Nervous

I have my appointment to see Dr N (who is my fertility specialist) and I’m very nervous. I know for sure that he will be asking us what we want to do as the next step, and honestly IVF terrifies me. I’m already used to the monitoring (funny how you get used to these things so quickly when I’ve only had 2 cycles), and Tim and I have worked out a schedule for when b/t and u/s are being done. He drops me off at the clinic and afterwards I walk to the train station to go to work.

There was a time where Tim has out right refused to even think about IVF as he doesn’t want to go in and drop a sample of on demand. I think that he still feels this way, but I haven’t breached the IVF subject with him again.

Seeing as both the OI cycles have worked, that is I’ve fallen pg both times (and have had M/c both times), I would like to continue with OI as it has worked so far. Plus the first time I saw Dr Nick it was agreed that we would do 3 OI cycles and I haven’t done the third one yet. I’m taking Provera in the preparation of bringing AF on to start my third one.

I haven’t discussed this with Tim but IUI is also something that he will NOT want to do…unless he can do his sample business at home and I take it in with me. But I don’t know if this clinic allows samples being done at home.

I also know that Dr Nick will say to me to loose weight and I’ve started back on my diet (today…thanks Bugsy for the inspiration). So I can report to him that I’m trying, but I don’t want to wait. I want to ask Dr Nick why he hasn’t prescribed me metformin to help regulate my cycles.

So Monday is milestone for me and I’m nervous, I want answers too of why does he think that I fell pg twice but lost them both times. Why are my little ones not sticking…do you think that I may be asking him a too hard question? Almost like what is the meaning of Life kind of thing?

Where to start

I've read so many blogs in my time and I really have no idea where to start, I could go on and on about my past the ups and downs of TTC for over 2 years...the whole blah blah blah of it all.

But I think that I will start with what happened today. I had a pregnancy blood test this morning and it came back BFN (which I knew). I was given the go ahead to start taking Provera to bring on my period. Very exciting stuff, I really can't wait to get back into the whole AC cycles again. Why...with all the needles, internal ultrasounds and the forever waiting..I hear you ask.

Well I'm excited because it feels as though I'm doing something again not just sitting around waiting until March and I really do enjoy the whole organisation of it all...knowing when to do the injections, going in for the blood tests, going in for the u/s, the whole lot.

I had a pretty average day at work, didn't get all that I wanted done. However I think that we achieve a new record in the project team for the most amount of time spent talking about nothing. I was pretty impressed with our first attempt..talking about bread for half an hour, but this afternoon we spent 45 minutes talking about rain water. Yes we are a very productive group of people, rain water, we covered everything from acid rain, pollution affecting rain water and how certain states here utilise rain water to flush toilets. Tomorrow morning I must send a congratulatory email to the group for a job well done!

NMcC
My dear friend NMcC is at this moment having a knee reconstruction and even though she may never read this blog and is most likely unconscious atm, I just wanted her to know that I'm thinking about you N and I know that you will pull through with flying colours!

I hope that you enjoy the flowers that will be delivered to you in the morning! Rest up and I will see you and speak to you soon.

(Edited to say - I've added in a few old letters that I found..they are still hard to read but give you a bit of insight to what has been happening)