Wednesday, August 10, 2005

After shock

After our lovely holiday we arrived back to our clean lovely house, but is it too quiet. At times I hate it; this house was deliberately built with extra bedrooms for our children and they are empty of baby things, with the exception of the ‘chest of dreams’ they are just too quiet.

My desire for a child has not been diminished, if anything our holiday has increased my want. I think that this is really hurting my Mimi which most hard to bear.


At times (like right now) I feel an overwhelming sense of failure as a wife, mother and woman, I can’t even keep a pregnancy, I thought that I had put all those feelings aside and moved on. But there are times many times where the feelings just seem to overwhelm me.

2 comments:

Em said...

I so understand. I got my period yesterday, which means yet another failure. No matter what my husband says, it doesn't take away the feelings of inadequacy and that I am less-than. When we move back to Australia, we will have a house, rather than a flat and I fear those empty rooms. I'm thinking of you.

end_result said...

Mari,

I am thinking of you as always. Don't give up hope... those rooms will be filled one day.
Take care sweetie!