and working on things and keeping negative people out of my life and it is working. There are still people that I can’t avoid but I can choose how I deal with them and most of the time it is just to walk away.

It is hard to explain how things are…so I will give you an example…the other day for Jordan’s 6 month check up the Mother & Child Heath Care nurse mentioned that Jordan’s weight for his height was in the 25th percentile and it was said in an informative way…not condescending just letting me know (his length is 69cm and weight is 7.7kg), now even weeks later there are times when it creeps into my head that he needs to put on more weight and his is too skinny.

I take something that is innocently said and my mind turns it into something negative and relating it too my bad mothering skills. Now whilst I know that he is NOT underweight…and I KNOW that he is healthy…my mind likes to make it out that I’m the worst mother ever to walk this earth.

But I have learnt and it is even so very hard to write these words…but I’m starting to believe that “I am a great mother”.

Jordan 6 months

Happy 14th Birthday

Dear Tina

Happy 14th Birthday, you are so beautiful and such an amazing person!

14 years ago you were born today and I can remember that day so clearly. Your Dad droped into Mamma and Pappa's house he had tears in his eyes when I opened the door and annouced "I have another daughter". I quickly went into my room and cried happy tears...another neice to love and cherish.

I had not even met you but I loved you with all my heart,
I had not even seen you but I knew you as though you were my own,
I had not heard you but still loved you
I had not held you but knew you completely.

It may seem as though your sister takes up all my heart...actually she takes up a lot of attention (the little drama queen) but you must never ever forget that I love you unconditionally.

I hope that you have a great day on this special day.

Lots of love your Godmother

Mari

Highchair

New Tricks

Each day is a new discovery and new trick that Jordan can do, I’ve mentioned this before but sometimes it feels as though Jordan is a performing animal. Tim is often greeted with “Mimi, Mimi look at what Jordan does now”. Poor child, he will most likely require therapy when he is older.

Sitting is going ok, when propped up with pillows or in the high chair..as you can see here:

We went Swimming for the first time last week and while he didn’t like being dunked he loved…loved sucking on my hand. We are going again today, to help escape the hot weather.

Jordan can easily roll from his tummy to his back, and is desperately working to roll the other way. But will roll to his side to reach for toys.

He has found his feet and his feet have found his mouth. He can easily grasp toys when offered to him and will pass them from hand to hand, but just about everything finds its way into his mouth.

We bought a Jolly Jumper but Jordan has not quite worked it out that he should use both feet together to jump, instead we see him stomping away whilst turning around.

He is starting to hold his bottle when feeding, but easily gets bored or is bit too heavy. When I offer the bottle to him, he will grab at with two hands steering it towards his mouth, but most times the teat ends up in his eye. But at least he wants to help me feed him.

If he could Jordan would stand all day long, hates sitting for too long, loves to stand. He doesn’t like being cuddled too much (which I never hear the end of it from my mother in law) as he enjoys being on the floor, yelling, giggling and singing.

5 Months

As normal I’m awakened by some angry shouting coming from the other end of the house. I get dressed quickly and walk in saying Good morning to my little boy. I have learnt not to greet the day too loudly as it often scares him and he cries from the fright…I’m greeted with a smile and this is how I find Jordan.

Every month I say how I can’t believe how quickly he is growing…I’m not going to say that this month, instead here are some photo’s to mark his 5th Month!

If Only

Jordan will be 5 months on Monday, yes you read right 5 MONTHS…already. Whilst I’m still no expert when it comes to child raising, there are a few things that I would’ve differently, or I wish I had known while I was pregnant.

Nappies

Oh God I have kicked and kicked myself for being so stupid…why oh why did I think that I could deal with and handle Cloth nappies. A Gold medal must be awarded to those ladies that are committed and disciplined enough to use Cloth nappies. The only thing I use the flat terry towel nappies to as a vomit rag.

I now wish that I spent the pregnancy buying disposable nappies, or researching cheap places to buy them. Hindsight in this instance is a fucking curse.

Anyone out there that is pregnant, start buying nappies NOW!!!!

Formula

If only I had a crystal ball that would’ve shown me the future, so that I would’ve known that I couldn’t breast feed. How unprepared we were for us to be bottle feeding. We bought the Steriliser on the way home from the hospital.

A tin of formula currently lasts 6 days and again I wish that I had researched which one was the best and where I can buy them cheap. Coles (supermarket) currently sell Jordan’s formula for about $23.00, but I have found a Chemist (Pharmacy) that constantly has 10% off Baby stuff and I can get it for $16-$17. This is not too bad.

Sleeping

To reduce the risk of SIDS, it is recommended that your child sleep on their back, all well and good. BUT…BUT I now have to go to a Physiotherapist as my darling little boy has a very flat head.

If I had my time again I would ensure that Jordan slept on his sides by rolling up towels. Equal time on both sides and back, I’m now terrified that he may have to wear a helmet thing so that his head grows properly.

