Monday, September 05, 2005

Food for thought

My morning ritual is to scan my favourite blogs to see if there are any new posts and then proceed to devour what has been written. I’m a bad lurker I rarely comment mostly because of my ill-conceived low self esteem issues. Basically I feel like I really don’t have anything important to say.

Whilst I started this blog sometime ago, I have been a phantom in the blog world for almost 2 years. It started with a post on EB where someone had linked to Terita’s blog. After reading the relevant post I was hooked, I mean who couldn’t be!

To my dismay or Terita’s I then proceed to copy every single post of hers to a word document so that I could print it out to read on the train and I mean every single post. At the time I was very early into my infertility issues and the one thing that has stuck with me was the same sense of drive, which is that I will not let fate dictate whether or not I will have a child. I will stand my ground shaking my fist at fate “You will not get the best of me; I’m not through with this fight yet!”

So this morning like every morning I read all my blogs, where I came across this post:

Some people get driven to their destinations in a limo; some people have to drive themselves. Others need to take a cab, some are forced to take trains or hitch hike. And some of us had to walk barefoot, along a long and lonely road, in the blistering sun watching everyone else whizzing past with relative ease. You could say “does it matter how you get there, what matters is that you have arrived?” To me, it does matter. Yes I have arrived at the same place as everyone else, but I cannot forget how I got there. See the scares on my feet? They tell a tale of my journey here. I can’t pretend that they do not exist; they are a part of who I am.

I may not be there yet and it may take me awhile to get to my destination but these words have haunted me most of the day, and with Terita’s permission I have posted them here and I think that I might even add some of the words to my profile. I could not have said it any better.

Can anyone pass me a band-aid, my feet a sore?


April said...

I lurked too for a long time on a lot of blogs. For me, it was a link to Grrl that got me hooked.

For those of us still walking, I've found that by posting more, by commenting more, it was as if I had shoulders to lean on when I was too tired to walk on my own.

Em said...

I'm glad you started a blog Mari. I love the analogy of the journey. Where can I catch that limo?

betty said...

I love that quote.
At least we are not alone with our sore feet and bumpy old road to travel. It seems there are plenty of us who didn't get the limo!

Panda said...

Hey Mari, Manuela tried to comment and couldnt as you only accept comments from other Blogger users. Here's her comment, though:

Sister... I'm here with an entire box of bandaids... and polysporin... and
respect for the fact that your feet hurt, dammit!

Mari said...

April - thanks for droping by!

Em - I'm glad that you started your blog too.

Betty - thank you also for droping by, I'm glad that I was able to use her quote.

Panda - Thanks for posting Manuela's comment.

Manuela - I have now changed it so that you can post here if you want to.

K said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
K said...

I know how rough those sore feet can get. No pedicure can repair that damage, in my case at least.

I'm sorry that it has to be such a struggle for all of us. I keep hoping one of those limos driving by would stop and take us all to our destination.

Seems you are a phantom no more. People appreciate all comments, I know sometimes I feel as if my words are insufficient or poorly chosen, but I like to let people know that I'm here. I'm here, reading and commiserating, and I look forward to reading more.