Holiday 1

On arrival we were greeted by 6 to 8 people clapping on the docs dancing, smiling and singing also waving at us. My first thought was DICKS! Here I was dog tired and all I wanted was to go to my room and crash, how dare these people be happy?

We all get shuffled into this shuttle bus then catch a ride to reception where we are greeted with a tropical juice drink. Then we are seated in a waiting area whilst the cards and keys and packs are explained to us. As this is going on more and more people wearing yellow GO t-shirts show up. Each couple of group is then personally escorted to their rooms.

Our room is comfortable, the bed is nice and hard, there is enough room to pack our clothes away and the bathroom is also big, there is air-conditioning as well as a ceiling fan and a balcony (which I’ve already described in my pervious post).

We get changed as I’m sweating like a pig, then head down stairs for lunch. Nothing could’ve greeted us with a jaw dropping response with the amount of food that they had ready waiting, there were so many table filled with food a smorgeast board of variety. Being the person that I am I was more excited about the food than I was the location! Hehehehe

After we ate, we went back up the stairs (which will be a whole separate post), but we then decided to go and explore the island and all the activities. To write about how much there is to do in this place would take more time than I’m willing to give, let me just say that there is so much to do that I really think that 7 days here will not be enough time to fit it all in.

One thing that I forgot to mention was as we were eating lunch and dinner they have communal tables where staff and other guest sit with you and they encourage people to get to know each other.

We have met this lovely couple from Melbourne and the lady is 3 months pregnant but who suffered endo had an operation…another hope lady in my books. She brings me hope that one day it will happen to me as it has happened with her.

Last night we went to the circus on the island, where guests even did stunts on the trapeze. I get more enjoyment watching Mimi have a good time than I do having a good time on my own. He was so excited and he wanted to have a go with the trapeze himself.

After the circus show we were kindly but forcefully told not to go back to our rooms but to join all the staff in the disco, where it was so funny to watch them all do the same dance moves. What really made it for me were the three guys (yes guys) dancing in front of us, they were booging the cute (did I say that?) buts off and getting really into it. The guests (or GM (gentile members) were encouraged to get up and a dance as well. Mimi and I boogied well into the night, well until 11:30…we were tired as we had a 4am start.

The scene is set

Way back in April Mimi and I decided to take time off work and spend it together we wanted to get away from Melbourne, fly somewhere where we would be pampered. The searching began and I found a really good deal to a Club Med in Northern Queensland, we had never been to a club med before but what drew us to it was that price tag and that it was all inclusive. The only catch was (and there is always a catch) that we had to pay in full by the end of May.

So even though Mimi has lost his job and is still currently looking, we didn’t cancel the holiday as it was already paid for in full. Our last holiday was to Hungary where we spent 3 months there visiting relatives and also other countries (but that holiday was 2 years ago). People at work then try to remind me that I have been to Merribula and Adelaide this year. To me these were not really holidays, they were weekends away where it was with other people and we both felt that we couldn’t do what we wanted.

So here I am (or have been for the past 3 hours) in a comfortable hotel room, sitting on the balcony, when I look up I can see lush green leaved trees, turquoise blue water, another small island and a sail boat. Paradise (picture to follow). But you know what was my first thought?

Not a sigh and a “Oh good I’m here now I can relax”, it was “I want to blog about this, I HAVE TO blog about this”. So what does that mean? Am I crazy? Obsessed?

Instead of putting on my bathers (swim suit) and going down to the pool I’m sitting here blogging. The flight here was short and sweet, however (and why does there always have to be a however or but?) there was this tiny little baby would’ve only been 2-3 months old, no matter how many times I tried to look away, my eyes were constantly drawn to her.

Bobim – I can’t feel lost without your presence with my right now. I wish that you were here to share the special place with us, the grief for you has come back to my like a hammer to my heart. I’m in paradise and I can think of if how I wish you were here with us.

In comes Mr Mas

We went a saw the naturopath Thursday night, I shall call him Mr Mas or Mas. What started out as an initial consultation for me being half hour to 45 minutes ended up being a 2 hour visit.

Both of us are taking herbs that I’m sure have deliberately been made to make you gag just by the smell. I’m on two different tablets, a tincture that is absolutely disgusting and flower essence. Mimi is on one tablet, zinc drops and a tincture mixture as well.

I have to write a full Medical history about myself, my mum and my sister and provide a Diet diary for a week. We are seeing Mas again on Thursday.

Is this sign?

I’m wondering if my period is finally showing itself, but I just don’t know what is going on with my body.

But my back hurts so badly in fact that I couldn’t sleep well last night and could hardly walk this morning when I got out of be. I’m a bit shitty today, taking stupid things personally, getting annoyed easily then in the next breath down but to perk up quickly and then to snap at people. Then there is this huge zit on my face, head ache.

So to recap:
* back hurts
* grumpy / moody
* bad skin
* head ache

If my period doesn’t come then I must be going crazy.

The chest of my dreams

Recently Bugsy posted about the jinx thing, you know the one, where you shouldn't buy baby clothes "just in case". Well I ignored those comments as started buying something small every week for a while.

Mimi and I discussed this whole 'jinx' subject and we both were of the same opinion. He used the example of our marriage as a great point of view. Before I even met my husband I had a glory box, full of all sorts of things. I started collecting things for my glory box when I was 16, yes I was very eager to get married. Hence why I was married at the age of 19.

We lived with my parents for a year after the wedding as we didn't have the money to buy / build a house. But that didn't stop us from collecting / purchasing items for our house.

So Mimi always points out that our preparation for our life together started when I was 16 and this didn't 'jinx' our life together. We will be celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary in Feb 2006. I still think that this is a strong point, I didn't 'jinx' our marriage then so how can buying a sock, bib, blanket, jump suit 'jinx' my chances of having a child?

I had borderline PCOS before I even bought a sock, bib, blanket, jump suit, etc. I stand (well sit) here today shaking my cyber fist at JINX telling her / him to back off cause I don't believe in you!

So here is an idea of the stash that I have accumulated:

Baby Websites

When I first started TTC my friend Jill recommended a website to visit. I was soon hooked, through that website I was introduced to the blog world through Terita’s blog.

In March this year when I decided to have a break from TTC I also decided to have a break from this particular baby web site. I never had a bad experience with the ladies there, honestly there are some on the web that are awful but I found that the ladies there were always supportive, kind and understanding.

I met a lot of my cyber friends there for which I’m most grateful. Since I made my decision in March, I’ve preferred to live in the blog world. Once or twice I did go back to my ‘old’ haunts just to see how some of the ladies were going.

This morning I’ve decided to go and find an acupuncturist and /or naturopath in order to get myself ‘ready’ for my next TTC cycle in August. When I though that I would post a question asking for any advice on who to see. So I started reading some of the threads to see where some of my old ‘TTC buddies were’. Well as you can guess most of them are pregnant, from user names that I did recognize.

I don’t begrudge any of them for their success as I KNOW what they have had to go through, we’ve been through the worst together when I was still an active member and I honestly don’t begrudge my SIL for falling pregnant either. I just feel that these little reminders just show me that I still have not gotten any closer to my goal.

In August I thought that once again I would go back to that website, but I think that there comes a time where you have to say good-bye to your old haunts and move on. But that is a decision to be made later.

All that crap about letting go of my fear, I feel was for nothing. I’m angry as I went and saw this Kinesiologist to help me fall pregnant and she sent me off an this whole different path of trying to loose weight, loving myself and all things spiritual which in the end may eventually help me. But really who am I kidding, my goal and desire to have a child has just been ignored.

So now I’m asking myself “Was all this break time a waste?”