Prepared

I was not prepared well enough for this child. We bought the lovely furniture, we painted the room, we bought silly toys that he won’t use yet and yes I did buy clothes…but stupid things..out fits and cute things not practical stuff. I’m now finding what clothes are best. So here is my advice (assvice – however you want to take it):

- Every week you do your grocery shopping, buy baby wipes, nappies (if they are on special)

- If you have PCOS be prepared that you may not have milk and at least buy one bottle and sterilising tablets (MILTON). I wouldn’t recommend that you all rush out and buy and steriliser as you maybe different to me. But you will use the tablets even if you are breast feeding for dummies. One tablet will sterilise 2liters of water and they are cheap.

- DON’T buy the Tommy Tippee nappy bin, we did and they are just a money pit. You need to constantly buy the refill and they are not cheap. About $17-$18, instead there are anti-bacterial plastic bags that you can buy in the baby section of the supermarket…much cheaper and are often on special.

- Clothes wise, the singlets that do up under the nappy are fantastic. Long sleeved and short sleeved onsies are a MUST and sleeping bags. Now the little jumpsuits and rompers are good, but only if they don’t have feet, Jordan is long and lean so the ones that don’t have feet last longer…we put socks on him anyway.

- We love the Pumpkin Patch bunny rugs, I don’t wrap/swaddle Jordan as he hates it but they are great as a blanket for during the day. Easy to wash, and last a long time, cost around $20 but if you can get to the Factory outlet then they are much cheaper. I change Jordan’s blanket every day as he sticks them in his mouth and often vomits on them.

If anything I just wish my head was not in the clouds as much and I had prepared a bit more. But I suppose that I was in shock and awe that I was FINALLY pregnant that I didn’t think of anything after the birth and now on one wage I find it that much tougher.

4 Months

Jordan is 4 months today, last night I spent some time looking over his photo’s and it amazes me how quickly he is growing. The other day I heard someone mention somewhere something that happened in October and I sat there dumbfounded, where was October. Did we have October this year? Where was I?

It feels as though I’ve missed September, October and a little of November, I can’t remember anything that happened in those months as they are a blur.

These days I’m enjoying Jordan much more, actually we are enjoying each other. I can’t wait to wake in the morning and greet him as I look forward to every day I spend with him. There has been a big shift in how I feel as a Mother, care giver and my feelings towards Jordan. Loving him goes with out saying, but enjoying him and cherishing his smiles, giggles and even his tantrums are a different story.

The first 3 months are tough really tough and I think that the blurry period is a way of protecting yourself from really going insane. A good night sleep is also the key. Jordan is sleeping through the nights now, he has been for about a month now. Off to bed between 8:30 and 9pm and wakes up between 6am to 7:30am.

Today also marks an anniversary of a kind. This day last year I received my first positive beta for Jordan. It was 108, which can be considered as low but still it was a positive beta. A year ago today I didn’t know if I would be lucky enough to carry the pregnancy to term and I didn’t know a lot of things. I thank God with every fiber of my being for the precious gift of my son.

Happy 4 months Jordan!

Firsts

From August 2006 till August 2007 will be a year of firsts. Jordan’s, Tim’s and my firsts. Up until now we have had many firsts, our first cuddle, our first kiss, our first smile, giggle, cry, tears. So many firsts have already been achieved and so many more are just waiting in the wings.

This week marks two more firsts, that I feel compelled to blog about. Jordan has his first ever running nose and cough, what makes this first harder than the most is that there is nothing I can really do to help him.

Baby Panadol is all I can give him along with some comforting cuddles. Fishing for snot is not something either of us enjoys but it must be done so that he can breathe.

This weekend will be Jordan’s first sleep over at my Mum’s house, Tim’s work has a huge Christmas Party in the city and we thought it best that he stay with my parents as we don’t know when we will be coming home. Plus it gives us a chance to sleep in.

I’m not looking forward to leaving him there and I’m not sure who will be more anxious, Tim or myself. But it will be a good experience for all of us. There was NO question of leaving Jordan with my in-laws, there is no way that we could trust them to follow our instructions. Which is really very sad.

Christening

It has taken me a while to 1) get over the day 2) get over the ‘negative’ things that happened on the day. I don’t want to remember all the bad stuff, but being the Mari that I am I have to work through all the negative stuff before I can concentrate on the good things.

Jordan was an absolute gem on the day. He woke at 6:30am, I decided to dress him in his Christening clothes before the feed (dangerous I know, but I had a huge bib on that reached his knees). After feeding him he promptly fell asleep.

We arrived at the Church on time and were waiting for the Mass to finish, in the meantime Jordan was showing off his smiling ability to everyone. But was kept in the pram as I didn’t want to over stimulate him.

When people started leaving the Mass Ellie, Jordan and I started walking up to the front. There were all these ladies, family and friends that have known me since I was a child. They have seen me grow up, dance, perform and marry, there is a real history in that place.

At one point I was completely surrounded by these people, whom I lost contact with as I don’t go to the community centre often. They were all congratulating me on the birth of my son and were all having a peek. I started crying. Ellie didn’t understand why I was crying, I didn’t expect to be moved like I was.

Finally, finally after so many years I was introducing my son to these people, my son, my blessed son. I never expected to be so very happy and proud all in one. I knew that I would see some people, but didn’t expect to have this reaction.

