6 Weeks

Jordan will be 6 weeks old tomorrow and I can’t imagine where the time has gone! Do I feel like a mother…no not really..but then what is a mother meant to feel like. Do I feel like Jordan and I have bonded? Yes, I’m lucky as I have a photo of the exact moment when I fell in love with my little boy..it is this one…he is a few hours old and it was the first time he looked at me.


The last day or so I have found myself kind of grieving…yes grieving…my little boy is growing so fast, his cheeks are nice and chubby and I’ve noticed that his clothes are getting a bit too small for him…he is currently still in size 0000, while some are still big there are a few jumpsuits (rompers) that I will have to pack away in the next week or so. The prospect of packing away his tiny little clothes is what is making me grieve, I want to cherish this time and remember how tiny he is.

Yet..and yet there is a part of me that is excited to have him grow and I also long for the day where he is sitting and can play a little more. Or finish a story book, currently I can only read a few pages until he gets bored and falls asleep or he starts fretting.

I’ve been kind of MIA over the last few weeks because I’ve been trying to introduce a routine…one dictated by me and not Jordan. There are some good days and bad days.

I tried the “demand and supply” routine with the feeds and Jordan was all over the place, drinking 150ml’s at one point then two hours later drinking only 50 ml’s. So I decided to try and stretch Jordan out to 4 hourly breaks between each feed, then offering him 150ml’s. It works sometimes and other times he demands a feed after 3.5 hours but will drink the lot. So we compromise.

I want to share some of the lessons that I have learnt over the last 6 weeks, they are not world changing but they may help someone else in a similar situation.

The most important lesson I have learnt is to follow my instinct…my gut instinct. After the Health Care Nurse suggested we change formula’s to a ‘Gold’ version I noticed that Jordan was a times very unsettled. He seemed to be in pain. I asked her a few times if we should change formula’s but she didn’t advise it as he was happily putting on weight.

Last week I decided to change to one that is advertised to be easier to digest and after 2 days I have a much happier Jordan. I was granted my first real smile this morning. He no longer wakes up screaming with his knees to his chest in pain and he no longer cries when I’m feeding him. But I feel so guilty that I didn’t follow my gut instinct before now.

The next lesson I have learnt is that if I need to sit down and hold my child while he sleeps then that is what I need to do and I’m not spoiling him nor ruining him by letting Jordan sleep on my lap cradled in my arms.

Persisting with the bath routine at “bed time” has paid off big time…after Jordan goes to sleep at the end of the day he has a good 5 to 5.5 hour break between feeds. I believe that it has everything to do with the bath lotion we use, massage, routine, songs and the clothes he wears to bed.

I also need to admit something, lay it out for the whole web to read. My son has me firmly wrapped around his little finger. He cries for a little bit and I go and check up on him. I have had to resort to letting him “cry it out” but I hate it and I don’t last as long as Tim does. But if Jordan gives me a little smile or reacts to my voice in anyway (like he did just now) then I’m willing to lay down anything at his feet… 

Intentions

When I first started this blog the intention was for me to work through all my infertility crap, a way to help deal with the emtional rollercoaster. The intention was to also show this blog to my child one day..for him / her to read and understand our journey to become parents.

I'm trying not change this blog into a "baby news" blog, but honestly it is hard not to. I can't really write about infertility and the injustice of it now, as I'm so far removed from trying for a baby it is not funny. I can't talk about the treatments, the blood test results and try to analyse the numbers and what they mean.

Jordan takes up so much of my thoughts these days and I have posts rattling around my head but am concious about posting them as I don't want to drive readers away because all I can talk about is him....I mean how can I not talk about him...he is so very beautiful!

Could it be??

On my last visit with the Health Care nurse I was asked if I was still bleeding. I mentioned to her that it seemed to have gone away but has come back and I had assumed that it was still related to the birth / pregnancy.

But then she mentioned that it most likely be my period…needless to say I burst out in fits of laughter…my period…your kidding right? She was shocked with my out burst and yet again I had to explain my infertility status…of PCOS and irregular periods.

Perhaps your body will be different after the birth was her response…yeah unlikely to happen unless my ovaries have decided not to have cyst and unless my body has decided to handle all the hormone correctly.

But part of me has to wonder…could I really have my period…could my body be working correctly…a period without the use of fertility meds to bring it on…sound unnatural to me…

Another face of JJ

This one is the drunk of milk face!!

The Many faces of JJ

This one is a goo / gah face!

We call this one the Pop-eye face...he always makes this face when he is searching for the bottle with his mouth...


This is the pissed off face! So cute! JJ new trick is when holding him and he is pissed off, he arches his back and throws his head back and screams and screams...while mumy kisses his face!!


This is part action shot the tongue is going in and out and he is pretending to suck a bottle

Birth Announcement and Thankyou Card

I created this Birth Announcement and Thank you Card...let me know what you think!

This is also for all my blog friends..Thank you for being here in blog land when I needed you, Thank you sticking with me when I sometimes don't comment on your blog, thank you for welcoming my son into this world!

