Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Deck of Cards

I’m laying the cards on the table and I need to be 100% honest about how I’m feeling and these past 3 days have been bad, the worst in this whole pregnancy. Last Wednesday when I was in hospital was a walk in the park compared to how I’m coping now.

The pain in my back and leg is not easing up at all and I’ve also got hemorrhoids to add to the mix.

Part of me is glad that Jordy is in Child Care as I don’t want him to see me sobbing away because of the pain. The lack of sleep is also not helping I’m up every 2 hours now.

Ok so I’m going to lay the trump card on the table now. I am over this pregnancy and I want these babies out…soon. I would not do anything to jeopardise the health of these babies but I just don’t know how long I’m going to last, mentally and emotionally.

I did speak to the OB about the date for the scheduled Cesarean, I have deliberately not told family the date as I really don’t want to wait until 39 weeks. Just the thought of another 6 weeks of this pain causes tears to well in my eyes.

Yesterday I was that desperate that Tim kindly massaged my lower back which really helped and alleviated the pain until I walked to the toilet. My darling little boy also climbed up onto the bed and rubbed his hands on my back all the while saying Mummy back sore.

Part of me is almost willing these babies to come soon as I just don’t think that I can really cope for much longer. I’m seeing the OB again tomorrow morning and perhaps it is a good thing that I’m this emotional.

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