Sunday, March 05, 2006


My MIL invited us over for a visit yesterday, it is always nice to spend time with them. We have not always had a good relationship; out of our 10 years of marriage about 5 of them have been spent in silence. For different reasons and reasons today are irrelevant.

I was eager for news on little Damoan, I had not called my SIL as part of me is not comfortable in calling and the other part is that I don’t want to disturb her, I have a knack for calling people right when they are the most busiest.

SIL is not coping very well with little Damoan and MIL has been asked to go over and look after him so that SIL can sleep. My MIL seems to think that he is not being fed enough and an argument ensued and MIL was kicked out of the house. Obviously there is more to the story than that but it is not the purpose of this post.

This whole story with SIL and MIL has got me a little worried about not coping when I come home with our Bobim. Anyu has suggested to me that she would stay here and help in the first weeks, to now it has been a suggestion but now I’m wondering if I take her up on her offer will we argue too?

I know that there is no point in worrying about what is to come, what I have done is read, research as much as possible on the birth and the first few weeks to prepare myself. I was telling this to MIL and Tim and I have discussed that when Bobim is going to be home for the first few weeks it is not going to be easy.

Does anyone else have these fears of not coping when coming home?


seepi said...

People at my work keep telling me the first 6 weeks is hte hardest of your life ande that you need halp then. So my partner is going to take 8 weeks off work. (He took some convincing though.)
So maybe have your Mum stay the first week or so?

Felicity said...

Hi Mari :)

I have just come home from hospital with my new born son, I have 5 year old Twins as well. The first 2 or 3 months are very hard, I'd forgotten! I can understand your MIL's point of view.. a crying baby just wants to be fed. Thats usually the main problem. If you chose to breastfeed (as I have) you could end up sitting on the lounge for hours feeding at a time! Then be 'summoned' again in an hour and a half! They want breast milk ALL the time! You do feel very helpless, not being able to do anything because breastfeeding is so time consuming. I just go with the flow, and if my little one complains, I feed him.. keeps him happy and helps my milk stay strong, thus we dont have a crying baby, but I dont have alot of time for anything else. I aslo keep our baby near us at all times, he can hear us and it comforts him.

You will also feel unbelievably vulnerable and strangely sad after your Bobim is born.. I think its the pregnancy hormones slowely being flushed out, but its still not nice. It does pass!

Having all the help you can get will be wonderful for you. Ask someone who will come through for you.. help cook meals, keep your house nice, whatever you need to keep your sanity! Just do what you have to do in the first few months, and enjoy you baby! Get out of the house when you can, and spoil yourself!

Felicity. :)

Mama-Beans said...

DH and I came home at 9 pm, 14 hours after giving birth to our daughter.. to an empty house. Our first visitor was 3 days later, for a few hours in the afternoon.. and it was a visitor, not a helper. I never had help.. and I don't remember needing it. I chose to breastfeed, so unless I wanted someone else around to change diapers, it was all up to me anyway. Hubby stayed home for 10 days then had to leave for a 3 day business trip. We ( DD and I ) were fine. Of course, I never got PPD, so maybe that is why it was easy? She was the normal baby.. crying all the time, I didn't know why.. all that. I think for me, once I had decided this was my job, deal with it... it just got easy. Change your thought process... just because it is dark doesn't mean you get to sleep. It just means your cable choices will be limited. Seriously.. sleep when the baby does.
I'm soon expecting #2 and will refuse Grandma's help this time as well. I just do better when I am in charge. If that means I sleep less.... .then I sleep less. If she came, I'd end up pinching off her head at some point and mailing it back to her house. Stubborn, I know.

Em said...

Yes as I will be in UK for at least the first 4 months. My mum is coming over for a month but I can't wait to hot foot it back home to Melbourne to the bosom of my family!