CD29 9DPO

My blood test results on Friday were ok (I think):
e2 = 484
p4 = 13.4

I had a booster shot on Friday and another e2, p4 blood test yesterday. I’m just now waiting for the results, I have also made an appointment to see Dr New after this cycle. Yes I’ve already assumed that I’m not pregnant, I think that it is easier to convince myself that there is no FUCKING way that I could be pregnant, than live with the possibility that I might just be.

My mind is in denial….NO I won’t go there I can’t, tis just too hard. Shit I don’t know why I’m even planning on testing on Thursday (I will be 11DPO on Thursday).

The other day I was happily having breakfast when suddenly I had the shock of my life as I realised that I had not taken my folate for the whole FUCKING cycle….as you can imagine I totally freaked out and thought of just popping as many pills as I could fit into my mouth all at once.

In the next breath I just shrugged it off mentally and told myself “This cycle wasn’t going to work anyway”. Mind you I still have not taken any folate….never remember to do it and the bottom of pills is right in front of me.

Then…oh this gets better…we have a new shopping centre that just recently opened up down the street from us and Tim and I decided to try some new take out…and of course we buy Fish ‘n Chips…YES Fish ‘n Chips in the 2WW. The thought had not even crossed my mind, I was happily drinking in the fried smell on the way home, and whilst opening the packets of butcher paper I again got another shock, this time I’m screaming like a banshee to Tim “Oh Fuck I’m not meant to eat fish…fuck”.

But I did, I mean it was food and I’m not about to waste food. But again my thought was “Hhhmhp I’m not pregnant so what does it matter”.

These are just a few examples of the less than cautious attitude that I have this 2WW, I’m usually very good, I eat and do the right things but this time, it has felt as though I’m going through the motions, my heart is just not in it.

I’ve had and done the following in the 2WW which I’ve been told I should not do:
- Mind boggling, screaming orgasm (hehehe loved that one)
- Drank Coffee
- Had a couple glasses of wine
- Fish ‘n Chips
- Not taken folate
- Lifted heavy shopping bags
- Cleaned the house
- Changed the kitty litter.

There’s no way that I could be pregnant…..is there?