Our Bobims

tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-102271772012-01-14T17:09:31.145+11:00Our BobimsMarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.comBlogger4041100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-14081488228745226392012-01-14T17:07:00.002+11:002012-01-14T17:09:31.155+11:00My true self<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Anumber of years ago a dear friend of mine suggested a technique of clearing themind chatter I had.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>It was avisualisation exercise where for each thought I had I would put it on a piece ofpaper, anything and everything about that one thought would be pasted onto thatpage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>Once done I would then scrunch upthat page and then throw that thought over my shoulder. I would continue thisprocess until the page I picked up would be blank.<o:p></o:p></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Asthis one simple visualisation technique helped me so much I started to expandon the process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>After reading one of my favouritebooks about a magician teaching their apprentice to use the “room in the mind” Iadopted the “Room” concept for my own.<o:p></o:p></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Myroom is the place I go in my mind to work things out, I wrote </span><a href="http://bobim.blogspot.com/2005/12/balloon-of-fear-2.html"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">this post</span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> imagining myself in the field just outside my room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>The room in my mind is a tiny little housethat is surrounded by a forest and a river and a beautiful big meadow.<o:p></o:p></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Mostrecently before I enter my room I remove my outter shell that hides my trueself, if only my true self could be that easy to get to as it does in my mind.<o:p></o:p></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hereis what I see:<o:p></o:p></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I amstanding in front of my wooden chestnut door that has been carved beautifully withHungarian symbols, flowers and words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is a beam of pure white light just before the threshold and as I stepinto the beam I feel the over whelming sense of peace consume my soul.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Amirror appears in front of me and I see my true self come forth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>The changes start at the top of my head wheremy curls become a little tighter the colour and length of my hair remains thesame.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>The changes to my face areminimal, my worry line disappears, and my laugh lines deepen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>As my true self comes through my cheek bonesget more pronounced as the weight comes off.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">Simultaneouslymy true self is showing through, my breast become perkier, my waist becomesmore defined my stomach is flat, you can’t see my ribs as that would be goingtoo far.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>Nothing else </span><span style="color: blue;">majorly changes asmy true self shines through it just that the weight comes off.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Oncemy true self appears it is then that the door opens and I am allowed into myroom.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ifanything this exercise always shows me that the only thing that I am unhappywith is my weight and nothing else.<o:p></o:p></span></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-1408148822874522639?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-48893528645862304302012-01-13T23:29:00.000+11:002012-01-13T23:46:38.512+11:00Healing my past self<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This blog post is long time in coming, it has been rattling around inmy head for a month or so. I explained this idea to my BFFL back then and neverreally got around to writing it. <o:p></o:p></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To anyone that is reading this post, you will be coming back in time ona journey with me, here I go:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-T07tstXteS8/TxAedSQi1mI/AAAAAAAAAeQ/PATil-WzC34/s1600/001.BMP" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-T07tstXteS8/TxAedSQi1mI/AAAAAAAAAeQ/PATil-WzC34/s320/001.BMP" width="212" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Obviously I am a baby in this photo innocent to the world and cute as abutton!</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/" name="OLE_LINK4"></a><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK4;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The message to my past self is:</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK4;"></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK3;"></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“You are loved and cherished, the future that waits for you will betough but know that you will never be alone, you are worthy because you wereborn.”<o:p></o:p></span></em></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wU4eKqO28T8/TxAeyJRHfMI/AAAAAAAAAeY/hDXvFKz8spQ/s1600/002.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="310" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wU4eKqO28T8/TxAeyJRHfMI/AAAAAAAAAeY/hDXvFKz8spQ/s320/002.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is me on my 6<span style="font-size: small;"><sup>th</sup> Birthday party and the girl on my leftis a neighbour that lived across the road from me. I remember that I loved thisgirl and I thought that she was my best friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We spent so much time together played on the weekends and we even wentto the same primary school.</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The message to my past self is:</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“You were not the best friend that this girl needed in her life, thejealousy that was written over her face in this photo was not your fault norwas it your responsibility.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>I know thatshe used you and then behind your back she would tease you. This was not yourfault! <o:p></o:p></span></em></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></em></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-AU; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><em>That girl in this photos is so beautiful, even withthat hair cut she is perfect!"</em></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lo0jx0m2dc8/TxAe5jbmA0I/AAAAAAAAAeg/SgRBAMCyheE/s1600/003.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lo0jx0m2dc8/TxAe5jbmA0I/AAAAAAAAAeg/SgRBAMCyheE/s320/003.jpg" width="284" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In this photo I am 8 years old and we are in my father’s childhood homeGencsapáti. I remember this trip so well and I know that I was eight as I wasso proud of myself for learning how to say the number eight in Hungarian.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>I would tell anyone and everyone my age! </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The message to my past self is:</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“If only the quality of this photo was a little better, then you would ableto see that cheeky smile! I <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>can justimagine that there is a little twinkle in your eyes!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>When I see this photo, all I see is a tall littlegirl that is so full of life. Look at yourself in this photo, really look atit; what I see today is a beautiful fun loving little girl that is neither tooskinny nor too fat. But perfect the way she is.”<o:p></o:p></span></em></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GeHDHpm08AA/TxAfBW72SsI/AAAAAAAAAeo/7KkO9wIVzsM/s1600/004.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GeHDHpm08AA/TxAfBW72SsI/AAAAAAAAAeo/7KkO9wIVzsM/s320/004.jpg" width="198" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In this photo I am 11 years old and I had recently returned from a tripto Hungary where I went by myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>Thisis the first time in my life where I remember that my weight started to bequestioned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>Upon my return from thattrip I remember being told that I had put on 6kg’s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>I distinctly remember being teased during thelunch break on the school yard, simply because I had put on 6kg’s.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The message to my past self is:</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“There is nothing wrong with you, you are not fat, and you are not overweight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>Do not let those hateful evilwords touch your spirit.”<o:p></o:p></span></em></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Rq9h1U7BFhk/TxAfPygSr7I/AAAAAAAAAew/NodNklEKn50/s1600/005.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Rq9h1U7BFhk/TxAfPygSr7I/AAAAAAAAAew/NodNklEKn50/s320/005.jpg" width="122" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In this photo I am 13 years old and this is a group photo taken with myHungarian scout group. What I noticed first when I saw this photo again now atthe age of 35 is the jumper I am wearing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is long and bulky and hiding my body shape completely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>I never realised that my weight issues went that far back!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><o:p> </o:p><span style="color: blue;">The message to my past self is:</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><em>“Mari, please do not hide whoyou are, I know that people in your life are constantly commenting on yourweight. Trust that there is nothing wrong with you here.”<o:p></o:p></em></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-f3r8beKUW5Q/TxAfkUfWBEI/AAAAAAAAAe4/6zBDP_1KmOI/s1600/007.BMP" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-f3r8beKUW5Q/TxAfkUfWBEI/AAAAAAAAAe4/6zBDP_1KmOI/s320/007.BMP" width="211" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am 15 years old in this photo and this is my Debutant ball. Thisparticular photo brings up so much pain and anguish.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>At that time in my life, my mother onlyallowed me to eat Salada biscuits for lunch and sometimes dinner and she alsomade me go to the gym 5 days a week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>Iwas also sent off the solarium before the ball in order to get nice and brown.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In this photo I am convinced that I am over weight. In this photo Ifeel ugly, exposed and unworthy.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The message to my past self is:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>“Dear Mari, it was wrong of your mother to make you feel as though youwere unworthy, not pretty and overweight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had all the good intentions in her heart, however they were not theright intentions for you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>Look at thatwaist of your, look at that smile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>Youare beautiful! I know that you were constantly compared to the other girls in yourgroup and this was wrong.</em></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><em><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></em></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Each girl, each person will have a completely different body shape andshould never be any comparison as there is nothing wrong with you; nothing atall!”<o:p></o:p></span></em></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-AhgPhkxIXbo/TxAfqqJqSVI/AAAAAAAAAfA/TnrWXykpB3A/s1600/008.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-AhgPhkxIXbo/TxAfqqJqSVI/AAAAAAAAAfA/TnrWXykpB3A/s320/008.jpg" width="161" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ah this photo, I am surprised that I found this one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>I am 16 years old here and this is my year 11formal (like a prom).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>This was the nightthat I first got together with my first love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am surprised that I still have this photo because I was hurt so muchby that guy that I tried to erase everything to do with him, including photosof when we officially got together.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK6;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The message to my past self is:</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK6;"></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK5;"></span><span style="line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-AU; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“<em>People come into your life at exactly the rightmoment and they usually enter your life as that is the energy that you haveopened yourself up to receiving. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He cameinto your life to teach you a very important lesson, that lesson was “Your deepfeelings and the way you accept and love unconditionally makes you who youreally are.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>He could not handle theamount of love that you had in your heart, this is nothing to do with you oryour worthiness at all, it was all about his insecurities.”</em></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-x761nXr_dKs/TxAf1YkIHeI/AAAAAAAAAfI/q6iaASp2qw0/s1600/009.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-x761nXr_dKs/TxAf1YkIHeI/AAAAAAAAAfI/q6iaASp2qw0/s320/009.jpg" width="154" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is my Year 12 formal my last year of High School, the guy that wasmy date was not the guy that I was in love with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>I had broken up with my boyfriend a few monthearlier and Mark stepped in to take me. He was of a Lebanese back ground,exotic older and caring, he also accepted my affectionate nature.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>My weight was still in question here andlooking at this photo I can’t believe again that I felt that I was overweight.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/" name="OLE_LINK8"></a><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK8;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The message to my past self is:</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“Your heart will heal eventually; do not hold onto “J”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>You do not need to remember him for you weretreated badly and he made you feel unworthy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></em></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></em></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As for your weight there should be no reason for why you feeluncomfortable here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>So what you are acurvy girl that just adds to your appeal!”<o:p></o:p></span></em></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GkS-uIm8k6s/TxAgB8YfP-I/AAAAAAAAAfQ/W4VzS1Ri_Uk/s1600/010.BMP" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GkS-uIm8k6s/TxAgB8YfP-I/AAAAAAAAAfQ/W4VzS1Ri_Uk/s320/010.BMP" width="313" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am 19 and this is my wedding day. Would you believe that my weddingdress was a size 10? I kid you not it is a size 10 and in this photo once againI have been lead to believe by my immediate and new family that I amoverweight.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/" name="OLE_LINK10"></a><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK10;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The message to my past self is:</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“On your wedding day you should’ve been 100%!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>I know that you are worried and concerned abouthow you look.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>Seriously Mari you are sobeautiful in this photo and just look at that waist, there is nothing wrongwith you here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>Do not listen to anyoneelse and only listen to yourself.”<o:p></o:p></span></em></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HmSvvzLDn7o/TxAgK05YJlI/AAAAAAAAAfY/A4s-E6hQOCw/s1600/011.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HmSvvzLDn7o/TxAgK05YJlI/AAAAAAAAAfY/A4s-E6hQOCw/s320/011.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Fast forward and I am 27 years old in this photo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>Tim and I had spent 3 months in Hungary on anextended vacation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>I remember trying to loseweight before this trip, but I was never able to do that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>After my wedding there is rarely many photo’swith me in them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>I am usually the onebehind the camera.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>I am the one takingthe photos of my life and it seems to me as though I may have been hidingbehind that camera.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am in a castle that was built in the 1800 in the Hungarian countryhere I am coming down the stairs and I am hiding.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/" name="OLE_LINK12"></a><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK12;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The message to my past self is:</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>“Your family should always accept you for you really are and not what youlook like. You know that you are hiding and you know that you are hiding fromthe world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>Somewhere along your journeyyou lost yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>You started tobelieve that you were unworthy all because you were listening to your immediateand in-law family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>Mari the feelings ofpeace and being “home” is something that you need to cherish and not beconcerned about how the world perceives you.”</em></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-zyXJ77exAR0/TxAiYR69paI/AAAAAAAAAfg/hkZYOCXc4wQ/s1600/012.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-zyXJ77exAR0/TxAiYR69paI/AAAAAAAAAfg/hkZYOCXc4wQ/s320/012.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></o:p></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2006 and I am going home from the hospital with my darling new littleboy Jordy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>In this photo I am feelinglike an unworthy mother as my milk supply never came in, again I gave the powerover my self-esteem to others to fulfil.<o:p></o:p></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;"></span></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK14;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The message to my past self is:<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em></em></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“After 3 long tough years of TTC, you really think that you should feelanything other than blessed? You will provide the nourishment your son needsthe best way you can.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>Your son does notcare that you are unable to breastfeed, because he loves you for who you areand what you mean to him.”<o:p></o:p></span></em></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Ae8cJ5ekjls/TxAirm0j34I/AAAAAAAAAfo/InVBMjxpb-o/s1600/013.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Ae8cJ5ekjls/TxAirm0j34I/AAAAAAAAAfo/InVBMjxpb-o/s320/013.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2009 and here I am holding my beautiful twins.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>Whilst pregnant with them I did not gain anounce of weight so in this photo I look as though I have lost quite a bit ofweight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>I remember being completelyhappy in this photo, my little family felt complete. I also remember that atthis time I was able to go into a normal store and I was buying size 16 clothesfor the first time in years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>My mistakehere was that I told people family and friends of this achievement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>I wanted to share my joy and this change inmy life, I was mistaken.<o:p></o:p></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK16;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The message to my past self is:<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK16;"></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK15;"></span><span style="line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-AU; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><em>“Mari, look at those beautiful twins that youare holding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>You look completely wiped,exhausted but you also look so content and happy. Hold onto these feelings,never doubt that your kids love you unconditionally not because of the way youlook but because the who you are.”</em></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em></em></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5624VwW-Uto/TxAi5-FoNkI/AAAAAAAAAfw/j5IFMxs2AyM/s1600/014.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5624VwW-Uto/TxAi5-FoNkI/AAAAAAAAAfw/j5IFMxs2AyM/s320/014.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-AU; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2011 I am at my friend’s hen’s night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was so worried about what I looked like and what to wear!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>I drank so much this night and I also tookthis photo of myself, using my own phone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/" name="OLE_LINK18"></a><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK18;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The message to my past self is:<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>“Look at your face Mari, really look at your face, you are radiant!”</em></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6XrB_3q7j9I/TxAjE7hFuXI/AAAAAAAAAf4/dJ3HWUZ9wfM/s1600/015.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6XrB_3q7j9I/TxAjE7hFuXI/AAAAAAAAAf4/dJ3HWUZ9wfM/s320/015.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2011 Ahh India and your first Tuk Tuk ride.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>This is the first time since the age for 11 Iwas completely on my own. No family only work colleagues to keep mecompany.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>I spent 10 days there and Iknow that I came back and totally changed women.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>The memory of my first night in India will alwaysremain with me. It was the first time in years that I was completely outside mycomfort zone and I didn’t care about how others perceived me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/" name="OLE_LINK20"></a><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK20;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The message to my past self is:</span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>“Cherish the memories and lessons you learnt and continue to learnafter your trip to India.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>There is neverany reason to doubt neither yourself nor your abilities in relation to yourwork.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>Always believe that you alone are enoughin all aspects of your life.”</em></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-x6DA6918lx4/TxAjRoSllTI/AAAAAAAAAgA/jrjpLfkJRZ0/s1600/016.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-x6DA6918lx4/TxAjRoSllTI/AAAAAAAAAgA/jrjpLfkJRZ0/s320/016.jpg" width="240" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2<span style="font-size: small;"><sup>nd</sup> Jan 2012 my heart was hurt this day and whilst thesituation has resolved itself the feelings and consequences are still lingeringand I think that they will for a little while until I am comfortable with thedecisions / choices made.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The message to my past self is:</span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>“Mari, what was being asked of you that day should not have hurt you somuch. As it was your BFFL asking that you please listen carefully to what theywere saying. Your mistake this day was to give your heart to someone to fulfil,when realistically only you can fulfil it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your mistake was to give your BFFL the control and responsibility of youheart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>You heart is your own and shouldnever have been given to anyone."</em></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-4889352864586230430?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-81246679543701639522012-01-07T17:13:00.004+11:002012-01-07T17:13:31.947+11:00Regret<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Before I start this post properly I wanted to share the relative goodnews today is CD3 and the last cycle lasted 36 days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>So<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>itis a definate improvement, I don’t like the thought of blaming my period onthis past week because I feel as though that is a poor excuse. I do wonder ifit has had an impact on my mood and ability to deal with situations.<o:p></o:p></span><br /><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This first week of 2012 for me has been not the best, not a really goodstart to the year!<o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am ashamed, regretful and filled with so much remorse that my heartis sitting very heavy in my chest.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I reacted very poorly to a situation, I can’t go into the full detailshere because it is very personal but I will try to explain; a close friendasked something off me and instead of listening to their side of the story andhearing what this person was actually asking.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I only listened to the words that I wanted to hear and took themstraight to my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>I gave the powerof my heart to this person and spent the whole week miserable. The pain was unbearableand I was in a silent hell.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>I couldn’tconcentrate, I slept but fitfully, my appetite was gone and I was just not mynormal happy self.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Yesterday morning I wrote a blog post (which I posted but later tookdown as it was evil and unkind) on the way to work and cried all the way on thetrain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>When I arrived at work the painand hurt must have shown on my face as people that I’ve only recently met were askingif I was ok. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This was all because I did not take the time to listen and allowedmyself to be hurt.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I lashed out at my best friend and said some very hurtful words. Forthis I am so ashamed and filled with remorse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This person has always accepted me for who I am and never tried tochange me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>There was never anythingother than encouragement and a positive influence. I made a promise to my bestfriend that I would never hurt them like they had been hurt before.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This is exactly what I did last night, I didn’t think anything throughproperly and I sent a message that I am so ashamed off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>It was so vile and bad that my BFF justwanted to pack up and leave the country. I never ever thought I had it inmyself to consciously hurt someone I care for as deeply as I did my BFF yesterday.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t know how I am going to look at them anymore and face them thenext time I see my BFF, who has kindly accepted my apology.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Perhaps my reaction this week is related to the hormonal upheaval thatis going on inside me, it would be great to use that as an excuse but I reallydon’t truly believe that I am that weak that I can’t handle a little hormonalchange.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I know that I will need to forgive myself eventually, but for me thehardest part will be moving on from the remorse, regret and guilt that I amfeeling.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">If my BFF reads this post, please know that I am truly, deeply sorryfor my words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>If there was a way to takethem back I would, if there was a way to turn back time and never press the “send”button I would. My heart is broken with knowledge of just how much I hurtyou.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>Your friendship means the world tome.<o:p></o:p></span></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-8124667954370163952?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-19287687522100213462011-12-31T21:23:00.002+11:002011-12-31T21:23:09.727+11:00Hello 2012<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">What do I want out of 2012:<o:p></o:p></span><br /><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">        </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Worthiness, self worth<o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">        </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Financial Stability<o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">        </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am enough in all aspects of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>my life</span></div><br /><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">        </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Being open to all that the universe will provide<o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">        </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">To love myself<o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">        </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">To appreciate myself<o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">        </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">To be happy with my weight<o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">        </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">To be healthy<o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">        </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">To be happy<o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">        </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Acceptance, from family and work </span></div><br /><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">        </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">To believe in myself<o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">        </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Continue to be a great mother, provider &wife<o:p></o:p></span></div><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><br /><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hello 2012, thisyear will be the final year that I win the battle over my weight and health.This year will be the year that I finally will say to myself “I love you foryou Mari”<o:p></o:p></span><br /><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><br /><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This year will bethe year that I take back control of all aspects of my life, because simply Iwas born and I am worthy.<o:p></o:p></span><br /><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><br /><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am worthy of allthe love that the universe can provide<o:p></o:p></span><br /><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><br /><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am worth of allthe happiness I want to have in my life<o:p></o:p></span><br /><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><br /><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am ready toaccept all that the universe has planned for me<o:p></o:p></span><br /><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><br /><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am open to allthat is coming my way<o:p></o:p></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Welcome 2012 andall that you are going to teach me I am ready to meet you head on and conquer allthe challenges that you may provide me.<o:p></o:p></span><br /><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><br /><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I will be POSITIVEin all areas of my life!!!<o:p></o:p></span><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-1928768752210021346?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-54037760852584648222011-12-31T21:15:00.002+11:002011-12-31T21:15:46.164+11:00Good bye 2011<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><a href="" name="OLE_LINK2"></a><a href="" name="OLE_LINK1"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">What I want to leave behind in 2011:<o:p></o:p></span></span></a></div><br /><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">        </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Negativity – you are no longer welcome in myhead and heart. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><br /><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">        </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Financial instability – I no longer want to livefrom pay to pay<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><br /><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">        </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Self-doubt:<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><br /><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 72pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">o<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">  </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In me<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><br /><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 72pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">o<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">  </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In my life<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><br /><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 72pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">o<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">  </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Of being a good mother<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><br /><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 72pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">o<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">  </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Of my work skills<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><br /><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">        </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Low self esteem<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><br /><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">        </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Low confidence<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><br /><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">        </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Weight issue<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><br /><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">        </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Worthlessness<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><br /><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">        </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Control given to others<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><br /><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">        </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Being closed to the Universe<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><br /><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">        </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Non acceptance for who I am from my husband<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><br /><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">        </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Not being listened to at work<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 18pt;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thankyoufor the year 2011, I have started to learn so much. I have met some wonderfulpeople that will be life long friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>Iwant to leave behind the old Mari, the one that was sad, recluse andunsure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>The one that hid herself fromthe world.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 18pt;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></span><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The onethat would worry about what others thought and gave all the power over herfeelings away to others to control.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>I nolonger need others to make me happy, justified and fulfilled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>I have the power in me to make my ownhappiness.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 18pt;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thankyou2011 for teaching me that I am more than just plain Mari, that I am worthybecause I was born.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 18pt;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK1;"><span style="mso-bookmark: OLE_LINK2;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Goodbye2011, it has been a tough year.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-5403776085258464822?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-352768677862320982011-12-04T17:03:00.001+11:002011-12-04T17:04:33.926+11:00Visitor<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> I received an unexpected but most welcome visitor on Thursday lastweek.<o:p></o:p></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When the visitor finally arrived it helped really explain all the angstand emotional freak outs I had been having of late.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>Part of me wishes that I was more normal sothat I could anticipate when my hormones will be all over the place.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Aunt Flow decided to make a pleasant visit; the timing was not as greatas previously. Just over a month nearly two.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Gone are the worries about jinxing things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>My feeling is that these insulite pills areworking.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There are other changes happening that help explain what is happeningto me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m getting so excited and more confident that I will achieve all thatI set my mind to.<o:p></o:p></span></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-35276867786232098?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-24594719585002838922011-12-03T14:47:00.001+11:002011-12-03T14:50:18.322+11:00My heart<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I stand in the middle of a sacred circle; I’m surrounded by all thepeople that have touched my life. Some I have not seen in years and others arepeople that have only recently come into my life, others are also my family.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I approach my youngest child, Lilly, I knee down to her and say “Mydarling little girl, thank you for looking after my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>I would have it back now as you are no longerresponsible”. With a brilliant smile she hands me back the piece of my heart thatshe has been holding, which is a beautiful red colour.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>I place the piece into my box and move ontoRylie and repeat the same words, this time my child shows a little resistancein give back the piece of my heart.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">He is shy and a little upset, I place my arms around him and say“Rylie, dear heart it is not your responsibility to make Mummy feel better, itdoes not mean I don’t need you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>Thismeans that I’m taking the control of my heart back ”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>With a tentative smile my son places thepiece of my heart into my box.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Jordan looks at me with wisdom and complete understanding and after Isay to him “My beautiful blue eyed boy, you have held onto my heart for toolong my little man, you can give it back”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He smiles and whispers “I love you Mummy”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I then move onto my husband and repeat the words “Thank you for lookingafter my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>I would have it back nowas you are no longer responsible”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>Herolls his smiles and places the piece into my box.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Now I turn to a group of people that are no longer in my life, “Thankyou all for holding onto a piece of my heart, I relinquish the responsibility.I no longer need you to complete me”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The pieces that are placed it my box has varying degrees in colour fromlight grey to black. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I make my way around the circle collecting the pieces of my heart in mybox all the while thanking the people in my life that held onto these pieces.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Once completed, I then make my way back into the centre of the circlewhere I kneel down and peer inside the box.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are so many pieces some red others appear as mid night black.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">All of a sudden I feel an overwhelming sense of despair and I mumble tomyself “How am I ever going to fix this?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I feel someone sitting kneeling down next to me and I look over to see completecompassion in their eyes, they don’t say a word because I can see from theireyes the silent message being given to me <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Youhave the power within yourself to heal your own heart”.</i><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I stare into their eyes for just a little longer and nod myunderstanding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>The presence remains atmy side and then I feel their hand on my shoulder giving me a gentle squeeze ofencouragement, it is only for a short moment but it gives the reassurance Ineed.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I close my eyes and take a few deep breathes in 1-2-3-4 out1-2-3-4.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>I centre myself and open myeyes and place my hands over the box.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>Isearch and reach inside me and where I find the energy required healing myheart.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Nothing happens for a long time but then slowly the black pieces startto change colour and all the pieces start to fit together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>Once my heart is completely restored it islight pink in colour.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>The presence nextto me then extends their hands just over my heart and with all the love andcompassion my heart changes to a beautiful red velvet colour.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">“Thank you my friend I really appreciate your acceptance, love andrespect. I can take it from here”, I say as I pick up my heart and cradle it tomy chest.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I leave the circle and walk out into the meadow where the sun is sowarm and bright. Lifting my head up I concentrate on breathing deep in 1-2-3-4hold 1-2-3-4 out 1-2-3-4 whilst accepting the warm bright white light into mybody. I spend some time just breathing, nothing is in my mind other thanbreathing in deeply.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">When I open my eyes the heart that I was cradling is now gone, because itis now inside me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I have taken back the pieces of my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>I no longer need others to make me feelhappy, fulfilled or worthy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>I alone makemyself feel these things.</span></span></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-2459471958500283892?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-38553138151536311532011-11-29T21:09:00.001+11:002011-11-29T21:10:23.644+11:00A shiny new toy.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When a child receives a new toy, they are excited.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>It is the best feeling in the word providingthis joy to any child, be it your own or others. Sometimes the child alsobecomes obsessed with the toy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>It has tobe with all the time, almost 24/7. They can’t get enough of their toy;sometimes they won’t even eat or sleep without having the toy near.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have something new in my life it is a new and close friendship onethat I feel completely blessed for having, and I feel like a child with a newtoy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">  </span>I’m waiting for the whole “It isnew and shiny” feeling to go away, for the toy in this regard to be broken. Todate this has not happened and at the age of 35 I have never had this kind offriendship before…where I have become very close very quick and I have not donesomething to stuff it all up.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In my past I have allowed myself to get hurt with new friendships…allowedmyself?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yes I get emotionally involved; because I cherish all my friendshipsand I give my heart out to others to fulfil rather than fulfil my heart on myown…see it all stems from my own self-worth!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I knew I was going somewhere with this post!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I also know that if I wait for something long enough then eventuallyeither I or the universe will provide or eventually make it happen.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So I have decided that I’m sick of waiting, I am actually not going toallow anything to stuff up this shiny new friendship…who knows how long it willlast and I pray that it is for a very long time. I’m not going to worry aboutthe expiry date and I’m not going to give this shiny new person the responsibilityof boosting my self-worth.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m secure in the knowledge that I have found (or have been blessedwith receiving) this very rare friend indeed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where not only am I completely 100% honest, but I am secure in theknowledge that my friendship to them is treasured just as much as theirs isfor.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have never met someone who has accepted me 100% as me and has nottried to change any aspect of myself. Not even my own husband accepted mefully.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-3855313815153631153?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-52446537224679477092011-11-26T20:42:00.001+11:002011-11-26T20:43:50.448+11:00My new mantra<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You are worthy because you were born, you alone are enough.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This is one of the messages I received from Oprah’s last TVshow and until I believe it I will be saying it to myself over and over again.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This will become my mantra…<o:p></o:p></span></div><em>"You are worthy becuase you were born, you alone are enough"</em><br /><em>"You are worthy becuase you were born, you alone are enough"</em><br /><em>"You are worthy....."</em></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-5244653722467947709?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-30761264995837787402011-11-22T23:12:00.001+11:002011-11-23T00:10:30.731+11:00My taxi driver Nick<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Again it has been sometime. But the beauty about this blog that it is<br />always here when I need it.<br />I didn’t realise that I needed it until the other day when on the train<br />I decided to look back at my most darkest posts and read what was going through<br />my mind at that time.<br /><br />There are a number of really dark, ugly and wrong posts and the funniest<br />thing was that the same theme was happening over and over again. I was and still am constantly repeating the<br />same circle again, it is like the never ending bitch and moan session for Mari.<br /><br />I’ve had a number of “ah-ha” moments recently (yes I love Oprah) and I know<br />that I’m finally ready to stop this unhealthy cycle. I heard somewhere that<br />your life goes through some changes every 7 years. My Kinesiologist agreed<br />saying that it has been documented that humans go through major, physical,<br />emotional and mental changes. So being my 35th year, this is perfect<br />timing for some changes…finally!!!<br /><br />So where does my Taxi driver Nick come into this? I will get to that…<br /><br />I strongly believe that you meet people in your life at certain points<br />in your life to help and teach you things.<br />To help you grow into the best person you can be. I can’t actually<br />remember when I made that the decision but I decided to remove myself out of<br />the negative influence that was occurring in my life. After that decision was<br />made, even subconsciously people started coming into my life that I really<br />needed.<br /><br />I’ve met some really positive people and will ever be grateful. I’ve<br />even open up more to these people than I ever had before and it is easy for me. This makes me think more and more that this<br />is finally the right time to be making these types of changes.<br /><br />I’ve struggled all my life with:<br />· <br />Low self esteem<br />· <br />My weight<br />· <br />Self-worth<br /><br />Nick my taxi driver has been driving me home off and on for the past 8<br />years. We formed a common bond over the<br />fact that we both had issues tyring to conceive. Nick was actually the one that drove me home<br />on my last day at AXA when I was pregnant with the twins. <br /><br />I’ve been doing a lot of crazy hours at work, working the “pm shift”<br />where I started work at 12pm then left at 9:30pm. I’ve also been working nearly 10-12 hour<br />days, so in the past 5-6 months I’ve seen a lot Nick. The beauty about having Nick drive me home is<br />that we gas bag all the way and the drive is so quick, recently the trip has<br />not been long enough for us to get through everything.<br /><br />Tonight was a big breakthrough for me as I told him that I’ve been<br />struggling at work and with my mind about some other stuff, mainly getting rid<br />of the negative thoughts that I have.<br /><br />The first thing Nick says to me is “Maria you really have to get over<br />yourself” which is so true. I struggle<br />with self-worth and I know that it comes from my childhood, where my parents<br />(not knowing any better themselves) never really offered any positive<br />encouragement. I also recall being constantly hurt by my childhood friends,<br />which I never really dealt with.<br /><br />The second thing Nick said to me was “Maria you need to loose some<br />weight, not because I think that you do, because you don’t. You need to for yourself”. Nick’s reasoning was that if I had lost even<br />the smallest amount of weight then it would give me the confidence I needed to continue<br />to make improvements in my life that I am seeking.<br /><br />Another thing that Nick brought up was that I maybe cutting myself<br />short and not allowing myself to see opportunities because I have the mindset<br />that I don’t want to be Management. He is of the belief that I would be an<br />excellent manager, because I don’t have an ego.<br /><br />Also along with a dear new friend of mine, Nick believes that I think<br />way too much and we are not talking just mind chatter. I think about everything<br />that has happened in the day, I worry about comments, remarks, looks and analyse<br />words said to me, words that weren’t spoken. I think of possible scenarios that<br />may happen and possible outcomes.<br /><br />Yeah I think way too much.</span></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-3076126499583778740?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-58026660262576729182011-08-18T12:19:00.001+10:002011-08-18T12:21:42.001+10:00Changes<p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;">It has been over a year since I last posted something here, work, kids, and family take up all my time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I keep in touch with people through facebook and email. There is really no time left for me and blogging.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;">So why come back now?<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;">I turned 35 in May and I finally decided that this year was going to be the final year where I would try to loose weight on my own before I do something drastic like gastric by-pass surgery.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;">I’m not doing this for my kids, or for my husband.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I’m finally doing this for myself, but I’m not doing it to be skinny/slim or for the perfect size. I’m looking forward to having a regular period as I do not believe that it is healthy for any women to be so irregular. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;">I know from experience that when my hormones are working that I loose weight, even pregnant with the twins and no real change to my diet I lost over 20kg’s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Which have now come back on because my hormones are not working, instead of 11/12/13 periods a year I may average 3-5. This is not normal.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;">I did a lot of research and found the Insulite Laboratories that claim to “Reverse” PCOS. I costs roughly $250.00 per month of herbal supplements, which in my mind is a lot cheaper than gastric by-pass surgery.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;">I will start blogging about this diet (which I so hate this word) as I really want this to work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;">I’ve found a new Kinesiologist that works in the city and I have been balanced to the 4 lots of different herbal pills.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I’ve also started making small changes to my diet in order to reduce the carbohydrate intake to 60-80grams a day, this is my biggest challenge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I’m also slowly reducing the amount of sugar that I eat.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;">When you read sugar, people automatically assume chocolate, sweets / lollies I mean Sugar in tea / coffee and coke. I usually drink 1-3 cans of cola per day and my aim is to reduce that to 0. I’m down to 2 and some days am only having 1.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <br /><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-5802666026257672918?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-60798357560256908392010-08-12T09:23:00.001+10:002010-08-12T09:24:13.051+10:00Negative thoughts<p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">I can’t remember if I’ve talked about this before and if I have then please forgive me! But I feel the need to talk about it again (or the for the first time..not sure which).<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">During the past month I have been fighting to keep all sorts of negative thoughts at bay. It is sometimes an hourly battle, but mostly a daily battle. Something can happen and all of a sudden my mind and heart blow it out of proportion. I’m seeing backstabbers every where, things I hear I automatically assume are about me. I’m paranoid and I start second guessing simple innocent </span><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">comments.<br /></p></span><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">This is all happening to me at work and it is not the first time in my life where these negative thoughts dominate my mind. I know in the past I’ve blogged about fighting the “demons” and what I’m fighting are these negative thoughts they bombard my mind.<br /></p></span><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Meditation helps and so does getting a balance, however the last time I went to have a balance it didn’t really achieve what I was looking for.<br /></p></span><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">My gut feeling is that these thought are linked to my physical body, my hormones are so out of “balance” that at times when my period decides to rear it’s ugly head I’m not prepared to deal with the emotions. I’ve always felt quiet flat emotionally, flat is not the right word, how about constant? Yeah that is how it is I’m neither extremely angry nor sad, I’m just calm and content and this can go on for months at a time. Yet when my hormones finally decide that it has been enough time for my period to start then I go extremes, I’m uncontrollable.<br /></p></span><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">I scream and yell at a drop of a hat, I accuse my husband on cheating on me, I get paranoid and then the negative thoughts start. I can’t be sure that this is what is happening to me but all I do know is that I need help. <br /></p></span><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">On the way home from work last night a certain situation was rolling around in my head and I was constantly analysing every gesture, word and look that was thrown my way. I was getting exhausted, depressed and angry. I was sitting there on the train working myself up when I had a brilliant idea.. “Just turn the switch off”.<br /></p></span><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">So that is what I’m doing literally switching the negative thoughts off and turning the positive ones on, the switch keeps on jumping back but I just stop what I’m doing and forcefully switch them back….</span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-6079835756025690839?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-33194176932598558092010-08-05T13:59:00.001+10:002010-08-05T13:59:39.274+10:00Family comes first…but does it?<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">In the current working environment and a mother of 3 small children, family health and happiness should come first. But I’m not convinced that it does.<br /><br />Over the past 90 working days I’ve had a total of 18 days off, which for me is a lot. The time is broken down between, actual Annual Leave, Annual Leave taken to look after a sick child (or baby sitter is unable to look after children) parental leave, actual sick leave, and lastly Unpaid leave due to not having enough accumulated leave to look after sick children.<br /><br />I’m very much aware that being a “consultant” the best asset I have for my company is the amount of “hours” I bill to the Client, similar to a lawyer in that respect billability is very important to the bottom line. Sometimes I feel as though we are cash cows and we are only at the client site to just bring in revenue! <br /><br />So this time off can be used against me. Whilst my employer has a number of Leave policies in place and no one has actually come out directly and said anything. I can’t help get the feeling that all this time off is starting to piss people off.<br /><br />Like today (and the reason of this post) I was asked by a very young Generation Y colleague “what was wrong with Lilly now?” What do you say to that? The truth seems like another excuse but the simple truth is that as soon as there is a rash of any kind (with the exception of nappy rash) or diarrhoea, loose poo or a slight fever; I get a phone call from Child Care. <br /><br />This prompts a visit to the GP, which I get advised that the child / children are suffering from a viral infection, which leads to being isolated from other children, which equates to No child care for the next day.<br /><br />I’ve seen the Dr so many times this past winter that I almost need a permanent appointment, every week there is something new and being an experienced Child Care Mum I know that it is because it’s the twins the first winter amongst Child Care children.<br /><br />What makes it more difficult is when you are working with Generation Y people (too young to have kids) and female work colleagues that have made the life choice not to ever have children (each to their own I say), these people have no understanding of the guilt and angst I go through when I’m placed in these situations.<br /><br />I know that I just need to strengthen my heart and just put my family first before my work, having the European Father that I have (who drummed into me “work hard no matter what”) I’m finding this situation difficult.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-3319417693259855809?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-86002440566109419832010-07-12T15:01:00.001+10:002010-07-12T15:01:45.917+10:00Lillian<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">My little Lilly is small in stature but large in personality and sure knows what she wants. She will happily bestow a smile to everyone and anyone, but her kisses are few and far between. If you ask Lillian for a kiss and she is not in the mood she look the other way and pout, which is so very cute.<br />I see no issue with Lilly’s height and weight, she entered into this world small so I really have no problem that she continues to put on weight but her clothes are still on the baby side. It is nice to have Rylan the solid boy and then Lilly the petit little girl she is.<br /><br />I always wanted a little girl and never thought that my boys would bring so much joy as they have. It stems from having two nieces when I was a teenager. I knew what it was like to play with a girl, you know playing dress ups, playing with dolls. Lilly whilst she loves to wear things in her hair and one of her first words is “pretty”, she will happily put on her beads, fake pearls and then chase after her brothers in the mud, crawling through everything and anything to be part of the game.<br /><br />Whilst Lilly has taken a few steps on her own from the coffee table to the couch for example, she is not confident enough to walk on her own. You can see the fear in her eyes when she lets go of the stable things she is holding onto. The best thing I could’ve bought Lilly was the walker, Jordan borrowed his off his cousin but was quickly given back because he really didn’t play with it. <br /><br />I bought one for the twins Birthday one for Rylan and the other for Lilly, which is her lifeline to getting about. She happily stands up and walks every around the house pushing the walker. She has grabbed an empty toy box, cardboard box to push around, which is so cute. At my Mums house there is a wooden little trolley that used to house wooden block, this is Lilly’s personal walker there and if anyone touches it all hell breaks loose and you will here “MINE, MINE, MINE, NO, NO, NO”. Lilly will place her favourite toy of the moment in the trolley and happily walks around the house all day.<br /><br />So whilst she is not officially walking on her own, she is more than mobile to keep me on my toes. This past weekend saw Lilly walking around the house holding on to doors and walls and taking about 5-8 steps towards me with out holding on to anything when prompted.<br /><br />On the flip side Lilly is talking so much, she is saying so many different words, but finds difficulty in saying Mummy (which breaks my heart, kid off). She will happily say “Thank you”, “Bye bye daddy” and other small sentence and lots of different words.<br /><br />I can see that Lilly will be a girly girly as she will sit with me letting me comb her hair and we play the game of putting a clip in looking in the mirror and saying “Pretty” then taking it out, giving it back to Mum to do it all again. <br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">I’m think that for Christmas or before her second Birthday I might just get her ears pierced, I was very young when I had the done and if I were living in Hungary Lilly’s would be done by now. </span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-8600244056610941983?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-74178181783320265472010-06-30T17:52:00.002+10:002010-07-12T12:03:19.123+10:00Rylan<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">This little boy is my special little friend and I secretly love love love it that he is attached to me. I can’t walk into the room without him yelling for me to pick him up. But between you and me I love it!</span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Rylan looks so much like Jordan (with out the blue eyes and light brown hair), he acts like Jordan too. But at this age 16 months Rylan is much more solid. He is the precisely the correct weight he should be for his age. Whereas Jorday was always in 25th percentile for his weight and was considered underweight.</span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Rylan is very demanding, knows what he wants and he wants it NOW kind of boy. The trick to a happy Rylie (his nick name at home) is to pre-empt his hunger or simply give him a ball / balloon. </span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:verdana;">Rylie started walking on my Birthday (May 16th at 15 months old) and is now learning to run, in a skipping kind of way. He is very proud of himself and proudly walks into Child Care holding Jordy’s hand. I’ve recently had many special moments with him walking around the park across the street. We LOVE it that he is walking, life is a little easier that he is on the move, so that now I can carry Lilly whilst holding his hand.Rylan doesn’t really like to read books and is always on the move, he really won’t sit still other than to eat, but even then he likes to walk around the house eating and talking in his baby babble.<br /><br />I can see that Rylan will be the one to test us with patience, he already does it now! But I think that it stems from the fact that he is getting frustrated that I don’t instinctively know what he is trying to communicate to us.<br /><br />Due to his demanding nature, I feel that sometimes Tim is a little too harsh on him, and so I’m possibly a little too soft on him. I’m striving to ‘treat’ all the kids exactly the same, but it is difficult as not all the kids are exactly the same. But rules about behaviour and what is acceptable and unacceptable (you can tell I’ve watched Super Nanny) remain the same.</span><br /> </span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-7417818178332026547?