Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Am I allowed to complain?

I haven’t posted in a while, why? Well I’m scared as I don’t want to be hated by other readers of this blog and I don’t want to come across as ungrateful that I’m finally 10 weeks pregnant. The gratefulness that I feel down to my toes is hard to explain, I can’t believe how much I love my little Bobim who is only 3cm or so in length.

I just wish that I wasn’t having such a hard time of it all, the morning sickness comes back with a vengeance if I don’t take Maxalon and even though it is a pregnant friendly drug, I really don’t want to rely on them.

Tiredness is an understatement of the year, I have felt tired in my life before but up until now I may not have really grasped the meaning. I find myself having naps on the weekends and part of me is already planing on a nap tomorrow (Australia Day). I normally can’t sleep during the day but this has all changed, I can sleep in the midst of a 40-degree (Celsius) day with the curtains open.

I’m no longer able to read on the train, I attempt to but every day it is the same thing and that is I end up closing my eyes because I can’t keep them open.

I feel awful complaining about it all, but I also feel very fucking cheated that not only was I lumped with PCOS and fertility issues but also when I did fall pregnant it is not a breeze. Why the fuck did I assume that it would be a breeze? I don’t know but part of me did.

My only consolation is that the worse I feel the more I know Bobim is sticking around and hanging in there, even though I can’t feel anything.


Kim said...

Complain away mate. This is your blog about your life. Have a nice nap tomorrow. :)

Anonymous said...

Hugs to you, Mari! I have only ever spoken to one woman who said her pregnancy was easy, all the rest had a hard, hard time of it.

You have been through so much to get here, and it must be hard not being able to 'enjoy' it, but its not an easy thing your body is doing.. its major upheaval! Dont feel guilty, ever! Pregnancy isnt easy, and it does get harder.

But that doesnt mean you arent desperately excited and in love with your little one! :)