As you can imagine I know just about everything there is to know about Trying to Conceive and Infertility and Assisted Conception, but I feel so out of my depth when it comes to pregnancy and baby. No matter how many web sites or books I read I don’t feel like I’m ‘prepared’ enough.
Which is funny…. Tim and I had been trying for 3 years probably even longer to have Bobim finally join us, but now that Bobim has stuck, I’m starting to panic. Shit what have I got myself into???
I’m reading this little book that came free with a Pregnancy Magazine and the words stuck out at me “Even if you planned to conceive and have looked forward to having a child, the realisation that you are becoming a parent can be daunting”. Hhhhmmm Fuck yeah!
Daunting is an understatement of the year! In August I’m going to have a little baby that will be totally reliant on my ability to understand what it needs. I read onto understand that these ‘feelings’ are all quite normal. Tim believes that all the reading and researching I’m doing is preparing me for the tough times ahead. I would like to think that it is.
This was all going through my mind on the train this morning on the way to work and I’m totally absorbed in the facts and details, when I came across a word that seems to be scattered throughout the book “miracle”. Is my Bobim a miracle, what constitutes as a miracle? The Australian Oxford Dictionary states that a miracle is an event so remarkable that it is attributed to a supernatural agency.
Then there is this: When sperm and egg meet, a single cell forms. For this to happen, conditions must be perfect: the egg must be in the right place, sperm must be present and your womb ready.
So is it a Miracle that Bobim is with us…not really it seems that things were perfect when she/he was conceived. Yet part of me wants to believe that some supernatural agency was involved in making everything perfect last November and thinking about that, I’m eternally grateful and in awe of the fact that I have been granted this gift. Even though I may be scared about the birth and after, I’m in a quiet shock that I have been given the privilege of this responsibility. I just pray that I won’t let our little Bobim down.