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-61676844635761117182010-06-30T15:32:00.001+10:002010-06-30T15:32:46.759+10:00Jordan<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Our little man is approaching his 4th Birthday and is very excited about the prospect of having a “Puffing Billy” (old steam train that is close to use) Birthday. I’ve had to do some fast talking about the fact that it was too cold to go to Puffing Billy. We will be buying him a proper bicycle for his Birthday.<br /><br />He is a beautiful big brother and plays so nicely with his brother and sister. Jordan prefers the company of Lillian (I have a sneaking suspicion it is because Lilly has the same colour eyes as he does) more but I think that is mainly due to the hero worship that he gets from Rylan (who can be a bit full on). Jordan is still a sensitive little boy and still cries for all sorts of reasons, but I think that it jus who he is.<br /><br />I worry about him and the lack of attention he gets from us, but Tim and I both try to spend as much one on one time with his as possible, but it is not always easy.<br /><br />It is a blessing indeed that Jordan was born first, during those first 4 months of Rylan and Lillians life Jordan was our rock. He was the one that brought all the perspective into focus, especially during the really tough non-stop crying days and those days when Lilly’s neck was stiff. He would come over and give me a small hug, a simple “I love you Mummy”, or he would just start dancing if the radio was on.<br /><br />Unfortunately during those really tough time TV became Jordans escape and mine. I know that I could just put on a DVD and he would be occupied for a few hours and give me the peace I needed to, feed, change, settle the twins. We are now trying to break the TV dependency and it is a little struggle.<br /><br />We never really got the “terrible two, troublesome threes” from Jordan. There have been tantrums and bad days of behaviour but not on a daily basis. This doesn’t say that I have not taken away his toys, nor put him in his room or smacked his bottom when he is naughty. It is just that those days of bad behaviour are a stand out because they are so rare. We are lucky indeed to have him as our first child.<br /> </span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-6167684463576111718?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-91148988833950160272010-06-30T15:31:00.000+10:002010-06-30T15:32:14.883+10:00My little family update<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">It has been a long long time since I gave an update on what has been happening. I was quickly reading over my old posts of when the twins were babies (those first few months were harder than anything I’ve ever done) and I was appalled at how the lack of posting. <br /><br />I’ve decided that each of us will get our own post.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-9114898883395016027?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-56805256337255804962010-06-30T14:41:00.000+10:002010-06-30T14:42:50.156+10:00Planning<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Sometimes it is funny where you learn the most important life lessons, from a book, conversation, tv program or from a “Consulting” training course.<br /><br />I attended a two day training course on “Consulting 101”. Most of the course was quite dry, but interesting on an intellectual level. I would never have thought that I would learn any home truths at the course.<br /><br />But yesterday during a conversation about a topic I’ve already forgotten the trainer mentioned “People spend more time and energy planning a 4 week vacation than they do in planning their life.”<br /><br />That statement rang very true for me as I know how much time and energy went into organising a small vacation yet I seem to just stumble through life with no real plan.<br /><br />The exercise went on to asks us to write about where we saw ourselves in 5 years time. There was not enough time and I didn’t get a chance to write everything down so I think that I may just start planning for my future. What I want my life to look like in 2 years time.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-5680525633725580496?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-50453570120712294852010-04-07T10:54:00.000+10:002010-04-07T10:55:34.457+10:00Shield of protection<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">I start taking and deep deep breath, breathing in 1,2,3,4 out 1,2,3,4. I do this over and over until I feel myself relaxing, my shoulders drop then tension leaves my arms, legs and neck. <br /><br />I picture myself sitting here peacefully, just sitting and breathing.<br /><br />A mirror appears in front of me and I see a small white light in the middle of my chest. The light is pure white and is small. I concentrate on it and then slowly expand it (it was the sized of a ping pong ball but is now the size of a softball). I continue to expand this light until it covers my whole chest.<br /><br />I continue to expand the light until it covers both my arms and is moving down my legs. The last bit is the hardest, my head. I expand the light moving is up my neck to cover my whole head. <br /><br />Now when I look at myself in the mirror I can still see myself sitting there but I’m I have a white luminescent light covering the whole of my body. Holding that formation is not difficult but I just take the time to breathe again in 1,2,3,4 out 1,2,3,4.<br /><br />I feel at peace, loved and blessed all at once.<br /><br />I concentrate and expand the light bubble away from my skin, continuing to expand it away from my body; I look like I’m living in a bubble. The white light is now an arms length away from my body. I try to touch it but I feel nothing.<br /><br />The shield is in place and I now make it completely clear. I test it out with all the negative forces and nothing comes through.<br /><br />So here I sit at work and my shield is in place, I’ve made it extra strong on my left hand side. I’m not going to allow those negative poisonous comments get through my shield.<br /><br />I am protected now.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-5045357012071229485?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-49271271723382003082010-02-28T20:11:00.002+11:002010-02-28T20:15:39.075+11:00The letter was not sent<span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I stand by everything that I wrote in my previous post.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">My sister turned up to the twins birthday...a very dear dear friend said some true words to her!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">She did leave very early before the Birthday cake was cut. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">In true form for our family nothing was said and it looks like nothing will be said.</span><br /></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-4927127172338200308?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-84551870889840183302010-02-08T15:20:00.002+11:002010-02-08T15:25:02.065+11:00The letter has been written<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">This letter has been a long time in coming. It has been written and printed. I'm going to sleep on it before sending, because right now I'm so pissed off that I don't care if I never talk to my sister again.</span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">here it is in it's full glory:</span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><em><span style="font-family:verdana;">There is no other way for me to get in contact with you, as I don’t know when you work, sleep or have a day off.<br /><br />I have not heard from you regarding if you are attending the twins birthday, but this is no surprise to me; which is sad. <br /><br />Since the birth of Jordan and his Christening you have not attending ANY other of his special events, whether it was his 1st Birthday or subsequent ones, his first Easter (which was at my house) his first Christmas…etc.<br /><br />I’m the first to say that I understand that you work at night, and I acknowledge how difficult it is for you. But I will also say that you are not the only person that works at night and others still make an EFFORT to attend special events. Also, just because there is no big elaborate dinner this is no reason for you NOT to come and wish your nephew a Happy Birthday. Actually I’ve tried to make sure that these things occurred in the afternoon too give you enough time to sleep, but again you don’t come. To kids Birthdays are very special events.<br /><br />Now the same pattern is starting with the Twins you didn’t even come to the hospital when they were born. Do you know how hurt I was, but I don’t think that you care about that. You also didn’t attend their Christening; don’t you feel like you are missing out?<br /><br />But this behaviour is starting to be expected from you. I almost didn’t invite you to the twin’s birthday party, because I felt that it was not point (you would find an excuse not to come).<br /><br />Ildi, if the tables were turned and I never attended your kids special days then you would’ve been furious and very upset. But up until now I’ve had to swallow my pride and my feelings and accept the EXCUSES that have been delivered, by your darling daughter and husband. You have NEVER called afterwards to explain why you didn’t attend. It was expected that we had to accept and understand these excuses.<br /><br />There comes a time in ones life when you have to draw a line and I’m doing that now Ildi. The line is being drawn, because I have to think about my kids and protect them from being hurt. You need to decide to make an effort and be apart of events, you can always sleep later, because if you really loved these kids you would want to be there and be apart of their lives.<br /><br />What do I say to Jordy, Rylie and Lilly when they see photo’s of their Chirstenings, Birthdays and other events that you have not attended? That their Aunty needed to sleep, that sleep was more important than them? Because believe me that is what they will think and feel.<br /><br />If you are worried about not knowing anyone or not liking anyone, then you are being extremely selfish. These events are not about you, they are about them…Jordan, Rylan and Lillian. How many years did Joseph and I go to your house where we had no one to talk to? We went for Ellie and Tina, because it was special for them. Plus I never cared if there was no one for me to talk to, because I was there for them and always for you.<br /><br />This letter has been a long time in coming and we have a tradition in our family to not talk about things. But I welcome you to come and talk to me, I’ve made the first step here.<br /><br />It seems that you will make the effort to attend a strangers Christening, but you can’t decide if you are going to attend the twins Birthday….how does that make sense?</span> </em></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-8455187088984018330?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-50877509273036439082010-01-12T15:18:00.001+11:002010-01-12T15:18:38.668+11:00Returning to work<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">December 14th 2009 saw me return to full time employment. <br /><br />From the time the decision was made to start looking for a job to the date I started working was a matter of only 2 weeks. It all happened so very quickly. So quickly in fact that I barely had time to prepare, (which in hindsight was a good thing in part).<br /><br />I started this post with describing all the questions / comments that have been thrown at me, with regards to the decision to return back to work. After I read the words written, I was disgusted with how this decision has been treated and I didn’t want these negative thoughts and feelings to be present, they simply do not belong here.<br /><br />Until you have walked in someone’s shoes you will never truly know what it is like to be them or the true extent of their life situation. No matter how I tried to explain to family and friends the reason for returning to work, it would never be enough and I’m not going to try to hash it out again here.<br /><br />A netball team mate of mine said the words so very simply. “I live in a reality where both my husband and I have work”.<br /><br />Once again I opened my self up to the hands of the universe who guided me, and I strongly feel that I was meant to go back to work. The job role was not even advertised and it was exactly what I was looking for. The salary is 50% more than what I was previously earning. The kids have settled in very quickly.<br /><br />All the signs say to me that it was meant to be, got a really great job, the money is fantastic, the location is great (right in the heart of the city in a beautiful building), the kids are settled.<br /><br />I could sit here and be depressed and worry about “those poor kid in Child Care”, I could allow myself to feel the full extent of my guilt. Which is weird, why should I feel guilty for working to better my family’s life? My husband can’t do it by himself, why am I expecting him to bear the burden for supporting all of us? Now that is something I SHOULD feel guilty about, not me working again!!!<br /><br />This is my reality and I’m embracing it, because if I don’t then the negativity will destroy me.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-5087750927303643908?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-77009887688426907612010-01-06T10:57:00.001+11:002010-01-06T10:57:40.531+11:00I don't know how you do it<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">This has been said to so many times, that I’ve just taken to shrugging this comment off. What can I say to that? Not much!<br /><br />I’ve had friends that try to sympathise with me by saying that they struggle with only having one child and then they shake theirs heads and say “I don’t know how you do it with 3 kids”.<br /><br />What I would like to say and have said:<br />- Its hard but you cope<br />- I don’t have a clean house, there are toys everywhere<br />- You just adapt and do it<br />- Your not going to let a child cry so you quickly learn to feed both babies at once<br />- I have a wonderful husband and great support from my Mum.<br /><br />The reality is that there is not enough time in the day to do everything that needs to get done. I try to do laundry once a week, but it was hell with our small washing machine (have since purchased a larger one). Hanging the clothes out to dry is an accomplishment, bringing them in may take another week. Once inside it may not be put away. So sometimes we live out of the cleaned laundry basket.<br /><br />I do cook dinner every night (once a week we have take away) and have learnt that the best meals for us are those that I can put in the oven to cook on its own; we use a timer to keep track of when we need to flip/stir/baste/whatever.<br /><br />I now do my grocery shopping on-line and dearly thank my sister in law for convincing me it was the way to go. Where possible I also buy in bulk.<br /><br />Cleaning the house suffers and I sometimes cringe at the thought of people coming into my home. I recently apologised to my dear friend LB about the state of my home and her reply was perfect “I came to visit you not your house”. I’ve learnt that there are friends who really don’t care what your house looks like, but then there are family that come in look around and sniff with disapproval; needless to say they don’t come over often. Ellie recently came over to look after the kids so that I could clean and she promptly said “You are not expecting Queen to come and you have 3 kids so relax”. But it is hard to relax when people come to visit, there is a social expectation that you house must be spotless.<br /><br />We wash the dishes once a day, sure they pile up and it looks unsightly and honestly I could wash them when the twins sleep. But instead Jordy and I spend that sleep time with one on one play. We draw, play with playdo, do crafts, play board games, go out into the garden. Or I start preparing dinner. Living in Melbourne we are in a drought so I feel that only using water once a day (instead of every time a dish is used) is my way of being water conscious. As much dishes as possible is put into the dish washer, but large pots and pans I still wash by hand.<br /><br />We are all clean and well fed, our clothes are clean (may not have been put away, but they are clean). We try to spend quality time with each of the kids, so my house is not the cleanest and I have dirty dishes on the counter. But at the end what will my children remember? A clean house with every dish staked away, clothes in the right place or the time Mummy and Daddy have spent with them?<br /><br />This is the way “I do it” with 3 kids. It may not be the best way but it is my way of coping.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-7700988768842690761?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-64729247088695952492009-09-22T14:57:00.001+10:002009-09-22T15:00:12.235+10:00A quick update<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><link style="font-family: verdana;" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CTim%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:smarttagtype style="font-family: verdana;" namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="country-region"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype style="font-family: verdana;" namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="place"></o:smarttagtype></span><style>  </style> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">It is hard to find the time to write blog posts anymore, as I’m enjoying being a Mum to my kids.<span style=""> </span>There are days when it feels like I’m just treading water but then there are other days when it is like a nice walk in the park.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"> <br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">Rylan and Lillian are on the move now, rolling around everywhere.<span style=""> </span>The really only started to move last week and there have been many bumped heads, arms stuck and screaming when they can’t roll back.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">They are so cute to watch and it is amazing how quickly they can move off the rug / blanket that I’ve put down. <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"> <br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">What I really want to remember are the times when I could be in the kitchen and I hear Rylan screaming shouting and I rush over to see Lilly with a huge grin on her face has she is happily pulling Rylies ears or hair!<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">Then when it is Lilly’s turn to scream Rylan has rolled on over and is kicking her head or body. People have asked me why I don’t separate them.<span style=""> </span>The funny thing is that they start of at separate ends of the rug and eventually they rollover to each other.<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">Also love seeing the tug-of-war on toys and sees who wins.<span style=""> </span>There are no tears….yet, but it is still so cute on how they interact with each other.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">I know that I’m lucky with how well these two sleep and they really sleep anywhere (even on the beach in a pram whilst on holidays).<span style=""> </span>They are down to two sleeps during the day (sometimes three if they haven’t slept much) and are now both eating very well on solids.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">Rylan was a late starter the solids, refused to have anything until just after 6 months old.<span style=""> </span>I started Lilly on solids at 4 months as she started waking through the night for a feed.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">My little girl is still small but I like have a petite little one. Some of her clothes are still 000 but she now wears more 00. Last weighing (at six months) she was 6kg and 62cm.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">We love love love having a chubby little Buddha (as we call him), you can love him hard, squish him and play a little rough.<span style=""> </span>At 6 months he weighed in at 7.6kg and <span style=""> </span>68cm, he is now wearing size 0 clothes.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">After a little jealousy </span><st1:country-region><st1:place><span style="">Jordan</span></st1:place></st1:country-region><span style=""> really enjoys them, especially Rylie and especially in the car.<span style=""> </span>Most times Lilly is fast asleep and I have two both giggling and laughing at each other.<span style=""> </span>At least it is laughter and not fighting….yet!<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">We have also finally been able to move Jordy out of nappies and into underwear, except during the sleep time.<span style=""> </span>But nap time and most mornings the nappy is dry. There have been many accidents but mostly it has been a very quick transition.<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">To be honest though it took a little bit of what I like to call ‘tough love’.<span style=""> </span>Jordan and I <span style=""> </span>had been discussing (read arguing) him wearing undies but he refused to even think about it.<span style=""> </span>I even let him pick out the potty, underwear, read books on potty training…everything that I was told to do.<span style=""> </span>Catch him when he is doing a poo…all that with no success.<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">Just before bath time every night we would ask if he needed to go to the potty and he happily went with no fuss, so we knew that he could do it.<span style=""> </span>I think that he just had the power and said no…and we gave in…who knows? <o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">There was one morning when I had convinced him to wear his Spiderman underwear and he wore it for half the day, we had 4 accidents.<span style=""> </span>I made no fuss at all, quickly cleaned him up and put on another pair.<span style=""> </span>But after nap time we went out and he refused to change out of the nappy.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">I left it for a week, the next Monday I calmly put the nappies away and told him that they were for sleep time and that he was now a big boy and to wear undies…oh the screaming, crying and tantrum, he was crying for the nappy.<span style=""> </span>I stood my ground and gave him two options (this is the tough love part) either undies or naked, I was firm about it as I felt that I needed to be. <span style=""> </span>He didn’t like either, but eventually put on a pair of undies and was distracted by the twins.<span style=""> </span>This who episode of crying took about 30 minutes until he forgot about it all and was laughing at Lilly.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">We had more success than accidents and by Thursday that week there were no more accidents.<span style=""> </span>I’m not used to having a toddler in underwear and forget that I need to ask him often if he needs to go to the toilet.<span style=""> </span>Most of the accidents are simply because I forget that he still needs to be reminded.<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">Most of the time now he simply runs to the potty does his business, empties into the toilet, washes his hands and tells me that he is good boy as he did “Pisi (wee’s) in the potty”.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">I had honestly tried every technique that was suggested in the books, magazines and on line.<span style=""> </span>I even went to a potty training seminar run by my local council and was told to be calm and encouraging.<span style=""> </span>It didn’t work for us, I needed to be a little tough and firm with him, perhaps I could be classed as a bad mother or a tough bitch, I don’t know.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-6472924708869595249?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-32267189546419838132009-09-07T14:52:00.002+10:002009-09-07T15:00:08.172+10:00Worth it all<span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">If there is anyone that still reads this blog and is going through any type of fertility treatment, either for their first child or additional children. It is worth all the pain, waiting, treatments, Dr appointments, ultrasounds, disappointments, joy and hope.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">To see my Jordy playing with Rylan and making him laugh makes my heart almost burst out of my chest with love and fulfillment.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">IT is worth it all. </span></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-3226718954641983813?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-26427003256328442812009-08-12T12:32:00.003+10:002009-08-12T12:36:55.573+10:00Some Gadgets<div><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">There have been two items that we have bought since the twins were born that have made a big impact in our lives. </span></div><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"></span></p><br /><p><span style="font-family:verdana;"><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span></span></p><br /><p><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SoIqCFWdPtI/AAAAAAAAAXQ/_ZYFKzhCstk/s1600-h/Tivo.jpg"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 105px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 118px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5368899921063526098" border="0" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SoIqCFWdPtI/AAAAAAAAAXQ/_ZYFKzhCstk/s320/Tivo.jpg" /></span></a><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"> </span></p><br /><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">The first is TIVO, we love our Tivo…sure it is connected to the TV and is just a means to record TV (a DVR) but for us it is a lot more. We have programmed TiVo to record Jordy’s favourite program, so while he is away / sleeping / playing or at child care Tivo will record Bob, Thomas and other shows that he likes.</span></p><p><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">How has this helped? Well when you are trying to feed two babies at once it is very difficult to keep your toddler at bay. We had a lot trouble with Jordy literally crawling all over me when I was feeding and it didn’t matter who I was feeding. He just chose at that point to want a cuddle. Now we just simply pop on Chugginton, Bob, Finley anything that TiVo has taped for him to watch while we are feeding.</span></p><p><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Plus the added bonus is that if we are watching something and one for the kids cry then we can pause live TV, for up to half an hour and the and fast forward the adds.<br /></span><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SoIp3QZGWXI/AAAAAAAAAXI/mV--01NcL2Q/s1600-h/Tivo.jpg"></a><br /></p><br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SoIqYZFzPiI/AAAAAAAAAXY/WXsRJqpTTHE/s1600-h/itzbeen.jpg"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 124px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 93px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5368900304319495714" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SoIqYZFzPiI/AAAAAAAAAXY/WXsRJqpTTHE/s320/itzbeen.jpg" /></span></a><br /><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"></span> </p><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">The second is a small device called an “itzbeen”. There are four buttons on it, one with a picture of a nappy another of a bottle and the third with “zzzz’s” for sleeping. The last button is a spare is it can be used for medication. You simply press any of the buttons and it starts the timer ticking, so it tells you how long it has been since a nappy change, feed or how long they have been asleep or awake.</span></p><p><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">We have one for Rylan and one for Lilly and it has helped us work out their natural routine. I was forever trying to remember how long it had been between feeds and sleeping and awake times were just too hard to work out and remember. Writing things down became a chore and at one point I even stuck paper to the fridge. Dealing with one baby is hard enough trying to remember all this stuff but when you have two, it is a lot harder and you are forever second guessing and trying to remember all the different times.<br /></p></span><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">With the “itzbeen” you simply have to remember to click a button and the work is done. As soon as we got this gadget we worked out that Lilly could only last 45 minutes awake (she now last up to 2 hours) and we are now is a great routine, both are feeding at the same time and sleeping together as well.</span></p><p><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Any friends IRL that are expecting will be receiving this has a gift from us. It was not expensive but the value it has given to us is immeasurable.</span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-2642700325632844281?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-12514685271581865662009-08-07T15:12:00.008+10:002009-08-09T10:49:16.063+10:00Timeline<div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Snu3uS_2mqI/AAAAAAAAATg/r6GCJMKPuDc/s1600-h/image0.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Snu3uS_2mqI/AAAAAAAAATg/r6GCJMKPuDc/s320/image0.jpg" /></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></div><div><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-AU"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">In this photo I’m 11 years old (1987) and I’ve ventured to </span></span></span><st1:place><span lang="EN-AU"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Europe</span></span></span></st1:place><span lang="EN-AU"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> by myself for a holiday with my family in </span></span></span><st1:country-region><st1:place><span lang="EN-AU"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Hungary</span></span></span></st1:place></st1:country-region><span lang="EN-AU"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">. If I were to pin point where the perception of myself started to change it was after this trip.</span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">You see up until this time my nickname from my sister was “Skinny”…and after this trip my mother weighed me and I had put on 6kg…which I think is natural when you are travelling to another country.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I was no longer “skinny”…as I had put on soooo much weight. I distinctly remember being approached in the school yard by some younger kids and directly being asked if it was true that I had put on “that” much weight.</span></span></p></div><div><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-AU"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">This next photo is taken shortly after this trip and it is a photo of my confirmation.</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-AU"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> What do you see?</span></span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-AU"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> I see a little girl just starting to grow up, who looks healthy.</span></span></o:p></span></p></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> <br /></span></span><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Snu3upohMZI/AAAAAAAAATo/ZSLJIUK6SHY/s1600-h/image0-1.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Snu3upohMZI/AAAAAAAAATo/ZSLJIUK6SHY/s320/image0-1.jpg" /></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> <br /></span></span></div><div><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> <br /></span></span></p></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> <br /></span></span><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Snu3u1Tpy1I/AAAAAAAAATw/MZ8KwG-jRJs/s1600-h/image0-2.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Snu3u1Tpy1I/AAAAAAAAATw/MZ8KwG-jRJs/s320/image0-2.jpg" /></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></div><div><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-AU"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">In the photo above I’m the one on the far right.</span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I’m between 11 & 13 years old and it is taken at a Hungarian Scout camp. Throughout this time in my life I was constantly being compared to the two girls on my left, who were (as I was told) much skinnier than me.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Looking at this photo now I can’t see anything wrong with my size, but even at this age I was being told that I needed to loose weight and my personal truth was being rewritten.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I’ve cut out all the other girls from this next photo, but at this stage I’m about 14-15 years old and about a size 10 or 12 and in my mind I see myself as being fat.</span></span></p></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> <br /></span></span><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Snu3vK9rSTI/AAAAAAAAAT4/D8mmPC-YKj8/s1600-h/image0-3.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Snu3vK9rSTI/AAAAAAAAAT4/D8mmPC-YKj8/s320/image0-3.jpg" /></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></div><div style="clear:both; text-align:CENTER"><a href="http://picasa.google.com/blogger/" target="ext"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img src="http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif" alt="Posted by Picasa" style="border: 0px none ; padding: 0px; background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 50%; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial;" align="middle" border="0" /></span></span></a></div><div><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-AU"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I’m about 15-16 years old and performing Hungarian Folk dancing, by this age I had learnt how to put on a front and “perform”.</span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I was happy for the camera’s and on the stage, but what my parents really don’t know is that I hated being on the stage.</span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I felt so exposed, especially as I wasn't as thin as some of the other girls on our group.</span></span></span></p></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Snu4cr1SMKI/AAAAAAAAAUI/GxVCzseMvl0/s1600-h/image0-5.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Snu4cr1SMKI/AAAAAAAAAUI/GxVCzseMvl0/s320/image0-5.jpg" /></span></span></a></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> <br /></span></span></div><div><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-AU"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">This next photo is of my Debutant and I’m 16 years old, to prepare for this event my mother made me attend a gym everyday after school and would only feed me salada biscuits as I needed to loose weight. In this photo I think that I’m fat.</span></span></span></p></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> <br /></span></span><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Snu4cUP6t6I/AAAAAAAAAUA/njoXVF5NlWw/s1600-h/image0-4.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Snu4cUP6t6I/AAAAAAAAAUA/njoXVF5NlWw/s320/image0-4.jpg" /></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-AU"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Fast forward to my Engagement party I’m 19 years old.</span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Now if I didn’t cope being told that I needed to loose weight from my parents I was now getting it from my soon to be in-laws. I remember showing my mother in-law what I was planning on wearing to the party and she told me </span></span><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">that I should not wear the vest or skirt as it made me look fat.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-AU"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> Can you see what she was saying?</span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I sure can’t…</span></span></o:p></span></p><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> <br /></span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> <br /></span></span><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Snu4dJvfeWI/AAAAAAAAAUQ/r45KfP0LqWs/s1600-h/image0-6.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Snu4dJvfeWI/AAAAAAAAAUQ/r45KfP0LqWs/s320/image0-6.jpg" /></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> <br /></span></span><div style="clear:both; text-align:CENTER"><a href="http://picasa.google.com/blogger/" target="ext"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img src="http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif" alt="Posted by Picasa" style="border: 0px none ; padding: 0px; background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 50%; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial;" align="middle" border="0" /></span></span></a></div></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> <br /></span></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-AU"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">My wedding day (1996)…oh how I hated having photo’s taken off me.</span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Can you believe that my wedding dress is a size 12?</span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Yes that’s right as size 12…I see a young girl who has a little extra weight on her. <br /> <br /></span></span></span></p><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Sn4cEsmpCiI/AAAAAAAAAVI/uVpfMDbveio/s1600-h/image0-8.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Sn4cEsmpCiI/AAAAAAAAAVI/uVpfMDbveio/s320/image0-8.jpg" /></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Fast froward 7 years to 2003 and I’m 26 years old and Tim and I are in </span><st1:country-region><st1:place><span lang="EN-AU"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Hungary</span></span></span></st1:place></st1:country-region><span lang="EN-AU"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> on a 3 month vacation.</span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">After my wedding I really don’t have a lot of photo’s of myself as I think subconsciously I had made other peoples perception of my a reality and I had become the “fat” person.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> <br /></span><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Sn4cFCTZi_I/AAAAAAAAAVQ/kPcyb0BxLfg/s1600-h/IMG_0276.JPG"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Sn4cFCTZi_I/AAAAAAAAAVQ/kPcyb0BxLfg/s320/IMG_0276.JPG" /></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">This is another 2 years later and I think that this is where I’m the heaviest that I’ve ever been.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> <br /></span><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Sn4cFkLK5xI/AAAAAAAAAVY/vaF0YI27qRA/s1600-h/image0-9.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Sn4cFkLK5xI/AAAAAAAAAVY/vaF0YI27qRA/s320/image0-9.jpg" /></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></div><div style="clear:both; text-align:CENTER"><a href="http://picasa.google.com/blogger/" target="ext"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img src="http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif" alt="Posted by Picasa" style="border: 0px none ; padding: 0px; background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 50%; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial;" align="middle" border="0" /></span></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> <br /></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">The last two photo’s are of me in 2006 and just April this year.</span></span></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> <br /></span></span></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Snu6OLRJh2I/AAAAAAAAAU4/V2qNpn-yVjs/s1600-h/JJ0320.JPG"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Snu6OLRJh2I/AAAAAAAAAU4/V2qNpn-yVjs/s320/JJ0320.JPG" /></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> <br /></span></span><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Snu6OjysPrI/AAAAAAAAAVA/2KZPLi7e0Wk/s1600-h/RL+239.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img border="0" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Snu6OjysPrI/AAAAAAAAAVA/2KZPLi7e0Wk/s320/RL+239.jpg" /></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></div><div style="clear:both; text-align:CENTER"><a href="http://picasa.google.com/blogger/" target="ext"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><img src="http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif" alt="Posted by Picasa" style="border: 0px none ; padding: 0px; background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 50%; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial;" align="middle" border="0" /></span></span></a></div><div style="clear:both; text-align:CENTER"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> <br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;clear: both; "><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-AU"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> I recently had a candid discussion with a dear friend about my weight, you know the saying “Truth hurts”…well some truth was being said to me at the time that I didn’t want to hear. After I got married I piled on the weight and it was no one else fault but my own.</span></span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Sure I can easily blame my PCOS condition and the fact that my mother, father, sister and family all through out my childhood told me I was fat, of that I needed to loose some weight. Sure I can easily direct the blame elsewhere and keep my head in the sand, but I don’t want to do that anymore.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">My brother and I saw Dr Phil live on Wednesday and there were some messages that really got to me. He spoke about a lot of things and I haven’t even begun to digest all the topics. The one thing though that really made me want to right this post was about Personal Truth.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-AU"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> If from a young age I was being told that I was fat and I was constantly put onto diets to loose weight, then I think that I became the person that I was told I was. I became that fat person, it didn’t matter if I was nice, kind, care, giving, honest and loving. I was TOLD from 11 years old that I was fat, which I didn’t believe. </span></span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-AU"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">So as I say I can blame others for that way I look now, but I won’t, sure my personal truth was rewritten by many different people. But I need to take responsibility for the way I look now (and dear friend you were right). I don’t know what this means for me now because I’ve been labelled as the fat girl for so much of my life. </span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">What I want is to be known for the real person I am and not what I look li</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">ke.</span></span></p></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-1251468527158186566?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-74020001095581196282009-08-07T14:39:00.003+10:002009-08-07T15:02:11.096+10:00Lilly's Neck - update<div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Snu0x0qGqsI/AAAAAAAAATY/H9M38Gs6w_c/s1600-h/RL+612.jpg"><img border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Snu0x0qGqsI/AAAAAAAAATY/H9M38Gs6w_c/s320/RL+612.jpg" /></a> </div><div style="clear:both; text-align:CENTER"><a href="http://picasa.google.com/blogger/" target="ext"><img src="http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif" alt="Posted by Picasa" style="border: 0px none ; padding: 0px; background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 50%; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial;" align="middle" border="0" /></a></div><br /><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Lilly is doing much better now with her neck. It used to be a weekly event where she would be in pain, now it only occurs occasionally and when it does, I no longer rush off to the Osteopath as Tim and I are able to massage it out for her.</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">She holds her head up really well now, but still does not like a lot of tummy time.</span></span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-7402000109558119628?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-58958667891690276212009-06-13T10:46:00.001+10:002009-06-13T10:50:41.133+10:00Lilly's Neck<div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span lang="EN-AU"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">This post has been boiling in me for a while now and I’ve finally have some time (even just a few moments) to put my thoughts down.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span lang="EN-AU"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">Early on we noticed that Lilly tended to flop her head to the side, either left of right and we just thought that it would get better as she grows. As you know we have been seeing an Osteopath quite regularly since the babies have been born and was advised not to give Lilly tummy time due to her neck.</span></span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; ">Well it doesn’t seem to be getting any stronger and it breaks my heart when you see the photo’s below.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; ">There are times when Lilly has woken up with her neck so stiff that she can’t move it at all and is in excruciating pain. We can tell that she is in pain by the screaming and howling.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span lang="EN-AU"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"> </span></span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span lang="EN-AU"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">One of these times was at </span></span></span><st1:time minute="0" hour="2"><span lang="EN-AU"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">2am</span></span></span></st1:time><span lang="EN-AU"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"> and my Mum happened to be sleeping over, her neck was that bad that I decided to take her to the hospital. The royal children’s to be exact, we figured that there was a paediatrician on call at the hospital and who better to help us with a baby?</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; "> I’m still hurt and disappointed by what happened in the ER and it has made me less willing to seek medical advice. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; ">Picture this:(oh how I wish that I had taken a photo of her). Lilly’s right ear was literally stuck on her right shoulder and her right arm was bent up and her hand was under her chin. Every time she tried to mover her head both of her arms would jerk and then she would let out a scream of pain. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; ">I even tried to gently move her head and it was so hard and stiff that it would move but we would have a scream child on our hands. She could not drink as every gulp brought on more pain.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span lang="EN-AU"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">So here we are explaining to the </span></span></span><st1:street><st1:address><span lang="EN-AU"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">ER Dr</span></span></span></st1:address></st1:street><span lang="EN-AU"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"> that Lilly could not move her head and this was not normal. It was also not normal for her to wake in the middle of the night in screaming pain. All the while Lilly is screaming her head off and there is nothing we could do to settle her.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; ">I was hoping that an X-ray would be done or something to help her, but in the end I was made to feel like an absolute idiot for taking my child to the ER. As at one stage I started crying as her screaming was just too much for my heart to handle. The Dr the started to scrutinize my reaction and started asking me “Why are you crying?”.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; ">In the end another ER Dr was brought in who basically told us “I’m not convinced that there is anything wrong with her”. He examined her and stretched her head and arms, which must of helped as we were able to settle her to sleep after this.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span lang="EN-AU"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">The first </span></span></span><st1:street><st1:address><span lang="EN-AU"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">ER Dr</span></span></span></st1:address></st1:street><span lang="EN-AU"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"> wrote a letter to my GP basically saying “Parents presented an irritable child, who had a slight head tilt and eventually settled”.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; ">I was so angry and still am very angry of my treatment, it felt as though I was making all this up and because I started to cry it meant that it was possible that I was over reacting.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span lang="EN-AU"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">My mother begs me constantly to take her to a Dr or a specialist and get her checked out. But I’m reluctant to take Lilly to anyone other than an Osteopath. The last time this happened I did take her to the Osteopath, (who is the only professional that agrees that she has issues with her neck) and he said that she had pinched a nerve.</span></span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span lang="EN-AU"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">Even my Maternal and Child health nurse did not believe that there was anything to be concerned about. Yet she saw how Rylie can lift his but Lilly just slumps to the side and can barely lift it at all. </span></span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span lang="EN-AU"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">At this stage we are at a loss at what to do. </span></span></span></p></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><br /></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><br /></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SjL28VxsLkI/AAAAAAAAATA/wdSg93Tpj5s/s1600-h/family+058.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SjL28VxsLkI/AAAAAAAAATA/wdSg93Tpj5s/s320/family+058.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><br /><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SjL28VVP1JI/AAAAAAAAATI/WaY0q2idSg8/s1600-h/RL+465.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SjL28VVP1JI/AAAAAAAAATI/WaY0q2idSg8/s320/RL+465.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><br /><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SjL28o9f4rI/AAAAAAAAATQ/gcG4AvuTz5I/s1600-h/RL+392.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SjL28o9f4rI/AAAAAAAAATQ/gcG4AvuTz5I/s320/RL+392.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><div style="clear:both; text-align:CENTER"><a href="http://picasa.google.com/blogger/" target="ext"><img src="http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif" alt="Posted by Picasa" style="border: 0px none ; padding: 0px; background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 50%; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial;" align="middle" border="0" /></a></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-5895866789169027621?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-62302159728582027092009-06-12T10:13:00.003+10:002009-06-12T10:29:56.184+10:00Still here<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">I<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> know that it has been a while since I last posted, I have been trying to get into some sort of routine. I'm the type of person that likes a bit of structure but I'm also flexible, the routine that I've been trying to establish is a way to help balance our house hold.</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">The twins are thriving and doing really well, they don't really have a routine but that is not my main concern. My concern was more centered around the other stuff in my life, like house work, paying bills, laundry, cooking and getting out and about.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">It felt like all I was doing every day was bottles, feeding, changing nappies and laundry. The house was getting messier and bills were being put off and the Business accounts was last on the list. So I decided to set a day for each task, so that I'm not just putting loads of laundry on and folding laundry up every single day.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Generally Mondays are a relaxing day, where nothing is happening and I just spend as much one on one time with Jordy and the twins. I also try to cook two meals so that I have Monday's and Tuesdays dinners cooked.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Tuesdays are the days that I work, it is the day that I've set aside to work on the Business accounts and pay bills. I'm also starting to reseach an idea that I have for my own little business at home. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Wednesday is that day that I either go to my Mum's house for a visit or she comes here, also I try to organise appointments for this day. Thursday is my cleaning day where I clean the house. Fridays we either go to Mum's group, playgroup of the twins group.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Saturday is my laundry day, so I'm trying to only do laundry once a week.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Sunday Jordy and I go to swimming lessons in the morning and then we go grocery shopping.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">What I really like about this routine is that it is flexible as I can change what I do each day and it kind of gives me a purpose. I don't have to clean every Thursday and it doesn't matter if one week it is missed. Same goes for the laundry, that can be done anyday and I can always do it on Mondays if our weekends are busy with visitors or we are visiting others.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;font-size:100%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;font-size:100%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-6230215972858202709?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-9826826743256436262009-04-25T12:04:00.002+10:002009-04-25T12:39:25.412+10:00Lilly 2 Months<div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SfJvvRQWcuI/AAAAAAAAASo/N02pMhobxyA/s1600-h/RL+281.jpg"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"><img alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SfJvvRQWcuI/AAAAAAAAASo/N02pMhobxyA/s320/RL+281.jpg" border="0" /></span></a><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"> </span></div><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"></span></p><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Where did March go? And it is nearly the end of April!!!. Here is Lilly’s 2 month check:<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"><strong>Growth check</strong>: </span></p><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">At birth Lilly’s statistics were:</span></p><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Weight = 2.1kg</span></p><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Length = 45cm</span></p><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">At her 8 week check, the statistics were: </span></p><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Weight = 3.5kg</span></p><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Length = 50cm</span></p><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"><strong>Tummy-time:</strong> We have tried Tummy time with Lilly and does not like it one bit, plus our Osteopath recommended that we not place her on her tummy until her neck is stronger. She still favours one side but is not in any more pain, she will move her head easily so I’m not that concerned. My Mum constantly stresses about her neck but there is nothing more that we can do.<br /><br /><strong>Eyes:</strong> Lilly is looking to have the same eye colour as Jordy, at the moment that are still a dark blue and at times almost looks purple in colour.<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"><strong>Focus</strong>: Lilly has really great focus on us and will constantly stare at us when feeding, plus I’ve noticed that she will look at me when I’m dealing with Rylie in the other cot (yes we have separated them now as Rylie was waking Lilly up as he was moving around the cot). I was told that she probably heard my voice but my gut feeling is that she can see better than it is expected.</span></p><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"><strong>Hearing:</strong> Similar to Rylie, Lilly will turn her head to peoples voices. </span></p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"><p><br /><strong>Smiles:</strong> It is hard to get a smile out of Lilly as she prefers to talk, but she has this cute little special smile that she does whilst talking and it involves her scrunching up her nose and squinting her eyes, very cute. It takes tickling her cheek or chin for her to smile. </p><p><br /> </p><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SfJ3dAKFcwI/AAAAAAAAAS4/BrisZHofSUs/s1600-h/RL+232.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SfJ3dAKFcwI/AAAAAAAAAS4/BrisZHofSUs/s320/RL+232.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><div style="CLEAR: both; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://picasa.google.com/blogger/" target="ext"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 0px; BACKGROUND: 0% 50%; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; PADDING-TOP: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial" alt="Posted by Picasa" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif" align="middle" border="0" /></a></div><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SfJvvjhsQAI/AAAAAAAAASw/ycgp2l8NE9A/s1600-h/RL+232.jpg"></a><p></p><p></p><p><strong>Speech:</strong> When I get the chance after a feed and Lilly is not sleepy then I will often put her on our bed and lie down next to her and she will babble away. I truly love this time with her, she likes to be with people and not left on her own to play on the floor.<br /></p><p><strong>Feeding</strong>: Lilly still continues to go long stretches at night and the other night she went 12 hours between feeds, but will go anywhere from 8-10 hours. During the day Lilly will go 2-4 hours between feeds and she is such a dream to feed, she sucks the bottle down and will push it away for a burp and is very easy to burp up don’t even need to pat her back, by simply sitting her up gives you the desired result. She is drinking on average 130ml's per feed.</p><p><br /><strong>Sleeping:</strong> Whilst Lilly is easy to feed she is very hard to settle and needs to be swaddled and put on her side and loud bassy music needs to be playing. A Hungarian band Bon Bon seems to be doing the trick, once she is asleep we turn the music down. Loud bassy music worked for Jordy and for him it was Justin Timberlake that worked.<br /></p><p><strong>Crying:</strong> Lilly has different cries and you can easily work out what she is wanting.<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family:verdana;"><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span></span></p><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SfJvvjhsQAI/AAAAAAAAASw/ycgp2l8NE9A/s1600-h/RL+232.jpg"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"></span></a><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"></span></div><div style="CLEAR: both; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://picasa.google.com/blogger/" target="ext"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 0px; BACKGROUND: 0% 50%; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; PADDING-TOP: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial" alt="Posted by Picasa" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif" align="middle" border="0" /></span></a></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-982682674325643626?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-25962901971191456862009-04-20T14:44:00.001+10:002009-04-25T11:39:20.580+10:00Rylie 2 Months<div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Sev9oigg9ZI/AAAAAAAAASY/EjEEYOnqoV8/s1600-h/RL+303.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Sev9oigg9ZI/AAAAAAAAASY/EjEEYOnqoV8/s320/RL+303.jpg" border="0" /></a></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Time moves quickly when you are sleep deprived. So here is the 2 month check on Rylie:<br /></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"><strong>Growth check:</strong> At birth Rylie’s statistics were:</span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Weight = 2.6kg</span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Length = 47cm</span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">At his 8 week check up his statistics are:</span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Weight = 4.9kg</span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Length = 57cm</span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"><strong>Tummy-time</strong>: Since we started Tummy time with Rylie he has loved it, I won’t say that he lasts long but you can easily place him on his tummy and he will happily babble away. I think that it really helps with his ‘wind’ issues.<br /><br /><strong>Eyes</strong>: Mum thinks that Rylie will have brown eyes but I don’t think so, they are not blue and are not brown. My gut feeling is that they might be green, taking after my Father in law, but I think that it is too early to tell.<br /></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"><strong>Focus:</strong> Rylie will watch TV if I place him in front of it and will follow us around the room. He loves Jordy and will often follow his voice around the room. Unfortunatley is cot is near the window and he will easily get distracted by the afternoon sun that creeps past the curtains and often you will find him still awake babbling to the sun.Hearing: Rylie knows all our voices and has a special glint in his eyes when he hears Jordy’s voice. if someone is holding him and I say something then he will turn his head towards me. He also recognises Tim’s voice.<br /></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"><strong>Smiles:</strong> He may not talk that much but Rylie really likes to smile and will smile for anyone. His tongue is usually hanging out when he smiles, so very cute and his whole face just lights up. Most of the time he is very serious and forwns quite a lot so we try to encourage his smiling.Speech: Not a big talker as Rylie prefers to cry to communicate with us, but he has started making those cute little baby noises and has been grunting since birth.<br /></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"><strong>Feeding:</strong> Once we stopped comparing Rylie to Lilly we became more aware of his feeding needs, plus I started recording, when both babies feed, how long they slept and how their naps and feeds were. So we discovered that Rylie is drinking on average 160ml’s per feed (sometimes he will leave a little and others he needs to be toped up) and during the day he goes 3-4 hours between feeds and at night he has been going 6-8 hours.<br /><br />During his feeds he squirms and complains quite a lot, which we have learnt that he is trying to tells he either needs a break or a burp.</span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"><strong>Sleeping</strong>: Rylie will easliy settle with a dummy and we have learnt to swaddle him tightly at night, during the day if the dummy has not helped then we again swaddle him and he falls asleep. He is much eaiser to settle than Lilly but Rylie is a little difficult to feed. </span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"><strong>Crying:</strong> We have a squealer on our hands and we have nick named his cry the banchee scream, at night is can make your ears ring. Personally I think that it is a cute cry and very much his own.</span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"></div><div style="CLEAR: both; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://picasa.google.com/blogger/" target="ext"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 0px; BACKGROUND: 0% 50%; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; PADDING-TOP: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial" alt="Posted by Picasa" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif" align="middle" border="0" /></a></div><div style="CLEAR: both; TEXT-ALIGN: center"></div><div style="CLEAR: both; TEXT-ALIGN: center"></div><div style="CLEAR: both; TEXT-ALIGN: center"></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-2596290197119145686?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-84934234974139020632009-04-16T09:12:00.000+10:002009-04-16T09:13:19.143+10:00Glimmer<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">I place one foot in front of the other whilst walking along a dark cold road. Jordy is holding my left hand and Tim is holding the other, whilst pushing the pram that contains our precious twins.<br /><br />There have been times when I’ve stumbled and Jordy has picked me up with his antics and laughter, other times Tim has had to carry me whilst still pushing the pram with Jordy sitting on the front.<br /><br />Along the road there have been paths where I’ve had to carry both Tim and Jordy whilst pushing the pram. The road feels as though it will never end and the cold darkness has become familiar.<br /><br />So we walk along and it is so dark that I can hardly see Jordy or Tim, and then just up ahead we see something that has been missing in our lives. The horizon seems to be changing colour from black to grey.<br /><br />AS we move closer I can feel our excitement grow, the horizon now consists of pinks, oranges, reds and yellows. There is a light at the end of this long road that we have been walking along.<br /><br />The light is still faint but it holds just a glimmer as to what our lives may become.<br /><br /><em>Lilly has started to have a good sleep through the night between 8-10 hours stretch after her bath for the past 3 nights. Rylie is still not there but has recently gone 5-7 hours between feeds.</em></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-8493423497413902063?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-9659922367636870472009-04-13T11:56:00.001+10:002009-04-13T11:58:45.892+10:00Would yuu care?<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">I’ve recently gone back to an old haunt of mine, one of those Baby websites full of forums. I felt I needed to connect with new mums with Twins and read other stories. I’ve enjoyed being back.<br /><br />On the home page they have this heading for an article “Would you care if your child turned out to be gay?”<br /><br />Now I’m guessing that this topic can be quiet deep and meaningful and full of all sorts of views but my reaction to that question was “At this point I wouldn’t care if they were gay, I just want them to sleep through the night and not be so unsettled.”</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-965992236763687047?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-25212471738750941212009-04-13T11:45:00.001+10:002009-04-13T11:45:25.343+10:00New Mum<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">You know you’re a Mum with new born twins when:<br />- you can’t remember when they feed last (it feels like all you are doing all day is feeding)<br />- there are days when you don’t get out of PJ’s at all<br />- you can’t remember when you washed your hair last<br />- you go to sleep with spew on you with out changing your PJ’s (too much work, when all you want to do is sleep)<br />- you think you’ve told your husband that the milk on the top shelf is for the older child and it is given to your infant son. (Yes Tim thought the bottle on the top shelf of the fridge was Rylies and we gave it too him by mistake)<br />- your washing is machine is almost constantly running<br />- there are times when you still can’t distinguish which one is crying<br /><br />This list also applies to Mum’s with one child and if you feel you can add to it, please do so.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-2521247173875094121?