Friday, July 15, 2005

Baby Websites

When I first started TTC my friend Jill recommended a website to visit. I was soon hooked, through that website I was introduced to the blog world through Terita’s blog.

In March this year when I decided to have a break from TTC I also decided to have a break from this particular baby web site. I never had a bad experience with the ladies there, honestly there are some on the web that are awful but I found that the ladies there were always supportive, kind and understanding.

I met a lot of my cyber friends there for which I’m most grateful. Since I made my decision in March, I’ve preferred to live in the blog world. Once or twice I did go back to my ‘old’ haunts just to see how some of the ladies were going.

This morning I’ve decided to go and find an acupuncturist and /or naturopath in order to get myself ‘ready’ for my next TTC cycle in August. When I though that I would post a question asking for any advice on who to see. So I started reading some of the threads to see where some of my old ‘TTC buddies were’. Well as you can guess most of them are pregnant, from user names that I did recognize.

I don’t begrudge any of them for their success as I KNOW what they have had to go through, we’ve been through the worst together when I was still an active member and I honestly don’t begrudge my SIL for falling pregnant either. I just feel that these little reminders just show me that I still have not gotten any closer to my goal.

In August I thought that once again I would go back to that website, but I think that there comes a time where you have to say good-bye to your old haunts and move on. But that is a decision to be made later.

All that crap about letting go of my fear, I feel was for nothing. I’m angry as I went and saw this Kinesiologist to help me fall pregnant and she sent me off an this whole different path of trying to loose weight, loving myself and all things spiritual which in the end may eventually help me. But really who am I kidding, my goal and desire to have a child has just been ignored.

So now I’m asking myself “Was all this break time a waste?”

No comments: