I had Ellie and Tina stay here over the weekend and it was a nice distraction, from the way that I’ve been feeling lately. I’m currently typing on our new laptop whilst watching one of my many chick flicks that I own. Ellie is watching me type this is was getting upset that I described our weekend together as a “nice distraction”.
But she will get over it, both Tina and Ellie know how much Mimi and I love them. The worst part for me is always when they leave, my house has been filled with laughing, screaming, and sarcasm, teasing, joking and loving. Even though they are “classes” as teenagers that are still children, whom I can pretend are mine for three nights.
Last night we went to watch Tina play basket ball and even though she kinda sucked it was nice to sit there and watch my niece try her hardest to play. Their team got slaughter. On the way out of the court, there was a small team meeting and Mimi looks at me with longing in his eyes and says “I can’t wait until we do this with our kids”.
That just broke my heart, after months of ‘having a break’ I feel like our lives will not end if we don’t have our own child as there will be other ways to fill it with children. However having said that I can’t help the feel that my heart is not complete and will not ever be complete.
I can’t wait to get started with OI again but it really feels like a lifetime away. I’m hoping that the new doctor will be able to help us with out goal. I hat how I’m feeling these days lost, sad, no motivation, depressed even. I think that it maybe time to see J again and get balanced. I think that this is the main reason why I’m feeling the way I am.