Monday, April 24, 2006

Ramblings

I can’t think of a better title post, but I have a great need to dump this crap out of my system.

Today is just not a good day to be around me. I don’t want to be here at work, I would rather be at home and I hate the prospect of potentially needing to work tomorrow when it is a Public Holiday.

A work colleague of mine often sees me surfing others blogs during my lunch breaks and asked me why I would even think of broadcasting my feelings thoughts on the net. It got me thinking, why is that I blog?

I met another IF yesterday afternoon, I had ‘known of’ her for a while but we had not meet before. Without going into too much detail of her experience, she is further down the AC road than I was, and unfortunately would’ve been due at the same time as me, if she had not miscarried her twins. So unfair, and I admitted to her that I was nervous about meeting her and being pregnant as it was such an in your face reminder.

We probably spent the whole afternoon talking IF and everything to do with it; it was nice to meet another that just ‘got it’. Which is how fucked up the IF / AC road really is.

I spoke of my blog and the need to read others in the same situation, during our conversation I was shocked that she also felt so overwhelmed with the knowledge of how common IF really is. This brought out the main reason for this blog, I started surfing the net and getting hooked into Baby TTC websites purely because I NEEDED to know that I was not alone.

I even went onto say that the main reason I blog about everything to do with this journey is so that 1) I don’t ever forget this crap (not that it is likely) 2) Even if someone is reading my rubbish and who is also having a bad day and realises that the IF world is not that big and they are not alone then I’ve achieved far more than what I set out do.

But why blog now that I’m pregnant? I think it is because I’m not there yet, I have not reach my destination and once Bobim is here, I know that I will still feel Infertile. Plus Tim and I are already planning on waiting a year to try again, why? Well if Bobim #2 is going to take another fucking 3 years then we feel that we better start soon.

Our biggest regret in our marriage to date for both of us is that we did wait so long to start….

My Bobim update is simply that the Bumps and tickles have now progress to some kind of weird gassy feeling that feels like more of a smallish ball being dropped and kicked and punched….Moving on from Bumps ‘n tickles to Kicks and Punches.

2 comments:

Kim said...

I'm sorry you're not feeling so great. But you know what, I'm glad you blog because your blog gives me hope because I know you will get there and you will hold your little bobim in your arms and it will be okay.

And if you need another reason to blog, how about to record this for bobim? To record how hard you fought and what you went through to bring your children into this world. I think that's a pretty good reason too.

Betty said...

You are so right. When I first found blogs on infertility I was so relieved to know that I wasn't a freak for feeling the way I felt. Keep blogging, although I don't always comment I do read!