The Christening lasted 30 minutes which was great and he cried on cue when the priest poured the holy water over his head. To get rid of the paparazzi (photographers) Jordan promptly spewed up, which was a good sign to head off.

The rest of the day is a bit of a blur, but I think everyone enjoyed themselves. I didn’t, it was a big day and I spent most of the time trying to get him to sleep. He didn’t mind being passed like a parcel around to people.

All in all there was way too much food left, way too many drinks left and not enough photo’s taken. But it is over and done with now and part of me feels blessed to have had the chance to bring my child into God’s house.

Lists

For those that have read this blog you will already know that I love compiling lists. I sometimes find that I can’t function properly without having a list. Take this weekend for example, to avoid an all out stress attack, I’m finding myself drawn to excel to compile multiple lists.
* A list of things to buy,
* A list of things to make (cook)
* A list of what to clean
* A list of things that need to be done

I’m not looking forward to the Christening as I’m worried about how Jordan will be on the day. Will he be grumpy, how will he react to having so many people surround him.

I’m also really worried that my sister will drink too much and start a fight with my parents. Or my parents will start something with my BIL. I’m sure that I’m stressing for nothing, but I can’t help worry about hosting such an important event.

To help me prepare, Ellie is here and her job on Sunday is to follow Jordan around and if she sees him getting tired she is to step in and take him off to bed. Being his Godmother it is her job to look after him which gives me some relief.

AJ CD2 of C#3

I guess that some of you can understand some of the title, but I will decipher it for you. After Jordan Cycle Day 2 of Cycle # 3, for those that don’t know what I mean, today is the second day of my period and this is the third period I’ve had since giving birth to Jordan.

What does this all mean….could it be that my periods are finally regular? Could it be linked to the fact that altogether I have lost 25kg since conceiving Jordan?

What it does mean is that I’ve intentionally let an egg free and not tried to conceive a baby. For the past 3+ years every ovulation was monitored, every egg was cherished; it meant another chance to have our baby. It feels so strange to be ovulating with out cycling or ‘doing it’ at the right time. I have always felt ovulation pain and it is so strange to feel it and not jump Tim, or rush to do an OPK just to confirm.

It feels wrong not to check my CM and most of all it feels so wrong that NOW it seems that I’m regular…my cycles are exactly 32days and 3 cycles in a row is unheard off for me.

TTC, Cycles, Cycle Days, OPK, HPT, EWCM and BD have been in my vocabulary for so very long that it feels strange to be giving them up now that I’m a Mummy. Even though Tim and I are not actively TTC, I am actively monitoring my cycles because one day we will be looking to start again and there is no way that I’m waiting around to check when my period is coming…I want to know for sure, and I want to know that if this luck of regular cycles disappears then we will be going straight back to Dr New for more Ovulation Induction.

In the meantime I will be updating my spreadsheet that I used when TTC for Jordan and I live in the hope that maybe, just maybe my body is back to being ‘normal’ again. Normal that is for someone that has PCOS with irregular periods.

3 Months

I can’t believe that Jordan is already 3 months old (today), here is a quick update on his progress

Tummy-time: I still struggle to find the time every single day to put JJ on his tummy. But when I do now, instead of lifting his head, he sucks the blanket of the towel that he is on. He has no real interest in lifting his head too much. But he rarely cries on his tummy, we often have a good ‘ol chat whilst lying there face to face.

Focus: I’m afraid to admitt that my son loves the TV…he is so fascinated with the lights and the movement of the TV. He recognises me from a distance now, and I have to be careful of how I approach him in his room, as sometimes I frighten him.

Hearing: Most recently if Jordan has cracked the shits and we turn up the music he stops crying. We noticed this in the car, he was screaming but as soon as Tim increased the volume of the radio he quietened down and went to sleep.

Smiles: Full faced smiles is what is on the menu these days, he will smile at anyone that gives him the time of day. We get more smiling than we do crying. Jordan is slowly building up to a laugh / giggle, give it a few weeks and I’m sure that I will be reporting our first laugh.

Speech: Still a very chatty child, he has been struggling to mimic the “farting” noise you do with your mouth…he tries so hard and gets so frustrated with himself. We have noticed that he loves it when we repeat his noises back to him. Gets a real kick out of it.

Feeding: No real change here, other than Jordan has set his routine now and is like clock work. His times do not vary anymore, 7am, 10am, 1pm and 4pm during the day, we usually have to wake him at 8:30pm for a bath and his last feed of the day.
Sleeping: He is still sleeping very well at night, it seems as though he maybe going longer at night. We were getting used to a 2am feed but then he went to 4am two days in a row and then this morning he went to 6am.

During the day he cat naps, roughly half an hour before and feed and half an hour after a feed. But he is awake and active most of the time during the day. Which gives us a lot of time to work on the ‘farting’ noise and the laugh. In the afternoon Jordan has a big sleep from about 4pm till his bath time…which we usually have to wake him for.

Crying: These days it is not a cry you will hear but a yell, he likes to yell when he is unhappy. Every Mothers Group I attend Jordan loves to demonstrate to the other children how big his lungs are…yes every single time…right at the start he yells.

Like a dog

Almost daily Jordan has new tricks, a new smile, new sound, new facial expression and he is discovering new things too.