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-76599130300842022032009-04-13T11:36:00.001+10:002009-04-13T11:45:02.077+10:00Our Easter<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Usually we are not at home at Easter as we venture off for a family get away, accompanied with our close friends. This year as the twins are still small we stayed at home and I now know why I’m grateful for the family get away.<br /><br />For me Easter should be a time to relax, unwind and just rejoice in being a family and sharing the time with great people who also have the same philosophy. But not this year, our Easter has been filled with family, stress and screaming babies.<br /><br />It has awful both have been so unsettled, and no matter how we try to comfort each of them it doesn’t seem to help. Nothing seems to settle these two, other than them crying it out.<br /><br />Tim and I are starting to dread the feeding times, the usual routine is a nappy change followed by a bottle. During the feed we burp both as much as we can and after the feed we have a little tummy time/play until we see the tired signs. Then we swaddle and another quick cuddle and dummy then to bed.<br /><br />This is where it starts getting frustrating because they will either go straight to sleep (which is great) and then sleep perhaps 1.5 hours then they will wake screaming. Then we start the settling techniques and I’ve already listed them all, so I’m not going to do it again. This unsettled period can last anywhere from half an hour up to 2 hours and at some point we will try and offer another bottle which is usually rejected.<br /><br />Or after their feed they will show signs of being tired and we put them in their cot and with in 10 minutes they are screaming and no amount of cuddles/dummies/patting/loving, will settle them. This is what we are experiencing now, if you were to peek into their room they look fast asleep but 2 minutes from now they will wake crying. This is why it is so frustrating as they have both been fed, nappy has been changed and they were both smiling and talking to us and we promptly put them to bed and they now will be this unsettled until their next feed.<br /><br />I’ve registered for just about every single sleep school in Melbourne and hopefully I will get into one soon. Some of the public places have a waiting period of up to 6 weeks for just the telephone consultation. Tim thinks that it is a stupid thing that I’m wanting to go to sleep school, but I feel that it is more than obvious that I can’t settle these kids on my own, so I’m willing to put my hand up and say I need help, with someone that will be spending a whole 24 hours with us.<br /><br />We are also getting advice from everywhere on want we “Should/could” be doing. The Maternal & Child Health nurse says tummy time is a must after every feed, yet the osteopath is saying that Lilly can’t do tummy time as her neck is still not 100%. Then we have the Osteopath say that Rylie is getting too much wind from his teat and change it back to a one hole teat, but then we get my MIL saying that the reason for the babies have too much wind is because the milk if flowing too slowly.<br /><br />Like with Jordan my Mum constantly stresses about Rylies head and that he is developing a flat spot and she is also constantly worrying that the babies are cold, like yesterday the temp in their room showed 24 degrees (Celsius) and we opened their wind to allow some fresh air in and she promptly closed the wind put on more bedding, cause Rylies feet were “cold”.<br /><br />I try to trust my instincts as Tim and I know our babies the best, yet you can’t help but doubt yourself. After all both are still crying and so unsettled especially when I’ve tried everything I could think of, bar putting them into a pram or in the car.<br /><br />Wednesday marks 8 weeks for these little ones and I know that by 12 weeks things may settle down, but honestly I can’t see any light at then end of this tunnel. <br /><br />Oh and I never got to take the babies out on my own last week.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-7659913030084202203?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-87273395084189552202009-04-07T16:18:00.001+10:002009-04-07T16:22:52.643+10:00I tried<div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">The car was packed and the babies dressed and I set off to go first to the Osteopath and then off to my local shopping centre to run some errands.</span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SdrwlwxHSTI/AAAAAAAAAR4/85aFCSfLl_c/s1600-h/RL+208.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SdrwlwxHSTI/AAAAAAAAAR4/85aFCSfLl_c/s320/RL+208.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">After the Osteopath visit which was filled with screaming babies and feeding in between manipulations, I decided to come home and on the way home both babies fell asleep, until the car stopped and Rylie woke up.<br /><br />So I partially went out with the twins today, I made it to the Osteopath by myself but didn’t get to do everything that I had planned. I will try again tomorrow, as I’m still determined to get out of this house with the twins. I need to!<br /><br />Both are now complaining about being disturbed from the sleep, I wonder how long it will take to settle these two now!</span></p><p><br /></p><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SdrwmIE267I/AAAAAAAAASA/KE5jznU2HLQ/s1600-h/RL+211.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SdrwmIE267I/AAAAAAAAASA/KE5jznU2HLQ/s320/RL+211.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><br /><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SdrwmJZ1B9I/AAAAAAAAASI/Sc21_icJ9t0/s1600-h/RL+214.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SdrwmJZ1B9I/AAAAAAAAASI/Sc21_icJ9t0/s320/RL+214.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Look at my cute little girl in the photo below, the jeans she is wearing is a size 0000 which are still so big on her.<br /></span></p><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SdrwmVvusKI/AAAAAAAAASQ/2GtLTIbvGvg/s1600-h/RL+206.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SdrwmVvusKI/AAAAAAAAASQ/2GtLTIbvGvg/s320/RL+206.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><div style="CLEAR: both; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://picasa.google.com/blogger/" target="ext"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 0px; BACKGROUND: 0% 50%; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; PADDING-TOP: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial" alt="Posted by Picasa" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif" align="middle" border="0" /></a></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-8727339508418955220?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-72226594437653795802009-04-06T10:08:00.000+10:002009-04-06T10:09:01.091+10:00Sebestyen Recipe<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Ingredients:<br /><br />1 x Daddy<br />1 x Mummy<br />1 x 2.5 year old boy<br />1 x 7 week old baby boy<br />1 x 7 week old baby girl<br />2 x wind<br />2 x reflux<br />Zantac<br />Gripe water<br /><br />1) Take the 7 week old baby boy or girl; add to each wind and reflux. Mix carefully and add Mummy to the mixture with a bottle of milk. Result will be screaming, back arching and lots of tears<br /><br />2) Now put the above mixture to the side and allow to stew. Daddy will remove the 2.5 year old boy from the room full of screaming babies. Result will be crying for Mummy that is part of mixture above, more screaming.<br /><br />3) Now take either 7 week old boy or girl, add Zantac and Gripe water and the result is a peaceful household. No screaming at all.<br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Jordan has started to show a lot of jealousy especially when I’m feeding one of the babies, he is constantly crowding me and getting into my face. I guess that he is just trying to find some reassurance that we still love him.<br /><br />Last week I took Lilly to see the Osteopath twice and then a Chiropractor, Thursday was a hellish day, she would only sleep in my arms and was screaming almost most of the day. She only slept when she had totally cried herself to exhaustion and then slept for possibly an hour.<br /><br />I hate having either of them cry themselves till exhaustion but there is nothing I can do when I’m feeding the other and I’m all alone. When Tim came home he noticed that her head was leaning towards the right hand side and every time she moved her head, screaming would occur. A warm bath, massage and a dose of Panadol helped Lilly sleep a little. But she ended up sleeping on me most of the night and I had to sleep sitting up.<br /><br />When we saw the Osteopath her upper back muscles had locked up and it was all due to the wind in her bowel. Her little tummy was rock hard, after the Osteo massaged her back and tummy she slept for 4 hours straight. But I needed to take her to see the Chiropractor on Saturday as she had started screaming again.<br /><br />What we have learnt recently is that we need to keep up the meds and if we do this then we get a glimpse of the type of life we will be having in the future. One filled with happy babies, happy toddler and happy parents. If we miss giving the meds then we have screaming unsettled babies that take a long time to comfort.<br /><br />This week I’m determined to leaving this blasted house with the babies by myself. I’m sick of this house and constantly being here, but I’m nervous of being out and about on my own with two babies. I admit that if there was only one I would’ve been out a about a while ago. I’ve taken all three kids for a walk, the other day and have only left the house with one to take to the Dr’s appointment or Maternal & Child Heath check up, but Tim was with me.<br /><br />I’ve gone out by myself but only for quick trips to purchase the most important things, or taking Ellie home, or taking Jordy to Child Care. But I know that I need to get out by myself with them so that is my goal for this week.<br /><br />Wish me luck!</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-7222659443765379580?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-16799921119820630842009-03-29T12:52:00.002+11:002009-03-29T12:55:37.553+11:00Was it that simple?<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">I'm still bending over with laughter…I must have been deluding myself to think that I finally had “Figured out” what is “wrong” with this kids. Instead I’m going to stop worrying about it and just go with the flow, we have had some good nights that gives us a hint as to what it maybe like in the future. 9pm, 1am and then 6am feeds, pretty good. But then the next night was hellish.<br /><br />What I have to realise is that there is nothing to “figure out” and nothing to “fix” as there is nothing “wrong” with these kids, other than the refulx of course but we just have to wait until the Zantac kicks in. Some of the feeds are improving and are nice and calm but others are full of arching backed screaming babies.<br /><br />Instead I would like to share their statistics:<br /><br />Rylie at last weeks visit to the Maternal and Child Health nurse:<br />Weight = 4.175 kg<br />Length = 52 cm<br /><br />Lilly:<br />Weight = 3.115kg<br />Length = 49.5 cm<br /><br />So no matter what kind of day, evening or night we have, it seems that we are doing something very right as they are gaining weight, which in the end is the most important thing at present. Especially our chubby cheeked little boy, he has surpassed Jordy at this age (3.68kg) although Jordy was 1cm longer.<br /><br />Clothes wise Rylie has left behind the size 5 and 4 zero’s, there are still a few 4 zero items that can wear comfortably but not for too long! As for Lilly she no longer fits into the premie or 6 zero clothes and some of the 5 zeros clothes are getting too small. When she is in the 4 zero’s though most of them are so very big on her poor little girl.<br /><br />I’m glad that I have babies in different sizes as it means that the unisex colours will be put to great use as they will be used on both kids.<br /><br />I’ve started a number of boxes for their clothes, one to return to kind friends that lent me stuff. One for my SIL who is expecting a little girl in June and one for my friend who is due in September and then one for charity.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-1679992111982063084?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-75232144401535265822009-03-29T12:27:00.002+11:002009-03-29T12:38:07.712+11:00Feeds - Rylie<div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="font-size:85%;">2 hours after his feed this morning, still wide awake.</span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Sc7OxdrBJFI/AAAAAAAAAQ4/4scTwGV48tw/s1600-h/RL+184.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Sc7OxdrBJFI/AAAAAAAAAQ4/4scTwGV48tw/s320/RL+184.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><p align="center"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Finally asleep whilst his little sister is screaming in the cot right next to him.<br /></span></p><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Sc7Oxt6tZSI/AAAAAAAAARA/pqOcyJ3ijzk/s1600-h/RL+190.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Sc7Oxt6tZSI/AAAAAAAAARA/pqOcyJ3ijzk/s320/RL+190.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><p align="center"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Continues to sleep whilst I'm feeding Lilly, not bad considering it did take us 2 hours to get him in this state!</span><br /></p><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Sc7OxzAZWJI/AAAAAAAAARI/lMAwYjumPqQ/s1600-h/RL+191.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Sc7OxzAZWJI/AAAAAAAAARI/lMAwYjumPqQ/s320/RL+191.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><p align="center"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Then there are feeds where Rylie is still awake and I put him down to quickly get a top up bottle ready and put Jordy down for his nap and when I return all of 2 minutes later I find this:<br /></span></p><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Sc7OyMSM-FI/AAAAAAAAARQ/pSEd2nUNmx4/s1600-h/RL+201.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Sc7OyMSM-FI/AAAAAAAAARQ/pSEd2nUNmx4/s320/RL+201.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Lucky this photo does not capture the smell as yet again my little boy has fallen asleep after he has soiled his nappy and wouldn't care if he is left in this state until his next feed, I did change him.</span></div><div style="CLEAR: both; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://picasa.google.com/blogger/" target="ext"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 0px; BACKGROUND: 0% 50%; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; PADDING-TOP: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial" alt="Posted by Picasa" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif" align="middle" border="0" /></a></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-7523214440153526582?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-396661214668307612009-03-29T12:25:00.002+11:002009-03-29T12:32:41.759+11:00Feeds - Lilly<div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px" align="center"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">This photo was taken 2 hours after her feed this morning and she is still awake.</span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" align="left"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"></span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" align="left"></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Sc7OTGxw-4I/AAAAAAAAAQY/RpyIxwFY1qA/s1600-h/RL+183.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Sc7OTGxw-4I/AAAAAAAAAQY/RpyIxwFY1qA/s320/RL+183.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" align="left"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">10 minutes after the above photo we have a screaming Lilly:</span></div><br /><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Sc7OTUEsJHI/AAAAAAAAAQg/qCW2NybD3dY/s1600-h/RL+186.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Sc7OTUEsJHI/AAAAAAAAAQg/qCW2NybD3dY/s320/RL+186.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><p align="center"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Tummy time for a still screaming Lilly, after a big burp then it is yet another top up:</span></p><p align="center"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Sc7OThMqI7I/AAAAAAAAAQo/umWSqogtlhA/s1600-h/RL+188.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Sc7OThMqI7I/AAAAAAAAAQo/umWSqogtlhA/s320/RL+188.jpg" border="0" /></a> </p><p align="center"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Result of a top up, time it took to settle Lilly this round 2.5 hours.</span></p><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Sc7OT34rNlI/AAAAAAAAAQw/uaMz8pF1tQ4/s1600-h/RL+189.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/Sc7OT34rNlI/AAAAAAAAAQw/uaMz8pF1tQ4/s320/RL+189.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><div style="CLEAR: both; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://picasa.google.com/blogger/" target="ext"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 0px; BACKGROUND: 0% 50%; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; PADDING-TOP: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial" alt="Posted by Picasa" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif" align="middle" border="0" /></a></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-39666121466830761?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-68781861071084377232009-03-27T16:15:00.000+11:002009-03-27T16:18:23.171+11:00Could it really be that simple?<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">The days are definitely blurring together and I don’t know when we tried this but we have decided to leave them in their room at night instead of bringing them into ours. Would you believe it…it actually worked, they both settled down to sleep straight away after their last bottle.<br /><br />Coincidence? Who knows, all I do know is that it was a relief that they went to sleep in the evening with out all the drama. It does not mean that they are settled through out the night as last night I was up for 2 hours trying to settle Lilly.<br /><br />I went back to the GP this morning, I had planned on cancelling the appointment as we both feel that the cause of their distress is the formula change. I’m glad that I did go as the Dr saw how Rylie was feeding and determined that he has Reflux, so the babies are on Zantac.<br /><br />Whilst I was at the chemist filling out Rylies prescription one of the staff asked to hold Rylie and whilst she was holding him he started his normal squirming, grunting, upset routine. I was recommended Inner Health Plus for the babies, I had totally forgotten that Jordy was also given this when he had issues with Reflux and constipation.<br /><br />Fingers crossed that these two things will start helping my poor little babies soon.<br /><br />We will continue to leave the babies in their room at night and if I need to I will sleep here in the study which is right next to their room. </span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-6878186107108437723?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-60651507461963962352009-03-25T21:40:00.000+11:002009-03-25T21:41:07.440+11:00Not good<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Hour 3 and counting, yes that’s right this it the third hour that we have been trying to settle Rylie, second hour for Lilly and we have tried everything:<br />* Feeding - check<br />* Burped – check<br />* Bath – check<br />* Nappy change – check<br />* Top up feed – check<br />* Rocked – check<br />* Swaddled – check<br />* Massaged – check<br />* letting them cry – check<br />* Cuddled – check<br />* Singing – check<br />* Reading – check<br />* Tummy play - check<br /><br />Tim and I are sitting here in the study just looking at each other wondering what else can we do to help these babies go to sleep.<br /><br />This is the fourth night running that it has been like this, the last feed of the evening before bed time is like this. Last night was like this:<br />7:30pm – Feed Rylie went to sleep<br />8:00pm till 10pm – Feed Lilly and try to settle, finally asleep at 10pm<br />10pm -12am – all sleeping<br />12am till 2am – Rylie wakes for a feed try to settle to sleep<br />1:30am – Lilly wakes for a feed and goes straight back to sleep all the while Rylie is screaming<br />2am – 6am all sleeping<br /><br />The only way I could get both kids to settle was for them to have a top up feed of 10-20ml’s (which I have no issue about doing, but it literally takes 2 hours of me trying to get them to accept the bottle) and then let them sleep next to me in our bed, which I hate doing and only consider it as a last resort.<br /><br />I’ve read the articles and books that give you all the hints and tips on how to settle babies, Tim has even read them but nothing seems to work.<br /><br />What is keeping me going and not loosing it totally? Honestly I don’t think that I have the time to loose anything as I’m spending all my time and energy trying to settle them.<br /><br />Most recently I heard a quote on TV that has stuck with me “God does not give you things that you are can’t handle”.<br /><br />God must have a lot of faith in how much we can handle, because right now Tim and I are struggling. The anxiety and stress of the past 4 nights has hit me physically and I’m now dealing with wisdom teeth that are inflamed and really bad (and I mean REALLY BAD) diarrhoea, on top of being exhausted.<br /><br />One has started up again…here we go again.<br /><br />This time will pass….this time will pass…deep breaths….this time will pass….deep breaths…this time will pass.<br /><br />OH God I can feel my tears starting again…. </span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-6065150746196396235?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-61775991513821615652009-03-24T11:25:00.000+11:002009-03-24T11:27:36.039+11:00Being afraid<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><link style="font-family: verdana;" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CTim%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:smarttagtype style="font-family: verdana;" namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="place"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype style="font-family: verdana;" namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="time"></o:smarttagtype></span><style>  </style> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">It is nearly </span><st1:time minute="0" hour="21"><span style="">9pm</span></st1:time><span style=""> and I’m terrified as to what the night will entail.<span style=""> </span>The past few nights have been hell, but I suppose it could’ve been a lot worse.<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">To start with on Sunday night it took us almost 3 hours to settle Rylie to sleep.<span style=""> </span>Non stop crying and constant snacking, then it was Lilly’s turn.<span style=""> </span>We decided to leave them in their own room as we thought that the movement from their bedroom to ours could be causing them to be unsettled (hey were are grasping at anything we can think of).<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">After they were finally asleep the first feed was ok and worked well, first Rylie and then Lilly but both fell straight back to sleep with out much fuss.<span style=""> </span>Then the </span><st1:time minute="0" hour="2"><span style="">2am</span></st1:time><span style=""> feed, where Rylie started crying as he was drinking his bottle, he would take a few gulps and then scream the house down. Tim was feeding Rylie at this stage, as I was feeding Lilly.<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">It took us another 3 hours of rocking, patting, feeding, and controlled crying, burping for Rylie to finally fall asleep. Tim took today off from work and Jordy went to my In laws for the day so that we could try to sleep (notice the word TRY).<span style=""> </span>But 1:30pm we were both so stressed that I decided to go with my gut and see our GP, as this constant snacking, screaming, crying and arching of his back could not be “NORMAL” baby behavior.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">Reflux is what she diagnosed and now Rylie is taking Infant Gavascon and I’m going back on Friday for another check up.<span style=""> </span>To this point Rylie has been the most unsettled, hours on end with the crying. Lilly started now and it has just taken us 4 hours to settle her, poor little girl has worked herself up so much that her eyes are puffy.<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">So now I’m in bed and instead of going to sleep I’m sitting here blogging as I’m totally terrified as to how the night will go.<span style=""> </span>I don’t want to go to sleep as I don’t see the point, if it is going to take me hours on end to settle these kids to sleep then I may as well just stay up and wait for them to wake up.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <div style="border-style: none none solid; border-color: -moz-use-text-color -moz-use-text-color windowtext; border-width: medium medium 1pt; padding: 0cm 0cm 1pt; font-family: verdana;"> <p class="MsoNormal" style="border: medium none ; padding: 0cm;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> </div> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">The above was written last night and again now I’m sitting in bed with both babies sleeping next to me, Jordy is in child care and I don’t think that I will be venturing too far from this room today.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">How was our night well as I expected, at one stage it took Rylie 2 hours (from the start of a feed to when he finally fell asleep) to settle and he ended up sleep on me and it then took Lilly the same time to settle and she ended up sleeping next to me in the bed, as I was patting her to sleep and trying to comfort her.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">Picture this: it is 2am Rylie is fast asleep in the cot and Lilly is being burped by Tim and is screaming at the top of her lungs and we are discussing how we are feeling and trying to work out what to do and what could possibly be causing them to be upset.<span style=""> </span>We initially think that Lilly is also suffering from Refulx and I was about to put Gavascon into her bottle when I look over at the counter and see the Formula tin.<span style=""> </span>We are using </span><st1:place><span style="">NAN</span></st1:place><span style=""> 1HA Gold and the packaging has changed, I run back into the bedroom saying “Could it be the formula?”<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">So I go out to the Bin to retrieve the other Tin which has the old packaging and sure enough the contents are slightly different and there are new ingredients included.<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">I called Nestle this morning and they have confirmed that the ingredients are slightly different, the protein is different and has been processed more to mimic breast milk and some of the ingredients are now sourced from another supplier.<span style=""> </span>Also the new packaged version has Omega 3 and 6 included and other things.<span style=""> </span>I complained to the lady over the phone saying that there should’ve been some warning on the tin to say that it has changed, but I was informed that because the change was slightly different they were not legally obligated to mention the difference.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><span style=""> </span>Can you imagine how pissed off I am, I’m now on a mission to inform as many as I can that there is a difference, because I don’t want anyone to go through what I’ve just had to endure.<span style=""> </span>Worst of all I feel so guilty and upset that these poor babies.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-6177599151382161565?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-53490975364931943652009-03-18T11:10:00.001+11:002009-03-18T11:16:26.021+11:001 Month Old<div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px"></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Happy First Month birthday Rylie and Lilly, what a month it has been!</span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">It has been tough but all it takes is for me to look into your eyes and it all disappears.</span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">You have both grown so much, but more so in our hearts.</span></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: left"> </div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/ScA8FaX_gDI/AAAAAAAAAQI/yWVMvZZtios/s1600-h/RL+154.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/ScA8FaX_gDI/AAAAAAAAAQI/yWVMvZZtios/s320/RL+154.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><br /><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/ScA8F1_XpTI/AAAAAAAAAQQ/C1LVqjq0l0k/s1600-h/RL+163.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/ScA8F1_XpTI/AAAAAAAAAQQ/C1LVqjq0l0k/s320/RL+163.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><div style="CLEAR: both; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://picasa.google.com/blogger/" target="ext"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 0px; BACKGROUND: 0% 50%; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; PADDING-TOP: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial" alt="Posted by Picasa" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif" align="middle" border="0" /></a></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-5349097536493194365?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-49755237246399832302009-03-18T11:01:00.001+11:002009-03-18T11:07:32.751+11:00Sleeping babies<div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">It was suggested to me that the babies might sleep better if they were able to touch each other. We thought that perhaps they would wake each other, but it is not the case. We have often found them huddled close together and they are constantly touching each other, so very cute.</span><br /><br /></div><p style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px" align="center"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/ScA5-pd6JZI/AAAAAAAAAP4/3b0xqveBd2k/s1600-h/RL+136.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/ScA5-pd6JZI/AAAAAAAAAP4/3b0xqveBd2k/s320/RL+136.jpg" border="0" /></a></p><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px"></div><br /><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/ScA5-1zcOnI/AAAAAAAAAQA/CnKayMKLL7g/s1600-h/RL+141.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/ScA5-1zcOnI/AAAAAAAAAQA/CnKayMKLL7g/s320/RL+141.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><div style="CLEAR: both; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://picasa.google.com/blogger/" target="ext"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 0px; BACKGROUND: 0% 50%; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; PADDING-TOP: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial" alt="Posted by Picasa" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif" align="middle" border="0" /></a></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-4975523724639983230?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-13258552002408531042009-03-17T09:28:00.000+11:002009-03-17T09:29:16.833+11:00A Happier post<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">An update on the kids is long over due, I don’t want to dwell on negative things that are happening and would like to think of all the good that is surrounding me.<br /><br /><strong>Lilly</strong><br /><br />Our tiny little girl is very quiet, content and petit, when she is hungry or has a soiled nappy you will hear all about it. Lilly is much easier to burp and settle, she only really cries for a feed and a nappy change. Wind was an issue but (knock on wood) I think that we have that under control.<br /><br />At her 2 weeks assessment which was done when she was 3.5 weeks old, Lilly has grown 2cm and is now 47cm in length. She gained 330g (0.72lb) in a week and is now weighing in at 2.650kg (5.84lb). I was so very relieved and happy about her weight as it means that no matter how stressful things have been we are at least doing something right.<br /><br />The maternal child health nurse mentioned that Lilly is very alert and is progressing along well. She is drinking about 110ml’s per bottle is will go anywhere from 3 to 5 hours between feeds.<br /><br />Lillys head still needs to be supported and she gets a little tummy time each day but doesn’t really last that long. She is still doing the Sleep, wake, nappy change, eat, burp and back to sleep routine, not really awake after a feed as much as Rylie (unless she is concentrating on her bowel movements).<br /><br />Vocally Lilly makes lots of whimpering noises and content baby noises. When she is getting hungry she sounds like a little piglet when she is sucking on her hand, Very cute!<br /><br /><br /><strong>Rylie<br /></strong><br />Our little sensitive boy has really bulked right up, his cheeks are nice and round and there are rolls appearing on his legs. In a week Rylie put on 660g (1.45lb) and is now weighing in at 3.38kg (7.45lb), he has also had a really nice growth spurt and is measuring 50.5 cm in length.<br /><br />He is a demanding baby that requires more attention, but what I’ve noticed is that if it is time for Lillys feed and she is fussing he will settle much quicker with a dummy to allow me to attend to her. <br /><br />The maternal child health nurse mentioned that Rylie was acting more like a 6 week old baby than a 3.5 weeks old baby. He was more alert and was smiling happily at her, we have about an hour and a half wake time each day after a feed, in which he will happily sit in the bouncy chair and let Jordy show him all his toys.<br /><br />Rylie has really great head control and loves tummy time which I try to encourage a few times during the day when I can. <br /><br />Our little boy grunts a lot it sounds like he is straining to do a poo, when really I think that he sounds like a content little man with a full belly. I’m surprised that Lilly can sleep through all that noise, at the moment all I can hear coming from their room is Rylie grunting away, very funny. Tim is surprised that I can sleep through all his noise, I think that I’ve mentally programmed myself to only wake when either one of them cries . Grunting and making baby noises does not require my attention. Although during the day I will check up to see if they are asleep.