Ponderings

Thank you all for your comments! Yes Tim and I have been enjoying the last few days. When we started OI and we knew that we would be told when to ‘do it’ we made a pact to try to make the ‘doing it’ as special as possible and not just… you know… quick and mechanical.

I had my blood test this morning for e2 and p4 and I will get my results tomorrow. On the walk down to the train station I was struck by how happy I was, or more to the point how comfortable I was at this clinic.

The lady that does the bloods on Mondays and Thursdays is fantastic, she always greets me with a smile and knows my name and makes me feel really comfortable and we always have a quick joke or some type of chit chat. She is not a fertility nurse but always asks me in a caring manner how my cycle is going. But to me it is almost like a slap in the face as I would not have known this lady if I did have fertility issues, I would not be seeing her on a regular basis if I wasn’t going through this crap. So how can my feeling of being comfortable and happy to see her be right?

This was going on in my mind as I’m walking along, I don’t just ponder this question…oh no, I then jump onto the other great relationships that I’ve also formed along the way. P my first nurse, I still talk to her if there is a problem with me trying to book a b/t. Other nurses whom I sometimes see at water aerobics. Dr News staff who call me and we joke around and are fantastic when things get a bit muddled.

I’ve often seen how others treat the same people that I deal with, they come in don’t really speak and sit down and it is almost like they remove themselves emotionally from these people they have contact with, I’ve even seen Men and women being quite rude to some to the nurses almost as though the blame is being on them.

I understand why some are like this, they don’t want to make this process memorable and honestly it is not a dream but a fucking nightmare. But I can’t blame the lady who takes my blood test for my failing body… I can’t even really blame myself, my body is just fucked but I’m dealing with it. I don’t see any reason to treat any of these ladies with out respect and if we joke about and gain a little insight into each others lives…then is it really wrong?

As you can see I really don’t have anything else important on my hands than worry about how the lady that takes my blood is feeling and questioning my feelings toward the whole process.