Mummy is not doing too good this morning, I have been crying a little and feeling very alone and sad. I dreamt about you, holding you and wanting to have you inside me, but at the moment I can’t wait any longer, I want you now. Is that so much to ask?
I find out on Tuesday if I am pregnant with you, Tuesday the 7th September will either be a day of eminence joy or great disappointment. Daddy wants me to do a pregnancy test tomorrow morning, but Bobim I’m terrified. At this moment I want you so much and I’m scared that if you are not here with me I won’t be able to cope.
I hope that in your life you will never have to go through this pain of waiting and wanting a child so much that it hurts to breath.
To keep me from going totally crazy (and probably in years to come you will call me crazy), I’ve started compiling a list (you will get to know that Mummy loves her lists) of names for you. This little exercise has recently brought me a lot of joy and excitement. Daddy is starting to ask me about new names that I have found during the day.
I dreamt / thought about you room this morning whilst lying in bed and I can’t wait to tell Daddy about it. As we don’t know if you are going to be a boy or a girl I thought that we paint your walls in your room a nice green colour. With White borders and beautiful white curtains that make you room nice and dark for when you arrive.
I want to get started on your room straight away, right now even. But because I don’t know if you are here I’m holding off. Buying Clothes for you is one thing but starting to get your room ready is another big step that I’m holding off starting until we know that you are definitely here.
We had floating floorboards laid on Monday kind of in preparation for you, but really because the carpet was shocking. After 6 years living here there are bound to be a lot of stains. So now we have glossy new floor boards in half the house, and when I was able to walk on them I had this vision of you bum shuffling / or crawling across the floor with your laughter.
We even bought a new couch with you in mind we made sure that the fabric was durable and stain resistant. You are never far from our thoughts and whenever we make plans you are always included.
All my love my precious little one, wish me luck for Tuesday.