<br /><br />When he is eating will makes a lot of content baby noises. Rylie has also cooed at me and started mimicking facial expressions.<br /><br /><strong>Jordy</strong><br /><br />Tonight Jordy and I are starting swimming lessons, which I’m really looking forward to. Tim and I have made extra effort to take Jordy with us when we go out of the house to buy things or run errands. I’ve tried to make it clear to him that only Mummy and Jordy are going swimming not Rylie Lilly, but have no clue if he gets it.<br /><br />Not as many tantrums as I expected but Jordy is still trying to push the boundaries. The other day we were in the babies room and he pulled down all their books and was happily reading to himself on the floor whilst I was feeding Lilly. When Lilly had finished and I was settling her to sleep I asked Jordy to pick up the books, he started to but as soon as my back was turned he ran away to the other end of the house. After putting Lilly in the cot I raced after him and dragged him back and made him pick up the books.<br /><br />There are some signs of jealousy which is too be expected, he especially acts up when I’m feeding of the babies. But I’ve noticed that if I allow him to cuddle them before the feed then Jordy is ok with me holding them and feeding them. <br /><br />Jordy has shown that he can be very protective of his brother and sister. My Mum and I finally took that babies to Child Care to show them off and I let one of his carers hold Lilly (she is also a Lilly). Jordy was totally shocked that someone else was holding Lilly, he went straight up to the carer and told her “Give back to Mummy, that’s mine”. When my Mum was showing off Rylie she was surrounded by Jordy’s friends, who were asking Mum all these questions. Jordy was very anxious trying to get to Mum and protect his brother but could not get through the crowd.<br /><br />Jordy gives both babies lots of kisses and hugs, he has not shown any aggression towards the babies, other than stating what is his. “That’s Jordys drink, not Rylie Lillys”; and “That’s Jordys spot, not Rylie Lillys.”</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-1325855200240853104?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-66414411912450322702009-03-17T09:25:00.000+11:002009-03-17T09:27:54.690+11:00Quick update<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">The nights feeds are going well for me, last night I was up only twice 11:30pm till 12:30am and then again at 3:30am till 4:30am. Not too bad, Tim slept in the study until the 3:30am feed when he heard me in the kitchen and decided to come back to our room.<br /><br />He has been doing the early morning feeds if they are after 3:30am, which he seems to be handling much better, even though is he working on top of all that.<br /><br />Tim came home from work yesterday much like his old self even though he helped and fed the babies in the early morning. But Tim has mentioned that he really can’t sleep from all of Rylies grunting noises, which don’t seem to bother me.<br /><br />Am I still worried about leaving the kids? No I’m not, I do trust my husband and I can tell by the way he speaks to me if he has had enough sleep to be the ‘normal’ Tim.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-6641441191245032270?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-35211994383841549012009-03-16T12:54:00.003+11:002009-03-16T13:38:13.314+11:00Cracks in the works<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><link style="font-family: verdana;" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CTim%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:smarttagtype style="font-family: verdana;" namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="time"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype style="font-family: verdana;" namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="country-region"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype style="font-family: verdana;" namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="place"></o:smarttagtype><span style="font-family:verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><style>  </style> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">I need to write about this weekend and there are some confronting things that I will be talking about and all I ask is that people who know us in real life to respect this post as a means of me being able to let things go.<span style=""> </span>I most likely can not talk about what has happened with you as Tim would be devastated that I’m talking about something so painful and personal.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">Finally…finally Tim admitted that he has issues with Rylie he even admitted that he hates his child.<span style=""> </span>I knew that this was how he was feeling and I could also see that he was being very aggressive with him.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">It took me sitting down with him and literally nagging him to finally admit that he has violent thoughts about harming Rylie.<span style=""> </span>I don’t know why it is only Rylie that he has an issue with because Lilly acts the same way, the only difference is that Rylie screams louder.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">As his wife I knew that he was feeling like this as I could see his over reaction to Rylie, but I also knew that in order for us to move on he needed to admit out aloud how he was feeling.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">It was confront for both of us to hear how he was feeling and I needed Tim to know that when he is like this I’m scared to leave any of the kids in his care, because he just over reacts, even with </span><st1:country-region><st1:place><span style="">Jordan</span></st1:place></st1:country-region><span style="">.<span style=""> </span>Tim also admitted that at this age he did not like </span><st1:country-region><st1:place><span style="">Jordan</span></st1:place></st1:country-region><span style=""> either and even though he knows that this time will pass it is too hard for him to deal with.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">After lots of screaming, arguing, nagging and crying, I finally decided that Tim is not to help me with the night feeds at all. Even though he feels guilty and feels the need to help as “It is unfair on me”.<span style=""> </span>I don’t care how unfair it is as I need my husband back and not this feral man who is sleep deprived and can’t deal with anything.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">The only condition was that Tim needs to allow me to sleep in on the weekends and keep Jordy away from the bedroom.<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">So Saturday night Tim slept in the study while I did all the night feeds and I was up about 5 times altogether. For me it was a great night, I was more relaxed and I got to deal with the kids they way I wanted to.<span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span>I slept in until about </span><st1:time minute="30" hour="8"><span style="">8:30am</span></st1:time><span style=""> and woke up to a screaming household, but surprisingly Tim was handling this really well.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">Sunday was a really nice day, it was relaxed and the babies were more settled, I think it has something to do with the Braur Colic Relief and also because we were both relaxed.<span style=""> </span>I asked Tim Sunday morning how he was feeling towards Rylie and he said that he didn’t hate him anymore and felt more relaxed.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">My mother and father, Tim’s parents and sister have all told me that he just needs to get over how he is feeling and support me and help with the feeds.<span style=""> </span>But for our household and our marriage the support I need from my husband is for him NOT to be sleep deprived and for him to be himself, happy and relaxed.<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">When Tim is relaxed and has had enough sleep then the babies respond to him much better.<span style=""> </span>He can settle Rylie much quicker than I can and he will not snap at Jordy as much.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">I just need to be very strong and not allow my husband back into our marital bed until the babies are sleeping better through the night.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">Surprisingly last night they only had one night time 1 am and </span><st1:time minute="30" hour="1"><span style="">1:30 am</span></st1:time><span style=""> and Rylie went four hours and Lilly went five hours between feeds.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">Tim will admit to people that he hates the new born period (I mean who really likes it?) but it is very difficult for him to admit his violent thoughts towards he own child and he refuses to seek help from professionals and will not go to a group. He wants to deal with things on his own. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">How am I coping?<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">Sleep deprivation is tough but there is a reason and the crying really doesn’t faze me. I know that they cry for a reason, trying to find out what that reason is can be tricky but I also know that things will get better and I can already see both babies attempting to go longer between feeds.<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">Plus it also helps to know that 3 days out of the week Jordy is in child care and I can sleep when they do if I need to.<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">I really don’t think that the babies are bad or that unsettled, sure they have wind, but once they have been burped or feed then they can go to sleep on their own.<span style=""> </span>Sure you may need to resettle and put a dummy in and pat them or cuddle but they do settle quit quickly when you’ve worked out what is causing the distress.<span style=""> </span>I know that it could be ten times worse, they both could be screaming for hours on end and I could not have any time to myself or any relief.<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">But here I am blogging with all three kids sound asleep and I know that Jordy will be sleeping for another hour and the babies have been sleeping soundly since </span><st1:time minute="0" hour="10"><span style="">10 am</span></st1:time><span style="">.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">We knew that our relationship would be tested newborns just do that, but I never thought that I would contemplate leaving my husband and being worried to leave our kids in his care.<span style=""> </span>He didn’t handle the newborn period with Jordy very well and he was not this bad.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""> <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">I truly believe that THIS TIME WILL PASS and we will be much better for getting through this time.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"> <br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-3521199438384154901?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-16624538821909651382009-03-14T11:36:00.002+11:002009-03-14T11:51:01.936+11:00How wrong I was<span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I reckon that I jinxed myself. What a night and day we have had so far. The Bee movie is going for Jordy, I'm sitting here with the laptop on my knee, the babies are FINALLY asleep (we will see how long this lasts) and Tim is in bed trying to sleep.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">After bathing Rylie at 7pm last night and giving him his bottle, he was wide awake so I put him in the swing chair for a little while, perhaps too long , who knows, because it took me 2 hours to get him to go to sleep. Screaming off and on since 7pm till 9:30pm is not nice. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">All this time Lilly is happily sleeping through the crying and screaming. Then she wakes at 10:30 for feed.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">We have noticed that both have wind issues and we are using Infacol and Gripe water, which I think at times works...but then again who knows.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">During times like last night it is very hard to doubt yourself and go utterly insane. At one point I was tempted to put both of them in the car and go for a drive to see it that would settle them, but I was frightened that I would fall asleep at the wheel.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">I keep on saying to myself "This time will pass, it will get worse before it gets better". Over and over to keep myself from breaking down. They are 3.5 weeks old and I hope that at 3 months things will be better. I have to believe that it will be better.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">This time will pass....I hope.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">This morning we have been trying to settle them since 8:30, the only way I got Rylie to finally fall asleep was to put him on his tummy, which Tim is really against as he doesn't want them to get used to falling asleep on their tummies as he believes that we can never go anywhere as they will not sleep in the car.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">But I reckon if it works them why not....</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">I'm now waiting for Jordy to go to sleep so that I can crash into bed as well.</span><br /></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-1662453882190965138?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-28988580533634334872009-03-13T14:21:00.001+11:002009-03-13T14:21:47.662+11:00A very quick update<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">It is been tough real tough, but perseverance has I think started to pay off. My Mum ended up staying over last Thursday again because both babies were just so unsettled and I was like a fish out of water that I was freaking out about how I was going to cope with all 3 kids on my own.<br /><br />Fast forward a week and so much has changed. After seeing a Kinesiologist and the Maternal Health Care nurse, we have a sort of routine.<br /><br />Both are regularly feeding every 3 hours, I noticed a pattern the other night, 10pm, 1am, 4am then 7am. The 1am and 4am feeds are really tough and the 7am is tricky when I take Jordy to child care. But we are managing the past 3 nights like this.<br /><br />What I have learnt?<br /><br />I’ve learnt that I need to relax and not stress out when one or both cry and I’ve also learnt that I need to really listen to and trust my instincts. <br /><br />The other day my Mum and I were having a disagreement about what the babies should wear. I figured that if I was hot and sweating that the babies did not need to be so covered up now that they can regulate the temperatures. I should’ve just changed my babies and gone with my gut as the afternoon was spent consoling two very hot little babies.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-2898858053363433487?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-33612744786096809682009-03-13T14:16:00.001+11:002009-03-13T14:21:12.155+11:00Birth Announcements & Thank you cards<div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px" align="left"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Finally was able to complete these and send them off.<br /><br />What do you think?<br /><br />My own design.<br /></span><br /></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px" align="center"><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SbnP-Yy1AnI/AAAAAAAAAPo/TzQ3vlmcDOs/s1600-h/Rylie+%26+Lilly+birth+announcement.jpg"><br /></div><p style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" align="center"><img alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SbnP-Yy1AnI/AAAAAAAAAPo/TzQ3vlmcDOs/s320/Rylie+%26+Lilly+birth+announcement.jpg" border="0" /></p></a><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: left" align="center"></div><p style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px" align="center"><br /></p><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" align="center"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SbnP-j1ZKeI/AAAAAAAAAPw/p14WY2amguM/s1600-h/Rylie+%26+Lilly+thankyou.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SbnP-j1ZKeI/AAAAAAAAAPw/p14WY2amguM/s320/Rylie+%26+Lilly+thankyou.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><div style="CLEAR: both; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" align="center"><a href="http://picasa.google.com/blogger/" target="ext"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 0px; BACKGROUND: 0% 50%; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; PADDING-TOP: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial" alt="Posted by Picasa" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif" align="middle" border="0" /></a></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-3361274478609680968?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-32768730695853891222009-03-07T09:48:00.001+11:002009-03-07T09:58:54.166+11:00My babies<div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SbGoQQbVLCI/AAAAAAAAAPg/_eruneM_fck/s1600-h/Family+013.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SbGoQQbVLCI/AAAAAAAAAPg/_eruneM_fck/s320/Family+013.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><div style="CLEAR: both; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://picasa.google.com/blogger/" target="ext"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 0px; BACKGROUND: 0% 50%; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; PADDING-TOP: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial" alt="Posted by Picasa" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif" align="middle" border="0" /></a></div><div style="CLEAR: both; TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">This photo was taken yesterday, how cute are my little ones?<br /><br />We have noticed that Jordy is very sensitive to when the twins cry and he is constantly with me in their room. When either one of them cries he will pat them on the head (not as gentle as I would like) and say “It’s alright Rylie Lilly”.<br /><br />I have tried not to be strict about him being in their room as I don’t want him to feel left out.<br /><br />But in times of stress and being really busy Jordy brings more joy than I would’ve thought possible. When the twins are crying or unsettled and I’m totally stressed, Jordy will do something innocently that makes cracks me up. It is this small bit of laughter during these times that really helps and makes me focus on the fact that this period is short lived.<br /><br />My special little man, really knows how to help his Mummy right at the perfect time.</span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-3276873069585389122?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-90158672086317181522009-03-02T12:15:00.001+11:002009-03-02T12:19:02.859+11:00How are we coping?<div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">When I’ve been asked this question, I want to say that it is great and we are doing really well. But honestly Tim and I are doing the best that we can, there have been tears from both of us at times and we are both feeling really guilty about neglecting Jordy so we are doing extra little things for him to make up for the guilt.<br /><br />There was one day where I realised it was 5pm and I hadn’t given Jordy any lunch, he hadn’t asked and it had just slipped my mind, as you can imagine the water works started.<br /><br />It is amazing how much you forget what it is like to have newborns and the feelings of being totally baffled as to why your baby is crying when it has been fed, burped, changed and is warm.<br /><br />Tim and I have both decided that we are going to allow our babies to dictate when they require a feed and not force them to wait the appropriate 3-4 hours as I’ve been advised to do. It is just too hard to have one or both of them hysterical for an hour or so. Also if our little ones decide to wait 5 hours between feeds we are not going to wake them up just because they have gone past the 4 hours.<br /><br />We do believe strongly in a good routine but we feel that because these babies are so small they know what they want best and even though books, Dr’s, midwives and maternal child health nurses have all told us to try to keep to the 3 to 4 hours feeds, I don’t have the good consciences to leave either one of them screaming for an hour just because they fed 2 hours previously.<br /><br />I think that a routine will eventuate later but for now we are just letting them dictate what they want.<br /><br />They are in our room at night, as the second cot has been set up there, I made a change table in the ensuite out of towels and we have wipes, nappies and everything set up there. We find it easier having them in our room than right at the back of the house, plus this way Jordy is not disturbed. Once they are down to one night feed that will be spend the night in their room, like they are during the day.<br /><br />We have also noticed that if they are not warm then both are very unsettled. We think that it is related to them being so small and perhaps not being able to regulate their own temperatures. The other day when it was 38 degrees (Celsius) I had the window open in their room and they both slept soundly for 4 hours straight. Yet if the house or their room goes below 20 degrees we have noticed that they are unsettled and will not feed as well.<br /><br />As you can see by the photo below it looks as though we are in the middle of winter rather than near the end of summer with how they are covered.</span> </div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"></div><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SaszWxE_EdI/AAAAAAAAAPY/287aKFno-Pk/s1600-h/RL+102.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SaszWxE_EdI/AAAAAAAAAPY/287aKFno-Pk/s320/RL+102.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><div style="CLEAR: both; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://picasa.google.com/blogger/" target="ext"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 0px; BACKGROUND: 0% 50%; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; PADDING-TOP: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial" alt="Posted by Picasa" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif" align="middle" border="0" /></a></div><div style="CLEAR: both; TEXT-ALIGN: center"></div><div style="CLEAR: both; TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Tim and I have found that if they feed at the same time at night it is not that bad and we are not that tired the next day. The feeds then take 45 minutes tops and you can go back to sleep, it is a lot harder when they are feeding at different times, or worse when one or both need to do a poo which requires support, coaxing and massage to help get the job done.<br /><br />So how are we coping? We are doing the best that we can and we are coping ok. The support that I have received from my Mum has made it much easier. Plus I thank my lucky stars and God for my husband as I honestly do not think that I would be sane without his help at night and during the day.<br /><br />Tomorrow will be my first day at home on my own with just the twins and on Friday will be my first day at home with all three kids. The only thing that I’m stressing about tomorrow is how to get Jordy to Child Care with the twins. I really don’t want to disturb them in the morning just for a 15 minute trip, but I guess this is what happens when you are the second and third born, you don’t get the luxury to being left undisturbed like the first born.</span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-9015867208631718152?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-86601745586916599062009-03-02T11:32:00.001+11:002009-03-02T11:36:47.887+11:0010 Milk Bottles<div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SaspbPSHm2I/AAAAAAAAAO4/Hl95Cr8OcYw/s1600-h/RL+096.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SaspbPSHm2I/AAAAAAAAAO4/Hl95Cr8OcYw/s320/RL+096.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><br /><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SaspbQcNUYI/AAAAAAAAAPA/7BsAb8kpnbY/s1600-h/RL+097.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SaspbQcNUYI/AAAAAAAAAPA/7BsAb8kpnbY/s320/RL+097.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><br /><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SaspbemPafI/AAAAAAAAAPI/9U0PrBR-We8/s1600-h/RL+098.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SaspbemPafI/AAAAAAAAAPI/9U0PrBR-We8/s320/RL+098.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><br /><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SaspbUUvy3I/AAAAAAAAAPQ/0A9s6Nz5F6w/s1600-h/RL+100.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SaspbUUvy3I/AAAAAAAAAPQ/0A9s6Nz5F6w/s320/RL+100.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><div style="CLEAR: both; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://picasa.google.com/blogger/" target="ext"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 0px; BACKGROUND: 0% 50%; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; PADDING-TOP: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial" alt="Posted by Picasa" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif" align="middle" border="0" /></a></div><div style="CLEAR: both; TEXT-ALIGN: center"></div><div style="CLEAR: both; TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">After our first night home as a family of 5 I was washing all the bottles and getting ready for the next batch. My milk again never came in and lucky I had stocked up on Formula because as it has turned out one tin lasts us 5 days. This is most likely going to be the one thing that will be very expensive for us. A tin costs approximately $22 (AUD), and this is the cheapest that I have found.<br /><br />Anyway as I was washing the bottles I had to take a photo of how funny it looked to have all the bottles, washed, sterilised and ready for the boiled water. Even we have decided to demand feed our little ones, they are feeding every 3 to 4 hours, but sometimes will feed after 2 if they have done a poo.<br /><br />Making 10 bottles will not last us 24 hours but I refuse to buy anymore as I know that their feeding patterns will eventually change and at some stage 5 bottles each will be enough. So we are making formula every 12 hours or so just to keep up with the demand.<br /><br />Tim laughed at me when I was pregnant that I came home from Office Works all excited that I bought permanent markers. But I’ve marked the bottom of each bottle with a blue or red dot, to differentiate between the two. We have recently noticed that Rylie has increased his feeds so it is easy to work out which bottle is which but the coloured dot. In any case I’ve now had the last laugh because it seems that this dot system works well for us.</span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-8660174558691659906?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-83895319040049531662009-03-02T11:13:00.000+11:002009-03-02T11:14:17.518+11:00Birth Story<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">17th Feb 2009<br /><br />8:30pm<br /><br />We all settled to go to bed and as per usual I read a little before falling asleep. At 9:30pm I attempted to relieve my bladder after struggling to get out of bed, there was no such luck and I was in a lot of pain.<br /><br />I prepared myself mentally for a pain riddled night and moving between the bed and the sofa chair. Every half an hour I attempted to relieve my bladder, with no luck. By 10pm the pain was so bad, just above my ovaries the abdominal cramps were really bad that I thought that I would go crazy with the pain. <br /><br />Lying on my bed at this point was not an option no position was comfortable and the funniest thing that I can remember is during this whole time I had not had on contraction, just the constant cramping pressure on both sides near my hip bone.<br /><br />10:30pm<br /><br />Third attempt at trying to relieve my bladder, this time I went to check up on Jordy and use the toilet across from his room. My little man was still tucked in and fast asleep. I noticed that our neighbour had his light on and by this stage I had become an expert in using all house hold facilities in the dark so I decided to close the door, so as not to wake Jordy. <br /><br />As I leaned forward whilst on the toilet I heard and felt a big pop and a huge gush of warm water run into the toilet. My waters had broken, my first reaction was one of relief as soon as they had broken the pain that I had been feeling for the past 2 hours was gone in that instant. The second thought was how the hell am I going to get from the bathroom to our bedroom.<br /><br />I decided to wait a little until the gush turned into a trickle and then bolt to the room. I didn’t make it to the bedroom but made it to the front entry way that is tiled and then told Tim to wake up and call his parents as my waters had broken.<br /><br />Unfortunately his first reaction was to scream at me, my darling husband can’t handle being woke up abruptly in the middle of the night. So here I am standing in the door way to our bedroom leaking aminiotic fluid onto the tiles and can’t do anything about it all the while Tim is grumbling at me.<br /><br />He throws a towel at me and I race to the shower and jump in. I hear Tim talking to his parent and whilst I’m still in the shower they arrive. Luckily my Mum had given me a Tena lady pad and I put that one and got dressed, finished putting the last minute things into my bag and called the hospital.<br /><br />By this stage I had a few contraction a bit stronger than the Braxton hicks but nothing to really scream about. Arrived at the hospital and was put on the monitor where the contractions didn’t even register. <br /><br />All the time we were looking at the clock willing time to go just a little bit faster in order to have these babies born on the 18th rather than the 17th so as not to share their Birthday with their cousin Tina. </span><br /><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">18th Feb 2009<br /><br />Dr K arrived at about 12:30pm and had a quick look and decided that 19 hours between surgeries was enough time for his fingers to start itching. He called everyone in to be ready for 1am.<br /><br />At one stage we heard Dr K and the midwife discussing when they should put in the catheter. Dr K was saying that he usually does it in theatre but the Midwife was saying she could do it now. He just kept on saying, lets do it in Theatre and when asked my opinion I had to agree, do it when I’m totally numb.<br /><br />Even though I knew that we coming this experience was different to the birth of Jordy. There were things that I had forgotten about and things that I never felt before. The spinal tap was just as I remembered but being nauseas from the atheistic was a new experience.<br /><br />Rylie was the first out and gave a great big cry and our little Lilly cried non stop for about an hour or so until she was finally fed with a cup. All through out the surgery Dr K kept a great commentary on what was happening and how the birth was going.<br /><br />After the Babies were born Tim was offered to cut the umbilical cords for each baby, which he wasn’t able to do for Jordy and I was able to see what the Paediatrician and midwife were doing to the babies.</span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-8389531904004953166?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-1672508744008180142009-02-24T15:49:00.001+11:002009-02-24T15:59:58.167+11:00Introducing<div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SaN8UlUzc_I/AAAAAAAAAOo/LsJ5JdyCI6c/s1600-h/RL+031.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SaN8UlUzc_I/AAAAAAAAAOo/LsJ5JdyCI6c/s320/RL+031.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><br /><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SaN8UjXnyeI/AAAAAAAAAOw/EXtahS2Mask/s1600-h/RL+093.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SaN8UjXnyeI/AAAAAAAAAOw/EXtahS2Mask/s320/RL+093.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Rylan (Rylie) Jacob Sebestyen and Lillian (Lilly) Rose Sebestyen<br /><br />Born 18/02/2009<br /><br />Times: 1:38am Rylie and 1:39am Lilly<br /><br />Weights: 2.690Kg (5.7lb) Rylie and 2.109kg (4.6lb) Lilly<br /><br />Lengths: 47cm Rylie and 45cm Lilly<br /><br />We are all home healthy safe and happy and our new family of 5 are adjusting, there has been some tears, from the boys Rylie and Jordy and there has been a lot of hugs and kisses.<br /><br />It feels so right being at home, words can not describe how we are feeling.<br /><br />For me importantly I feel so relieved, the pain is gone and my recovery is going well. Being able to bend over and pick things up and get back onto the floor to play is a blessing. I feel like a sleep deprived new mother again, rather than a sleep deprived depressed and stressed pregnant woman!<br /><br />Birth story and hospital stay posts to come!</span> <div style="CLEAR: both; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://picasa.google.com/blogger/" target="ext"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 0px; BACKGROUND: 0% 50%; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; PADDING-TOP: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial" alt="Posted by Picasa" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif" align="middle" border="0" /></a></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-167250874400818014?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-58303117822598530112009-02-17T10:03:00.002+11:002009-02-17T10:07:05.666+11:0037 weeks<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Some hard lessons were learnt last week and emotionally it was a very difficult.<br /><br />So we are all still here together in one body and even though the end is only 10 days away, it is going to be a long very long 10 days. I revisited an old haunt of mine, dark disturbing thoughts were cropping up in the middle of the night. I recognise them for what they are a means to tell me that it is all getting too much to handle.<br /><br />I spoke to the Dr K on Thursday about bringing the surgery forward. I spoke to him about the thoughts that I was having, about snapping at Tim and Jordan, about the lack of sleep due to the pain, about just wanting these babies out. <br /><br />He gave me 3 days; he has brought the surgery forward only 3 days and I was devastated!