Thursday, December 08, 2005

CD 31 11DPO

There is an oval shaped counter, the walls are apricot / peach in colour, on the wall behind the desk is a giant egg with a single sperm attacking it and the words “Monash IVF” just under the egg, soft Christmas music playing in the back ground, the lady behind the counter is busy shuffling paper, whilst marking of peoples names. Five women are patiently waiting for their names to be called for their blood test. All nervous and all sneakily look around at each other, perhaps wondering what each other women is doing, the flicking of magazine pages. In come more people to get their names marked off.

“Kathleen” says the blood drive nurse; I look up from my book, three more to go before me, quietly sighing as I get back to my book. So you come before me, little woman, little man. Come to invoke the ancient laws and beg a boon of Jack in-the-Green’…”Monica”, two more. ‘Kerra kept her eyes on the patchwork carpet of leaves spreading at her feet. It did not do to look too long into the eyes of such as stood before her now.’

“Tracy” I put my book away and start looking around the waiting room that I have visited many times during the past 2 years, looking at the Christmas decorations and the presents under the tree when all of a sudden this thought pop’s into my head: Wouldn’t it be nice if this Christmas I could tell my family that I was pregnant’, I sit there and fantasize how it would be, Anyu and Apu crying and MIL and FIL smiling happy, Ellie and Tina jumping up, a flood of questions bombard me.

Then I hear “Maria” and it all comes crashing down…where the fuck did that thought come from….STAY away from me, I don’t want those thought is my head….they hurt too fucking much. How dare you….as Manuela mentioned in one of her recent posts…HOPE is not welcome here.


Nico said...

Hope can be such a bitch. She can be fun and flirty, but then leave you high and dry at a moment's notice.

Even though you don't want her around at the moment, the rest of us will dance and play with her for you. Crossing things!

end_result said...

Hope can creep up on you when you least expect it, slap you on the butt and then run away laughing.

I am going to hope for you too!

Bugsy said...

Hmm I think I recognise those places - both the physical room you were in (hehe) and the spiritual place you are also in. I share you fears and I am hoping like crazy that This Christmas you will have one extra surprise for everyone.

I hope so hun. I really do.

April said...

Thinking of you.

Manuela said...

Beat that bitch, hope, back with a stick. That's what I did.