His latest is a fascination with his left hand…he holds it up as a fist at arms length, whilst starting at it with a surprised expression on his face. Then the fist slowly moves towards his mouth which is opened in an O shape…then he sucks and sucks and sucks.

The other morning we woke to the sounds of sucking…not crying…sucking. He was happily trying to shove his fist into his mouth, so very cute. This afternoon whilst changing his nappy Jordan decided to show me his fist and when I went to give him a kiss on his cheek he moved his hand, as if to indicate that I must kiss his fist.

His latest smile is very similar to a smiley face with the tongue hanging out, it lights up his whole face. But it’s almost like his is embarrassed at the same time..you can almost hear the shuckssss….and foot shuffle to go along with that smile. It is out favourite!

Jordan has also decided to mistake any part of my body as a tissue. I go to burp him and he rubs his head from side to side…he does it so much that his little nose turns red. This is new and I don’t get what he is doing, it is only when he is tired. We wonder if he is unconsciously still seeking milk from my breast…because that is what it looks like.

Secretly I love it how he rubs his head against me, he is not crying just seeking comfort.

In other news

I’ve been referred to a specialist in order to have my gall bladder removed. My appointment is for next Thursday and from my guess the surgery will happen in November sometime…very serious stuff and no mucking about…or waiting around.

Since giving birth to Jordan I think that I’ve passed a number of stones, but the last time that it occurred I was in so much pain that I could not function. The other times…the pain passed quickly and I was able to look after my son.

My greatest fear with this now is that the pain will grip me again when it is just the two of us at home. When it starts I’m incapacitated there is no way that I could even look after Jordan. I could delay the surgery and wait until he is a little older but then I run the risk of it hitting me when I least expect it.

Then there are my feelings about the whole surgery, I feel as though I’m abandoning my little boy, even if it will be for a few days…I’m riddled with guilt. I know that I would not be a good mother if I ignored this and didn’t have the surgery…

The evil demon visited again, during the early morning feed. But this time I made it a point to talk to Tim about what the bastard said:
“What if I die during surgery?....Oh that is ok, Tim will find someone else to be the mother of Jordan. Jordan won’t miss me…plus Tim’s mother is much “better” mother than I am and she will help him”.

Perhaps the evil demon is a sign of PND, I don’t know, but when I had that thought…I didn’t feel sad, I didn’t feel hurt, angry, upset, happy. I felt nothing, no remorse, no pain , no sorrow…nothing…nada…zip. If anything the lack of feeling scares me more than that thought.

After telling Tim I did feel better and something deep inside me made me go and check on Jordan…as I leaned over the cot to see if he was awake, his eyes open and in the small light produced by the little lamp next to his bed he recognised me…and smiled…and that brought me back…my demon bashing bat grew and I was able to fight the bastard off again…even if for a little while.

Alternative Realities

Jordan had his 2 month immunisation injections today…I was so nervous, anxious and worried about the whole thing. 3 injections later in his thigh and much crying he is finally asleep.

On the way home from the Dr Surgery, having a screaming child in the car…my thoughts drifted to Star Trek – Voyager and the holographic doctor. More specifically the one instrument that was always present the hyper-spray. In that moment I wished for the utopia (or alternative) future where hyper-sprayers were readily used.

One little spssst sound and you would be all done, no jabbing, no bleeding and no screaming. Nothing can alleviate a mother’s worry and nervousness relating to immunisation…but…but what the hyper-spray would stop is the crack formed in a mother’s heart upon hearing their child scream in pain. Bring on the Star Trek future……even if we do not “boldly go where no man has gone before”, at least we could some of the gadgets.

****Update****

My poor little boy is suffering, he is in so much pain….every time he moves his legs there is a burst of pain….followed by a high pitch whimper, even in his sleep.

I’ve had to give him baby Panadol and I’ve held a cold face cloth against the needle wounds… I just hope that this will help him.

****2nd Update****

Well that seemed to have worked…he is now babbling away in his cot and smiling when I go to check up on him even kicking his legs around. What a relief it has taken me about 2 hours to write this post. In between I’ve had to help him poo (thanks Flick for the advice, massaging his botty seems to help), try to settle a screaming baby, try to feed him but resorted to giving him Panadol.

Pain

I wake, I’m lying on my right side, I’m in pain.
I rollover onto my back but still I’m in pain.
I roll onto my left side, I’m in pain.
I look at the clock it is 5am…I’m in pain.

I stretch…some relief but it comes back and I’m in pain.
I get out of bed and walk around…no help I’m still in pain.
I drink Mylanta, still in pain.
I drink water, cordial, soda, milk…no still in pain.

It is getting worse and I’m still in pain.
I walk around in a circle rubbing my tummy, it helps for a little but I’m still in pain.
I sit on the couch, my right leg tucked under my left, I’m still in pain.
I my elbow rests on the couch and my body is scrunched over, I’m still in pain.

I throw up my dinner, still in pain.
I ride the porcelain bus 6 more times and still in pain.
I wash my mouth out, shower change and still in pain.

It has been 5 hours and still I’m in pain.
Tim rubs my back, whilst I’m scrunched over..it helps a little but I’m still in pain.
I try pain killers no help as I’m still in pain.