 

Stopping Time

I wish that I could just stop time and let me enjoy my tiny little boy…for just a little while, I’m not ready to look towards the future and make decisions about things. I want to cherish this time that I have, I know that I will need to make these decisions but I just want to be selfish and not think about them.

The Health Care Nurse left us with an enrolment form for Preschool, yes Preschool…Jordan was just 2 weeks old when we got this form. I have not even had a chance to look around our area as to where the Child Care Centres are…for when I return to work next year…let alone looking for a Preschool.

I understand that we live in Melbournes largest growth area…this is why we love living here, so many kids, so many new schools, children’s activities. But come on at 2 weeks old I need to give my top 3 preferences for preschool…now…Well I haven’t and I won’t until I feel fit enough to drive and check some of these places out.

Then there are the conversations about JJ Christening, when, where, who and how. Again I know that I need to make these decisions but would like sometime to 1) Heal physically from major surgery and 2) Cherish my little boy and 3) Get his feeding under control….or worked out.

I had to kindly tell a number of people to back off with the Christening plans. I also have a sneaking suspicions that the day of the Christening will be a disaster…it has already caused fights…My sis wants to be the God mother…I think that she almost expects it after all the ‘gifts’ (read bribes) that she has bought JJ. But Tim and I had decided long ago who would be the God parents to our child…before I was pregnant we knew.

My mother suggested I have the event in the hall near the church…but Tim and I want to hold it here and we didn’t want to make a big deal of the event…I mean JJ will not remember the day and it is a religious event rather than a huge party…But there are family / friend expectations..which Tim and I are fighting against.

Out the window

Coping?... Did I say that I was coping ok??? Well I'm happy to eat those words.

Let me paint the picture, again here I sit tapping at the keys on the keyboard one handed as JJ is in my arms. He was meant to feed at 5:30pm... and we managed 50 ml's before he started chocking and rejecting the bottle. Nappy change later...still not interested in our food.

He is now gooing and gahing away, at the sametime doing his head and neck exercises. It has really been a trying day and I'm questioning everything that we are doing ...are we playing with him too long...how the hell do I get him to sleep....but he is so cute...we have new facial expressions today and dare I say a small smile.

Ok now I'm going to try a bath....wish me luck!!

Tailored just for JJ

As a new mum you receive many different suggestions and advice from many different sources and it is difficult to work out which one is best for your child….actually difficult is too soft a word…how about strenuous, tiring, challenging and frustrating.

So I thought that if there are any new mum’s reading my blog that I would share JJ’s take on some of the advice….

Swaddling or wrapping

I was told in the hospital the wrap JJ’s arm in tight and swaddle him before putting him down to sleep. This worked all of three times until I realised that JJ loves having his hands out as he is constantly touching his face. So then I was shown how to wrap him with his arms out….again this was short lived as my little man loves to kick about and move around…hence why he was so active inside me.

So if you are told to swaddle or wrap your baby and you find that they are not so settled it could be because they like to move around…mine does and the first time I didn’t wrap him at all we had a 4 hour sleep at night….yes we went 4 hours.

Bathing

It is often said to be able to relax your child give them and nice warm soothing bath…..but this will not work if your child is hungry and this is the reason why they are unsettled.

Bath time continues to be an exercise that we have no real routine…we can’t seem to work out the ‘best’ time for a bath. JJ loves being in the water but the screaming before and after beats the whole purpose of the bath which is to relax him. JJ is currently being bathed every second day and the time of day differs…but I’m sure that it will all fall into place now and then.

Settling your baby with your hand on his chest.

My little son loves to be held and the best way I know how to settle him when he has cracked the shits…over a wet/dirty nappy or spewage or general shittiness, is to simply pick him up cradle him on my chest and pat his bum until he relaxes…no amount or tummy rubbing or holding his chest helps. He likes to be cuddled and this is just fine with me.

Dark room during the day

This was a suggestion from the Health Care Nurse, it makes no difference for our little boy. During the day the curtains could be flapping in the wind, shut or open…JJ really does not care. We do have the radio going from morning until about 5-6pm…the radio really does nothing either he would sleep with it off or on during the day, but we wanted to help him distinguish between day and night.

Times between feeds

This is something we all still struggle with, I don’t know why the ‘professionals’ tell you not to let your baby go longer than 4 hours between feeds during the day…but they do…and I hate waking him up…just for this rule.

When learning to breast feed you are told that the whole feeding thing is ‘demand and supply’…they demand and you supply. So why is it ok for a baby to go 3 hours between feeds yet if they wake up looking for another feed after 2 hours it is not ok….I just don’t get it and I hate making him wait for another feed if he is hungry…the screaming at times breaks my heart.

Most recently we have decided to stuff the ‘professionals and experts’ and go with the ‘demand and supply’ routine and with this decision we have a child that mostly feeds every 3 hours, sometimes 2.5 hours and sometimes 4 hours between feeds. JJ is now on 100ml’s of new formula and has 8 bottles a day.