To my Birthday boy!

Happy 1st Birthday my precious little man!

This morning I woke to the sound of your talking, you were happily talking away to your beloved red doggie teddy Rolfy. I lay there listening to your talking remembering the mornings when I would be awaken by your hungry cries for food or demanding that I pay attention to your nappy.

When I walked into your room you greeted me by standing in your cot Rolfy in one hand happily smiling, and when I walked over you started jumping up and down with excitement and giggling. What a way to start the day with a greeting like that!

This past year has been full of firsts, your first cry when you were born. Your first cuddle when you were placed in my arms. Your first bath, where you happily floated in the sink full of warm water.
Your first smile,
Your first giggle
Your first laugh
The first time you rolled over
The first time you sat by yourself
Your first commando crawl
The first time your pulled yourself up to stand
Your first Christmas
Your first Easter
Your first Fathers Day
Your first Mothers Day

So many new things were again discovered through your eyes. I love it how you are so fascinated with bright lights. Your eyes shine and twinkle when you are being so cheeky.

The happiness and love that you have brought to our lives is the reason why I never gave up in trying to conceive you. I miss your baby smell and your baby antics but I cherish the little boy I see before me now.

I was scared and terrified that you would not love me as much as I love you but all I have to do is look into your eyes to see the unconditional love you have for us. You will look for me in the room and smile, it is our secret cheeky I saw my Mummy smile that just fills my heart to the brim.

My precious little man Happy first Birthday, with all my heart and soul.
Your Mummy.

Next Week

Next Wednesday marks a very special occasion, Jordan will be a year old and while I’m busy preparing for his big Birthday bash. All of us are sick with the flu and I’m sick of being sick.

We have all been suffering off and on for 6 weeks now and I’ve taken so much time off work because Jordan has been so unwell, poor little man.
The amazing thing is that he is such a trooper, even while having his nose blocked and a bad cough he still happily crawls around on the floor playing. Nothing will stand in the way of Jordan playing!

I had a real fright during these 6 weeks as at one stage Jordan had a really high temperature and Panadol wouldn’t take it down even though we were administering it every 4 hours. A Tepid bath helped but we resorted to using Baby Nurofen which worked within 15 minutes.

I look back over the year and what a year it has been! I’ve never been more happier and yet at the same time never felt more inadequate, anxious and guilty. Yes guilty, almost everything that I do I can easily find a way to make myself feel guilty.

Having someone baby sit Jordan so that we could go to the Movies (only rarely done) – brings on thoughts like “Why did you have a child just to leave him with someone else?” Or going back to work – oh boy the guilt there is unbelievable, it is made especially worse that Jordan is in a Child Care centre 2 days a week and he cries so much when I leave him. It breaks my heart every single time.

I just hope that we all get over this bout of flu/cold whatever before Jordan’s big special day!