I eventually go to the Doctors just to be poked and prodded all the while in pain.
I have a blood test, ultrasound and still I’m in pain.

I passed a Gall Stone, and it seems that my Gall Bladder needs to be removed as it is full of stones.
The pain has moved, into my heart…my baby…my poor little baby…I need to have this surgery…will he remember me? Will he miss me? Will Tim be able to cope?

2 Months

It doesn’t seem real that our little Jordan is two months old…here is an update (I copied this format from Nico..I hope that you don’t mind).

Growth check: At birth Jordan’s statistics were:
Weight = 2.72kg
Length = 51cm

At his 8 week check up his statistics are:
Weight = 4.4kg
Length = 56cm

Tummy-time: To start with Jordan hated tummy time…cried and cried, but I preserved and slowly introduced him to tummy time. He doesn’t mind it now, but as soon as he starts cracking it we stop the play. There was one day where he rolled over; yes rolled over…I know I know that it is too early. We had a rolled up towel under his arms and he lifted his hip and head and just rolled over. I think that I was more shocked and excited than we was…as he scared himself and started crying.

Focus: Jordan loves anything with lights; he sometimes just stares at the lights. He does follow me around the room and likes looking at the pictures in a book, if we have time to read to him.

Hearing: Jordan definitely knows my voice, if someone is holding him and I say something then he will turn his head towards me. He also recognises Tim’s voice. Jordan pulls the cutest face when he hears a new sound…he cocks his head from side to side with a stunned look on his face.

Smiles: We get a lot more smiles these days…just this morning I walked into his room and said good morning and was greeted with a cute smile and a gurgle. He will smile to anyone that is talking to him. But he reserves his cutest smiles for us.

Speech: Jordan loves to talk, right this minute he is in his cot, babbling away. He will talk to us and we will mimic him back but he prefers to be on his own and sing out aloud for the whole house to hear. The other morning I was woken up to loud babbling rather than crying…which in itself is a great achievement. The most active time his either straight after a feed or after a poo. He likes to sing and babble his praises of a job well done in soiling his nappy.

Feeding: As you all know I’ve struggled with feeding him, knowing when to increase his formula, but I think that we have finally doing ok. Jordan will go 5-6 hours at night and 3-4 hours during the day, between feeds. He is not throwing up as much and he settles right down after the feed. At night he drinks 180ml’s and during the day it is between 150-180ml’s. Eyes: I think that Jordan will have Tim’s eye colour, they have changed to a light blue and they appear to be getting lighter. I don’t know if they will stay this way.

Sleeping: We are lucky very lucky, Jordan has always slept really well at night. Last night he woke after 4 hours, I put the dummy in thinking that it might settle him for an hour or so but he slept another 3 hours….yes he went 7 hours between feeds last night… During the day he is not too bad, he seems to catnap a lot an hour here, then a little play then another hour there. There are still times where I will let him sleep on me, when I know he has not slept enough during the day.

Half the time I let him sleep on me; for my own comfort and not his. I love cuddling this little boy of ours and the most cherished times are when he is sleeping on me.

Crying: Jordan has developed some new cries, they are definitely new ones. We still have the hungry demanding, ear bleeding cries, we still have the tired half arsed one. The other morning I brought Jordan into our room and Tim sneezed whilst Jordan was snoozing, this was the first time we heard the scared…surprised cry. Tim was so upset, I caught him wiping his eyes after we had settled him again.

There is also the chin wobble cry…it starts with a chin wobble then a pouted mouth, moving onto a frown followed with a high pitch whine that moves onto a cry….this one always breaks our hearts as it means that he is sad, hurt or really upset. Not pissed off…the pissed of screech does not break our hearts. Oh and we now have tears…oh how I hate those tears…

I still sometimes ask Tim if this little boy is ours, and pinch myself all the time. It is hard for me to believe that Tim and I created this cute little boy. I feel blessed and honoured to have been given this dream. I cherish each and every day. I’m not that religious but as of late, I find myself thanking God for this little miracle known as my son. 

Bath Tub

The following is a lesson on how to fill a baby’s bath tub with water. There are many ways this task can be competed and here are a few:

1) First you add the baby bath solution, I recommend the “Johnson’s baby bedtime bath”. Then you fill the water with one bucket of cold water and one bucket of hot. This will create the optimum temperature for the bath along with nice bubbles. Of course however you will not be able to wash the babies face as the water already contains the soap.

2) Another option is to first fill the bath tub with water, using the same method of one bucket cold water and the second bucket with hot water. By adding in the bath solution after the water is in the tub you will not have a nice bubble bath affect.

3) This is my preferred approach to filling in the bath tub, first I fill the bath tub with cold water and then I gradually add in the hot water all the while measuring the temperature. I prefer that my babies bath water be between 38°C and 40°C.

4) I have also been known to fill the bath tub by first working out the optimum temperature of the water and then running it into the bath.


I hope that you all enjoyed my little lesson on filling a bath tub with water, I’m sure that there are many different ways of completing this task.