<br /><br />It was like a slap in the face and I was a blubbering mess on the way home. Lucky Tim had finished work really early and came home and comforted me and lucky Jordy was in child care as I didn’t want him to see me like that…ever.<br /><br />Dr K wants me to go on Anti depressants for the thoughts and go back to the centre to talk to someone. When I attempted to make an appointment, the receptionist was not helpful or friendly, so I gave up. Then I get a phone call from my GP requesting that they see me, I felt that people were over reacting and that the only thing that is going to help is delivering these children.<br /> <br />So it has been my mission to try anything to bring on this labour and the lesson that I have learnt is that these babies are just too comfortable and it seems that I’m trying to control something that is beyond me.<br /><br />I’ve tried:<br />* Raspberry leaf tea, drinking it like it is water about 5-8 cups a day.<br />* Sex – only makes the Braxton hick contractions stronger<br />* Walking – only makes the abdominal cramping worse<br />* Acupressure – I paid and downloaded a book about trying different acupressure points to help dilate the cervix, help a baby engage and intiate labour. Whilst I’ve noticed that the girls head is lower than the boys, there is no way for me to tell if this acupressure has worked. But we were doing it every 2 hours for 2 days and nothing has happened.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-5830311782259853011?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-35196687415052848192009-02-09T15:08:00.000+11:002009-02-09T15:09:26.132+11:0036 Weeks<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">I made it to 36 weeks, when I booked into the hospital I was told “You will be lucky to get to 36 weeks”. Well here I am very excited and yet exhausted. I know that I would not have made it this far if I had continued working. It has been the rest and relaxing that I’ve been able to do at home that has really helped.<br /><br />Having said all that, I’m now ready to have these babies out. My husband, father, friends, family and midwives have all said to me, ”Just try to hang in there another week”. My Mum has been the only one not to say anything when I tell her that I want these babies out. She can see me struggling.<br /><br />I was back in hospital again yesterday as the contractions were worse and they were regular. 6pm on Saturday night they were 10 minutes apart and I was only able to sleep after 2am, but woke every 10 minutes. <br /><br />Sunday morning they progressed to 7 minutes apart lasting 30 seconds, we still went grocery shopping but I just had to stop and breathe through the pain. It is our Nephews birthday tomorrow so we went for a little visit to give him the present. All the while we were there the contractions were regular.<br /><br />Throughout the afternoon the contractions progressed to every 5 minutes then to every 3 minutes lasting 90 seconds. You can see why I thought I was in real labour. But the midwife put me on the monitor and determined that yet again they were Braxton hicks, more intense and regular but false labour all the same. They have not eased up at all and are still every 3-5 minutes apart.<br /><br />Seeing how distressed I was yesterday, shocked my husband and when he saw me crying (yet again) in pain whilst trying to talk to the Midwife, changed his mind as well. Sometimes being told the cold hard truth by a stranger is better than reading books or making your own assumptions.<br /><br />She basically told my husband that at 36 weeks these babies, may have feeding issues but as their weights and sizes are above average they will be perfectly ok. The steroid injections have helped mature their lungs so it is unlikely that they will have breathing issues. <br /><br />I’ve already endured almost 3 weeks of semi regular contractions; being asked to endure another 3 weeks is weighing heavily on both our minds. I’m averaging about 4 hours sleep a night but it is not continuos as I’m getting up every 2 hours for the toilet. <br /><br />We have both decided to talk to Dr K about my options. Every night before we go to bed we look at each other wondering if tonight will be the ‘real’ night. I don’t like going to bed as it is just so painful and uncomfortable, half the night is spent on the lounge chair trying to sleep. As I mentioned I’m exhausted.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-3519668741505284819?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-68321366647345759442009-02-06T12:37:00.000+11:002009-02-06T12:38:42.922+11:00No wonder<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><link style="font-family: verdana;" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CTim%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><style>  </style> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">Dr K checked my cervix yesterday, still closed and to be honest I was a little disappointed as the contractions were quite strong on Wednesday night.<span style=""> </span>Blood pressure and everything else is going along just fine.<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">So I’m just waiting, waiting and waiting, you would think that I would be used to waiting.<span style=""> </span>Anyone that goes through fertility treatment is forced to do a lot of waiting.<span style=""> </span>Waiting for your period to arrive, waiting for blood test results, waiting for ultrasounds, waiting to see your fertility specialist and then the dreaded two week wait.<span style=""> </span>Once you find out your pregnant, you then have to wait for additional hCG beta testing and results.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">I’m not a patient person and I hate waiting.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">The ultrasound was surprising to say the least.<span style=""> </span>The books say that the average weight of these babies should be approximately 2.3kg.<span style=""> </span>My little boy weighs 2.689kg and my little girl weighs 2.501kg.<span style=""> </span>No wonder I’m struggling and my belly feels so heavy.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">My main concern after the ultrasound was that the babies are both breech, that is head up and when I spoke to Dr K’s midwife afterwards, I was told that if my water breaks I’m to go to hospital immediately, no waiting for Tim to come home, having both babies in breech could be dangerous.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">I decided to ask my friend to buy some Raspberry Leaf tea to help bring on the labour.<span style=""> </span>When I told Tim this he basically used my own beliefs as a wake up call.<span style=""> </span>The universe will provide, but in this sense he meant that the universe will decide when these babies will arrive. <span style=""> </span>He was strongly against me drinking the tea and believes that the babies will arrive when they are ready.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">It was very hard to hear and very hard to accept, as my first thought was that he is not the one carrying these babies. <span style=""> </span>He is not the one dealing with the contractions and he is not the one that can’t roll around in bed. I became quite emotional about this and just feel so helpless.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-6832136664734575944?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-44296964863383597702009-02-04T15:30:00.001+11:002009-02-04T15:30:41.225+11:00Mistakes and disappointments<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">I made the biggest mistake yesterday and now I can’t seem to get my Dad to back off.<br /><br />I have a ritual every morning, I wake between 7-7:30 either to take Jordy to Child Care or because I hear him talking, we either have breakfast or I drop him off. Then around 8am I call my Dad to let him know that all is ok. I started doing this when my Mum went OS, to ease his worry as I knew that I would not be seeing for the duration of her trip, driving 30-40 minutes was just too far for me on my own.<br /><br />My Mum arrived home Monday night and so I called around 10:30 yesterday for my normal check in and because I was still worked up from my last post I started crying over the phone to my Dad.<br /><br />They ended up visiting yesterday afternoon and since the phone call my Dad keeps telling me that I should not work my self up or cry that it is not good for me.<br /><br />I will admit that I had a rough day yesterday as the guilt I feel towards my lack of mothering towards Jordy is all in my head. It is not like I’m constantly screaming at him or neglecting him. I just want to get down on the floor and play with him like he wants me too. It is my desire and my wants that make me feel guilty, instead I need to perhaps think of things that I can do with him, read every single book that he owns. Draw pictures, let him play out side in the dirt whilst I sit and watch. <br /><br />Being the negative person that I am, I feel that I should be doing more and that even though I’m pregnant with Twins it should not matter, I should be able to do it all and I know that I can’t and this makes me feel guilty. Which is really stupid and dumb as Jordy will not turn around at the age of 15 and say to me…”You never played with me when you were pregnant with the twins… you ruined my life”. (well at least I hope he won’t).<br /><br />I know that these feelings of inadequacy, guilty and feeling as though I’m a bad mother are an extension of PND. I recognised them when I spoke to Tim about how I was feeling. So I had a rough day yesterday because I simply allowed the negative feelings take control, instead of thinking about other more positive ways that I can entertain Jordy when we are home alone together.<br /><br />I suppose that it hasn’t helped that my BIL let me down the other week. I had tried to arrange to Ellie to come over on Friday for a visit to help keep Jordy entertained, and when I called on Thursday I was basically told that he felt that it was not a good idea to take Jordy to one of those Play centres in 40 degree heat. My BIL felt that Jordan would get too dehydrated and that it would be too much for me…which I new but why I had asked Ellie to come with me.<br /><br />My BIL was also worried about me going into Labour at the Play centre, so he had decided that it was not a good idea. I don’t know a lot of people that often ask for help, as I know that I don’t usually do that, but in this instance I asked for some support of my niece in order for Jordy to be able to run around and enjoy himself. I know that I can’t climb up the big stairs to going sliding down with him, but I didn’t want to deny him the chance to have some fun. <br /><br />F took the decision out of my hands and decided that it was not a good idea and that I should just stay at home. I was and possibly still am really disappointed in them, as I really needed some support. I know that I need to let this go and I hope that by writing about it will help. <br /><br />I did end up explaining to Ellie how I felt, but it is not her fault as she does not drive so would rely on her father to bring her over here.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-4429696486338359770?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-21055202371736398852009-02-03T09:12:00.001+11:002009-02-03T09:13:18.936+11:0035 Weeks<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">I’ve made it to the point now that if I were to go into proper labour, I would deliver these babies in my local little private hospital, I feel so relieved!<br /><br />I wrote a whole big post just before and decided to delete it because I was just beating around the bush and not really saying what I wanted to.<br /><br />I’ve been talking to these babies every day but have now started coaxing them to decide to come out. Is it working? Who knows, all I know is that mentally and emotionally it is getting a lot harder to deal with this body.<br /><br />I have this overwhelming feeling of guilt and I feel so very selfish. I’m not looking after Jordan or Tim, I’m only concentrating on meeting my own needs. I’m almost to the point where I’m begging my baby belly to please please just come out now.<br /><br />I was home alone with Jordy yesterday and all I did was sit on my fat arse and literally put in DVD after DVD to entertain my son, as I CAN’T DO ANYTHING with him. I can’t get on the floor and play, sit down on a chair and play with cars, trains or trucks. He basically ate Toast and Teddy bear biscuits all day because I just don’t have the energy to prepare a balance meal for him.<br /><br />I can see that he is craving my attention as he will come over and grab my hand and try to pull me up out of the chair. The contractions and just so hard to deal with along with a child that wants to play a little rough or wants you to crouch down and show that Cranky has yet again crashed. I hate that I’m pushing Jordy away and feel so guilty.<br /><br />Every little twinge, contraction, movement, sensation that I feel has me constantly wondering…Is this is yet? I’m keeping all the pain, movements, and sensations to myself now and not telling Tim about them, because I hate it that I’ve become so obsessed with this delivery.<br /><br />On Sunday there was a good 2 hours where I literally sat there feeling as though my lower back was going to break apart and I was secretly hoping that one of the babies had engaged. I decided to start sitting on towels just in case my waters break and am wearing a heavier pad. <br /><br />Brought back a lot of memories, of when we were TTCing, checking the pad for any sign of AF, instead of AF I’m now checking for any sign of impending birth. It got too much for me on Sunday night and I burst into tears and just couldn’t stop crying.<br /><br />Jordy came running out of the bath room to give me a hug when I stops dead in his tracks as he sees me crying. He was so concerned that his lower lip started quivering in response to my tears, his little hands were wiping my face all the while saying. “Why Mummy crying?”. How could I explain to him that I was wondering the whole day if I was going to have these babies and how disappointed I felt that every twinge was just a twinge, every contraction was FALSE fucking labour pains. Every sensation was just nothing and that I maybe feeling all these things for another 4 weeks.<br /><br />So instead I just told Jordy that Mummy is a little sad and that Mummy was not angry with Jordy and that Jorday was a very good boy. I don’t think that I convinced him as he wouldn’t go to sleep, instead he was laid his head on me (which he has not done since he was a baby) and we watched ‘So you think you can dance’.<br /><br />Today is our 13th Wedding Anniversary and it would be such a nice present to meet these babies today. Jordan saw me talking to my belly asking them to decided to come out and he wandered over, lifted up my tee-shirt slapped my belly and screamed “COME OUT, COME ON, LILLY-RYLIE (he says their names as one name) COME OUT”. <br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"> I have another Osteopath appointment tomorrow morning and Thursday I have an appointment with the OB (Dr K) and an ultrasound. I’m taking it day by day and in some respects hour by hour. I would never have imagined that I would be feeling this low towards the end of my pregnancy.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-2105520237173639885?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-88623950701951150152009-01-28T15:31:00.000+11:002009-01-28T15:32:45.895+11:00What is the point of all this practice?<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">I think that I would welcome these Braxton hicks contractions more if I knew that I would be having these babies naturally. Since my first OB appointment a vaginal delivery has never been an option for me and I’m ok with that.<br /><br />After my post yesterday I did crawl back into bed to knuckle down to some solid hours of reading when the regular waves started coming. They were not too bad at first but started getting stronger. <br /><br />My first thought was that I had missed taking the pain relief medication on time, but remembered that I took them at breakfast and still had another hour before I could take more.<br /><br />My second thought was “Oh not again…I really don’t want to cry wolf”. So I called Tim and he was able to come home and off we went to see the OB. <br /><br />I was livid and angry, furious actually as I KNEW that it was false labour again and I just didn’t want to make any fuss. I was able to handle the pain talk, walk and even cook through it all with no troubles. There were stronger ones now and then but they were not regular.<br /><br />I think that you could tell by my facial expression that I was not impressed with my body nor this pain, as the OB was more attentive yesterday. <br /><br />Another internal exam to confirm that cervix is still closed and not dilating. I had my eyes closed during the exam and Tim told me afterwards that the OB face was one of great relief when he announced his observations.<br /><br />Apparently there is nothing extra that I can do that I’m not already doing, rest, rest and more rest.<br /><br />I decided that I would stop taking the Panadol as if it is not helping, I don’t see the point. I consider myself very lucky that I’ve made it this far and I now know that he will be delivering these babies. I just pray with all my heart that I make it another week, so that I can have these babies at my hospital of choice and also so that my Mum is home.<br /><br />I had an Osteopath appointment this morning for my pelvis and was totally blown away that he told me that our little girl which is on my right hand side is head down almost ready to engage. All throughout this pregnancy our little boy has been the closets to the cervix.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-8862395070195115015?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-82439586257009767932009-01-27T09:54:00.002+11:002009-01-28T14:06:46.303+11:0034 Weeks<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">The books say that the average size from head to bum at this stage is 30 cm (times that by 2) and the average weight is 2.1kg (again times that by 2). I think that I mentioned this earlier but I have not been weighed during this pregnancy when I visit the OB, but just out of curiosity I’ve been keeping an eye on my own weight and I was totally shocked yesterday when I jumped on the scales to see that I had gained 5 kg in 2 weeks.<br /><br />Tim just laughed at me and said that with 4.3kg of baby, plus amniotic fluid and placenta what more do I expect? He also said that I was all baby.<br /><br />I had a inkling that the Panadol regime would not last me that long and the pain relief is no longer lasting 4 hours, as I’ve been getting niggles throughout the 4 hour period.<br /><br />My MIL wanted to understand why is it that I’m having these contractions, what is it that is going on, is it because I’m stressed, doing too much, lifting Jordan, bending over.<br /><br />The twin book (that is permanently beside my bed) mentioned that the size of my uterus is not the relative size of a single pregnancy, how can it be where there are two? So consider for a minute that when I was pregnant with Jordy I had Braxton hicks contractions at week 35 and had him at 37 weeks.<br /><br />The OB mentioned that my uterus is measuring at 37 week gestation last week, so I’m not at all surprised that my body is saying…it is enough now.<br /><br />I’ve mentioned that I’m reluctant to drive long distances and the longest that I have driven is about 15km away when I picked Ellie up for a visit. But I am itching to get back out there and visiting places and people. Part of me would love to go into the city (about 45-50 km) away for a lunch with my friends from work, but the nesting part of me screams out NO!!!<br /><br />I’m not nesting like I did with Jordan, no meals have been cooked and stored away, the only thing that I’ve really been concentrating on is having their room ready. The car seats are all in now, yes both cars have 3 cars seats in each. Jordy is getting used to the fact that Rylie and Lilly will be sitting next to him and as he has the New Car seat he seems ok with the concept.<br /><br />I have retreated into my own world a little and being a bit anti social with Tim. As soon as Jordy goes down for his nap, I’m in bed reading the latest novel from Stephanie Meyer. I’ve already read Twilight and New Moon (it took me this weekend to read New Moon) and now I’m up the third book.<br /><br />With Jordy I was playing computer games and with these babies, I’m reading about vampires and werewolves…go figure. It is this overwhelming feeling of escaping the ‘real’ world that has me convinced that the end of the pregnancy is near.<br /><br />The Baby books also suggested that I have gifts ready for when the babies arrive. This has now also been done, Jordy bought both Lilly and Rylie their first Teddy Bears. Jordy will be receiving an Electronic Giggling Troublesome Trucks which has two trucks in the pack (for his Thomas collection) he loves the Troublesome trucks, season 6 of the DVD set which we can play in the hospital and a colouring book.<br /><br />The urge to finish this post and get back to Bella, Edward and Jacob is just getting too much. So here is Mari, signing off from 34 weeks +1 day pregnant to retreat into her own world.<br /><br />But just one last thing before I do go, thank you to those people that have sent emails and left comments here. I really appreciate all the kind words and thoughts, especially when I’m so conscious of trying not to “complain” so much about this pregnancy when there are infertiles out there that would love to be in my position, even in pain and discomfort.<br /><br />I knew that this twin pregnancy would be hard, but I never really understood, how uncomfortable and pain filled the days would be. Part of the reason for this blog is for me to remember all this in the future and perhaps even pass it onto my children when they are older. But it is also a space where I can try to keep myself from going insane.<br /><br />I have been crying most days, when it has seemed all too much and once the emotions have been released I’m back ok. I was not like this with Jordy and I suppose that I didn’t get a chance to be like this as I worked longer and was not as idle has I have been. Knowing that there are people out there reading this blog and that you have felt the same way, makes it easier to know that it is not just me being ungrateful.<br /><br />So again thankyou!</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-8243958625700976793?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-11623380883716379152009-01-25T16:43:00.000+11:002009-01-25T16:45:23.325+11:00Thank god for midwives<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 10"><link style="font-family: verdana;" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CTim%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:smarttagtype style="font-family: verdana;" namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="place"></o:smarttagtype></span><style>  </style> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">Tim, Jordy and I went back to the hospital yesterday for the additional injection.<span style=""> </span>But instead of just a quick jab the Midwife put me back onto the monitor for about 20 minutes.<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">All the while Jordy was happily playing in the Birthing suit, we felt that it was important for him to get used to the hospital and try to understand that it is not a scary place at all.<span style=""> </span>I’m proud of the way he handled himself, especially considering it was way past his nap time.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">Elaine was the midwife that looked after me yesterday and she was fantastic. Talking to me about how I was feeling (as my feelings of stupidity were still present) she was able to help alleviate this by letting me know that even though what I’ve been feeling is considered “false labor” it is still serious in itself.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">Especially as neither of the babies have engaged and if by the off chance that my waters break then the umbilical cord could potential slip down ahead of the baby which can be dangerous.<span style=""> </span>This was the first time I had heard this and was grateful that she explained that it was ok for me to come in 100 times if needs be.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">Complete contrast to the day before where the Midwife was confused as to why I went to the hospital instead of the </span><st1:place><span style="">OB</span></st1:place><span style=""> rooms. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">But I’m happy to report that there have been slight contractions but no more than perhaps 2 an hour and the Panadol seems to be working really well. Elaine asked me when I was booked in for the C-section and when I told her 39 weeks she just looked at me and asked “Do you think that you will make it that far?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">I asked her then “Do you?”, she just shock her head and said “To be honest, I don’t think so”. <span style=""> </span>As my next </span><st1:place><span style="">OB</span></st1:place><span style=""> appointment is 2 weeks away Elaine suggested that I come in again on Tuesday to be monitored for another 20 minutes to make sure that there is no more contractions.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="">I used to count down the weeks in the pregnancy but now it seems that I’m just happy to get through an extra day with these babies still baking away. <span style=""> </span>The pain that I was slowly going insane about has moved onto Heartburn, which is not that bad and I feel almost human again with the exception of a huge baby belly.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style=""><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-1162338088371637915?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-75090248828398114602009-01-24T09:20:00.001+11:002009-01-24T09:22:34.303+11:00The pregnant woman that cried wolf.<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">I mentioned to the OB on Thursday that I have an unstable Pelvis and was causing me a lot of pain and that I was not coping very well. The Midwife was very comforting as she could see me fighting back the tears. The OB agreed to take this pregnancy week by week and see how I was coping.<br /><br />Then yesterday I thought that it was our time, I really did. The contractions were 5 minutes apart and lasted for a minute, plus I couldn’t talk through the pain and needed to concentrate on breathing.<br /><br />They started on Thursday night around 6 pm, I took some Panadol at 8pm and was able to sleep until 11pm then from 11 to 4am I was walking around the house, dealing with the pain every 5 minutes.<br /><br />I again took Panadol at 12am and then again at 4am and was able to sleep until Tim left for work at 6am. By 10am I called the midwife at the OB surgery telling her my symptoms. Again I was told to go to hospital to be monitored.<br /><br />Whilst the contractions were registering as pretty strong after an internal exam it became apparent that they were Braxton Hicks again. As my cervix did not show any softness and was tightly closed. On way what a relief but on the other hand, how stupid did I feel and still feel.<br /><br />I’ve been told to take Panadol 4 hourly no matter what as this is the only way to try to help relax my uterus. I was also given a injection for the babies lungs and going back again this afternoon for another shot.<br /><br />I honestly couldn’t be 100% sure if I had some “show” as I’m bleeding from the Haemorrhoid (not nice). But I’ve been told that if the pain persist even with the 4 hourly dose of Paracetamol then I’m to go back for more monitoring as it is better to be safe than sorry.<br /><br />The one good thing about all of this is that my back and Haemorrhoid pain have gone, it seems that the babies have moved off the Sciatic nerve and what a relief!!!<br /><br />There has been talk of hospitalisation and monitoring but as I’m very close to the hospital and have a decent amount of support my OB was reluctant to have me stay as long as I called at the first sign of anything different.</span><br /><p><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;">When I got home from the hospital I turned to my MIL and said "One day it will the real thing", and I had to wonder if the hospital and my OB will see me as the woman that constantly cried wolf...or in my instance "It is time!"</span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-7509024882839811460?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-40525067357471977972009-01-21T09:32:00.000+11:002009-01-21T09:36:11.825+11:00Deck of Cards<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">I’m laying the cards on the table and I need to be 100% honest about how I’m feeling and these past 3 days have been bad, the worst in this whole pregnancy. Last Wednesday when I was in hospital was a walk in the park compared to how I’m coping now.<br /><br />The pain in my back and leg is not easing up at all and I’ve also got hemorrhoids to add to the mix.<br /><br />Part of me is glad that Jordy is in Child Care as I don’t want him to see me sobbing away because of the pain. The lack of sleep is also not helping I’m up every 2 hours now.<br /><br />Ok so I’m going to lay the trump card on the table now. I am over this pregnancy and I want these babies out…soon. I would not do anything to jeopardise the health of these babies but I just don’t know how long I’m going to last, mentally and emotionally.<br /><br />I did speak to the OB about the date for the scheduled Cesarean, I have deliberately not told family the date as I really don’t want to wait until 39 weeks. Just the thought of another 6 weeks of this pain causes tears to well in my eyes. <br /><br />Yesterday I was that desperate that Tim kindly massaged my lower back which really helped and alleviated the pain until I walked to the toilet. My darling little boy also climbed up onto the bed and rubbed his hands on my back all the while saying Mummy back sore.<br /><br />Part of me is almost willing these babies to come soon as I just don’t think that I can really cope for much longer. I’m seeing the OB again tomorrow morning and perhaps it is a good thing that I’m this emotional.<br /><br /> </span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-4052506735747197797?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-23721974531026294522009-01-19T13:35:00.000+11:002009-01-19T13:36:14.557+11:0033 Weeks<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">WOW I’m relieved that I’ve made it this far and the only thing that I can really complain about is the Sciatica and not being able to bend over to pick things up and of course I’m dropping everything.<br /><br />I don’t handle pain very well, I would like to meet the people that do, but the Sciatica is starting to do my head in. After seeing the Osteopath who worked miracles on my back, I simply leant over to put drops in Jordy’s eyes and bang the twinge started. <br /><br />Right this minute whilst Jordy is asleep I’m literally sitting on a heat pack on the laptop which is balanced on pillows. I’ve learnt with this pain that there are chairs in this house that just not help the Sciatica. Luckily our couch is a good one, but the dinning table chairs and the ones in the study are painful. Also the car seats are not nice either, but I haven’t told Tim this as we would not go anywhere.<br /><br />The abdominal cramps are getting more intense, which has meant that I simply do not go anywhere. I’m reluctant to driver further than our local Shopping centre. Anywhere further than that I simply what for the weekend.<br /><br />My excitement of the arrival of Rylie and Lilly is growing day by day. I received a lovely surprise on Friday. A box full of second hand girls and boys clothes and I’m so grateful that my friend gave these to me.<br /><br />I never received anything second hand for Jordy and there was no one that I could borrow things off. This time around both Lilly and Rylie’s wardrobe is made of new and hand me downs. <br /><br />I feel that our family of 3 will very soon move onto a family of 5, I feel the need to just stay home and not do anything. I felt this way with Jordan as well, I’ve had a little show and since last Wednesday, I feel that I’m simply just waiting.<br /><br />My Mum has left now for Hungary and even though I saw her yesterday I’m already missing her.<br /><br /> </span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-2372197453102629452?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-46346518799735149882009-01-16T12:52:00.000+11:002009-01-16T12:53:44.215+11:00Hick up's and Surprises<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"><strong><em>1am</em></strong><br /><br />I wake to a sharp cramp on my left side near my ovary. I rub and try to massage the pain away to realise that I’m holding my breath. I let go of the breath I was holding and try to relax, it takes a good minute for the pain to ease, but it move to my lower back.<br /><br />I thought it was strange at the time but try to go back to sleep. 5 minutes later another cramp, this time it moves quickly too my lower back.<br /><br />This continues for the next hour, every 5 minutes a contraction. It is worse when I get up and move.<br /><br />But at 2am I’m able to fall asleep again until 7, when I get up to take Jordy to Child Care.<br /><br /><strong><em>1pm</em></strong><br /><br />I decide to call the hospital as I’ve had contractions off and on most of the day. No matter what I’m doing, lying in bed watching TV. Sitting, walking, standing, nothing seems to help stop the pain. <br /><br />I felt so stupid calling the hospital as the pain was not bad, I was NOT doubled over, I did not need to breath through the wave. But I was having more than 4 in an hour and they were lasting for a minute.<br /><br />My MIL takes me in to the hospital and I’m hooked up an monitored for about an hour and then sent home. Braxton hicks are not fun and the day scared the shit out of me. I’m not ready to have these babies yet.<br /><br />I was given Panadol in the hospital and was told to take them when I needed to, which I did and since Wednesday I’ve not had any more Braxton hicks.