Monday, March 02, 2009

How are we coping?

When I’ve been asked this question, I want to say that it is great and we are doing really well. But honestly Tim and I are doing the best that we can, there have been tears from both of us at times and we are both feeling really guilty about neglecting Jordy so we are doing extra little things for him to make up for the guilt.

There was one day where I realised it was 5pm and I hadn’t given Jordy any lunch, he hadn’t asked and it had just slipped my mind, as you can imagine the water works started.

It is amazing how much you forget what it is like to have newborns and the feelings of being totally baffled as to why your baby is crying when it has been fed, burped, changed and is warm.

Tim and I have both decided that we are going to allow our babies to dictate when they require a feed and not force them to wait the appropriate 3-4 hours as I’ve been advised to do. It is just too hard to have one or both of them hysterical for an hour or so. Also if our little ones decide to wait 5 hours between feeds we are not going to wake them up just because they have gone past the 4 hours.

We do believe strongly in a good routine but we feel that because these babies are so small they know what they want best and even though books, Dr’s, midwives and maternal child health nurses have all told us to try to keep to the 3 to 4 hours feeds, I don’t have the good consciences to leave either one of them screaming for an hour just because they fed 2 hours previously.

I think that a routine will eventuate later but for now we are just letting them dictate what they want.

They are in our room at night, as the second cot has been set up there, I made a change table in the ensuite out of towels and we have wipes, nappies and everything set up there. We find it easier having them in our room than right at the back of the house, plus this way Jordy is not disturbed. Once they are down to one night feed that will be spend the night in their room, like they are during the day.

We have also noticed that if they are not warm then both are very unsettled. We think that it is related to them being so small and perhaps not being able to regulate their own temperatures. The other day when it was 38 degrees (Celsius) I had the window open in their room and they both slept soundly for 4 hours straight. Yet if the house or their room goes below 20 degrees we have noticed that they are unsettled and will not feed as well.

As you can see by the photo below it looks as though we are in the middle of winter rather than near the end of summer with how they are covered.
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Tim and I have found that if they feed at the same time at night it is not that bad and we are not that tired the next day. The feeds then take 45 minutes tops and you can go back to sleep, it is a lot harder when they are feeding at different times, or worse when one or both need to do a poo which requires support, coaxing and massage to help get the job done.

So how are we coping? We are doing the best that we can and we are coping ok. The support that I have received from my Mum has made it much easier. Plus I thank my lucky stars and God for my husband as I honestly do not think that I would be sane without his help at night and during the day.

Tomorrow will be my first day at home on my own with just the twins and on Friday will be my first day at home with all three kids. The only thing that I’m stressing about tomorrow is how to get Jordy to Child Care with the twins. I really don’t want to disturb them in the morning just for a 15 minute trip, but I guess this is what happens when you are the second and third born, you don’t get the luxury to being left undisturbed like the first born.


Carrie27 said...

Twin moms learn that we just have to survive. No books can prepare or tell you how to do it. Like you said, the babies know what they want and when.

They are so cute!

Bugsy said...

You know - doing the "best you can" is the best thing you can do, and all you really can do. One day you will wake up and it will be easier. (sorry but it won't be tomorrow!).

Knowing you, i just know that you will be okay.

We believe in you. Keep being a great mum.

Lindenwood said...

Oh boy, I am right there with you. All I can say is, hang in there and just remember that each day you survive is a day closer to their first smile, laugh, sleep-through etc etc.

Mine are 8 weeks old tomorrow, and I am just starting to see that there might be an end to the fog!

Do you mind if I update the EB multiples list with details of your babies? Let me know!

Lisselle said...

Mari, Congratulations!! Your Family is so beautiful. You did the most amazing journey carrying your Babies to full term, you must be so proud now, dispite the dreadful hardship. I certainly understand how hard it must have been, I also carried my Twins full term, and cried every day! They are just so, so perfect.

New babies are hard, Im glad you have family around you. Your children will all be so happy, being so close in age!

Have fun, and try not to drown beneath the mountain of work that will be a part of your life for a while, Twin new borns and a toddler.. wow, you will be busy. :) But the best kind of busy! Make sure you have time for yourself every day, and dont stress the small things. :)

best wishes, congratulations and lots of happiness to you all!

(Im sorry I didnt comment in your last weeks of pregnancy, My Google account kept acting funny and then my computer died.. when I returned your Babies were born! I have just worked out what I was doing wrong with Google. :p )

Felicity. XXX So wonderful to see those beautiful babies!

Mari said...

Lindenwood - Feel free to update my details on EB. I'm sorry that I have not been on in such a long time.

Mari said...


Thank you for your comments and words of encouragement. They are much needed and greatly appreciated. I knew that it would be hard and busy but never KNEW that it would be THIS hard.

Thanks again!

Lindenwood said...

That's exacty how I am feeling, Mari. I anticipated it would be hard, but it is harder than my wildest imaginings. However, to give you a glimmer of hope, my boys are 8 weeks old and just in the last week I have started being able to get them to sleep in rockers/swings without constant input from me or screaming from them.