But if anything this post just really illustrates how different parenting styles can differ between a husband and a wife, for example, when feeding I prefer to burp Jordan 3 times during a feed and this works for me. Tim waits until Jordan takes a break from the bottle to burp him.

Another example is if Jordan is unsettled I will let him cry for a little while, until he is very upset and then I simply go into his room, let him know Mummy loves him and give Jordan the dummy…and he falls to sleep. Tim prefers to let Jordan “cry it out” until he falls asleep. I can’t do that…it breaks my heart when Jordan has tears…I hate the tears.

Tim believes that I let Jordan get away with everything and that I’m over protective and I sometimes think that Tim is a little too harsh with Jordan.  

Confrontation

I had to do it, there was no avoiding it this time. It took a lot out of me to finally say “No more it is enough!”

My sister has been spending up big on JJ, even while pregnant we were receiving gifts constantly. Every time I saw her there was something new and while we appreciated each and every purchase it became a joke and I felt like there was an agenda behind the “presents”.

It turned out that there was an agenda. About 2 weeks before JJ was born my sister and Ellie came over for a visit and yet again she had another gift, I can’t remember what it was but we thanked her kindly and asked her to stop. The conversation turned to the Christening (of my yet unborn son), she was desperate to know the details…who would be coming, when we would hold the event, which church and where the lunch would be…and of course who would be the God Parents.

Tim and I had already decided that Ellie would be JJ’s God mother and his best friend would be the God Father. This did not go down well with my sister…she was itching to have the privilege…and I knew deep in my heart that this was the reason for all the gifts. This may sound harsh but wait there is more to the story.

The next day I received and phone call from my brother in law…saying “how dare I ask Ellie to be the God mother, as she is underage”. My family it seems believe that a request to be a Religious God mother automatically means that I’m asking people to be the Legal Guardian in case something happens.

My Brother in law then went onto say that my sister had noticed that all the gifts that we had received from them have been thrown away. It seems as though my sister was snooping around JJ’s room and because I had packed away a few things, she automatically assumed that I threw them away. Or…or..wait for this…she was stiring the pot as she was pissed that I hadn’t asked her to be JJ’s God mother.

In the hospital we received yet more gifts from my sister, this time Tim kindly but forcefully said “Thankyou …blah…we appreciate all the gifts, but please no more”. Tim and I worked out recently that she would’ve spent over $800 on JJ and we feel uncomfortable with the constant purchases.

So today she turned up with yet another plastic bag with her latest purchase for JJ. I refused to accept the gift, wouldn’t even look in the bag. She tried to force it into Tim’s hands but he too refused it. She then placed the bag into JJ’s room, where I removed it and gave it straight to Ellies hand, telling my sister that we had explained that whilst the thoughts and gifts were appreciated..we had asked her NOT to buy anything else. Her response was what is she going to do with the baby stuff. I replied that Ellie can take it back to the store for a refund and then she can purchase herself some thing.

I haven’t had to be a bitch like this towards my sister but it seems that since JJ has been born I’ve finally grown the balls to stick up for my convictions, and you know what….it felt good and I was really proud of myself.

6 Weeks

Jordan will be 6 weeks old tomorrow and I can’t imagine where the time has gone! Do I feel like a mother…no not really..but then what is a mother meant to feel like. Do I feel like Jordan and I have bonded? Yes, I’m lucky as I have a photo of the exact moment when I fell in love with my little boy..it is this one…he is a few hours old and it was the first time he looked at me.


The last day or so I have found myself kind of grieving…yes grieving…my little boy is growing so fast, his cheeks are nice and chubby and I’ve noticed that his clothes are getting a bit too small for him…he is currently still in size 0000, while some are still big there are a few jumpsuits (rompers) that I will have to pack away in the next week or so. The prospect of packing away his tiny little clothes is what is making me grieve, I want to cherish this time and remember how tiny he is.

Yet..and yet there is a part of me that is excited to have him grow and I also long for the day where he is sitting and can play a little more. Or finish a story book, currently I can only read a few pages until he gets bored and falls asleep or he starts fretting.

I’ve been kind of MIA over the last few weeks because I’ve been trying to introduce a routine…one dictated by me and not Jordan. There are some good days and bad days.

I tried the “demand and supply” routine with the feeds and Jordan was all over the place, drinking 150ml’s at one point then two hours later drinking only 50 ml’s. So I decided to try and stretch Jordan out to 4 hourly breaks between each feed, then offering him 150ml’s. It works sometimes and other times he demands a feed after 3.5 hours but will drink the lot. So we compromise.

I want to share some of the lessons that I have learnt over the last 6 weeks, they are not world changing but they may help someone else in a similar situation.

The most important lesson I have learnt is to follow my instinct…my gut instinct. After the Health Care Nurse suggested we change formula’s to a ‘Gold’ version I noticed that Jordan was a times very unsettled. He seemed to be in pain. I asked her a few times if we should change formula’s but she didn’t advise it as he was happily putting on weight.

Last week I decided to change to one that is advertised to be easier to digest and after 2 days I have a much happier Jordan. I was granted my first real smile this morning. He no longer wakes up screaming with his knees to his chest in pain and he no longer cries when I’m feeding him. But I feel so guilty that I didn’t follow my gut instinct before now.