<br /><br /><em><strong>Surprises</strong></em><br /><br />I had my 32 week ultrasound yesterday and was relieved that both again are doing just great. Rylie has slowed down a little and is weighing in at 1.88kg and Lilly has finally caught up and is weighing in at 1.83kg. <br /><br />My mother came with me this time, has she is leaving for Europe on Sunday. I thought that it might be a nice treat for her to “see” her new grandchildren just in case they are born whilst she is away. <br /><br />She was a little disappointed that we couldn’t see their faces. But the news that Lilly had almost doubled her weight in 4 weeks was a relief. There is still a good amount of fluid around each baby and all looks really good.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-4634651879973514988?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-25184183428030455242009-01-12T15:18:00.000+11:002009-01-12T15:19:02.340+11:0032 Weeks<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">3-4 weeks to go I hope. I just want to get to 35 or 36 weeks so that I can go to the local hospital.<br /><br />My OB appointment last week went well, we are all doing just great. My belly is measuring a nice 36 weeks (even though I was 31.3 weeks). Blood pressure good and no swelling.<br /><br />The only thing I had to complain about was the lower back pain, which started last week and the midwife mentioned that this was called Sciatica, as soon as I got home I called for an Osteopath appointment. Talk about instant relief with the pain, I still need to use a heat pack daily to alleviate the pain but it is not as bad as it was.<br /><br />My bags are still not packed and the midwife did indicate that it would be a good idea. So I will do it this week, the babies bag is packed which is typical that I put others before myself. But I enjoyed packing their bag.<br /><br />My Mum and I brought some of the baby stuff home from storage and I went through the mammoth task of looking at all the boxes of Jordy’s clothes and sorting them out. The Babies draws are now ready and the change table has been moved into the room, Jordy is surprisingly happy to go into their room and climb up onto the change table.<br /><br />I’ve put a small bed side table into Jordy’s room where he helped me pack the draws, so very cute.<br /><br />I feel more comfortable now that the cot linen is home and packed away and that their clothes are ready. Nappies, change table and wipes are all ready. The curtains are also up. My Mum continues to offer mountains of support even though she is leaving for Hungary on Sunday.<br /><br />We even had the concreting worked completed last week, it was not a priority but at least it is finally done and now we can buy a garden shed to bring back all the stuff that is in storage.<br /><br /><strong>Names</strong><br /><br />I secretly knew when I was last pregnant that Jordan would be the name we give to him when he was born. I had a list ready though, but deep down I knew that he would be Jordan.<br /><br />When we found out that we were having a Boy and a Girl we started talking about names. Ronan was a name that we got from Star Gate Atlantis, but the only problem that I had with it was no real nick name. Tim was flicking through the baby name book and came up with Rylie Jacob but I’ve just convinced him now that it would be good to our new son Rylan Jacob and have Rylie as his nickname. Just like his older brother is Jordan Jared but he is called Jordy.<br /><br />Now Tim does not like any girls name that I’ve come up with but I figure that he picked the boys I get to pick the girls. So our daughter will be called Lillian Rose but Lilly for her nick name.<br /><br />So our children will be Jordy, Rylie and Lilly. Which I absolutely love!<br /><br />We have been talking about the babies with Jordy from day dot, but now I’ve started saying that they are Jordy’s brother and sister and calling them by their names. Jordy is fascinated with having his name written, Jordy Bestyen (he can’t say our surname correctly). This morning I wrote Jordy Bestyen, Mummy Bestyen, Daddy Bestyen, Rylie and Lilly Bestyen with no reaction.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-2518418342803045524?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-88809636032384253412009-01-06T07:55:00.000+11:002009-01-06T07:56:32.645+11:00Here is the bucket....<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Jordan has been ill with gastro a number of times, actually I’ve lost count but this is what you get from Child Care. We have an old ice cream container that we use to help in this instance and we call it the bucket. We ask Jordy if he is sick and “do you need the bucket”, he has now associated that bucket with vomiting.<br /><br /><em>Side bar:</em> this hasn’t started out as a nice post but stay with me as I want to explain what happened yesterday.<br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">As mentioned in my post yesterday I was home alone with Jordy and I was really trying not to push myself, however half an hour before Tim came home I was in a lot of pain. Not Braxton hicks or contractions but a cramp on my right side just below my belly button. I knew that it wasn’t practice or real labour as the pain was constant and did not come and go in waves.<br /><br />As soon as Tim arrived home I went to lie down in bed to try to relax. With a 2 year old, firstly you don’t get any privacy nor quiet time. So Jordy came into the room and asked in Mummy was sick.<br /><br />I tried to explain that I was in pain and just needed to lie down, but it was easier to say “Yes Mummy is sick”. He climbed up onto the bed and leaned over and gave me a few little kisses on the cheek and then rushed off.<br /><br />The next thing I hear is Tim say “Where are you taking that?” and the reply “Mummy sick need bucket”.<br /><br />My little helpful man ran off to get the vomit bucket to give to me to use as I was sick and needed the bucket, and then proceeded to show me how to use it and insisted that I give the bucket a go!<br /><br />How cute is that?<br /><br />I’ve been reluctant to take too much Panadol for the pain, but really needed to yesterday as it was coming up to an hour of suffering from the ligament cramp. 15 minutes after taking Panadol the cramp went away and “Mummy was all better”.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-8880963603238425341?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-45045708934851745352009-01-05T13:27:00.000+11:002009-01-05T13:28:10.275+11:0031 Weeks<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Saying 5-6 weeks to go, it doesn’t sound that close but when I say 4-5 weeks out loud my heart starts leaping. Shit not a lot of time left…then the anxiety starts again. <br /><br />Will they be ok at 35 / 36 weeks, will I have to leave one or both in the hospital?<br /><br />How will I cope, how will Jordy cope, shit there is still so much that needs to be done before I go off to have these babies and 4 weeks is not long.<br /><br />The babies room has now been painted and the chest of draws are in place, Jordy’s old cot is set up. We did buy another cot but I think that it might be best to leave them in one cot to start with. But we change our minds constantly about this.<br /><br />Most of Jordy’s baby things are in storage and we have yet to bring them home, which is stressing me a little.<br /><br />The two car seats and pram are on layby but one car can easily be fitted at a moments notice.<br /><br />I have yet to pack my bags and I think that I will be doing this after my OB appointment on Thursday. I want to discuss dates with the OB, this limbo land is stressing and I just want to know the date that I will be scheduled in for the C-section.<br /><br />We have only ever discussed that I would be having a c-section but not when and I need to know the when, especially now that my mother will be in Hungary for 2 weeks (my 33rd and 34th week).<br /><br />This past week has not been as hard on me, I’m sleeping and eating better, bending down should be out of the question but I have occasionally bathed Jordy. I even managed to do some painting not much but some.<br /><br />I’m secretly glad that Jordy still has a decent nap during the day as I get to either blog, or just simply put my feet up watching TV. 1.5-2 hours is a decent break and then when he wakes up we are both refreshed and ready to tackle the afternoon.<br /><br />Tim went back to work today and was / is worried about me being able to look after Jordy. As I’ve said to him it is only Mondays and Fridays when we are on our own and I just make sure that we have a small activity to do in the mornings before his nap time and then the afternoon can be spent at home, outside or drawing. This morning we went to the park where I sat for an hour watching him laughing at the ducks and chasing birds. Now tell me is that strenuous?<br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">I don’t think so!</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-4504570893485174535?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-79012187902922527642009-01-05T13:13:00.000+11:002009-01-05T13:14:03.480+11:00Happy 2009<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">I know I’m very late in writing this post but better late than never. <br /><br />I really only get time to write posts when Jordy is either in Childcare or asleep, otherwise if my little man is awake he is demands to sit next to me on the desk and will constantly as “One game”. <br /><br />There is a game that he enjoys me playing, and we both see the first signs of PC geek being developed. I don’t mind playing the occasional game and putting on the occasional DVD, but I’m keen to not allow Jordy to dictate his activities. <br /><br />I don’t want him to be a PC geek glued to the screen 24/7 when the weather is so nice out side, and I don’t want him to be a couch potatoe either. So we only turn “puter” on when he is awake as a reward.<br /><br />Our New Years eve was very low key, in fact I was in bed by 10pm didn’t fall asleep until 1am (due to all the fireworks happening in the neighbourhood). I didn’t make any new years resolutions as it really does not work for me.<br /><br />We have started painting the babies room and my brother is over to help and to be honest I’ve been nagging Tim to do this for a while as I’m feeling that time is slipping away.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-7901218790292252764?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-62083025800742740432008-12-29T12:06:00.000+11:002008-12-29T12:07:18.350+11:0030 weeks<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">I didn’t think that I would’ve made it to 30 weeks. Week 29 was the hardest and longest one I’ve had in this pregnancy and I’ve got a feeling that the next 6-7 weeks are just going to get harder.<br /><br />I don’t know if it was Christmas or just being 29 weeks but the cramps and lower pain were more intense this week. The 3 days did take a lot out of all of us, Jordy included. <br /><br />On Boxing day we went to our friends place and I was just in so much pain that on the way home I almost told Tim to take me straight to the hospital.<br /><br />It doesn’t help that for most part of the week I wake at 2am to eat something then am unable to fall asleep for 2 hours. The last two nights I’ve woken up at 5am to eat then I’m able to fall back asleep and Jordy has been very kind to his Mum and slept into until 8am.<br /><br />We still have so much to do with the babies room, I’m trying not to worry about it, deep down both Tim and I think that I will not make it to 36 weeks, my gut is telling me to be prepared for 34-35 weeks.<br /><br />I hope that I get to 35 weeks so that I can go to the local hospital, but only time will tell.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-6208302580074274043?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-75628453230933704192008-12-25T09:50:00.002+11:002008-12-25T10:00:09.750+11:00Merry Christmas<div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;">Wishing all a Merry Christmas!<br /><br />Jordy woke this morning to many presents under the Christmas tree, there were some tears as he does not understand the concept that others will receive gifts as well.</span><br /><br /></span><br /></div><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SVK85q38j2I/AAAAAAAAANw/ccs1iMhNtFQ/s1600-h/JJ+1144.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SVK85q38j2I/AAAAAAAAANw/ccs1iMhNtFQ/s320/JJ+1144.jpg" border="0" /></a></p><br /><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: left"></div><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Here are a few photo’s:</span><br /><br /><br /><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SVK86B8qa3I/AAAAAAAAAN4/ngeV9f1XddU/s1600-h/JJ+1147.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SVK86B8qa3I/AAAAAAAAAN4/ngeV9f1XddU/s320/JJ+1147.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><br /><br /><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SVK86RxjfjI/AAAAAAAAAOA/7uZXA2BC4jk/s1600-h/JJ+1157.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SVK86RxjfjI/AAAAAAAAAOA/7uZXA2BC4jk/s320/JJ+1157.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><br /><br /><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SVK86pFUzJI/AAAAAAAAAOI/REkO2MFCd5I/s1600-h/JJ+1160.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SVK86pFUzJI/AAAAAAAAAOI/REkO2MFCd5I/s320/JJ+1160.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><br /><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Even though the twins are still in gestation they also received some small gifts as they may not be in the outside world but they are here physically.<br /><br /><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SVK-H_Dq4XI/AAAAAAAAAOQ/Kp11HftFRl8/s1600-h/JJ+1160.jpg"></a></div><br /><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SVK-IAR_E4I/AAAAAAAAAOY/zeIip-kBWUo/s1600-h/tw+010.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SVK-IAR_E4I/AAAAAAAAAOY/zeIip-kBWUo/s320/tw+010.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><br /><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SVK-IONyQ2I/AAAAAAAAAOg/oLDaI9CGzf0/s1600-h/tw+011.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SVK-IONyQ2I/AAAAAAAAAOg/oLDaI9CGzf0/s320/tw+011.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div></span><p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">As we were packing the present out last night, my darling husband turned to me and stated how excited he was for the morning to arrive. He felt that this Christmas was the first that he really understood the magic and joy that it brings to children. I feel the same way, just seeing the joy on our son’s face this morning was priceless! </span></p><br /><div style="CLEAR: both; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://picasa.google.com/blogger/" target="ext"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 0px; BACKGROUND: 0% 50%; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; PADDING-TOP: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial" alt="Posted by Picasa" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif" align="middle" border="0" /></a></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-7562845323093370419?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-63327772294267070912008-12-23T08:40:00.000+11:002008-12-23T08:41:19.063+11:0029 Weeks<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Yay I’ve made it to 29 weeks 7-8 more to go!<br /><br />Ob appointment yesterday and my belly is measuring at 34 weeks, compared to 2 weeks ago when it was measuring at 30…big jump.<br /><br />I did tell Tim the other day when I caught a reflection of myself in a shop window that it looked like I had just exploded and expanded over night. How right I was.<br /><br />We have finally started working on the twin’s room and to be honest I’m a little nervous about how late we are leaving things, but I’m sure that it will be done quickly over the Christmas break.<br /><br />I still need to buy some things in preparation for the babies, like bottles, car seats, pram, extra cot and possibly more clothes.<br /><br />An ex-work colleague gave me all her old cot linen which was really generous. I already have quite a bit but will need double of just about everything and most of the stuff that I do have is for a boy.<br /><br />I have pre stocked up on nappies have 4 box of new born nappies in storage and 2 boxes at home. Plus two boxes each of infant nappies on layby at Kmart. I have 3 tins of baby formula ready, and from now on whenever I buy Jordy’s toddler formula I will buy the babies one as well.<br /><br />I will try to breastfeed but given my past history with no milk I doubt that I will be able to and I recently read that if I will be bottle feeding I will be making approximately 12-16 bottles of formula per day, depending on how often they feed.<br /><br />Like last time I will show you the before and after shots of the room once completed.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-6332777229426707091?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-13414495946515246082008-12-21T12:31:00.002+11:002008-12-21T12:35:06.011+11:00Love & Hate<p><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">If there are any infertiles still reading this blog, I would suggest that you don’t continue reading this post as I feel the need to vent about this pregnancy, but I also feel the need to state the positives.<br /><br /><strong>Hate<br /></strong><br />This is what I hate about this pregnancy:<br />* I’m huge, my belly is just so big I’m finding it hard to do anything<br />* I can’t bend over anymore and pick things up and I’ve still got 7-8 weeks left<br />* I hate the crampy pains when I roll over in bed<br />* I hate it when I’m walking and I get a cramp<br />* I hate it that I can’t walk as much and would love to take Jordy for his morning / afternoon walk<br />* I hate it that I can’t get on the ground and play with Jordy, it is just too hard to get back up<br />* I’m hating the heartburn (although it is not as bad as it was with Jordy)<br />* I hate feeling so heavy<br />* I hate feeling so tired<br />* I hate the breathlessness and dizziness<br /><br /><strong>Love</strong><br /><br />This is what I love about this pregnancy:<br />* I love knowing which baby is moving, our little boy is just as active as Jordan was,<br />* I love that Tim just gets up and helps with out having to be asked<br />* I love that I’m having twins and I feel very blessed.<br />* I’m really happy that this pregnancy has been relatively easy with no complications (so far).<br />* I love having more scans so that I can see the babies more often<br />* I’m lucky that most of my clothes still fit<br />* I’m excited about the babies coming and completing our little family<br />* I love it that I’m having a boy and a girl<br />* I love the support I’m getting from Tim<br /><br /><strong>Overall</strong><br /><br />I’m actually relieved that this is my last pregnancy, we will not be trying for another baby as the risk for another set of twins is very high especially as it runs in my family and I've got my two boys and little girl, what more could I ask for?<br /><br />I’m excited and looking forward to bringing the babies home, however I just know how hard the next 7-8 weeks are going to be. If I’m already complaining about how heavy I feel now then what will it be like when both of them are close to 2kg’s each?<br /><br />I’m not “OVER” the pregnancy, not by far as these babies still need to bake a little longer. I’m just mourning the fact that I can’t do as much as I would like!</span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-1341449594651524608?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-20015674409585263882008-12-20T11:20:00.001+11:002008-12-20T11:32:37.800+11:00Jordy & xmas<div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: left"><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">It took some coaxing but he finally sat on Santa's lap, no big smile but at least there were no tears!<br /></span><br /></div><p style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SUw6dcoRnmI/AAAAAAAAANY/mf32P8AeShQ/s1600-h/image0.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SUw6dcoRnmI/AAAAAAAAANY/mf32P8AeShQ/s320/image0.jpg" border="0" /></a></p><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: left"></div><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">His first look at our Chirstmas tree, we only put is up last night....I know slack!<br /></span><br /><br /><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SUw6dhRh5mI/AAAAAAAAANg/44RisBfRpdY/s1600-h/JJ+1096.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SUw6dhRh5mI/AAAAAAAAANg/44RisBfRpdY/s320/JJ+1096.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><br /><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SUw6d2GCu6I/AAAAAAAAANo/sxyECibMXQM/s1600-h/JJ+1100.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SUw6d2GCu6I/AAAAAAAAANo/sxyECibMXQM/s320/JJ+1100.jpg" border="0" /></a> </div><div style="CLEAR: both; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://picasa.google.com/blogger/" target="ext"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 0px; BACKGROUND: 0% 50%; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; PADDING-TOP: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial" alt="Posted by Picasa" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif" align="middle" border="0" /></a></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-2001567440958526388?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-24197737278969223152008-12-18T09:09:00.001+11:002008-12-18T09:12:21.678+11:00Send Off<div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: left"><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">I decided to leave work earlier as appointments and other engagements were starting to pile up on me. Plus it didn’t effect the pay out that I would be receiving.<br /><br />As there are a number of people leaving the department there was one lunch organised for all 4 of us, the turn was pretty big approx 50 people and it was good to see some of my old friends for other departments.<br /><br />The only down side to the afternoon was receiving a phone call from Day Care saying that Jordy had been ill and could I please come and pick him up. Tim couldn’t sign off and pick him up and I was on my way a lunch that was partially for me. My Mum was not available and my MIL has no car seat.<br /><br />In the end I was able to eat and say my speech which was rushed and I had received another call that he was really not well.<br /><br />I felt bad for leaving so quickly but there is nothing I can do about a sick child. The good thing about gastro (yes there is a good thing) is that it only lasts 24 hours.<br /><br />I requested that any gift being bought for my farewell be purchased for the babies. This is what I received:<br /></span><br /></div><p style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SUl4kyVE9MI/AAAAAAAAANQ/SvFoX943KJU/s1600-h/tw+001.jpg"><img alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_f0zsHE9dRcQ/SUl4kyVE9MI/AAAAAAAAANQ/SvFoX943KJU/s320/tw+001.jpg" border="0" /></a></p><div style="MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; TEXT-ALIGN: left"></div><span style="font-size:85%;">Two photo albums, some funky socks and clothes.</span> <div style="CLEAR: both; TEXT-ALIGN: center"><a href="http://picasa.google.com/blogger/" target="ext"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 0px; BACKGROUND: 0% 50%; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; PADDING-TOP: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial" alt="Posted by Picasa" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif" align="middle" border="0" /></a></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-2419773727896922315?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-85456279815760136102008-12-17T08:51:00.001+11:002008-12-17T08:51:57.959+11:0028 Weeks<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">I’ve made it past 28 weeks, just 8 more weeks to go and I will be more relaxed.<br /><br />I’ve finished up work now and am a ‘woman of leisure’ as my OB/Gyn likes to joke. Busy trying to get ready for Christmas and honestly I don’t know what it would’ve been like if I was working full time. It is already physically hard to get all the shopping done.<br /><br />I just make sure that I have a small list of things that I need to buy and stick to one part of the shopping centre. For example if I need something from Target then I make sure that everything else on my list is located near that shop. So I park close and don’t need to walk all over the centre.<br /><br />Last week I had my OB/Gyn appointment where I received rave reviews and a pat on the head for being a good pregnant women with twins. Gestational Diabetes test – normal. Iron levels – great, Haemoglobin – spot on. I was told that I’m doing better than pregnant women with a single baby!<br /><br />I had my 28 week scan yesterday and our little boy is still a boy and our little girl is still a girl. Good amount of fluid around both babies and both are growing nicely. Our boy is spot on for dates and is weighing approx 1.1kg our girl is still 6 days behind but growing nicely and is weighing approx 983grams.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-8545627981576013610?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-55172305378558073832008-12-12T12:45:00.000+11:002008-12-12T12:46:12.514+11:00R.I.P Nagy Mamma<span style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-size:85%;">We received the news that my maternal Grandmother passed away sometime this week. She had been ill for a while but most recently had gone down hill. She lived in Hungary and was my only living grandparent. It is times like these that you really feel the distance.<br /><br />I had only met her handful of times and the last time I saw her was in 2003, when Tim and I were in Hungary for 3 months.<br /><br />My mother will be going home for the funeral in January.<br /><br />It is hard to find the ‘right’ words and ‘kind’ words considering how she treated my mother. I was brought up to respect my elders and the dead.<br /><br />So in short R.I.P Nagy Mamma</span>.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-5517230537855807383?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-11082715869164823662008-12-03T18:19:00.002+11:002008-12-03T18:25:10.906+11:00After 9 years of service<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">My position has been made redundant.</span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">How do I feel?</span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">I'm very very happy, the payout that I will be receiving means that I can be a full time Mum whilst still supporting my family.</span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">It does mean that we will not be building our new house and we will be staying put. I'm ok with that, there was no guarantee that we would sell this house, so there was no guarantee that we would ever have built our new one. </span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Now the decision has been made and we can relax and concentrate on preparing our current home for the babies.</span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">Whilst I'm happy, I'm also sad to say goodbye to all my friends at work.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-1108271586916482366?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-58579657837346207012008-11-28T13:14:00.001+11:002008-11-28T13:16:10.921+11:00The universe will provide....<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">A fork in the road and in my case it is not a fork but a huge big round about with different paths leading off into separate directions. I’m facing a big decision that I need to make to a deadline which has not be set by me.<br /><br />Today I think that I need this blog more than any day previously. Since the phone call from work, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about our round about fork in the road.<br /><br />If I were to stand in the middle of the traffic circle and look down one road, it would show me staying in our current house and making do with the room that we have. When I turn clock wise to my right the next road along show us selling our current home and building our new one.<br /><br />The next road on my right shows me staying at my current job, working till the second week of January and going on maternity leave for at least 12 months after which I would return to work on a part time basis.<br /><br />Then next road shows me nominating to take the redundancy package being offered leaving my secure job to face life as a SAHM until our funds run out, forcing me back into the work force on a full time basis.<br /><br />The decision that I need to make today is to let my Team Leader know my intensions, do I want to stay or do I want to go? If this was offered to me whilst pregnant with Jordy I would’ve taken it, with no reservations. Today however, is a whole different story because of our intention to sell this house.<br /><br />My heart is not set on building as I’m a firm believer that if it is meant to happen then it will. The universe will provide a direction; I just need to be open minded.<br /><br /><strong>What would it mean?<br /></strong>If I say yes to the package there is no guarantee that I will be selected. But if I said no then there is the possibility that I will regret that decision.<br />8+ years is a long time to be with one employer, but is it time for me to move on? Perhaps only the universe knows.<br /><br />If I got the redundancy package it would mean that I would have a years worth of mortgage payments (possibly more), it would also mean that we would take the house off the market and would not build a new one. It would also mean that I could possibly start a whole new career.<br /><br /><strong>What is the problem?</strong><br />I want it all, that is my problem, I want to sell this house and build our new one with the nice big back yard and room for all of us. I want to stay at home for a year and I want the money that this package is offering. That is the problem and that is what I think that I need to get over. I need to get over the fact that I want it all and I wish with all my heart that the universe could provide us with all. The universe may but the bank will not lend me money if I’m no longer employed.<br /><br /><strong>Decision</strong><br />Before we started trying for number 3, I asked the universe: “should I stay at my current job or should I leave”. The universe provided me with the answer “STAY”, because I fell pregnant on our first OI cycle to twins.<br /><br />With the news of the twins, whilst a shock and a blessing I do remember distinctly turning to Tim and saying “The universe would not be giving us this precious gift of twins with out some sort of plan to help us. It would not set us up to fail or loose our house”. With all my heart and soul I still believe this.<br /><br /><strong>So will I take the package or not?</strong><br />I think that I will let the universe decide and finally I’m ok with this decision.<br /><br />Mari – continue to have faith that the universe will provide.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-5857965783734620701?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14324850286287202031noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10227177.post-10595512752972166902008-11-26T08:08:00.000+11:002008-11-26T08:09:23.893+11:00The appointment<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">I had the appointment with the psychiatrist the other week and it left me wanting. I felt as though I was given the brush off, “your doing just fine”, “your already doing the things that I would suggest to you” and “if you need to speak to people use your support network and see your GP”.<br /><br />On one hand I’m glad that I got the reassurance that the preparation that I’ve started to do is “the right thing”. But on the other, I still have a lot of anxiety about these babies being healthy and able to come home with me.<br /><br />I’m currently booked into the same hospital as I was with Jordy, the hospital is about 5 minutes away and has a country hospital feel about it, you know welcoming, caring and professional. It is a private hospital and I’m looking forward to having the babies there. My concern is that because it is a small-ish hospital the level of nursery care is low.<br /><br />They have a level 1 Nursery – which entails basic life support for neonates. My OB also delivers at another hospital (where I had my gall bladder removed) this one is about 30 minutes away and has a Level 3 Nursery. <br /><br />A level 3 nursery is also known as a Special care nursery; Where they Manage babies born >32 weeks gestation with minimal complications and small babies growing up. Facilities include humidicribs, cardiorespiratory monitoring, IV fluid therapy, tube feeds and phototherapy. <br /><br />The closest NICU is about 45 minutes away and my OB does not deliver there, so it would mean a new Dr, and I’m not even sure that I would be able to see one that is recommended.<br /><br />So the big question I’m facing is: Should I stay at this hospital or move “just in case” there is a problem? Then I think, perhaps I’m making a big deal about this.<br /><br />The psychiatrist could see that I needed to have a plan in place, but here I’m trying to plan for something that is totally out of my hands. My gut feeling is telling me to stay at my current hospital and if the babies are really that unwell then they will be moved and cared for. My private health insurance cover all the care that they may possibly need.<br /><br />A great friend also suggested that I ask my OB for his opinion. Knowing how this pregnancy is progressing, what would he recommend?<br /><br />I admit that I’m not coping very well this week, Jordy has not been himself and the past 2 days he has woken from his afternoon nap with a 39.5 degree temperature. I’ve been to the Dr twice but there is nothing wrong with him.<br /><br />This whole situation has got me so anxious, I’m literally chasing him around the house with the thermometer. I have to wonder “am I making myself feel this way for attention”, or “am I just a drama queen”.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/10227177-1059551275297216690?l=bobim.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>