The night that was..

It was a perfect way to start week 19, but thinking about it now it just feels like a nasty nightmare, something that didn’t happen to me but someone else. Or better yet last night’s events were a clip from the latest horror movie.

Stepping onto the Tram last night I felt a small little twinge where I should, it was centred near my cervix. Really I thought nothing of it, raced for the Train and just made it, got a great seat and settled in for the hour train ride home. Book in hand I started to switch off from work.

About 5 minutes into the journey home I received a very sharp cramp like pain, again in the same area as before, I shuffled in my seat and it seemed not to help, the pain was quiet dull, it actually felt like the Dildocam was stuck up against my cervix…all interfiles know what that feels like.

By the time I got home, the pain had not really moved on, I think that I was just able to tolerate it better. But it didn’t stop me from rushing to the toilet to check for any spotting. Nope nothing and no more CM than there was already…phew I was over-reacting right?

Well, the pain didn’t go away and just seemed to become more consistent, it would come and go and then it would stay. Lying on either side, on my back, sitting with my legs up, legs down, walking…nothing seemed to help. I did what I thought best at the time and call my Mummy. Whom immediately said “Don’t stop at go…proceed directly to Hospital”.

Mimi and I had already discussed whether or not to go to the hospital, but neither of us could make the decision, I’m eternally grateful that my Mummy gave me the kick up the arse to just go.

The 5-minute drive felt like 5 hours, I was scared shitless and kept on saying to Mimi “Everything will be fine, I’m sure it is really just nothing”. I felt as though I had to reassure him, as he was white as a ghost. Last time I had seen him this pale he fainted on me.

I must admit I was fighting tears all throughout the longest wait of my fucking life. But again felt that I had to be strong for Mimi. I also admitted to the nurse and Dr that I felt really stupid for being there as the pain was not that bad…WHO WAS I KIDDING???…I was freakingfuckingout….but I suppose that my Dad was coming through me as whenever he is sick he always says “I’m ok, there is nothing wrong”.

When I did get to see the Dr, and being probed with the million and one questions…all while I was screaming in my mind “PLEASE JUST DO AN ULTRASOUND TO SEE IF BOBIM IS OK”. He started with an examination and felt around for Bobim (all the way through the afternoon and early evening, Bobim was happily kicking and moving around…but still I was stressed). Finding where she/he was the Dr had a listen and when he looked at me, he just smiled as my little one had just delivered an almighty kick to the stethoscope. Bobim was fine, heart beat nice and strong.

So what was wrong??? Well I have an urinary-tract-infection, yes that’s right an UTI, how stupid did I feel when that was announced.

I still shudder at remember the thoughts, those horrible thoughts that went through my mind when we were waiting. I won’t write about them as you can imagine what was going through my mind. I have never in my short 29 years been so scared shitless before in my entire life.. I am finding it hard to put last night’s events out of my mind and move on.