The next lesson I have learnt is that if I need to sit down and hold my child while he sleeps then that is what I need to do and I’m not spoiling him nor ruining him by letting Jordan sleep on my lap cradled in my arms.

Persisting with the bath routine at “bed time” has paid off big time…after Jordan goes to sleep at the end of the day he has a good 5 to 5.5 hour break between feeds. I believe that it has everything to do with the bath lotion we use, massage, routine, songs and the clothes he wears to bed.

I also need to admit something, lay it out for the whole web to read. My son has me firmly wrapped around his little finger. He cries for a little bit and I go and check up on him. I have had to resort to letting him “cry it out” but I hate it and I don’t last as long as Tim does. But if Jordan gives me a little smile or reacts to my voice in anyway (like he did just now) then I’m willing to lay down anything at his feet… 

Intentions

When I first started this blog the intention was for me to work through all my infertility crap, a way to help deal with the emtional rollercoaster. The intention was to also show this blog to my child one day..for him / her to read and understand our journey to become parents.

I'm trying not change this blog into a "baby news" blog, but honestly it is hard not to. I can't really write about infertility and the injustice of it now, as I'm so far removed from trying for a baby it is not funny. I can't talk about the treatments, the blood test results and try to analyse the numbers and what they mean.

Jordan takes up so much of my thoughts these days and I have posts rattling around my head but am concious about posting them as I don't want to drive readers away because all I can talk about is him....I mean how can I not talk about him...he is so very beautiful!

Could it be??

On my last visit with the Health Care nurse I was asked if I was still bleeding. I mentioned to her that it seemed to have gone away but has come back and I had assumed that it was still related to the birth / pregnancy.

But then she mentioned that it most likely be my period…needless to say I burst out in fits of laughter…my period…your kidding right? She was shocked with my out burst and yet again I had to explain my infertility status…of PCOS and irregular periods.

Perhaps your body will be different after the birth was her response…yeah unlikely to happen unless my ovaries have decided not to have cyst and unless my body has decided to handle all the hormone correctly.

But part of me has to wonder…could I really have my period…could my body be working correctly…a period without the use of fertility meds to bring it on…sound unnatural to me…

Another face of JJ

This one is the drunk of milk face!!

The Many faces of JJ

This one is a goo / gah face!

We call this one the Pop-eye face...he always makes this face when he is searching for the bottle with his mouth...


This is the pissed off face! So cute! JJ new trick is when holding him and he is pissed off, he arches his back and throws his head back and screams and screams...while mumy kisses his face!!


This is part action shot the tongue is going in and out and he is pretending to suck a bottle

Birth Announcement and Thankyou Card

I created this Birth Announcement and Thank you Card...let me know what you think!

This is also for all my blog friends..Thank you for being here in blog land when I needed you, Thank you sticking with me when I sometimes don't comment on your blog, thank you for welcoming my son into this world!

 

Stopping Time

I wish that I could just stop time and let me enjoy my tiny little boy…for just a little while, I’m not ready to look towards the future and make decisions about things. I want to cherish this time that I have, I know that I will need to make these decisions but I just want to be selfish and not think about them.

The Health Care Nurse left us with an enrolment form for Preschool, yes Preschool…Jordan was just 2 weeks old when we got this form. I have not even had a chance to look around our area as to where the Child Care Centres are…for when I return to work next year…let alone looking for a Preschool.

I understand that we live in Melbournes largest growth area…this is why we love living here, so many kids, so many new schools, children’s activities. But come on at 2 weeks old I need to give my top 3 preferences for preschool…now…Well I haven’t and I won’t until I feel fit enough to drive and check some of these places out.

Then there are the conversations about JJ Christening, when, where, who and how. Again I know that I need to make these decisions but would like sometime to 1) Heal physically from major surgery and 2) Cherish my little boy and 3) Get his feeding under control….or worked out.

I had to kindly tell a number of people to back off with the Christening plans. I also have a sneaking suspicions that the day of the Christening will be a disaster…it has already caused fights…My sis wants to be the God mother…I think that she almost expects it after all the ‘gifts’ (read bribes) that she has bought JJ. But Tim and I had decided long ago who would be the God parents to our child…before I was pregnant we knew.

My mother suggested I have the event in the hall near the church…but Tim and I want to hold it here and we didn’t want to make a big deal of the event…I mean JJ will not remember the day and it is a religious event rather than a huge party…But there are family / friend expectations..which Tim and I are fighting against.

Out the window

Coping?... Did I say that I was coping ok??? Well I'm happy to eat those words.

Let me paint the picture, again here I sit tapping at the keys on the keyboard one handed as JJ is in my arms. He was meant to feed at 5:30pm... and we managed 50 ml's before he started chocking and rejecting the bottle. Nappy change later...still not interested in our food.

He is now gooing and gahing away, at the sametime doing his head and neck exercises. It has really been a trying day and I'm questioning everything that we are doing ...are we playing with him too long...how the hell do I get him to sleep....but he is so cute...we have new facial expressions today and dare I say a small smile.

Ok now I'm going to try a bath....wish me luck!!

