Monday, December 26, 2005


I know that our Bobim is with us, the blood tests and multiple hpt’s have also confirmed it, for some reason part of me doesn’t really believe it. I keep questioning myself, AM I REALLY PREGNANT?

It all just doesn’t feel real and I wonder if this is normal?

Or am I trying to protect myself?

I’m still scared that I will loose Bobim, but that hasn’t stopped us from telling people. Tim and I discussed this at length, over many hours, days even and we both wanted people in our life to acknowledge the fact that Bobim is here with us and if for some reason something does happen, or Bobim will know that it was Loved, Cherished and wanted.

I also feel so out of my depth, Infertility I felt that I was well schooled on the subject. Trying to conceive using assisted reproductive technology was my life, month to month.

But this pregnant business is totally new to me (obviously); I’m reading “Up the Duff”. I was stupid enough to tell Tim the other day that Bobim is the size of a coffee bean. This is how Tim refers to our Baby….Coffee bean!

I’ve resorted to ringing my mother for odd things and asking her, is it normal to feel like you need to pee but nothing comes out?

Is it normal to be this FUCKING forgetful, as I can’t even remember the names of things?

Is it normal for my calf muscles to feel like they are on fire?

I feel as though I almost need to have a crash course on pregnancy which is funny as I’ve been striving to get this far and when I’m here, I’m loosing it and feel totally lost.


end_result said...

This part is so hard. I think it comes part and parcel of infertility. It is the infertile's curse. Constantly questioning is it real, will it stay, do I deserve it? I even manage to question is this really what I want, even though I know the answer I still question. Infertility takes the joy of this little miracle away.

Be reassured that almost all girls who have suffered infertility feel this way at the start of their pg. I have been told it fades the further along we get!

Take care

Felicity said...

Merry Christmas. :)

I spent the first 12 weeks of my pregnancy scared shiteless, so worried about everything, yet I have not had the problems you have, and cant even imagine how hard it is for you at the moment.

It all does sound very normal though!

Best wishes.

Felicity. :)

April said...

You deserve it... and yes, everything is normal.

Seven weeks already? Wow. Time is going so quickly.

Nico said...

Are you still feeling like you need to pee but nothing happens? I was reading a pregnancy book today, and it said that might be a symptom of a urinary tract infection.

If that's the case, my sister had one while she was pg, and used D-mannose to get rid of it very successfully. It's a natural sugar that our bodies don't metabolize, not a drug of any kind, but it coats the bacteria that cause a UTI so they can't stick to you anymore. You can get it from
. The instructions say take 2-3 capsules 3 times a day, but my sis took 1 cap 3x per day to get rid of her infection, and then 1 a day for the rest of her pregnancy (once you have one you're more likely to get another, esp, during pregnancy), and didn't get another.

Have you signed up for emails from babycenter? I've heard those are pretty good for letting you know what's going on and what to expect.