Wednesday, March 16, 2005

The cycle that was

It started off with having to take Provera to bring on my period, it took 3 weeks for it to start instead of the normal 10days. My baseline b/t and u/s were ok and I started on 150iu of Gonal-f and had my u/s, where it showed that my follicles were growing too slowly.

So I continued with the Gonal-f, when my ovaries finally caught up with the worlds expectations and I was to have my trigger. I now call that night the Pregnyl incident, the fear and emotions have still not left me.

Then the intercourse episode of the morning timeframe, also at the same time I had really bad diahorea. Then last Monday I had to the worst constipation in my life, I was bloated like a balloon.

My breasts were sore extremely sore and I had really bad nausea. Even threw my dinner up one night. Then last Thursday during the day I had this awful feeling on the back of my throat it hurt to breathe in through my nose.

This was just before our long weekend where we were meant to go away with our visitors. So I checked and I had a slight fever and took Panadol (Paracetamol) and only one Day and Night tablet. All packaging said it was ok to take if pregnant, well the Day and night tablets for head colds only mentioned that if pregnant seek medical advice. I thought that one or two wouldn’t hurt…surely?!?!?!

Friday I wake up with a bad head cold and I didn’t sleep too well was up every hour going to the toilet (good sign I hear you say) and blowing my nose and was so very thirsty. Off to work were I only lasted half the day (there was an event for the half of the day that I didn’t go to). One the way home went to the Chemist who told me that IF I maybe pregnant I can’t take anything, not even Paracetamol.

I just felt like I was punched in the chest…what did I do to myself and my unborn (yet unknown if present baby), would two heads be growing? Would it be like monsters or would it die all because I wasn’t feeling to well.

We were meant to leave for our trip the following morning at 6am and I could hardly stand being so fucken dizzy. I jumped into bed and tried to sleep, but couldn’t as my nose was blocked and I couldn’t even use my nasal spray…another thing to add to my guilt list. I had used my nasal spray at couple of times during the cycle.

I eventually got up when Mimi got home and packed for the trip, all I could do that night was drink water and try to keep my temperature down as much as possible. Saturday morning we set off and I felt like crap used a box of tissues in the time it took us to get to our destination.

During the 6 hour drive that took us over 12 hours (we stopped a lot) I was sneezing quite a bit and was stressing about the pressure and the cramping action the whole time. How would this affect little Bobim? I didn’t worry too much until everytime I sneezed a great gush of CM would come out of me…OH GOD, THIS IS NOT GOOD. Were my thoughts, now I’m in a car with three other people can’t really ask Mimi to pull over to check my underwear to see if the CM was bloody. COULD I?

Sunday I continued to sneeze and have constant gushing sensations, when the CM started turning pink, I nearly freaked out and lost it. I was either getting my period or making myself miscarry were my thoughts.

During the trip our visitors wanted to eat Seafood wanting to try new things, so I had a lot of fish (I don’t usually eat fish), I made sure that I kept to well cooked dishes and stayed away from the sushi types of foods. But in the back of my mind I was stressing about this, I had heard that you shouldn’t eat fish if you were pregnant.

The worst was about to happen to me, Monday morning at 4am I wake worst pain I have ever experienced before in my life. My left ovary felt like it was about to explode. I went to the toilet and it sounded like I was peeing but in truth it was the was constant blood coming out of me.

My period had arrived or I was miscarrying in a motel room 6 hours away from home and hospital and my doctors. We were leaving for home that day. I had to take something for the pain as I wouldn’t not have been able to function. We didn’t take 12 hours to get home but we did stop for a tour and a look at a few places. I can’t remember much of the tour as every step was excruciating pain. I don’t know how I did it but I put up with the pain.

In the afternoon after eating lunch and our last leg of the drive I sat in the back with Mimi and cried silently most of the way home. The pain was bad and I was potentially loosing another Bobim. This would make it Three times that I lost my Bobim.

I didn’t go to the hospital as by the time I got home the pain has subsided a little, instead I went to bed and tried to sleep. But I was up every hour to change my pad and walk the pain off (iykwim). Tuesday morning Mimi went to work and I stayed home I couldn’t face a day at work in the amount of pain I was feeling in my pelvis and my heart.

I called P and she advised me to go to the GP, Mimi came home from work early to take me and I was off to have b/t and u/s. With the thought that I maybe suffering an ectopic pregnancy. U/s showed only my polycyctic ovaries but no embbie present in my fallopian tubes.

This afternoon it was confirmed that I had another miscarriage, my third one, the beta hCG was 31. Third time of Ovulation Induction third time a successful pregnancy third time miscarriage…my worst fear was here. I lost another Bobim.

1 comment:

Bugsy said...

Oh hunny, I am so sorry. I was thinking of you all weekend and wondering how you were going. I held my breath reading your post tonight. The tears grew as I read. I am so sorry. Your little baby will not be forgotten. Email me if you need anything.