Tailored just for JJ

As a new mum you receive many different suggestions and advice from many different sources and it is difficult to work out which one is best for your child….actually difficult is too soft a word…how about strenuous, tiring, challenging and frustrating.

So I thought that if there are any new mum’s reading my blog that I would share JJ’s take on some of the advice….

Swaddling or wrapping

I was told in the hospital the wrap JJ’s arm in tight and swaddle him before putting him down to sleep. This worked all of three times until I realised that JJ loves having his hands out as he is constantly touching his face. So then I was shown how to wrap him with his arms out….again this was short lived as my little man loves to kick about and move around…hence why he was so active inside me.

So if you are told to swaddle or wrap your baby and you find that they are not so settled it could be because they like to move around…mine does and the first time I didn’t wrap him at all we had a 4 hour sleep at night….yes we went 4 hours.

Bathing

It is often said to be able to relax your child give them and nice warm soothing bath…..but this will not work if your child is hungry and this is the reason why they are unsettled.

Bath time continues to be an exercise that we have no real routine…we can’t seem to work out the ‘best’ time for a bath. JJ loves being in the water but the screaming before and after beats the whole purpose of the bath which is to relax him. JJ is currently being bathed every second day and the time of day differs…but I’m sure that it will all fall into place now and then.

Settling your baby with your hand on his chest.

My little son loves to be held and the best way I know how to settle him when he has cracked the shits…over a wet/dirty nappy or spewage or general shittiness, is to simply pick him up cradle him on my chest and pat his bum until he relaxes…no amount or tummy rubbing or holding his chest helps. He likes to be cuddled and this is just fine with me.

Dark room during the day

This was a suggestion from the Health Care Nurse, it makes no difference for our little boy. During the day the curtains could be flapping in the wind, shut or open…JJ really does not care. We do have the radio going from morning until about 5-6pm…the radio really does nothing either he would sleep with it off or on during the day, but we wanted to help him distinguish between day and night.

Times between feeds

This is something we all still struggle with, I don’t know why the ‘professionals’ tell you not to let your baby go longer than 4 hours between feeds during the day…but they do…and I hate waking him up…just for this rule.

When learning to breast feed you are told that the whole feeding thing is ‘demand and supply’…they demand and you supply. So why is it ok for a baby to go 3 hours between feeds yet if they wake up looking for another feed after 2 hours it is not ok….I just don’t get it and I hate making him wait for another feed if he is hungry…the screaming at times breaks my heart.

Most recently we have decided to stuff the ‘professionals and experts’ and go with the ‘demand and supply’ routine and with this decision we have a child that mostly feeds every 3 hours, sometimes 2.5 hours and sometimes 4 hours between feeds. JJ is now on 100ml’s of new formula and has 8 bottles a day.

Not too bad...but not all that good

After a bad night...I find myself sitting here blogging with a sleeping baby in my arms....trying to keep him asleep until his next feed....why did I never think that the soothing sounds of a PC running would help settle JJ...after all he did hear the tapping off the key board and the humming of the PC fan for 9 months.....or is this just a sign that my son will be a geek...like his parents??

Lessons Learnt

I’ve got so much to say about this whole experience that I find myself typing when ever JJ is asleep. There are a few things that we have learnt since being at home that I don’t want to forget.

Advice…

The best advice that I’ve received so far was from Em…(thank you, you will never know how much it has helped). Em suggested that each morning I get dressed and do my hair and look after myself. By doing this small task, I at least face the day as a human and not some slob. So I no longer waste the day in my PJ’s and I don’t feel the need to do so.

The worst advice we have received was from a Midwife and the Health Care nurse, they both told us not to hold JJ whilst he is sleeping and we don’t often, but there are times when I don’t want to put him down and I just cuddle him until he wakes up. I don’t think at this stage of his life I’m spoiling him by holding and cuddling him.

Down sides

Lack of sleep and working out whether or not he is receiving enough food and trying to get into a routine. Going by the statistics based on JJ’s weight, he should only be eating 56ml’s of formula per feed. We have noticed that this is not enough to sustain him and he is hungry again either straight away or after a short nap. So we increased his feed to 60ml’s we had a satisfied baby for a feed, then we decided to try 70ml’s after sucking the bottle dry and trying to suck more. Tim suggested we offer him 100ml’s and see what he drinks, and he drank 80ml’s.

The Health Care nurse did suggest that we change formula’s as the one we are using does not have a lot of calories and JJ has not really put on weight, since being at home. With the 80ml feeds we now have a baby that sleeps 3 to 3.5 hours in-between and a much happier baby. But this increase in amount of formula weighs on my mind and I can’t help but worry about the reason for why he needs so much more than what is recommended for his weight.


Up sides

His play time, we are hearing more little noises and seeing JJ trying to mimic our facial expressions is just priceless.

Overall..

This whole experience….if anything….has brought Tim and I much closer, we have both surprised each other with how we are coping with everything and there are times where we both feel that we are not coping at all. But then Tim will surprises me by getting up in the middle of the night changes, feeds and resettles JJ without even waking me.

One thing that I still have to learn….and this lesson will be very hard…that is not to be such a baby hog….I have to back off and let Tim have some quality time with his son and not just take over.